a/n : this part is triggering so trigger warning

— 3rd

tae wakes up with a start.
panting. sweaty. teary.
the full package.

he turns to see if he had awaken jimin and hoseok.
but they were fast asleep in each other's arms.
"such a cute couple." tae thought.
tae slowly creeps into the bathroom carefully closing the door.

he rests his back onto the wall and sits on the floor.

rolling up his sleeve to release his right arm filled with old scars that were not healed.

he gets out his blade.

he point the blade to his wrist.
pressing it lightly.

do it.

you're fucking useless.

tae drags the blade across his wrist.
creating a big ugly line.
blood flowing out.
tears falling from his eyes.

another one.

for being so fucking dumb.

another cut was made.
more blood.
more tears.

for being a fucking mistake.

do it.

the blade was already covered with tae's blood.
tae's face was filled with tears.

more.

you're so fucking ugly.

stupid.

fat.

a whore.

finally, the voices had stopped.
by that time, tae already had 6 cuts.
his shirt drenched in tears and had stains of blood.

pain, relief and sadness were one of the few emotions he was feeling.
behind that amazing boxy smile he had, he was masking all his sadness away.

tae cries into his hands for a few minutes before getting up and washing the blade and his right arm.
tae hisses in pain as the water hugs his scars.

he wraps his scars with some bandages.
takes his blade.
and quietly goes back to bed.

* * * * *

morning came and the boys were getting ready to go to the studio.
they were excited as they were going to record their song for the comeback.
this is also going to be the first time that they hear tae sing.

tae wakes up and gets out his clothes.
a grey sweater, black skinny jeans and a simple pair of white converse.

he quickly finishes showering and goes down for breakfast.

"good morning hyungs! good morning ggukie!" tae cheers happily.

tae boys smile at the quirkyness of their new member.

"morning tae!" a chorus a reply comes from all the boys except one.

someone's missing.

"where's yoongi hyung?" tae asks.

"he's still asleep, why don't you wake him up tae?" jin suggests.

"i really shouldn't. he told me not to disturb his sleep." tae reasons.

"but tae, didn't you see? he was clearly blushing yesterday when you introduced yourself and giggled. i'm pretty sure he likes you." jin smirks.

tae turns red and shakes his head 'no'.

"just gooo!" hoseok shouts and chases tae.

slowly, tae knocks on yoongi's room door.
when he gets no reply, he walks in and see yoongi covered in the blanket whist hugging the pillow.
he internally squeals.

he quietly shakes yoongi.

"yoongi hyung. wake up. we need to go." tae whispers.

yoongi grunts and sits up.
he was ready to scold one of the boys but stopped himself when he found himself face to face with the beautiful brunette. big doe chocolate brown eyes staring back at his with a hint of fear.

yoongi chuckles and ruffles tae's hair.

"morning kid." yoongi's raspy bed voice sends shivers down tae's spine.
tae blushes but luckily the room was dark and so yoongi couldn't see the pink tint on tae's cheeks.

"b-breakfast is r-ready." tae curses himself for shuttering.

"i'll be there in 10 minutes." tae nods and quickly gets out.

once he was out of the room, he releases his breath that he didn't even realise he was holding.
tae blushes again thinking of what just happened.

again, butterflies invade his tummy.
blush creeps up his cheeks.
cute soft giggles are released from his lips.

* * * * *

at the studio, the boys were setting up the equipment for them to start rehearsing.
tae fidgets with his thumbs out of a habit.
he does that when he's nervous.

jimin notices this and goes over to tae.
he gives the brunette a big hug.
warmth spreads throughout tae's body as he hugs back, ignoring the stinging feeling from his right arm.
the cuts were begging his to stop touching as it burns.
but tae ignores it and hugs jimin in pain.

'punishment', tae calls it.

"you'll do great tae." jimin assures him.

tae smiles. "thank you minnie ~"

"alright tae, let's see what you've got." namjoon says and smiles at tae.

tae smiles back and gets into the recording booth.

he put on the headphones and goes closer to the mic.
tae takes a deep breath and signals for yoongi to start the song.

what song? oh just his solo, stigma. no biggie ;)

I've been hiding it

I tell you something

Just to leave it buried

Now I can't endure it anymore

the boys were shocked to here his voice.
his voice. so deep. so rich.

Why couldn't I say it then

I have been hurting anyway

Really I won't be able to endure it

his voice was so soothing.
it was mesmerising.
none of the boys made any sound.

Now cry

It's only that I'm very sorry towards you

Again, cry because I couldn't protect you

nobody could make a sound. nobody wanted to.
their manager, who was there as well, was completely dazed.

it was as if tae had put a spell on all of them.

jimin, jeongguk and jin were smiling wildly.
namjoon and yoongi were astounded at his velvety smooth voice.
and hoseok was on the ground whispering words to himself for him to calm down.
he was having a panic attack.

Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper

Like pieces of broken glass that I can't reverse

Deeper, it's just the heart that hurts every day

(You) who was punished in my stead,

You who were only delicate and fragile

the boys were stuck in a trace of some sort.
their eyes were glued to tae.
one thing going through their mind : how could someone who looks so innocent and acts like a child have such a deep, velvety voice?

Stop crying, tell me something

Try saying to me, who had no courage

"Why did you do that to me then?"

"I'm sorry"

Forget it,

what right do I have

To tell you to do this, or that

the boys were just awestruck.
they were too into the song and the brunette's voice.

Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper

Like pieces of broken glass that I can't reverse

Deeper, it's just the heart that hurts every day

(You) who was punished in my stead,

You who were only delicate and fragile

the boys were so excited that this was their new member.
a key piece of their group.
the secret weapon.

I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry ma brother

Even if (I try to) hide it, or conceal it, it can't be erased

excitement and proudness oozing out of the boys.

"Are you calling me a sinner?"

this line was stuck in their head.
so simple yet so deep.
the perfect way to say it.
with his voice. it was perfect.

What more do I have to say

I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry ma sister

Even if (I try to) hide it, or conceal it, it can't be erased

So cry

Please dry my eyes

as soon as tae hit the high note, their jaws dropped.
the boys were happy and in so much shock.
they were smiling so much that it hurt.
the high note really got to them.

That light, that light, please illuminate my sins

Where I can't turn back the red blood is flowing down

Deeper, I feel like dying every day

Please let me be punished

Please forgive me for my sins

Please

tae finishes and comes out of the booth.
the boys were still in the trance that they didn't realise tae was staring at them.
they literally had tears in their eyes and big smiles plastered on their faces.

as for yoongi, he had butterflies flying all over his body.
heat everywhere.
forcing the blush to not go to his cheeks.
he could feel it.

he was in love.

"was that not good?" tae looks down.

"no no sweetie. tae. that was amazing. no that's not right. that was perfect." jin rambles.

tae smiles. his biggest boxy smile he had.

"really?"

the boys nod their heads vigorously.

"it was mesmerising." jeongguk says.

"it was beautiful." jimin smiles.

"magical." hoseok mumbles and wipes his tears and quickly smiles.

"so soothing and amazing." namjoon says.

"it was so deep. beautiful. one of a kind. rich. velvety." yoongi smiles, showing off his gummy smile.

and that was enough to send tae bonkers.
butterflies flying wildly and aimlessly.
heat spreading throughout his body.
he tries to surprise the blush from invading his cheeks but it was too much.
the cheeks turn a very dark red from the complement from yoongi.
he looks down and fiddles with his fingers.

the boys smirks at yoongi.
yoongi blushes a little but it quickly runs off.
yoongi goes over and hugs tae.
tae gasps but hugs back.

"thank you." tae whispers.

useless.

you'll never find love.

disgusting.

"what is IT doing here?"

a small stray tear leaks out of his eye from those toxic thoughts.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

hey guys!
thank you so much for reading!
Hope you enjoy the book so far!
vote and comment!
saranghae ~ ❤️