Chapter 12 - Forgive

All day Thursday Ethan and I studied. We crammed in the studying. It was so much information it felt like my head was going to explode. We only took about five minute breaks every two hours. I couldn't get any of the questions right that's why it took me so long. Then with Math . . . let's just say I got every single one wrong. And I still don't even know half of it. Ethan tried explaining some of it to me. But sorry to say, but Sam can explain it so much better. Sam was like my Math buddy. Now if I need help I have to call him over the phone. That won't work out with Math.

But today is Friday the day of the tests. Everyone was seated in class ready to take the ones they failed. We were in a bigger room sense a lot of people are retaking them. We were handing each test that we needed to take. So I have both my Math and History tests. The teacher gave us times for us to stop. Some would stop earlier because some just had one test. Others would stop later than me. Whenever we get done with the tests we bring it up to the teacher. Ethan has to wait for me because I have one more test than he does. He still never told me why he failed the History test. Just that he did it for a good reason. I sighed silently to myself and then the teacher said we may begin. I started my test.

I got done with both of my tests and went out in the hall. Ethan sat on the floor with his back against the wall. As soon as he saw me he stood up.

"So, how did you think you did?" He asked while I walked toward him.

I shrugged. "Probably failed the Math again."

He rolled his eyes then looked at his phone. "We're going to be late if we don't get going."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Hey Kasie."

I turned around. It was Alec, no big surprise.

"Hey Alec."

"Ethan." Alec said.

"Alec."

Ethan pulled me away. "We gotta go." He said.

"Uh . . . sorry Alec, I gotta do something. See you later."

He waved to me.

Ethan still pulled me until we got out of the building and out in the parking lot.

"Tell me again why I have to stay away from him." I said opening Ethan's car door.

"Just do as I say."

I shut my mouth and kept quiet about it. If I say one more word about it he's going to her angry at me. I put all of that aside and got in the car.

"So where's Timmy live?"

"Not too far from here. Just up the road. You don't remember his house?"

"No."

"You'll remember once we get there."

I leaned my elbow on the door and rested my head on my hand. I stared at everyone going out of the school as Ethan drove away.

Ethan parked up on the side of the road from the house. It was a light yellow house and there were cars all parked along the road and in the driveway. They must have a lot of family.

"Remember now?" He asked walking up beside me.

"Not really. But I was also very young too."

"Yeah, that's true."

"Ethan!"

We both looked over and his mom was waving to him from the drive way. We walked up to the driveway.

"Kasie." She hugged me. "How are you doing?" She said rubbing my back.

"I'm doing well."

She let go of me.

"How were your tests?" She asked.

Ethan and I glanced at each other.

"Fine, I guess." Ethan said.

"Timmy is in the backyard. Why don't you go say happy birthday to him." She said moving out of the way.

"Okay. Come on Kasie."

"Nice seeing you." I said to her and followed behind Ethan.

"Oh yeah!"

We stopped and looked back at her.

"Ivory is looking for you Ethan. She wants to see you."

"Okay." Ethan grabbed my hand and pulled me away.

"What's your rush?" I asked.

"Not much." He said smirking at me.

Some kids ran by and I moved out of the way.

"Watch where you're going!" Ethan yelled but in a nice way.

"Sorry Ethan." The kid said but kept going.

"Who's that?" I asked.

"One of my cousins."

"Oh."

We kept walking until we got in the backyard and someone walked in front of us stopping us.

"Ethan!"

It was a girl about in her early twenties. She had dark brown long hair and dark brown eyes. She had a white thick hair band in her hair holding her bangs back and letting the rest of hair dangle on the sides. She had perfect clear skin which I was thinking was from all the makeup she was wearing. She dressed in style. She had a jean short sleeved jacket on with a white tank top underneath. Then she just wore mini jean shorts that looked ripped at the ends and a pair of blue flip flops.

"Oh, is this your girlfriend? She's so cute. Perfect complexion, hair is healthy and smooth, skinny, natural beauty. I think you picked the right one." She said nodding.

"Uh, Ivory this isn't Mya." Ethan whispered.

"Really? Why are you holding her hand?"

We both looked at our hands and noticed then jerked them away at the same time.

"Are you two timing!?"

"What? No!"

"Then who is she?"

"This is Kasie, one of my best friends."

I flinched at those words. Best friend . . . I haven't been called that in so long. It brings back . . . good memories.

"Kasie . . . Kasie? Now why does that name sound so familiar?" She put her hand to her head. "I know." She snapped. "That's the girl you li-."

"Let's go." Ethan pulled me away from her.

"Hey where you going?" Ivory said disappointed.

"What was she about to say?" I asked Ethan.

"Nothing." He smiled one of his fake smiles.

He dragged me over to some kids and then let go of me.

"Ethan!" The kid said and ran up to him.

It was must be Timmy. He looks familiar now but just a lot older. He had short brown hair and light green eyes. He wore baggy shorts and an orange shirt that had some black design down it.

"Hey Timmy, happy birthday." Ethan rubbed his head.

"Thanks! I'm officially a teenager!" He said excited.

"I know, it's pretty amazing."

