There's an itch under his skin that Jungkook can't get out.

He thought it would go away when he came home. Once he got away from everything for a while. But the more time he has to himself, the more the feeling intensifies, and it's starting to drive him crazy. His parents have noticed - it's hard to miss with how snippy he's got - and they've pinned it down to him being a teenager with hormones and they try not to get in his way. Jungkook has never understood this excuse in his life. He doesn't know how pinning something on his chemical constitution somehow makes it less of a feeling.

It's new year's day, an utter failure of it, and he's sitting alone on the couch, watching the TV on mute. His parents are asleep, his brother didn't come home. Jungkook stares at the screen without really seeing - it's some weird children's cartoon, and it makes no sense to him on mute. As far as he can tell the cartoon bear is a good guy and is for some reason smaller than the duck.

Something about being at home makes it perfectly acceptable to be a mess. It's actually a wonder his parents haven't just tossed him out onto the streets yet, with how useless he's being. He's brought all of his blankets into the room and has built a cocoon around himself. A lot of his neighbours brought his family sweets and snacks today, in honour of the new year, and they're spread out over the coffee table, in varying degrees of consumption.

He has one more day. Just one more day, and then he'll be going back. Then he'll be stuck in the exact same whirlwind of chaos, which will only end with exam hell, or failure, or death.

Not for the first time, Jungkook wonders what he's doing with his life.

He thought the itch would go away when he talked to Taehyung, and sang on the phone. He thought it would go away when, against all common sense, he handed Yoongi the painting that he'd worked on for months. He thought it did go away when Yoongi texted him thank you for reasons that Jungkook still can't understand.

But it didn't go away. All that hangs over his head is a foreboding sense of now what.

Because to be honest, whether Jungkook sings or not, or whether he suddenly gains the social skills of freaking Jung Hoseok, his future is still set in stone. He isn't going to drop his course, no matter how badly he sucks at it - he can't disappoint his parents like that. He's still going to graduate in three more years with a degree he hates, fail at finding a job until someone pities him enough to take him in, and then live a long, terrible life unless death takes him sooner.

The cartoon bear on screen is trying to cook. It isn't turning out well.

The thing is, on campus it was easier to get lost in things that didn't matter. He'd convinced himself that proving himself to Yoongi was top priority, forgetting that in the long run, there was no point. Because Namjoon might think that Jungkook is different from him, that he has a chance of changing himself, but in reality that's just a load of nonsense.

Jungkook absently reaches out of his cocoon for more food, fumbles, and knocks one of the plates clean off the table. The sharp clang echoes through the room, spilling cake onto the floor.

It shocks him motionless for a moment. It was good cake, he didn't even get to save any for his mother, and now it's ruined.

He suddenly wants to cry.

It's disgusting how little his existence is doing for anyone, how all Jungkook has been doing ever since he was born is take. He's been living on other people's sympathy and pity - there's no reason for his friends to put up with him, for his parents to pay his tuition. And Jungkook has never given anything in return, only makes life harder for them with his complete inability to function in society.

He gives up on the cartoon and turns the TV off. He should clean up the mess he's made, but honestly he has a whole night to do it. He doesn't think he's going to get any sleep.

He pulls his cocoon over his head, settles in deeper into the sofa, but doesn't feel any more comfortable. He shifts a bit, and then some more, and then he just gives up.

Jungkook is sort of stupid.

He should have known - of course Jimin and Taehyung wouldn't be going back to Seoul alone. All the kids who live out of the city tend to travel in larger groups - it makes things more easy. Jungkook is the only loser who likes going alone better.

And yet, when Jimin had asked him do you want to go back with me and Taehyung, I'm booking tickets right now - he hadn't hesitated to say yes. Hadn't realized that of course there'd be more people than just those two.

He'd rushed to the station, terrified of being late, covered in his mom's hugs and kisses and with extra money stuffed in his pocket, searched for Jimin at the platform...and found Jimin, yes, but also found someone else.

It's a face he recognizes, but can't place a name to - one of the other dance majors that Jimin is friends with.

"Jungkookie!" Jimin calls, standing up to meet him. He looks excited, happy, and that's how Jungkook should feel - he's seeing his friend after two weeks - but his gaze keeps darting back to the guy he doesn't know. He's going to spend an entire train journey with a stranger.

The stranger smiles at him, like he already knows who he is, and only half of Jungkook's mouth goes up in response.

