Content Warning(s): Mentions of sucicide

Izuku didn't wake up until the next morning. He slept for thirteen hours straight. It was the most peaceful sleep he had ever experienced. Izuku woke up well-rested, disoriented, starving and desperate for the toilet.

After relieving himself, Izuku stumbled down the stairs and fell heavily into one of the chairs at the table, grunting out a greeting to Hizashi as he did so.

"Good morning, Izuku," Hizashi greeted, "Has anybody ever told you that you sleep like the dead? Emi, Shota and I tried to wake you up last night to see if you wanted something to eat but you were not having it,"

Hizashi chuckled and placed a bowl of okayu and some tamagoyaki in front of Izuku, patting him on the shoulder and offering him a smile as he did so.

"Thank you," Izuku muttered, "Is Shota still here? I know that he needed to tell me something since Shinomiya didn't get the chance, and I wanted to apologise to him again,"

"He's just getting dressed, he'll probably be down in a minute. You don't have to apologise again, Izuku. Trust me, we've had worse kids than you pass through our house. There was this one girl who stabbed Emi in the hand, suffice to say that she didn't stick around for long."

The casual tone with which Hizashi proclaimed such a thing was really indicative of the type of troubled youth they'd seen, but Izuku didn't get the chance to question it before Shota walked into the room with Eri on his coattail.

"Good morning, Izuku, did you sleep well?" Shota asked amicably.

"Yes, thank you for asking. I'm... I'm sorry for yesterday, Shota, I don't know what came over me. I feel really bad..." Izuku muttered bashfully.

"There's no need to apologise, Izuku, things like that happen all the time. Getting angry about a situation you have no control over is better than stealing Eri's tablet and trying to sell it to a kid at your school,"

"Oh, I remember that," Eri laughed, "I'm glad that he's gone. He wasn't very nice,"

Izuku, again, wanted to query as to how this family kept getting unlucky enough to foster the criminals within the system, but he elected to push down that particular urge and instead focus on his food. He still had to get to school, after all.

"Izuku, before you leave for school, I need to speak to you about why Shinomiya was here yesterday. It's not nice news, I will warn you, and if you feel like you can't go to school after hearing it, just let me know, ok?" Shota said. Izuku nodded silently, a steady dread was starting to mount in his chest. He knew that he would have to hear whatever bad news Shinomiya inevitably sought to deliver upon him at some point, but he didn't know if he really wanted to hear it at the breakfast table. Better to live in denial than be bombarded with bad news every other day.

"Come on Eri, I'm driving you to school today," Hizashi said, he picked his daughter up from the table and carried her towards the front door, her laughter echoing through the house before it was cut off abruptly by the front door swinging closed.

Shota and Izuku were silent for a few minutes longer, both of them soaking in the quietness of the house before Izuku's tears inevitably disrupted the peace.

"I'll cut to the chase, Izuku," Shota sighed, "You're a smart boy, I'm sure you already know this, deep down, but you're not going home any time soon. I already knew it, and so did you. Your mum... I know that it hasn't been that long in the grand scheme of things, but... She can't look after you. It's not just the alcoholism, it's her mental health as well. We can't send you back to your mother when she's an at-risk individual for suicide."

Izuku listened silently. It seemed he had cried all his tears and screamed all his anger the previous day. It was like a never-ending cycle. He cried, screamed and begged, and then he went a few days wherein he was in an emotionless void, only to repeat the process again. Rinse and repeat. Shota continued speaking, something about how Izuku wasn't leaving and he was always welcome and loved, but Izuku had stopped listening. It was all sentimental drivel designed to make sure he didn't follow in his mother's footsteps. The joke was on them, Izuku was too scared to kill himself. He was a coward. If he actually had the guts to committ suicide, he would have done it a long time ago, but he was still alive, still subjected to this shitstain of a life.

"I'll understand if you would rather not go to school today," Shota said patiently. His gaze didn't leave the side of Izuku's face once during the entire one-sided conversation, "This is a hard thing to hear."

If Izuku was brutally honest with himself, he knew he needed to take the day off, relax, and come to terms with the fact that his fucked up family wasn't going to get any better any time soon. He needed to digest the fact that his mother had attempted to claim her own life (again), only this time, Izuku wasn't there to clean up the wounds or force warm salt water down her throat in an attempt to get her to throw up the pills she swallowed. He should stop, just for one day, and actually look after himself. But he couldn't. If not for his mother, then for himself, he had to prove to himself that he wasn't a worthless nobody who was doomed to exist in this perpetual loop of poor mental health and death. And the only way to reassure himself he wasn't going to end up like his mother was through academic validation. And how do you get academic validation? By going to school. A place that Izuku should be. Who cared if he burned out before he even made it to UA? At least he would be worth something, even if it was only brief.

