It takes Yoongi a bit of effort to get Jungkook out of the cafe, because the initial bursts of adrenaline have died out and now the kid is trying to apologize to the jerks.

"They punched you way more times than you punched them," Yoongi says, irritated, as he drags Jungkook out by the arm. "What are you even apologizing for?"

Jungkook doesn't reply, instead casting guilty, panicked looks back towards the cafe.

To be honest Yoongi hadn't even expected him to have joined in. He'd thought the kid would have been too scared to do such a thing, but obviously he'd thought wrong. He doesn't think they'll get in trouble for this - they didn't throw the first punch, they had eyewitnesses, and those kids, according to Jungkook, had also beaten up one of his friends, but. If something goes wrong and they get suspended, it'll all be Yoongi's fault.

He feels like shit.

Yoongi doesn't stop until they're a couple of streets away and he's sure that no one has followed them. Jungkook is completely lost. He looks wide eyed at the sky and asks, voice mildly incredulous, "What did we just do?"

"You got your revenge," Yoongi says. "And I got to punch some kids. And some kids got punched. I'd say everyone wins."

Jungkook looks at him like he's a bit insane. Which is okay. Yoongi thinks he's a bit insane too.

The last time he got this violent was months ago, and it had ended much, much worse. Hoseok had patched him up afterwards, voice clipped, but hands gentle. You didn't do it for me, he'd said. Stop telling yourself that. You didn't do it for me.

And to be honest, Yoongi hadn't. It's what he likes to think - that he has some sort of honour code, that he won't let anyone talk shit about a friend, but to be honest he just has issues. He gets angry. And sometimes he wants to tear something apart, just to remind himself that he's still there. That when things hurt him, he can sure as hell hurt them back.

Jungkook is staring at his palm, hand shaking slightly as if he's still in shock. Yoongi would tell him to calm down if it wouldn't be a completely useless thing to say.

"You weren't supposed to jump in," he says, after a moment.

Jungkook is not amused. "I was supposed to just let you get beaten up?"

Yoongi shakes his head. "You were supposed to let me beat them up," he corrects.

"I don't think you noticed, Yoongi-ssi, but...that wasn't happening."

The nerve. It's true, absolutely true, but the nerve of saying it out loud. Yoongi's ego is pretty damaged today as it is.

To save what is left of his face, he changes the subject entirely. "You can call me hyung, kid. We did just get in a fist fight together." Or rather, Yoongi had dragged him into one. Jungkook's friends are going to kill him. Park Jimin is going to kill him. Hoseok is going to kill him. He's developed some weird soft spot for the kid, and Hoseok's soft spots are to never be messed with. Ever.

As if on cue, his phone rings, playing some obnoxious pop song that Hoseok had picked for himself. Yoongi hesitates, finger hovering over the accept button.

Might as well get it over with.

When he picks up, Hoseok is in mid curse, like he'd started the rant before Yoongi had even picked the phone up.

"Hi, Hoseok," he says, when it looks like he won't be stopping any time today.

"Don't you hi me," Hoseok shouts. Shit, he's really mad. "If you want to die go die by yourself, don't drag little kids into it!"

"I did tell him not to help," Yoongi says, and it sounds lame even to himself. It sounds about a hundred times lamer to Hoseok, if his sudden drastic change in volume is anything to go by.

"Oh, and you thought he'd just sit back and watch?"

"Okay, I'll just wait while you calm down."

"No, tell me, what excuse did you make up for yourself this time? Did those guys insult me again? Did they threaten world peace? Did they worsen global warming?"

Yoongi bites his lip, the guilt doing another ugly turn in his stomach. "It's a bit hard to explain."

"Freaking try me."

Yoongi sighs. "Hoseok-ah, I'm still here with Jungkook. I'll get him home and then I'll call you back, okay?"

"Call me back, ha. I'm already half way to your dorms."

Yoongi sighs again. He can't say he didn't expect this. He was looking forward to getting back to his room and sleeping, sleeping, forever and ever, but of course Hoseok would never let that happen.

"Wait, so you're cursing like this in the middle of the road?"

"Yeah."

"They're going to arrest you for being a public nuisance."

Hoseok swears even more colourfully to show him exactly how little he cares.