"This is Se Jun," Jimin says, patting his friend on the back. Jun holds out his hand to shake, like college kids even do that anymore. Or maybe they do. Jungkook wouldn't know.

"Hey," he says.

Jungkook takes his hand. "Hey," he agrees.

He thought he was Jimin's only friend from Busan. He doesn't know why he thought that, or why it would even matter.

Their conversation is smooth enough, with Jungkook doing nothing to participate. He tries to smile at comments that are directed towards him, but for the most part he pretends to text on his phone. He texts Taehyung for a while, but doesn't get any replies because his friend is probably packing, so he texts his brother, who never replies anyway. Talking at someone is sometimes more effective than talking to, especially when you need to spend as much time as possible typing.

When they get into the train, Jungkook takes the window seat, pressing himself as close to it as possible.

At the next stop, another kid gets in. And then another. At the next stop, two more.

He only looks away from the window to smile at anyone Jimin introduces him to, and then he stares steadily outside. They probably think he's rude. He probably is rude. But Jungkook can't do this, not now. Not with so many people who already know each other.

Jimin tries to talk to him, every few minutes, but after too many tries end with Jungkook's monosyllable replies, he gives up.

"So, Jungkook, right?" one of the boys says. "What's your major?"

Jungkook's mind goes blank. What is his major.

Jimin elbows him.

"Engineering," he realizes, a bit too loud. Then he turns back to the window, ignoring all the courtesies he should have returned, like what about you. He can feel Jimin's dismayed look - doesn't want to meet it.

"So how was new year's?" Jimin asks the boy, steering the conversation away from Jungkook a bit obviously. Surely everyone notices, but no one calls him out on it.

No one bothers him after that, but Jungkook still can't relax. He feels trapped, like they're all watching him, judging him silently. By the time they reach Daegu, he's almost desperate for Taehyung to join them. He sits up straighter when the train pulls into the station, looking towards the automatic doors.

Taehyung enters alone, which is...a small concession, but not really. He's carrying the same, heavy, horrible suitcase that he'd lugged home, and by reflex Jungkook nearly jumps up to help him carry it in, but one of Jimin's friends beats him to it. They manage to stuff it into the luggage rack and then Taehyung slides into one of the only empty seats left, a bit away from them.

He turns, looking for them, and grins at Jungkook once he catches his eye. Jungkook waves back.

"You made it on time!" Jimin calls to him, cheerfully.

"For once," someone else says, and there's laughter all around. The guy next to Taehyung slings his arm over his shoulder, saying something in his ear, and that's that. Jungkook only lets himself stare for a few minutes before pressing himself back into the window.

"Hey," Jimin says quietly, nudging him. "You okay?"

"Huh? Oh. Yes."

"We'll get there soon, okay?"

Jungkook tries for a smile. He doesn't know how well it turns out. "I'm fine, hyung, really."

This won't do, he has to pull himself together. He wonders if it'll be too rude to take out his earphones. At what point of a conversation is it acceptable to make it explicitly known that you aren't a part of it?

For a while he watches the view outside flit by, passing from villages to cities and back again, looking but not really seeing anything. Everything gets too repetitive, and he stops being so aware of the people around him, and of anything else, really. At one point his eyes start to drift closed, and Jungkook doesn't fight it.

He jerks awake again when he hears his name in the conversation.

He looks to Jimin instantly, confused. Jimin just pats his thigh. "Didn't mean to wake you," he says. "Go back to sleep."

He looks around blearily. The other guys are talking among themselves, laughing under their breath. Some of them are watching him in amusement. He looks to Taehyung, with a sense of dread, but Taehyung just shakes his head, smiling at him in a strained, everything's okay sort of way.

Frowning, Jungkook closes his eyes again, tucking his face deeper into his chest.

"He talks a lot when he's comfortable around people," he hears Taehyung say, and - they're talking about him?

"I've seen him with you guys before," someone else says. "He used to sit in on our dance practices, yeah? Never said a word."

"I met him at the station today, and he barely even said anything to Jimin. Talks a lot my foot."

The thing is, Jungkook isn't even surprised, because he's heard this conversation too many times before. Back in school, when his classmates discussed him in hushed whispers that were never quiet enough. At home, when his mother gave his neighbours polite excuses when he refused to go out and play with them. This whole scenario is nothing new, but it's the first time he's heard Taehyung and Jimin having to deal with it.

"So what if he's quiet," Jimin says. "You're all too loud."

