Jungkook watches the same video over and over again.

It's of shitty quality - the cameraman is too shaky, and Yoongi's head gets cut off too often. The audience is dead silent, but the audio is still unclear, interrupted by the cameraman's shuffling and all the other sounds that people seem to make even in the quiet.

Yoongi on stage looks much like Yoongi in real life - oversized t-shirt, ratty jeans, hair that does whatever the hell it wants - but at the same time he's a whole different person. Yoongi on stage is the person Jungkook deals with so rarely, the person who trashed his own room yesterday, the person who breathes so much anger that he might set everything on fire. The words he spits are sharp and terrible and completely silence the audience.

Jungkook scrolls through the comments as he listens. He's read through them so many times he almost knows them by heart. All of Yoongi's videos in general have the same sort of comments - ouch, or what the hell happened in this guy's life, or asdfsjlfvlwe. But the one that makes this one different is this makes me want to kill myself.

He'd found this video a long time ago, back in his first day of stalking Yoongi via social media. The very day after he'd met him at Hoseok's birthday party. The comment had stayed in his mind for hours afterwards, and now, in the dead of night, it hangs over him again.

He thinks of a traumatized audience as a job well done, Hoseok had told him. And Jungkook can't understand that. He can't understand how anyone could write music with only the intention to hurt. Can't understand why Yoongi won't stop.

I can't write happy endings, he'd said. I don't know how that works.

Jungkook presses replay again. The music is putting him on edge, like every horrible encounter he's had with Yoongi - with anyone - is being magnified and he's forced to relive it in an endless loop, but he grits his teeth and keeps going.

It's not the absence of a happy ending. That isn't the problem at all. Because half of the music Jungkook listens to doesn't have happy endings, and they don't bother him like this. In the few weeks of college before he met Taehyung, Jungkook would curl up under the covers, listen to Minutes to Midnight on repeat, and feel completely miserable but at the same time like he wasn't alone. Like there was someone, somewhere, who understood. Yoongi's music doesn't do that. It laughs at anyone who thinks there might still be hope.

It's like he can't believe that anyone could dare to be happy, could be delusional enough to be happy, and needs to make sure they stop. It isn't just black because it throws all the other colours out, it's black that grows, and grows, until everything else is black too, because it thinks colours are liars and freaks and doesn't see how they could exist.

For the very first time, Jungkook listens to the track, listens to the poison that each word intends, and doesn't just want to hide. Doesn't just want to give up. For the first time, he wants to go up to Min freaking Yoongi and ask him what right he has to try to hurt anyone besides himself.

Jungkook finally stops the video and sets down his laptop. He has his art scattered all around him on his bed - old pieces of the colours of Seoul's sky and the warmth of Jimin's hugs, to newer pieces of Hoseok's dorm room and music in the rain. Yesterday's painting of the view from the roof lies apart from it all, still incomplete. Still vaguely unmagical. His attempt at the human mind is incomplete as well - three times as thick as his average painting because of all the layers he's painted over it.

He hasn't slept in too long. His eyes burn and itch with overexertion, but he can sleep tomorrow. He can sleep all day. For now, he slides back down to the floor, grabbing the painting and his poster colours. He pours black and red sloppily into his pallet, rubs at his eyes to keep himself awake, and doesn't think of Yoongi's music. That's where he's gone wrong all this time. Instead he thinks of the complete silence of his audience, the awkward shuffling, and this makes me want to kill myself.

He dips his paintbrush in the deadly shade he's created and starts to paint. He'll get it right this time.

The most boring part of his daily routine is brushing his teeth.

It takes him three tries to get the paste onto his brush. And he maybe stands with his toothbrush in his mouth for ten minutes longer than he should. He still has paint drying over his arms, splattered across his face, ruining his shorts, and he's tired. He needs sleep.

He almost falls asleep there, at the bathroom sink, when Yoongi's reflection suddenly appears next to him and jolts him wide awake.

"Morning," Yoongi says, even though it's past noon. His voice is still messed up, eyes bloodshot. He gets paste onto his own brush with remarkable ease and slides it under the faucet.

Jungkook makes a strange, embarrassing noise around his toothbrush that he hopes is a decent greeting in some foreign culture.

There's silence. If Jungkook's mouth wasn't full of toothpaste he'd turn tail and make a run for it. Of all the ways he could have crashed into Yoongi after the chaos of last night, this is the least ideal. But his mouth is full of toothpaste, so instead he settles for aggressively brushing his teeth.