When Yoongi finally hangs up, Jungkook is absorbed in his phone. Swiping left and right with his full concentration. Yoongi looks at him for a moment, really looks at him. He isn't in too bad shape; his skin is redder than it should be and his knuckles are badly bruised, plus Yoongi had seen him take a nasty strike to the head, but he looks like he's in zero pain. Whether he has strange coping mechanisms or if he just has buffalo skin, Yoongi isn't sure, but the kid seems perfectly alright if somewhat out of it.

Jungkook looks up suddenly, finally realizing that Yoongi is off the phone. "Did you..." he starts, and then seems to regret having spoken at all.

"Did I what," Yoongi asks dryly.

Jungkook hesitates for a long moment. "Were you mad because they mentioned Hoseok-hyung?"

You don't punch for the greater good, Hoseok had told him once. You only ever punch for yourself.

It sounds vaguely philosophic, in retrospect, but Hoseok had meant it as a literal truth.

"I don't like kids like them," Yoongi says, at length. It isn't a lie, but it isn't quite a whole truth. If Yoongi punched every kid he didn't like he'd have been thrown out on the streets on day one of his freshmen orientation. But that isn't anything he needs to explain to Jungkook, so he drops it there.

Jungkook is waiting for him to elaborate, but Yoongi waves him away.

"I didn't even finish my coffee," he says, returning to the more pressing matter. He'd wasted half of it by tossing it over one of the fools' clothes.

Jungkook blinks, as if to say okay?

"You want to get another?" Yoongi asks. He knows he can't make this up to him by buying him coffee, but it's a start. Sort of. It'll ease Yoongi's guilty conscience by maybe a couple of points.

For a second Jungkook looks like he's been trapped, and Yoongi is sure he'll refuse or spout one of his terrible stories about how he's going to meet a friend (like he has more than two friends, what a joke), but then the kid just nods.

Yoongi blinks. That isn't what he expected at all, but okay. It works.

Maybe, as far as friendships go, this counts as progress.

"Anywhere you like?" he asks, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. Jungkook shakes his head. "Good, then we'll go where I like."

Where Yoongi likes is, unsurprisingly, another pretty average cafe a few streets away from Hoseok's department store. (Which really isn't Hoseok's department store. He should stop calling it that someday.) Jungkook doesn't walk next to him, always two or three steps behind, like being any closer to Yoongi might physically burn him.

When the silence stops being comfortable and gets the slightest bit awkward, Yoongi says, off the top of his head, "So. Not an art student."

"Engineering," Jungkook says, like he gives this answer too many times a day and has never learned to like it.

"Is it fun?"

Jungkook gives him a look that says what do you even think. Yoongi grins.

"Hey, Seokjin is in Engineering. He loves it."

"Wow," Jungkook says, and shoots the road a look that says what does Seokjin even think.

The cafe is as uncrowded as Yoongi had expected. The coffee here is slightly more mediocre than the one he usually goes to, but it's still at the appropriate level of mediocre. He goes straight up to the counter and places his order without having to look at a menu.

"What will you have?" he asks Jungkook, who's staring at the menu with wide eyes. It's not even like it says much. There should be some rules as to what people can go wide eyed at.

"Banana milkshake," he decides at last. He rummages inside his backpack, probably to find money, but Yoongi waves a hand at him.

"I'm paying," he says.

Jungkook looks almost scandalized. "You can't."

Yoongi raises an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Because it'll start another war with, like, pineapple flavoured chewing gum."

"What do you even have against pineapples," Yoongi says, slipping his money over the counter. Jungkook bites his lip, but doesn't try to stop him.

"They look like trees," Jungkook says. Yoongi must look absolutely incredulous, because he hastily adds, "A bit. Sort of. Even though they're fruits."

"What even."

"Like, they look like they might grow?" Jungkook says, making a growing motion with his hands for emphasis. Yoongi is rapidly losing faith in his mental abilities.

"They look like they might grow," he repeats, dead pan. "I feel you, kid."

Jungkook frowns, clearly unsatisfied with Yoongi's lack of understanding, but doesn't argue his point further. They take a seat in the corner of the cafe to wait for their order.

"It also just tastes bad," Jungkook mutters, about two minutes into the silence.

Yoongi snorts. "There's an answer that people actually expect."

Jungkook smiles halfway, the expression just reaching his eyes before it fades again, like he doesn't know what to do with it. It occurs to Yoongi that the kid never smiles at him, except on the day he had waved up at Yoongi through the window and Yoongi, being the social butterfly he is, had switched off all the lights and closed the curtains. That had been extreme, even for him, but in his defence who even smiles at strangers through their windows?