That clears things up for a while - the gang dissolves into their usual, careless banter, arguing over who's the loudest and the most annoying and the most likely to get tossed off the train by a random stranger. For a while everything is fine. Jungkook can breathe again.

But they can't drop it, no one ever can. "Seriously though," one of the boys says, and he sounds half curious, half hesitant. "He's...okay, right? There isn't anything wrong with him?"

And Jungkook really wishes he knew.

Someone has decorated Hoseok's store.

"It wasn't me," Hoseok says, when Jungkook stares at the display too hard. He doesn't want to say it looks terrible, but it sort of looks terrible. There are streamers and hideous uneven paper stars of every colour taped to the window, with HAPPY NEW YEAR written above them in badly painted gold block letters. The H is in two separate pieces, clearly having been torn down once and then taped together.

"It's...colourful?" Jungkook says, at a lack of anything more positive to say.

"It sucks," Hoseok agrees. "It was there when I got here, and no one admits to having put it up. I guess they're embarrassed now that no one liked it."

He looks a lot better than he did the last time Jungkook saw him - well rested, cheerful, instead of like someone sucked his soul out of him. The holidays have treated him well. He rummages under the counter for a moment and then brings out a small, plastic box.

"I told you I'd bring you some of my mom's food, right?" he says, pushing it towards Jungkook.

"Oh. Thanks, hyung." He digs through his own backpack for the bag of fruit his parents have sent with him - they were so overjoyed by the fact that Jungkook had friends that they packed one for each of them. He puts it next to the box, so it looks like they're shady dealers sliding each other illegal stuff. "This is for you."

Hoseok opens it instantly, ruining the shady-dealer effect. "Ahhh, strawberries!"

"From my mom," Jungkook explains. And then, "Why are you working on your first day back?" He honestly hadn't expected to find Hoseok here, but Jin told him where he was.

Hoseok shrugs. "I took up a friend's shift. She didn't make it back from home yet."

"...why did she have a shift on the first day of the year?"

"It's called universal suffering," Hoseok says solemnly. "Also called no one cares about college students. And speaking of college students..." He leans forward, resting his face on his chin. Expectant.

Jungkook blinks at him.

"You and Yoongi had lots of fun, huh?"

"...uh." He quickly runs over all of his encounters with Yoongi in the past two weeks. Searches for the fun, any at all. "...no?"

"Lies. Namjoon said you became best of friends."

"You people gossip a lot," Jungkook observes.

"Yeah," Hoseok agrees easily. "But, but, tell me how it went."

Jungkook tilts his head, considering. "We had pizza," he starts, "And then he had a mental breakdown, and we argued, and brushed our teeth, and then he played solitaire nonstop because you ruined his score."

Hoseok gives him a long, long look. "I'm going to assume that's been heavily edited," he says at last.

Jungkook shrugs.

"Breakdown?" Hoseok presses.

Jungkook nods, biting his lip. He still hasn't explained what happened that day to Hoseok, even though he probably should have the moment it happened. He'd been too angry then to remember to tell him that Yoongi needed help. "I don't know, hyung. He just started throwing things around the room in the middle of the night."

Hoseok's frown deepens. "Oh," he says, and doesn't elaborate.

"Does that happen often?" Jungkook tries.

"Not...often, no. But it's happened before. You know how Yoongi is."

Jungkook doesn't know. He understands Yoongi in the vague sort of way he understands most of his coursework - enough to know that there's a sort of underlying law to the way it all works, but not enough to know which circuit is going to destroy which component and why. He doesn't know what sets Yoongi off.

"I really don't," he says.

As if on cue, the store door opens. He and Hoseok turn towards it as one.

It's Yoongi, of course, it has to be Yoongi. That's just what Jungkook's luck is like. Their first meeting after Jungkook handed him the painting and ran for his life has to be unscripted and right in the middle of what would have been a long, informative conversation about him.

He's wrapped up completely against the cold, his scarf hiding half of his face, but his eyebrows rise dramatically when he sees Jungkook.

Yoongi's thank you still flits around his head, making his stomach twist. Jungkook raises his hand in a slight wave, trying for a smile.

"Hey," Yoongi says, still surprised. He shoots a look towards Hoseok, who looks suspiciously innocent. "I didn't know you were back."

"Got back a few hours ago," Jungkook says. "How was new year's, hyung?"

"Terrible," Yoongi says. He comes to stand next to him, facing the counter, not looking at Jungkook. "Fireworks were good, though. You saw them, right?"