He brushes harder, louder, glaring at the sink for no reason before he spits into it. And then he starts all over. Aggressive brushing is probably not anyone's best form of retaliation against someone you have a bone to pick with, but Jungkook thinks he deserves concession because he's dealing with freaking Min Yoongi.

Yoongi gives him a weird look through the mirror, but doesn't say anything. Just quietly brushes his own teeth.

You don't know a damned thing, he'd spat yesterday. Like he knew anything about Jungkook at all. Like two conversations in the rain and some trash shoved under his door, and suddenly Yoongi was the expert on Jungkook's whole life.

"I've really pissed you off," Yoongi notes. He doesn't look at Jungkook when he says it.

Jungkook shakes his head no. Spits into the sink and rinses his mouth. The faster he can get out of here the better, before Yoongi says something like I meant everything I said but I could have phrased it better.

"Jungkook," he starts, when he sees that Jungkook is starting to make a run for it. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Jungkook gives him an incredulous look.

"Okay," Yoongi relents, rubbing at his forehead. "Okay, I did mean to hurt you. But I wasn't...myself. You caught me at a bad time."

"You left the door open," Jungkook says, before he can help it. Because it...bothers him. Jungkook doesn't think he'd have approached him otherwise, but he'd left the door open. Almost like he wanted help. But once Jungkook had turned up...well. Help was definitely the last thing on his mind.

Yoongi frowns. "I...forgot," he mutters. "I should have shut it when I didn't want company. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Jungkook says, and it sounds as hollow as he feels.

Yoongi's door stays open after that.

It unnerves Jungkook even more than it did yesterday. He keeps his own door shut and doesn't even go near Yoongi's. He eats from his emergency snack stash and watches a really lame anime about a boy and a girl who fall in love but just can't tell each other, for no reason except that the people who made it didn't want the plot to freaking progress, and he ends up falling asleep in the middle of the third episode.

He sleeps fitfully, waking up too many times in between, until his phone rings and jars him awake.

It's Taehyung. Jungkook hasn't called him since winter break, even though he'd promised to. He hesitates, finger over the answer button - he could always call him back later, he's literally just woken up, but it would be rude to put it off even longer.

Still in a vague haze of sleep, he presses accept.

"Kook-aaaah!" His voice is grainy, too much static. The reception in this room has never been good.

"Hey, hyung."

"Ah, shit, did I wake you up?"

"Nah, it's okay." He rolls over onto his back so that his voice comes out a bit better. "Are you having fun?"

"As much fun as I can have with these brats around," Taehyung says, but his voice is too fond. Jungkook knows he's talking about his siblings, and...he misses his own home. He misses his brother. He doesn't get homesick easily because he's used to his brother never being around, but they usually spend winter break together.

"They're driving me crazy, Jungkookie. Will you buy them?"

"Nope."

"Take them for free?"

"Pay me."

"Meh, I don't hate them thaaat much. Anyway, how are things for you?"

"Good, hyung."

"How good?"

"Excellent good."

The static is starting to annoy him, so Jungkook decides to just go up to the roof. He rolls off the bed, miscalculates, and lands on his back with a small thud.

"Ow."

"You okay?"

"I...fell off the bed. Hold on a second, I'm going up to the roof."

Taehyung waits patiently. Jungkook makes it to the door without any other accidents, sidesteps Yoongi's room carefully, and dashes up the stairs. The higher he goes the clearer the reception becomes, the static finally draining out. He can hear Taehyung humming to himself on the other side.

It takes Jungkook a moment to force the door to the roof open, but he throws himself against it and succeeds.

"Careful," Taehyung mutters, almost unconsciously.

"Door was stuck," Jungkook explains. He leaves it propped open in case it gets stuck again and locks him out.

It's late in the evening, the sun is just about to set, casting everything in a warm, deadly red light. It's just as beautiful as it was the last time he was up here, but in a completely different way. Jungkook stops to stare at the view, at the sleeping campus, forgetting about Taehyung altogether.

"I can't believe I've never dragged you up there before," Taehyung says, and it sounds more like he's talking to himself. "I'll bet it's pretty now, huh? It's pretty over here too."

"It's incredible," Jungkook says.

Taehyung is good at making small talk, the kind that is never boring but fills all the spaces that need to be filled. While Jungkook leans against the railing and stares down at the world, Taehyung tells him about how his brother took advantage of his prolonged absence and tried to steal his room, about how the new Sigur Ros album might as well hold all the secrets of the universe, about how Taehyung's dog is heartbroken that he didn't give her any cake. Jungkook nods in all the right places even though Taehyung can't see, laughs when he feels like it, and just listens.