The arrival of their drinks saves them from any other attempts at conversation, which is good, because Yoongi honestly can't think of a follow up to this intense, irrational hatred of pineapple.

They don't have many things to talk about. Yoongi's go to conversation has always been something about his own music, but he's starting to think that he might be mentioning it too much to this kid. He can't spend every conversation talking about himself. Jungkook's fascination is bound to run out at some point.

He could, probably, get away with not talking at all. Jungkook doesn't look up at him even once, only sparing short glances towards his coffee cup. Yoongi doesn't understand at first, and then he realizes that the kid is checking how much he's finished, and is freaking timing how quickly he drinks his milkshake to match Yoongi's speed. For what, to finish at the same time? To avoid the awkwardness of one person waiting for the other?

But Yoongi is a complete jerk at heart, so he downs the rest of his coffee in one go and gives his empty cup a triumphant look. Jungkook blinks at it, completely thrown.

"Take your time," Yoongi says. "Neither of us have anywhere to be."

Jungkook nods, uncertain, and turns back to his milkshake.

What a budding friendship. Yoongi would pay good money to find out how Hoseok talks to this kid. Yoongi would pay good money to find out how people talk, period.

The worst part is that he's pretty sure that Jungkook is thinking the same about him.

When Yoongi wakes up, he doesn't know where he is or who he is or why he bothered waking up in the first place.

He checks his phone. 8:27 AM. It's a Saturday, no classes. What the hell is he doing up. He drags the covers back over his head and tries to fall asleep again.

He tries for about ten minutes, and fails. What is happening. When has he ever woken up at eight in the morning.

Then he realizes that he's slept about fourteen hours, and it makes a lot more sense.

He sits up, feeling remarkably impressed with himself - he's up in the morning, like an actual human being, maybe there's still hope for him yet - when a movement outside his door catches his eye. He can only see the vaguest shadow and the bottom of the person's shoes, but it's enough to see that there's someone there.

The shadow moves a bit, and then something slips under Yoongi's door.

He's up in a minute. It's chewing gum - he inspects it, godforsaken pineapple chewing gum, and before he knows it Yoongi has opened the door and is running out into the corridor, because the nerve, the absolute nerve -

"Yah, Jeon Jungkook!"

But Jungkook is sprinting away, well ahead of him, and - is he laughing? Is that laughter? What the heck is wrong with this kid - and he waves a hand behind him as he disappears down the stairs.

"See you, hyung!"

God help him. Yoongi runs a hand through his hair, looking down at the packet in his hands, but he can't help the amused, if exasperated grin that makes its way to his face.

He's in Hoseok's dorm room, working on his homework, when the uneasy blinking of his phone catches Yoongi's eye. What's strange about it is that the only two people who tend to text him are in the same room as him. Jin is asleep, Hoseok is giggling disturbingly at a movie. And yet, Yoongi's phone blinks, reading 2 new messages.

Curious, he tugs off his headphones and taps the notification.

Hi, is this third year Min Yoongi, music major? We received your registration for a music performance for the M.C.A. Fundraiser. I'm sorry to tell you that your participation is being rejected.

And the second message:

Please don't take this in the wrong way.

If there was a right way to take it, Yoongi sure as hell doesn't see it.

There had never even been such a thing as people not being allowed to participate in the fundraiser. By definition it's a free for all. The fact that they've made special exemption for Yoongi just goes to show how bad his situation is.

He stares back at his screen, where the audio track is waiting for him to do something more to it, and suddenly he just feels sick. Sick with his music, sick with any music. Sick of trying to make himself heard.

His music scares people. He knew that already. It's bloody and messy for all the wrong reasons, alternating between a freaking warzone and a graveyard. But he's never considered that this might happen - that people would actually bar him from performing because of how...bad his music is. This is a whole new type of disaster.

"The angsty inner turmoil phase has been entered," Hoseok announces, snatching his laptop away. "Time to sleep."

Yoongi scowls at him. "I don't know why I still come here."

"Someone needs to keep you alive, and it's definitely not you."

Yoongi doesn't have enough evidence to argue that fact.

