Chapter 14 - Lies

The next morning I was exhausted. I don't think I slept at all last night. My eyes feel puffy, my body feels weak and it hurts everywhere. I sat up and rubbed my arms. I could still feel the touch of them all. I tried holding the tears back as I thought about it. Slapping myself out of it I went into the bathroom to take a shower. I felt shaky and sick to my stomach. I tried believing none of this was real but I don't think anything can beat the fact that I have bruises all over me. I haven't looked in the mirror. I don't know what I look like and I'm afraid to. I turned the light on in the bathroom and walked over to the mirror.

I felt my face looking in the mirror. It looked like his hand going across my face, there was no mistaking it. It was black and blue and it burned. Looking at my arms I noticed hand marks looking like they wrapped around me hard. I am so fragile. Why would someone do this to me? I shook my head and bit my lip down holding back the tears. I dragged myself over to the shower and turned it all the way over to hot. I sat down on the floor leaning against the bath as the shower was running. My intentions were that I would have the shower going so no one could hear me sob. I'm alone so no one would hear me sob anyway. The thought of being alone made it worse for me and I just broke out crying.

The tears ran down my face like it would never end. My eyes hurt as it is and the tears aren't going to help me. Wiping them away I forced myself to get up. I didn't dare to look in the mirror. If my arms and face were like this I didn't wanna see what the rest of me looked like. I took a shower and wiped away the tears and dirt that were on me. It didn't really help me any by taking a shower. No matter how much I tried to wash myself I still felt dirty. It wasn't right. It was a feeling that would always stick with me.

Like every morning, after I got dressed and combed my hair I picked up my phone and checked the messages. I had four text messages from Mya and also three calls from her. She's probably wondering what's going on. I grabbed Ethan's hoodie that I usually wear and put it on. I zipped it up and put the hood up. I didn't want to even look at my arms or my face or all the memories will come back. I came out of my room and called Mya. I better contact her now or she'll end up at my house.

"Kasie!" Mya said without even saying hi. "Do you know how worried I was about you!?" She screamed at me. "I thought you did something." She said softer.

"No." My voice cracked as I answered back. I cleared my throat and continued talking. "Nothing happened."

She sighed. "What are you doing?" She asked.

I went into kitchen to go get something to eat since I haven't had anything for a while now. "Nothing really."

"Kasie I feel really bad."

"Why? It's not your fault." I looked in the fridge to find anything to eat.

"No, this doesn't feel right. You should report this and you need to tell Ethan."

Closing the fridge door I stood there pondering.

"You need to tell someone." She continued. "Who did this to you?"

"No one."

"Kasie!" She yelled.

I closed my eyes and shut the phone. It's already hard enough thinking about it; I don't want to talk about it either. I know Ethan is going to find out. I have a feeling he'll find out today. Because I lied to Ethan I don't want to face him. That look on his face when he gets mad scares me. Although his eyes are a sparkly deep blue his anger just takes all that away. I put my thoughts aside for now and went to the cupboard. I got out a granola bar and ate it. There wasn't really anything else to eat. I haven't gone shopping in a long time.

I looked over to the window in the kitchen. It was dark out. It was probably going to rain like every time I'm sad or when something bad happens. I placed my phone on the counter and went into the living room and lied down on the couch. I threw the wrapper on the coffee table and stared at the ceiling. I didn't want to turn the TV on I just wanted my thoughts to pass in my head. I was trying not to think of anything but things just naturally pop in my head in the morning. It's all mocking me.

I covered my face with the sleeves of the hoodie. I heard a click and my heart suddenly stopped. I froze from breathing and listened. I am going to cry if it's who I think it is. Please don't be him, please don't be him. The door slammed and I felt like screaming now that I know it is him.

"Do you know how worried I was about you!?" Ethan yelled at me.

Just kill me now so Ethan won't have to do it.

"Huh?! I've been calling you all day yesterday and sending you text messages. What were you doing?!"

I squeezed my eyes shut hoping this was a dream but all I could hear was him breathing heavy about to yell more.

"I told you I was at the store." I said calm.

"And your cell phone?"

"The battery died."

"Yeah and what time did you come back?"

I thought about it. It must have been really late when I came back. I wonder how late he stayed here for me.