"No, I'm going to school. I just need to get changed," Izuku muttered. He pushed himself away from the table and started heading towards the stairs, only to be stopped by Shota's hand shooting out to take his wrist.

"You don't need to prove yourself to anyone, Izuku. You're enough for your mum, you're enough for the Bakugos and you're enough for us. It won't hurt you to take one day off, to relax just a bit." Shota whispered. His words were spoken into a house of silence, the only noise was his voice and Izuku's pounding heart in his ears. "You can ask Bakugo to come around after school, spend some time together in a setting that isn't school, hmm?"

It was so tempting. To just let everything go actually take care of his mental health. Wouldn't it be nice to be a child again? To be cared for by an adult who was capable of actually caring and looking after him. Inko cared about her son. She cared deeply, she loved him with all of her heart. She would do practically anything for her son, but that deep, maternal devotion could only get you so far. Unfortunately, it couldn't cure Inko of her depression, anxiety, alcoholism and whatever else she had going on in her head. Love wasn't enough to make everything better, not this time.

"Ok. I'll stay home," Izuku whispered, "I'll... I'll be in my room, I guess."

Shota nodded and let go of Izuku's wrist, the grip he'd had hadn't been rough, it was comforting, if anything.

When Izuku made it to his room, he sat anxiously on the side of his bed and looked out of the window. The morning sun was beaming down, indicating it was going to be another warm day, days that were becoming all the more frequent as summer barrelled towards them. It had been a long time since Izuku had taken a sick day from school. As long as he could walk, Izuku went to school. If he puked once, but not again, he went to school. If he had a bad headache, he took some painkillers and went to school. Taking a day off when he was not struck down by some physical ailment felt strange, like he was letting everybody down. It felt like he was destroying the image of the perfect student which he had cultivated throughout his entire school career.

Hi

Won't be in school todayI'm taking a day off fr my mental health, or smth 🙂

Izuku messaged Katsuki, it was best to warn Katsuki if he wasn't going to be in. The one time that he had been practically on his deathbed, and therefore unable to contact his best friend, Katsuki had stormed into his house at the end of the day and shouted at him for five minutes about communication (as if he was an expert on that topic). He had threatened to kill Izuku himself if he forgot to message him again. Suffice to say, Izuku hadn't forgotten to message Katsuki on the rare occasion that he wasn't in school.

Good. You need to take a day off so that you can actually wrap your head around everything. I'm surprised that your foster carer hasn't made you take a day off already. Is there any specific reason that you've decided to take today off?

Found out that there is 0 chance of me going back to mum 🙁

Kinda sucks, yk 🤷🏻But I can't say I'm surprised

Yeah, I think we all knew that you weren't going home anytime soon, Nerd. 

You ok though?

I'll survive 🥲

Shota said u can come over after school if ur parents will let u

The Hag said I can.

Cool

I'll let Shota know 👍🏼

Izuku smiled at the texts before putting his phone on his bedside cabinet and continuing to look out of the window. What was he supposed to do? He could email his teachers and ask what they were doing in class for the day, that way he could just do the work at home, but the point of staying home was to relax, and he wouldn't be relaxing if he did work. He could always read, reading was Izuku's escape from the world. He would rather dive into the problems of others than confront the tragedies in his own life. Rolling over in his bed, Izuku dug into his school bag and pulled out the book he had been reading recently. It had been a while since he'd read any of it, but he was more than willing to jump into the thrilling plot of mystery and intrigue again.

Izuku passed most of the day like that. He shifted around on his bed and read. Even when his stomach began to ache uncomfortably with hunger, he continued to read. Hunger didn't matter, Izuku would rather read than go downstairs to make himself some food. The only time that Izuku got out of bed was when he needed the toilet, and even then, the book went with him. At roughly 1 pm, Izuku finished the book and dived into another. He was only drawn out of his haze when the door to his bedroom slammed open in a manner that was not usual for any occupant of the house.

"Tch, of course you've spent the entire day reading, Nerd," Katsuki scoffed as he walked into the room. He glanced around the painted walls and the small mess that Izuku hadn't cleaned up yet and gave it a short nod, "Nice room."

"Thanks," Izuku sat up and glanced at the page number he was on before placing his book on the bedside table. "I didn't realise the time."

" Obviously. It's 'cause you're a massive nerd. Have you eaten today?"

"I had breakfast. I haven't been hungry, there's no point in eating if I'm not hungry," Izuku tried to rationalise, only to be betrayed by his own body when his stomach let out an almighty rumble.

"Not hungry, hmm?" Katsuki said with a disbelieving eyebrow, "Come on, get your ass up."

Reluctantly, Izuku allowed Katsuki to drag him off of the bed, downstairs and into the kitchen where he was forced into a chair whilst Katsuki started looking through the cabinets for a snack.

"You sure know how to make yourself comfortable, don't you," Izuku teased his friend.

"Shut up, bastard. Eat this."

An apple was shoved into Izuku's hand. Knowing that arguing would only anger Katsuki, Izuku started eating the apple whilst Katsuki complained about his day at school.

"Those bastards are all gossips. So what if we're close, it's like they've never seen friends before, ya know? I can't tell you how many people's heads I wanted to cave in today. And then this girl had the gall to come up to me and start chatting shit about how she always knew I was gay or some shit. I was this close to punting her into the fucking sun. How is that any of her business? 'I always knew you were gay', that's some bullshit right there, why is she speculating about me?"

Izuku sat and listened to his friend's impassioned rant until he finally ran out of steam and settled back into his chair churlishly. It was nice. It felt normal. This normalcy was all Izuku craved, even if the setting wasn't the same, even if they weren't sitting together on Katsuki's bed ranting at each other. This was perfect.

The normalcy of the interaction was broken, however, by Eri skipping into the kitchen with Emi on her heels. They were chatting happily to each other about their day either at work or in school. It took them a moment to notice Izuku sat at the table, steadily eating his apple, and it took them a moment longer to clock the shock of pale blond hair that did not belong to Hizashi.

"Oh, Izuku," Emi said, "I didn't expect to see you out of your room. How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok, thanks," Izuku muttered, "Umm, this is my best friend, Bakugo Katsuki, I think I've mentioned him before,"

"What have you been saying about me nerd?" Katsuki grumbled.

"I'd never dream of saying anything bad, Kacchan. Umm, this is one of my foster carers, Fukukado and this is her daughter Eri."

"It's nice to meet you, Bakugo. Izuku only had nice things to say, I assure you." Emi greeted Katsuki with her customary wide smile which couldn't be misconstrued as anything but genuine and welcoming, "Say hello to Izuku's friend, Eri."

"Hi, I'm Eri," she whispered shyly from behind Emi's leg. It was vaguely reminiscent of Izuku and Eri's first meeting. She had been extremely shy then, as well. It seemed she just needed time to adjust before she was ready to talk a person's ear off about the elementary school drama that she was always privy to. It was starting to become clear to Izuku that Eri was a bit of a gossip, always well meaning, but she seemingly knew every rumour circulating around her school at any given time.

"Nice to meet you both," Katsuki said gruffly. Much like Eri, he was initially shy, though if you dared to call him shy he would shout and rave for hours.

"Well, we'll leave you two to it then. Let me just get Eri a snack,"

Emi and Eri were out of the room within minutes of entering, both of them leaving the boys with small smiles.

"Would you like to see the garden?" Izuku asked, "I helped plant some of the stuff when I first arrived here."

"Yeah, alright then, better than just sitting here doing nothing," Katsuki shrugged.

Out in the garden, the two boys chatted, kicked a ball and spoke some more. Usually, they may not have been so talkative, more specifically, Katsuki wouldn't have been so talkative. And yet, he spent the entire afternoon responding to Izuku's inane drivel, something he usually avoided. Izuku couldn't help but feel that Katsuki was so responsive because he felt pity for Izuku. Pity about the fact that he had been dragged from his mother's arms and it seemed as though he wouldn't be going back anytime soon. Izuku hated being pitied, and Katsuki knew that, but he didn't think he minded in this one situation. Katsuki had never been emotionally intelligent which inevitably meant that he couldn't deal with an upset Izuku. Even so, he was trying his hardest to support Izuku, and if that meant a bit of pity slipped into his eyes when he looked at the downturned frown on Izuku's lips or the vacant look in his eyes when he thought about his mother, then Izuku supposed he would just have to put up with it, only for a little bit.

"Are we gonna talk about why you weren't at school today, you know... the thing with your mum?" Katsuki asked quietly into the slowly chilling evening air. Their dirty dinner plates were piled beside them and both boys were watching as the sun dipped below the horizon, bringing forth a beautiful crescent moon,

"That's a first. Who would have imagined that you would be the one starting an emotional conversation?" Izuku teased.

"Shut up. I won't say shit if you're going to be a dick about it," Katsukin started to push himself up, clearly intent on returning to the house. Izuku chuckled slightly and pulled his friend back down.

"No, I'll talk. That is one of the reasons I wanted to invite you over anyway. You're a good listener, when you want to be." Izuku paused, directed his attention back to the sky and let out a heavy breath, "It was hard to hear, you know, that I won't be going back to my mum. It tells me more than I think anybody realises. It tells me that my mum is worse off than people initially thought, it tells me that she's at risk of committing... You know what, and it tells me that I haven't been living properly for a long time. I think I already knew all of this stuff, you can't live how I lived and not realise that something fucked up is going on..."

"You know, I don't think I've told you about this... but my mum had a boyfriend very briefly before everything went to absolute shit. He was obviously an addict to, maybe not alcohol, possibly some other drug, I'm not sure. It was uncomfortable when he came to the house this one time. I didn't like the way he looked at me. It wasn't predatory or anything, I could just tell that he didn't belong there, with us. My mum seemed so happy, you know, but I knew it wouldn't last. She's just been getting worse and worse for years now, and sometimes I can't help but question whether it's my fault. I knew that something was wrong with the way we functioned in my house, I knew because I went to your house and I saw your parents and you and I knew that something wasn't right with me and my mum, but I didn't say anything. Maybe, if I had, we wouldn't be in this mess and she'd be ok, you know?"

Izuku sighed heavily, he could feel tears prickling in his eyes, but he tried to keep them back so that he could maintain his composure. "Something's wrong with her, Katsuki, beyond the depression, anxiety and alcoholism. I think she's got borderline personality disorder or something. I don't know. I obviously can't diagnose her, but... She's got some of the traits. She's constantly scared, terrified really, and sad, I don't know how to describe it. It's like she's more than depressed, there's just this deep sense of melancholy that she tries to hide but I can see as clear as day. I look into her eyes, and she is empty. And addictions are so common for people with BPD, it's part of the impulsive behaviour they engage in, that and self harm, which my mum does in abundance. She starves herself, she cuts, she burns, she bites. I've seen it, and it's terrifying. I don't want to be like her, and yet...I still hurt myself 'cause that's the only way I know that makes me feel something when everything around me is numb and dull. Not to mention the intense relationships she creates. She relies on me so heavily. Too much. It's like I'm her parent and she's my child, that's how I have to speak to her sometimes, you know. I hate it, but I feel as though I can't say anything because then I'll upset her, and if she's already in a bad place, what if upsetting her drives her over the edge and she kills herself? And that man that she was dating. They couldn't have been together more than a month, but when he left her she got even worse than she had been before and she didn't get better. It was like she'd gotten divorced again."

Izuku couldn't hold back the tears anymore. They dripped down his cheeks and damped the ground beneath him. "I'm just so scared all the time, Katsuki. I don't like to think about it, much less say it out loud, but I'm glad that I don't live with her anymore. Life was a chore when I was around her, and I finally feel free. And that makes me an awful son, 'cause I'm supposed to be there for her."

Sobs broke free from Izuku, echoing in the twilight. Katsuki gingerly took Izuku's hand into his own and gave it a light squeeze, surpassing his own discomfort with physical touch to provide some comfort for his closest friend.

"You're not a bad son, Izuku," Katsuki whispered, "You're an amazing son. You clearly still love your mum despite everything, that's a lot more than some people would be willing to do. Having to deal with that for years, most people would give up and stop loving their parents, but you hung on, and that shows your strength."

Izuku sobbed and hiccoughed, tears streaking his cheeks, but he still nodded all the same. He heard the truth in Katsuki's words, he knew that many people would not have been as patient as him. Savagely, he wanted to scream this fact into his mother's face, taunt her with the knowledge that he could have stopped loving her at any time, he could have abandoned her of his own volition to deal by herself. But he hadn't, he stuck it out to his own detriment.

"Thank you, Kacchan," Izuku whispered, "I know this is hard for you. You've been such a good friend throughout all of this,"

"Yeah, yeah, don't go getting sappy on me," Katsuki rebuffed before quietly adding "You're welcome."

Only a couple of chapters left.

Thank you for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day wherever you are.