"Yeah," Jungkook agrees. "There was a show near home, too," he says, which is true. Granted, Jungkook didn't see it, because he was hiding out in his room being miserable, but it did happen.

There's silence, for a moment. They're both standing in front of Hoseok, behind the counter, and this should be where someone buys something, but from the looks of it Yoongi, like Jungkook, comes to Hoseok's store for Hoseok and not for the store.

"I'm here," Yoongi announces, a bit unnecessarily, when Hoseok doesn't seem intent on saying anything.

"You're here," Hoseok agrees.

"And I won't be in three seconds if you don't spit out what you wanted now."

Hoseok makes a face at him and rummages under the counter again, producing an identical box and sliding it towards Yoongi. "Food," he says.

"Thanks," Yoongi says, taking it. For a moment Jungkook expects him to produce something else from his coat pockets to give to Hoseok, but he's long since realized that for some reason he has no debt wars with Jin or Hoseok. Maybe it's a friendship thing.

"So how was your week together?" Hoseok asks Yoongi, even though he's literally just asked Jungkook.

"Good," Yoongi says, and he honestly doesn't seem sarcastic for once. He points down to the box. "This is all you called me for?"

"That and an urge to see my best friend after two weeks," Hoseok says dryly, "But yeah. Shoo. Be gone."

The box disappears under Yoongi's jacket - Jungkook isn't sure how. And then he turns to Jungkook, looking at him fully. "You coming?"

Jungkook blinks. Stares between Yoongi's expectant look, and Hoseok's surprised one. " I guess?"

Yoongi nods, heading towards the door. Jungkook waves to Hoseok, who is... smiling back at him. Not his usual, goofy grin, but a small smile, like he's just content with whatever is happening right now.

"Jin wants you both over for new year's dinner tomorrow!" he calls after them.

"No thanks," Yoongi says.

"It's his last semester, be nice to him," Hoseok says. "And Jungkook, bring your friends too! There'll be a lot of people."

Jungkook's stomach sinks.

"Don't worry," Yoongi tells him, once they're out of Hoseok's sight. "We'll sneak out early. Neither of them will notice."

Jungkook remembers the last party they'd been to together vaguely - the only one they'd been to together, he thinks. He did end up sneaking out early, though that was more to get away from Yoongi than it was to get away from anyone else. He isn't sure when Yoongi made it out, or if he made it out at all.

It's weird to think of how much time has passed since then.

It isn't as much a party as it is a get together with a bunch of people who barely know each other.

"On the bright side," Jimin says, when they enter, scanning the room for someone they might know. "It's a lot cleaner than last time."

That's true. It's almost as clean as it was on the days Jungkook came over to have Jin tutor him. There's a lot of people, though, huddled together in different corners over the room. When Hoseok had said dinner Jungkook had imagined that Jin was going to cook for all of them -because his senior is sometimes crazy like that - but there are boxes of takeout and pizza spread out on the table. It should have been a war by now (free pizza on the table) but everyone is being strangely decent about it.

They find Hoseok first. "Hey!" he says at the three of them in general. "Jin's in the kitchen, go say hi! I'll be back real quick."

"Where are you going?" Jimin asks, when he starts for the door.

"We're short on drinks, I'm just going to the store."

"I'll come with you," Jimin says instantly. The traitor. So much for I'll stick to your side all night. They both disappear outside, leaving him and Taehyung staring after them.

"It's just you and me then," Taehyung says, solemn. And then they spot Namjoon, and he brightens up and ditches Jungkook as well.

Jungkook wanders into the kitchen alone.

Jin is cooking after all, even if he isn't cooking their entire dinner. Jungkook hasn't seen him in weeks - even before the holidays, there was exam chaos and no time to really talk to anyone. The itch at the back of his mind soothes a bit the moment he catches sight of him. He missed him, honestly.

"Jin hyung!"

Jin whips his head around, not pausing his furious stirring. "Ah, Jungkookie! Here, come here, help me with this."

It's... not how he expected their reunion to go, but it works. He takes the ladle from Jin, stirring in his place while his senior shuffles through the cabinets for a pan. He wonders if it's polite to avoid mentioning that he sort of sucks at cooking.

Jin actually gives him very little to do, though. Jungkook is in charge of stirring the stuff he puts on the stove and telling him if anything looks like it might boil or burn, while Jin chops vegetables at the speed of lightning, mixes spices, and makes little cubes of something Jungkook can't identify yet. He talks a lot as he goes, telling Jungkook about his own hometown's food, and how underappreciated blunt knives are, and how he actually doesn't like peas at all.

Outside the kitchen, the aimless chatter goes on. Someone is playing music, harmless guitar solos, and someone else is arguing about how the music sucks. He can spot Taehyung and Namjoon through the kitchen door, cross legged on the ground, wrapped up in conversation. Taehyung is drawing imaginary lines on the ground as he speaks, probably a map or something. Namjoon is nodding at it intently.

"You want to join them?" Jin asks, a bit surprised. He's barely looking at Jungkook when he asks, too preoccupied. "I can handle this alone, if you want."

"Nah," Jungkook shakes his head. "It's better in here."

Jin gives him a lopsided smile.

It's only about half an hour later that he catches sight of Yoongi. He finds him standing behind Namjoon, a drink in his hand, watching whatever he and Taehyung are looking at on the ground with zero interest. At one point he says something, pointing to a part of Taehyung's imaginary map. Namjoon shoots him a glare. Taehyung looks at him like he might be a god.

Jungkook wonders what the hell they're talking about.

"Almost done," Jin announces, turning the burner off. He grabs a few bowls, quickly spooning food out of the pans and into them. "Thanks, Jungkookie. Go find someone disposable and send them in to help me carry this stuff out?"

"I could help?" Jungkook points out.

Jin shakes his head. "You've helped enough. Send Namjoon or someone. No, wait, don't send Namjoon, he'll spill everything. Get Hoseok."

Jungkook peeks out of the kitchen cautiously.

As expected, Hoseok is no where to be found. There's a bag of drinks on the table, so he knows he made it back from wherever he ran off to, but he can't see him anywhere. Maybe he's in the bathroom?

He scans the entire room carefully, can't find him at all. Yoongi catches his eye and raises his eyebrows, as if to say what are you looking for?

He mouths Hoseok hyung. Wonders if Yoongi will catch it. Yoongi smiles wryly, jerking a finger towards the crowd of people around the music player, where the argument about the music choices seems to be coming from. Jungkook stares at it in dismay - there's no way he'll make it into that alive. He can't even tell which part of the thick group is Hoseok.

"Piano will put us all to sleep," someone is saying.

"But anything else is too loud."

"Just turn down the volume...?."

"No, I mean like loud loud."

"Let's do karaoke," someone else says, completely missing the point.

"What even."

"Hey, food's not ready. Let's do something fun."

Surprisingly, they all seem to agree. The music cuts off abruptly as they change the track - Big Bang's Blue, and then the next argument starts up over who the hell is going to sing.

Jungkook sighs.

He turns back to Yoongi, who's watching the commotion with no small degree of amusement, and wonders if he can just send him to Jin instead of Hoseok. Jin just wanted a human, he didn't seem to care about who it was. Yoongi might be pissed over it - but then again, Yoongi's been surprisingly nice to him ever since they've got back. Jungkook guesses he liked the painting more than he let on.

His wondering screeches to a halt when Hoseok calls out. "Jungkook!"

As a whole, the group near the speakers turn to look at him. Jungkook instinctively takes a step back.

"Come over here," Hoseok says. "Sing something for us."

Nothing goes silent, not really. The Big Bang track is still playing in the background, Jin is still tinkering with pots and pans behind him. Some of the other kids really don't care about what's going on and are still engrossed in conversation. But it feels like the whole room falls deadly quiet, like everyone's eyes are on him.

He stares at Hoseok, completely frozen. He needs to say no. It would be so easy to say no, to just keep going, but Yoongi is watching him, Yoongi is watching him, and Jungkook's throat locks up.

He doesn't dare meet Yoongi's eyes, too terrified of what he might see.

Too scared to sing a stupid nursery rhyme, he remembers him spitting, and he's been trying so hard to prove him wrong, so hard, and he thought that he'd have more time than this, more time to get used to this, but there's an entire room of people watching him and Yoongi's probably thinking that he can't do shit and all of Jungkook's plans go down the drain, because he can't sing, not now.

"Sheesh, Hoseok, you sing," Yoongi snaps, and Jungkook's stomach churns horribly, something rising to his throat. This was such a bad idea, why did he even think he should ever come out of his room, this whole thing is an honest mistake and everyone is so disappointed -

He doesn't realize how fast he's breathing until Taehyung forces himself into his line of vision. Yoongi is still saying something in the background, hellishly pissed, and Hoseok is...apologizing? What?

"Hey," Taehyung says, hands on his shoulders. "Hey. Jungkook?"