He forgets, for a while, that he's here all alone.

Finally, Taehyung starts running out of steam. His stories turn less funny and more thoughtful. He wonders about whether the stars in the sky ever switch places and precisely how different a frog with one eye would be from a normal one. He wonders why the person he crashed into on the train didn't apologize when it was his fault. He wonders what Jimin and Namjoon would be doing, and how Jungkook isn't bored of him yet when Jimin makes him shut up after the first five minutes.

The sun sets, leaving behind the most beautiful sky Jungkook has ever seen.

"Hyung?" he starts, when Taehyung runs out of things to say. He sits cross legged on the ground, resting his face against the railing, still staring at the campus.

"Yeah, Kook-ah?"

"What's your favourite song right now?"

Taehyung hums, considering it. He never can pick favourites - instead he has like, top fifty of this year, top fifty of the last year, and so on. He says it's rude to judge them all against each other when they each mean something different.

"Right now..." he thinks. "I guess in the last week it's been that Adele song?"

Jungkook knows the one he's talking about - Taehyung had listened to it nonstop during exam preparation. Jungkook fell asleep listening to it sometimes, when he was exhausted and ready to collapse, and Taehyung was blasting music into his own ears to keep himself awake and ended up singing aloud.

He hesitates, like he always does before risking weirding someone out. "Can you - could you sing it?"

Taehyung is silent for a moment. Of the three of them, it's Jimin who's the singer. The performer. Jungkook and Taehyung generally have the job of watching him, applauding, and teasing him when they can get away with it. Taehyung does join him sometimes, to sing passionate duets while Jungkook laughs at them hysterically, but in general...Taehyung doesn't sing. Not seriously.

"It's okay if - " Jungkook starts, but Taehyung beats him to it.

He's only humming at first, until he gets an idea of what he's doing, and then slowly, slowly, he starts to sing. His voice is deep, quiet, and the slightest bit self conscious. Jungkook listens with bated breath.

As time goes on Taehyung loses any sense of awkwardness and sings with more confidence, the way he would if he were just singing to himself. His voice is rusty, stiff at times - not nearly as clear as Jimin's, but it's still so beautiful, so soothing.

Jungkook shuts his eyes and lets the song wash over him. Taehyung is his best friend, he can trust him with this. He can trust him with anything.

When Taehyung reaches the chorus, and takes a moment to breathe, Jungkook takes a breath as well.

And then he joins in.

Taehyung falters for a second, and that second is enough to make Jungkook rethink everything - his throat starts closing up, the song dies out. But then Taehyung is back, louder than before. Confident, amazed, and the slightest bit urgent. Jungkook tries to keep up with him - he focuses on his voice, on the song, on the fact that there's no one else who can hear him. His voice is shaky and cracked, and he keeps his eyes squeezed shut. Scared that if he opens them the spell will break apart.

When they make it to the end of the song, Jungkook's heart is beating so crazy he thinks he might die, his hands are shaking where he's grasped the railing, and he's a bit scared he might keel over. Still he doesn't open his eyes.

Taehyung doesn't say anything about it. Doesn't ask questions. All he says is, "We need music for this," and there's a series of weird thuds and clicks that probably mean he's dealing with his laptop.

Now that the dam is broken, Taehyung can't hold down his excitement. He starts slow, with classic songs that they both know all the lyrics to, and it's still hard, still terrifying, but with music there's something else to drown out their voices. Taehyung sings fearlessly, like judgement means nothing to him, and Jungkook sings like he's terrified and sorry that he's even alive. It's a mess, honestly - their voices barely fit together, but it doesn't matter. It's okay.

Their song choices get crazier and crazier, with mad drum beats and bass drops, until Jungkook forgets that he hates his voice, forgets that he doesn't sound okay, because he's having fun. Taehyung's voice has gone berserk, high pitched and terrible in his attempts to sing with passion, and Jungkook isn't any better, but no one is watching so no one can care. They sing rock songs and trot songs and everything in between, and Jungkook jumps around the roof, uses his phone as a mic and throws his hands up to the sky, up to the stars.

Taehyung's playlist is endless. The world is huge. The stars are so bright.

"We could be immortals!" they scream together, voices almost drowned out by the music. "Immortals!"

He can't breathe right. There's so much adrenaline running through his veins, Jungkook hasn't been this loud in years, has never dared to be, and it's exhilarating. Like he's invincible. Like he's alive. Like he exists, for the first time in his damned life.

He exists.

"Jungkook," someone is saying.

Jungkook groans, tries to turn away, but his head hits something cold. Metal. Railing?