"Idiot!" He screamed at me. "Where the hell were you?!"

I flinched as his voice got louder and he was getting in that mood where he just wanted to curse. I shook my head and bit my lip down trying not to cry. It wasn't going to help me any. He's going to find out today, right now, at this second.

"Would you mind telling me?!" He continued.

That was more as a demand than it was a question.

I shook my head.

"Kasie this isn't funny. I was really worried about you last night."

"Please just go away." I said as the tears started coming out.

I heard him sigh. "Sorry I didn't - I didn't mean for you to cry."

He thinks I'm crying because he's yelling at me but really it's just my guilt getting to me. I was wrong for lying to him. I should have never told him I was going to the 'store.' I should have listened. But I didn't and I need to take the consequences.

"You just scared me." Ethan said softly.

"I'm sorry for what I did."

"It's fine." He said as if he was going to yell more but held it back. "Just don't do it again."

"No." I shook my head. "You're never going to forgive me." I choked out.

"Of course I'll forgive you. It was just late and -."

"No." I cut him off.

I didn't look at Ethan. I still had my hands under the sleeve of the hoodie covering my face. If I take them off my face he's going to know.

"I lied." I continued on.

"What are you talking about?"

I sat up with my face still covered and looked away. I put my hands down and stared at the wall in front of me.

"Just yell at me now." I said getting up and walking toward the stairs. I avoided looking over and was hoping to go upstairs.

"Hey, wait what are you talking about?" Ethan said grabbing my wrist.

He pulled me to him and I looked at the ground as he saw my face. The anger was going to pour in him and I can't do anything about it. He's almost like a wild animal that needs to be tamed. I just can't look at him. It's all wrong.

His hand touched my face lightly and was pulled away before he hurt me.

"What did you do?" He asked.

I shook my head and his hand reached for my arm. He pulled up the sleeve and looked at my bruised arm. His hand traced over the bruises and I pulled it away remembering the touch of the men.

"Kasie you didn't."

I knew what he was talking about. He wanted it to be untrue as I did but we both knew that wasn't going to happen. I breathed in, in gasps and shook my head.

"Kasie I told you . . . Why didn't you just . . ." He groaned angry. "I'm going to kill him!" He said walking away.

"No!" I yelled pulling him back.

"Yes!" He yelled at me shaking me off.

"Please don't!"

He stopped and turned around to me. Our eyes met and I could see the anger and disappointment in his eyes.

"Do you see what he did to you?! He beat you! He deserves to die!"

"But it's my fault. I didn't listen to you."

"I don't care whose fault it was. He knew that if he ever laid a hand on you he'd die."

"Ethan leave it alone!"

"So, what happened to Jake's bracelet?" He asked pointing it out. "He took it, right? That was Jake's last thing he gave to you. You don't want it back?"

"It's gone Ethan. He probably threw it away when he took me in the van."

"Van?" He asked confused.

I shut my mouth. I'm giving out too much information to him.

He rubbed his eyes hard and looked at me. "He raped you?"

The tears ran down my face when he said it. I couldn't help it, I couldn't hold it.

"He raped you?" He asked again shocked like he couldn't believe it. He shook his head and turned back around to the door.

"What are you going to do?" I asked running after him.

"I'm going to kill him." He walked out of the house and to his car.

"There is nothing you can do about it! It's done with!"

He ignored me and got in his car. Not even taking a second look at me he backed up into the road.

"Ethan!" I screamed running after him.

Before I could do anything he was already down the street probably going sixty miles per hour. I ran inside and into the kitchen. I got my cell phone and called Ethan. He's not going to pick up . . . his mind is made up. It stopped ringing all of a sudden.

"There is nothing you can do to stop me."

"Please Ethan just come back here."

"No Kasie, I'm doing this."

"You're going to die!" I screamed. "You're the only one I have left! Don't do it Ethan, don't do it."

The phone hung up and I was left alone to sob. I clasped on the ground crying my eyes out. I'm going to be left alone on this earth now. There is nothing I can do to stop him, he's right. Just let me die here to be with everyone I've loved.

I laid down on the ground and curled up into a ball. Loneliness is the only thing I have and the only thing that hasn't left.