"Hey, aren't you Kasie?" He cocked his head at me.

I nodded.

"I remember you! I was really little at the time."

"Yeah, I remember."

"So, where's my gift?" He held out his hands to Ethan.

"Nice try. I have your present hidden."

"Aw, when can I open it?"

"Later just like every birthday party does."

"That can be arranged."

"Yeah right."

"Hey, Timmy let's go." Some kid yelled.

"Okay! Sorry Ethan, I'm going to go hangout with my friends."

"That's fine."

Timmy ran off.

"I wish I was a kid again." Ethan said.

"Sometimes you still are." I whispered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Did I just hear you say what I thought you said?"

"No, what did I say?"

"Mhm, I thought so."

I looked around.

"Did you want to take a look inside?"

I looked back at him. "Yeah, sure."

We walked to the back of the house where the glass door was already opened to the side. We walked in and the first thing there was, was a table. To my right was the kitchen with the counter close to me and stools next to it. We walked over behind the table and there was a hall that led to the right. It looked like that's where all the bedrooms were. There was nothing to the left but just a wall. We went to the right and took a left that lead down a little small hall with a closet to the left. We walked down the hall and it lead to the living room. On the left side of the room looked like an office but I wasn't too sure. That was basically the whole house other than the other bedrooms. It wasn't big at all. It was fairly small actually.

"This is it." Ethan said.

"I still don't really remember this place." I said looking around.

"Yeah, it's been a long time."

No one was in the living room other than us. It felt a little awkward but we've been alone before. Ethan went over to the couch and sat down.

"This place is like my fourth home." He said as he stared at the ceiling.

"Fourth?" I walked up behind the couch.

"Yeah. My house, Mya's house, your house and Timmy's."

"My house?" I asked shocked.

He changed positions on the couch and leaned against the arm of it and looked at me. "Yes, your house." He reassured me. "You're my best friend and I go over there all the time."

"Yeah, but you only recently talked to me after Jake died."

He cocked his head at me. "Even though you were with Jake; I never stopped thinking of you as a friend Kasie. Even when we never talked for years."

"Why didn't we talk . . . again?"

He paused and looked away from me. "I don't know." He said. "But . . . I wish I could take it back." He tightened his grip.

I know why he didn't talk to me. Because he liked me . . . and I was already with Jake at the time. I wonder . . . I wonder what it would have been like, to date Ethan.

"Do you . . . forgive me for that?" He looked at me. "For not talking to you."

I nodded. "If you do not forgive someone, God can't forgive you Matthew fourteen through fifteen."

He looked at me with a confused face. I thought about what I said.

"Sorry." I rubbed my face. "I . . . don't know where that came from. I remember my parents saying that to me when I was younger. It just kind of popped up."

He looked away. "Sometimes it's hard to forgive and even harder to forget."

"That's not the way I see it."

He didn't look at me. He just stared at something else like he was trying to hide something from me. Like the pain that he must have gone through when he was a kid. I know if I bring up anything about that stuff he gets angry and starts to remember what happened to him. I try not to. I try so hard not to bring it up. But sometimes it just slips out.

Ethan and I stood outside and watched Timmy open up his presents.

"So when are you giving yours?" I asked Ethan.

"After he opens all his others. Mine's most expensive."

"What did you get him?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to. It's a surprise."

"To him not me."

"I don't care."

I sighed and stopped arguing.

"Psst, Ethan."

We looked over and his mom was telling him to come over.

"I'll be back." Ethan said and left me.

I stood alone as Ethan left with his mom somewhere. Being alone sucks. I waited a couple of minutes and then I heard gasping and looked over. Ethan came up with a dirt bike. Timmy came over all excited like he was going to burst into a million pieces.

"Happy birthday Timmy." Ethan said.

"This is mine!?" He asked.

"Yeah, of course it's yours."

"Sweet. This is awesome."

He wasn't kidding. It must have been expensive for something like that. He must love his little cousin to get that for him. Ethan is a nice guy. He's short tempered but he's nice. I was watching Timmy get on and trying it out for size. He had this cheerful look. He was happy that he got it. Ethan looked back at me and gave me a quick smile. Ethan smiling is like a chance of a life time. He never truly smiles at something. He just gives those little fake ones. A duplicate of it. What I wouldn't give to see Ethan smile.

I was in the car with Ethan heading home.

"A dirt bike, huh?"

"Ha, yeah I thought he'd like it."

"Yeah, him . . . not his mom."

"Hey, I made sure it was okay before I bought it. She was just . . . nervous. That's all."

"Yeah, right."

He pulled up in my driveway and parked the car.

"I'll come around two tomorrow, okay?"

I opened the car door. "Ethan, its okay to leave me alone for a day. You have a life. You don't need to check up on me twenty four seven."

"Yeah, what's so wrong with wanting to see you?"

Just like I told him before. He acts all flirty without Mya then with her it's like I don't exist.

"Goodnight Ethan." I said getting out of the car.

"Night."

I slammed the car door and went into my lonely house. I feel like the emptiness is caving in on me. Drowning me in loneliness. That's what happens . . . when you live alone. When everyone you ever loved has slipped through your fingers.