"Jungkook," the voice repeats, hands shaking him. "It's freezing, get up."

Jungkook groans again, trying to push the person away, but he doesn't relent. Hands shake his shoulders, slap at his face. When Jungkook finally opens his eyes, there's a smudged, blurry Yoongi crouched in front of him.

"Hyung?" he manages.

Yoongi hands him a jacket that isn't his, pulling it over his shoulders and jostling Jungkook a bit to get him into it. It's thick and warm and doesn't smell like anything Jungkook has ever owned. Yoongi is wrapped up as well, in a soft sweater, and there's a scarf tied around his neck.

He pulls Jungkook's hood over his head, low enough to cover his eyes, so Jungkook can't see him before he speaks. "You sleep like a log."

"...sorry."

He's more concerned about what the hell Yoongi is doing here. Their argument this time feels even less like a fight than their previous one did, because for some reason Yoongi doesn't get that people are supposed to avoid each other after a disagreement.

Jungkook pulls on the hood slightly, enough to see again, and blinks to clear his eyes. He's only now starting to feel the chill that had settled into his bones. His legs are completely numb, and he shakes them a bit, trying to bring them back to life.

Falling asleep on the roof in the middle of winter - one of his best ideas yet.

The jacket is amazingly warm. Jungkook curls closer into it, and feels a strange mix of intense gratitude and wariness.

"What are you doing here?" he asks.

Yoongi doesn't look annoyed, the way he usually does when Jungkook does something this level of stupid. He looks...a bit worried, but mostly just resigned. Like he's finally used to the fact that Jungkook has no brains at all.

"Came to see if you were still alive," he says, slumping down next to Jungkook, back resting against the railing. He doesn't sit too close but Jungkook feels like he is anyway, feels like the world he'd just established over the past few hours to be completely empty has suddenly been breached.

He ends up moving away slightly. If Yoongi notices he doesn't show it.

"You weren't in your room," Yoongi explains. "And your phone was busy, so I came looking for you. In case you got yourself kidnapped."

Jungkook scowls. What is with everyone and writing him off as kidnapped if he leaves his room for two seconds.

And then something strikes him.

His phone can't be busy. He hung up with Taehyung ages ago.

"My phone was busy?" he asks, reaching to check. Did he really forget to hang up? Shit, that's going to add a heck to Taehyung's phone bill.

But his screen is blank. No calls are on.

"It was busy," Yoongi agrees. "About an hour ago, when you were wreaking havoc up here. I thought you were having a mental breakdown." He gives him a dead pan look. "Turned out you were just having fun."

Jungkook's stomach sinks with a horrible thud.

"You heard that?"

"Left you to it. I only came back again because you never came back down. Didn't want you dead on my watch."

But Jungkook isn't listening. Yoongi had seen it, the whole disaster. All the residual good feelings Jungkook had kept with him after talking to Taehyung drain out in a single instant, leaving behind a horrible mixture of shame and dread.

At least, till this day, Yoongi had believed that he could sing, even if he wouldn't. Now Jungkook doesn't even have that left.

"You're shaking," Yoongi says suddenly. "We should go inside."

Jungkook shakes his head, because the cold isn't what's bothering him. And Yoongi seems to realize this, because his expression looks more concerned.

"Jungkook?"

It shouldn't be a big deal. Yoongi is treating him like he always has. He isn't eying him in disgust or horror - he's taken the whole thing in stride. But Jungkook can't let it go, can't let go of the horror of having been seen. Heard. Especially not by Yoongi.

"Is it me? Should I leave?"

It doesn't matter at this point. Nothing can make this worse.

Yoongi watches Jungkook's hands with a frown on his face. Jungkook curls his fingers up, trying to keep them still, but it only makes them shake harder.

"They do that a lot, don't they," Yoongi mutters, almost to himself. He reaches out, careful, hesitant. His hand hovers for a second over Jungkook's, like he's waiting for him to jump and push him away, and when nothing happens, he grasps Jungkook's hands in his.

Yoongi's hands are cold. Not soothing in the slightest. But they're solid, and steady, and they hold Jungkook in place. They help him get a grip on himself.

Yoongi isn't disgusted, he tells himself, trying desperately to believe it. If he was, he wouldn't be here.

That small, hopeful, stupid part of Jungkook's mind that he's never been able to shut out, after all these years, pipes up unwanted -

Maybe his singing is okay after all.

It sounds stupid the moment it forms as a coherent thought, and Jungkook pushes it aside roughly. He's getting ahead of himself. All the excitement today has got to his brain.

"It's so bright, huh?" