DhaaraaAppadu

"Soryu?" I spoke out hesitantly, shutting the door to out room behind me, slipping off my shoes and getting ready to put them down.

I take a couple steps forward, only to find myself jumping back in pain as I stepped on a sharp heel that sat randomly at the entrance. I looked down and find the that there is indeed a mess of shoes. Usually they're carefully put against the wall so that they stay out of the way, but for the first time in awhile, they're all out of order.

What's more is that I don't remember owning this pair of heels...

High end high heels, red bottoms to be exact. There's no way in hell I would ever wear these, and it's not like Soryu is the type to buy me these anyways.

There it was. The feeling again. Only this time it was much stronger, reasonably more apparent. That same gut wrenching feeling that I felt a week before when I had answered Soryu's phone only to hear a woman's voice answer. Her voice sounded so intoxicatingly sweet.

I had tried my best to be ignorant, because as they say, ignorance is bliss.

I knew what I was in for from here, and I was petrified. So petrified that I was struggling to move forward. Did I really want to be witness to the soul crushing scene that was playing in our bedroom?

I closed my eyes and gulped, not knowing what to do next.

I knew that I could avoid this all together. He probably hadn't heard me, and I could leave now, and pretend everything is fine. I can let this happen, and just continue our lives normally...

Or can I?

"It's too late now..." I whisper to myself.

A loud, exaggerated female moan rung throughout the room, as if trying to be heard.

What the hell? Does she want to get caught?

Heat rise to my face together with the mixture of emotions that my brain was trying hard to keep up with. It felt like they were mocking me, did they really think I was stupid enough to not notice? Yet at the same time I felt my soul ache from the loss of someone i thought I could trust, and that I can probably never get back.

What the hell...

I couldn't continue ignoring what was going on, I just couldn't. Sooner or later, the facade of it all being ok was going to fade, and we were going to deal with this anyways. I might as well deal with it now that I catch him red handed.

I take one final deep breath full of resolve, and charge forward.

The sounds of their labored breathing gets increasingly louder the closer I get, and the feeling of the nausea I felt grew with it.

I stand outside the bright red bedroom door, still hesitating.

I'm a coward.

The fact that I even thought about walking away pretending it was all going to be ok, was cowardly. Was I really going to let them walking all over me like that?

I don't think I deserve that. I don't deserve this.

I place my hand on the handle and turn it slowly, opening the door quietly. As if I was scared of having them spot me.

I smile to myself. Why am I worrying about being seen? Shouldn't they feel scared? Shouldn't they try to hide? They didn't even bother going to a different place...it's not like they can't afford it.

Did...they want to get caught?

I stop opening the door midway and ponder some more. What if this was a set up? Did he want to dump me by ushoving another woman into my face? Does he...

Do they want to humiliate me?

It didn't make sense. I shouldn't be the one that's humiliated, I've done nothing wrong. They're the ones that are doing something shameful.

I swallow the knot in my throat, reassuring myself that no matter how unfair this all was, that it couldn't be helped, and that I just had to suck it up and move on even though it hurt.

With a newfound determination to overcome the facade that was the happy relationship of mine urged me to continue opening the door.

So with a swift push the door slams against the wall and causes both of them to turn.

I'm not going to cry, not now. Crying would have been like falling into their trap, it would mean defeat for me.

His large back hovered over hers, almost as if hiding her intentionally.

His eyes widened in horror as he quickly pulled away from her. He was covered in sweat and e fumbled with his movements unnaturally. It was a strange sight, seeing Soryu flustered.

The girl that lay on the bed turns towards me and gives me a look full of pity. Her long brown hair spilled over her back as she lay on her stomach, grasping the sheets from leftover pleasure.

I didn't need pity.

Especially not from her.

"Don't look at me like." I closed my eyes to give my brain a rest from analyzing the scene. "Both of you can drop those faces. And let's be honest here, If you where really concerned with not getting caught you wouldn't have done this here."

"And so you're okay with it?" The girl speaks up, with an amused tone. "And so what?"

"Hell no." My face wrinkles up with disgust. "In what world would anyone be okay with this? Besides, this isn't a problem that concerns you believe it or not."

"Of course it does!" She gets up from the bed, completely nude, and without a worry in the world. "I'm the one that took him from you. I have everything to do with this."

I look at her straight in the eye with scorn. "No, you don't matter here. You're irrelevant. I don't know you, nor do I have any interest in even learning your name. You're just here to help me realize that this man here is trash, and that so are you."

I look over to Soryu, to finish things quickly. "And you...Soryu...I thought you were so much better than this." I pause and laugh awkwardly. "It never crossed my mind that you would be the type to do....this."

Soryu looks down. He doesn't utter a single word, all he does is stare at the clothing littered carpet floor.

I head to the closet and grab a couple of outfits and stuff them into a bag. "I'll come back for the rest at a later time. Sorry i interrupted you."

————————
About a week passed and Soryu finally asked to meet. I always knew he wasn't the type to just leave things up in the air like that.

I step out of the penthouse elevator greeted by the usual men that lounged about doing next to nothing. Baba and Ota sat and played a game of dominos, Eisuke watched the auctions on his huge monitor, and Mamoru minded his own business in his little corner, just smoking away at his cigarette.

None of them look at me as I walk into the room, and there's an uncomfortable chill in the room that emerges from the silence. Usually they would greet me, well, at least Baba and Ota would.

I figured that they'd make light of the situation, make playful jokes about how they want to date me next, or how they could keep me company during these painful lonely nights.

And boy, were they ever so lonely. Sure I had cried my nights.

But only out of frustration.

I chuckle and wave at them awkwardly. "Um, good morning I guess."

"Oh...uh good morning." Ota mumbled.

"Yeah...good morning." Baba followed.

"...hey." Mark uttered.

I loooed over to Eisuke and he continues looking at his monitor, almost glaring at it.

I chuckle once more, amused at there visibly different behavior. "Listen, you guys don't have to act like this... like, this awkward guilt thing you're doing right now? Just drop it. It's not you guys I have problems with."

Though I truly wondered about that.

What was I supposed to do now? Was it as simple as taking my departure from our small little group? Could I just pack my bags and pretend nothing happened?

I knew I could.

But could they trust me?

I got no response from any of the exotic men, so instead, I asked for what I came for.

"Where's....Soryu?" The last syllable somehow trembled with my voice.i hadn't spoken his name in so long, and it sounded so strange coming out of my mouth.

It felt...strange.

"I'm here." He emerges from under the stair case deeper inside.

His dark eyes and slicked back hair which once made my heart pound with excitement, now only brought me heartache and discomfort.

His usual cool expression was now plastered with a troubled one.

I followed him I to his room, and can't help but cringe upon entering. Unpleasant memories resided here and so did the unpleasant feeling of a grim future. Then and now.

"What is it that you wanted to say to me then?" I quickly get to the point. "I just want to get this over with once in for all. This formal 'break up' thing."

"...I'm sorry." Soryu whispered almost inaudibly.

I nod and smile at his first words. "Damn, you really did apologize."

I had been expecting it, but somehow I thought that because of the dirty thing he did to me, I assumed that he was a totally different, rotten person. I think I almost wanted him to be, so that I could hate him.

Because once I brought myself to hate him, I could forget everything that we were.

I had convinced myself before hand that if he were to apologize I would forgive the unforgivable, but only for him. Despite this awful thing that he did, Soryu was still a more or less honorable guy. For so many reasons.

Which is why I couldn't bring myself to hate him.

I was that type of person, I always forgave, but I never forget.

"And I'm going to be the helpless idiot that I am and forgive you." I responded.

He looked away as quickly as I uttered those words.

"Don't misunderstand. I'm not going to keep being with you. Nor will I 'try again' with you, because clearly, if it didn't work the first time, I'm not expecting it to work the 2nd."

His eyes stay stuck onto the floor. I wished he'd look over, just so I could see his face. His naturally stern look that I had once been intimidated by, and grew to love over time.

And almost grew to hate in a second.

A/N: a couple of weeks late but here it finally is! I managed to publish just before my plane took off . Hope you enjoyed! Also sorry it's messy and unedited.