Chapter 5 - FINALE

Dear Dean, 

Hey, baby, it's Seth...

I know I wrote you one letter, right after you died, but I can't help myself, I have to write another one. I have to let you know how I'm doing. 

It's been almost a year since you've been gone. Every day that's gone by has been a challenge...missing you has never gotten any easier. It never will be, honestly, because my love for you was that strong. I love you, Dean, and losing you almost lead to my demise. 

I never thought of myself as that type of person, but it turns out I am, especially when it comes to you. You were right about Roman, though - he's a true friend. He stopped me. He helped me when I thought there were no help left for me. He made me believe in myself and humanity once more. 

He told me the truth that you never got the chance to...he told me of your tumor. Baby, I'm so sorry. I wish you would have stayed a little longer so that I could tell you how proud I am of you for pushing through it. Hell, I'm proud of you for sticking around as long as you did in that hospital. I know it must have been hard to, asleep or not, but I appreciate it. 

I think I'm getting better, baby. I'm showering regularly. I'm eating my three meals a day. I'm ridding of those dark thoughts I once had. I'm grieving over you, but working through it healthily. I write in my journal when I feel sad, or I watch some of our old home-videos. You were so cute...always smiling, dimples showing. 

I'm trying to get better for you. I hope you're proud of me, baby. 

I'm not in the mental hospital anymore. I was for 6 months, but now I'm going to therapy. I haven't been able to wrestle again yet, though...I can't handle that again. I might not go back to wrestling again. It's not the same without you. 

Roman's been helping me. He bought me new clothes when I lost mine...I brought in my suitcase and they lost it on me. I also threw up on some of it because I ended up catching the flu. He made me soup and gave me medicine, just like you used to. When I felt better I began wearing the new clothes and they fit so well. I love them all. 

I know this letter is all over the place and I'm sorry. My thoughts are scrambled. 

I love you, Dean, so very much, and I miss you like nothing else in this world. Just give me a sign that you're with me, baby. 

I love you, baby boy!

Love, Seth Ambrose (even though we didn't officially get married, I still have the ring on). <3