Hoseok carefully places his laptop on his side table (he has a freaking side table. Yoongi has a trashcan turned upside down) and settles down against his pillows. Yoongi doesn't join him.

"What?" Hoseok asks.

"I'm thinking," Yoongi says.

"Don't do that, that's terrible."

The problem is that, whether Yoongi tells the truth or not, people don't want to listen. People don't like it. Anyone who listens to his music never comes back a second time, Hoseok and Jin being exceptions because they care too much, and Jungkook being an exception because...heck if Yoongi knows.

"Yoongi?" Hoseok tries, concerned.

Yoongi shoves his phone at him, the message still open. "They've asked me not to participate in the fundraiser next month."

Hoseok sits up straight. "What?"

Yoongi sighs. "Don't act like you didn't see it coming."

Hoseok frowns. "But it's a free for all," he says, honestly surprised. "Can they even kick you out like that?"

"Apparently they can. Bad publicity, things like that."

"But - " Hoseok starts, too loudly, and Jin groans in his sleep. They both shut up. "But," Hoseok repeats, quieter, "Where else do they expect you to build an audience for yourself?"

It's Yoongi's turn to be surprised. "Hoseok-ah, I've performed there for two years and my audience is still null and void."

"Don't be stupid," Hoseok says. "You really think Jungkook is the only person in the world who's obsessed with your music? There's definitely more people. They're all right here. You just haven't met them yet, because you've touched them in a way that isn't normal."

"Yeah, I make them run screaming for their lives."

Hoseok gives him a dirty look. "Even you believe there are people who want to listen to you," he says. "No one writes music like this for themselves."

"Music like what."

"This," Hoseok exclaims, waving a hand wildly in the air. "It's all trying to tell people something. You wouldn't be doing that if you didn't believe someone exists who will listen."

There's a pause, where neither one of them really knows what to say.

"I sound like Namjoon," Hoseok says at last. "All this philosophy."

"Maybe that's good," Yoongi says. "I can never understand Namjoon."

"My point is, maybe you should just...dial it down a bit? Make music like other people do for a while, until you get an audience. And then once they're trapped, BOOM, you throw your real music in their faces."

There's a long silence again, but this time more awkward. "I'm a musician," Yoongi deadpans. "Not a psychopath."

"You know, I'm not entirely sure about that."

Yoongi scowls, but doesn't argue.

"I'm going to text Namjoon," Hoseok says, already getting his phone out.

"Don't text Namjoon."

"We need his weird philosophy now."

"No," Yoongi says firmly. "No, we don't. You know what he'll say? He'll say the world isn't as dark as you think it is. He'll say write music about the sunshine and daffodils. He'll say what do you mean you're never happy, Yoongi, everyone's happy some time."

Hoseok frowns, and Yoongi knows what he's going to say, because it's what Namjoon says, and what Jin says, and probably what every blasted person on this whole blasted planet says. "No," Yoongi bites out, cutting him off. "Not everyone is happy at some time."

"That's just - "

"No."

Hoseok's frown deepens, and he looks almost offended. "You've never been happy? Not even...around us?"

He's taking this personally. Of course he has to take this personally. "It isn't happiness if it always has a cloud of doom hanging over it," Yoongi says, pointing above his head as if there really is a cloud there, and for all Yoongi knows there might even be. It would certainly explain a lot. "Happiness always feels like it's going to end, Hoseok-ah, and then it just hurts."

Hoseok bites his lip, unsure of what to say. He isn't any stranger to such feelings, Hoseok's had a hard life as well. A hard life that he managed to come out on top of, because if there's one thing he knows how to do it's grit his teeth and smile through anything. Yoongi has always envied that about him. Hoseok really is the sun, not because of how bright he is, but because of how powerful that makes him.

It's the only reason he understands Yoongi. He knows what it's like to be in the dark. But Hoseok had faith that there was a way out, and Yoongi...Yoongi doesn't think there ever will be.

"Yoongi," Hoseok says slowly, carefully, like he's scared that he's going to break something with his voice. "You know that...there are other musicians like you, right? People who don't believe in things getting better? And that they're really successful regardless?"

"What are you getting at," Yoongi says, voice thin. He's suddenly so tired. So unbearably tired.

"I don't know," Hoseok says, and he looks like he means it. "Honest to god I don't know, but I think...that maybe the difference is that they aren't trying to hurt anyone with their music. And you...sort of want to hurt the whole world."

