Chapter 1 

"I miss the hell out of you." 

Seth was heartbroken. He hated living on without Dean. He hated having to suffer with the loss of the love of his life. They had their entire life ahead of them, all planned out. They were going to live happily ever after, just like in the fairy tales. 

They were going to prove that their love was real. That they truly cared for one another.

Seth knew that they had technically proven this, considering he went to Dean's bedside every single day. He was even there when Dean died, unfortunately. 

Vince allowed Seth some time off, claiming he needed it to heal from the traumatic experience. Although he had no idea what it personally felt like, he felt sympathetic for the two-toned haired man and knew that he would be no good in the ring if he was a sad sack. 

"Go, be with your family, your friends," Vince had said to him, leaning back in his squeaky old chair. "You deserve a vacation anyway. Go find yourself and when you think you're ready, meet me in my office once more and we'll get you back on the schedule." 

Seth didn't know what to say, so he simply nodded and exited the elderly man's office, his head clouded with terrifying thoughts. If anyone knew about these thoughts, they'd surely think he was crazy and send him straight to an insane asylum. 

He paced around his hotel room, wondering if he should bother going into work. Yes, he had a vacation, but that didn't mean he couldn't go backstage to cheer on some of the new talent and to see the old. It could be fun to get out and have some laughs with his friends, especially his Heavyweight Champion friend, Roman. 

Ever since Dean's death, Seth hadn't talked to any of his friends. He was too afraid they'd ask what had happened and he just couldn't tell them. Not yet. He wasn't ready; his heart still couldn't handle the reality of what had happened. He wished it was all but a dream, yet he knew differently. He knew the actual truth.

His stomach growled. He rubbed it gently, hoping the feeling would go away, but it only increased. He wasn't hungry; he had no interest in food at the moment. However, he knew the way to get rid of the annoying grumbling sound in his tummy was to eat, so he searched the fridge. 

He found some ingredients to make himself a sandwich and did so, frowning the entire time. He didn't want this, but he knew Dean would want him to eat. Dean was so sad to hear that Seth hadn't been eating or showering much and told Seth he should be. It's unhealthy not to. 

Seth, afraid of Dean being disappointed in him, shoved the sandwich into his mouth and forced himself to like it. The sweet taste of Mayonnaise was appealing to him, which made him start to actually enjoy it. 

After eating and watching some random, boring television show, Seth decided he was going to go to Monday Night Raw. This was always Dean's favorite night of the week; it was the start of something new each week and you never knew what would happen on this show. Things could go haywire, but that's what Dean loved about it. 

He drove to the arena and lurked backstage, everyone looking serious and on the move. He remembered when him and Dean were in their shoes. They'd hustle and bustle around, working out together before going out to the ring against each other. They loved wrestling one another because they knew how hard to hit, how to hit, and they had ring chemistry. Everything flowed easily for them. 

Seth couldn't help but feel bad for what happened that night. Dean had told him not to, explained that he knew the truth, but still, he couldn't help himself. What he did costed Dean's life. It was his fault Dean was no longer with him. If he had just said no to doing that stupid stunt, Dean would be here with him right now. They'd be out in that ring, fighting to see who could get on top. And whoever won that night got the reward of choosing whether to top or bottom in bed.

Dean was always dominant and Seth loved it, but also enjoyed the fact that Dean let him top every now and then. It was an interesting sex life they had. 

Smiling, Seth went to catering. He wasn't hungry and the smell of food made his stomach turn, but it brought back memories for him. Very good memories. And people he knew and loved were standing around chatting or eating at tables. His best friend, Roman, was sitting with another friend, Cesaro. They laughed at each other's jokes, something he and Dean used to do together. Dean would crack these cheesy jokes that made Seth laugh hysterically. Seth remembered every one of them, as well.

Roman noticed him and gave a wave, so Seth went over to them. He sat down beside him, looking between the two awkwardly. He felt like they were judging him, staring him down with vengeful eyes. 

Seth whimpered at he scooted away. Both men were confused, giving him concerned expressions. They hoped he was okay, but it seemed like Seth's sanity was slowly slipping away. 

"Why are you looking at me? I didn't do anything!" Seth screeched and curled up on the bench. "Stop it!" 

"Stop what?" Roman asked, frowning. "We're looking at you because you're sitting with us." 

"Do you not want me to?" Seth asked frantically, thinking the worst automatically. "I'm sorry for even being here!" 

"Seth, that's not what we meant," Cesaro said, going to put a hand on his shoulder when he moved away with a whimper.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean for Dean to die!" Seth exclaimed as he stood up from the table, backing away. "It's not my fault! I'm sorry he's gone!" 

With tears in his eyes and his heart breaking, he ran out of catering, trying to find an empty locker room to stay in for a while.

He was losing his grip on reality, and everyone but him could see the signs.