There's a horrible, horrible silence that follows. Hoseok doesn't drop his gaze, staring steadily at Yoongi. Yoongi stares back, trying to ignore the murk that's pooling in his gut.

"I should go," he says, standing up, reaching for his laptop and stuffing it into his bag. Hoseok doesn't argue. It's the reason they've been friends for so long, he lets him be alone when he needs it.

"Okay," he says. "Stay safe."

"Yeah. You too."

Safe is a bit ambiguous. Yoongi stays alive, and physically unharmed.

He wonders what safe really means as he locks his door and doesn't come out for five days.

He doesn't work. He has a ton of homework, but he doesn't touch it. Instead he watches a TV series, one that he had loved as a kid and has watched too many times since. He laughs at all the jokes even though he knows them by heart. When it's over, all twenty episodes, he watches it again, just to see if he can. When that's over as well, he watches it again, just to see if he can. When that's over he starts again because he's too scared of what his mind might start saying if he turns it off and gives himself room to think. He ends up falling asleep somewhere at the beginning, on his bed for once like a normal human instead of hunched over his desk.

He might have heard someone knocking on his door in between, but he didn't care enough to check for sure.

After three days it starts to sink in how much time he's wasted, so he switches on his computer, listens to his works in progress at random, and ends up deleting all but one. The Project sounds as horrible as ever - even worse, if Yoongi's being honest - but he can't throw that away. It's his life's work. He hates it, but someday he hopes he won't.

Once he's deleted the worst of his files, he figures he's done enough to deserve another nap. This time the knocking is clear, and he knows he isn't hallucinating, but he still doesn't care enough to call out or open the door. His phone pings madly. He turns off all notifications and tosses it somewhere that isn't important.

Since he needs some sort of variety, he watches a game show instead. It's lame and horrible, but that makes him feel a bit better.

Then he sleeps some more.

Hyung, are you there?

This is Jungkook, from room 509

Hoseok hyung sent me with food, and he asked me to check on you

Not that you need me to check on you, but I have your dinner?

I'm sorry I sent so many texts. I didn't realize. I'll just leave the food at your door?

Hyung, I'm really sorry if you're working, but Hoseok hyung is worried that you haven't been eating so he sent me with food again. I'm at your door right now I think you haven't heard me knocking because of your music

Sorry, I'll just leave it at the door again

Hyung, I brought food that fits under the door this time. Please call Hoseok hyung if you get this message? He says his calls aren't reaching you

Yoongi winces when he reads through his messages. Most of them are from Jin, asking him who the hell he thinks he is to leave The Seokjin out on his doorstep, some are from Hoseok, one is from Namjoon that Yoongi doesn't even open, and then there's this long thread from Jungkook. Of course those idiots got him involved.

He dials Hoseok's number. "What the hell, Hoseok," he growls, voice hoarse from disuse.

"Nice to see you're alive," Hoseok says, and he sounds so tired that Yoongi feels guilty for a moment. He checks the time. 4AM. He must have woken up just to answer Yoongi's call.

"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, nice to hear from you too."

"Sorry I asked Jungkook to check on you," Hoseok says. "I think that's what you're mad about? I know it was rude to send a junior, but you didn't want to talk to me so he was my next best bet."

Yoongi shakes his head, even though Hoseok can't see it. He isn't mad about the age difference, he's mad because telling someone outside of their friends group makes it a bigger issue than it is.

But he isn't mad anymore. He can't be mad at Hoseok, not when he only ever wants to help.

"Clearly it didn't work," Hoseok says.

"Hm?"

"Sending Jungkook. It didn't get you to open the door."

"Why the hell would it have worked," Yoongi snaps.

Hoseok doesn't reply for a long time. "Sorry," he says again, and means it even less this time. "Of course it wouldn't have."

Neither of them speaks after that, and the seconds stretch into minutes, but neither of them hangs up either.

Hyung, I've left food outside again

relax, kid, im alive.

Oh wow that's good. Sorry for bothering you.

how are you bothering me if youre giving me food?

He sees Jungkook typing, deleting, typing, deleting, so he finally takes pity on the kid and sends another message.

i called hoseok as well. sorry he got you involved

What no it wasn't a problem. I hope everything is okay.

Yoongi sends him a thumbs up, tosses his phone to the side, clicks the recycle bin on his desktop and starts digging for his lost work.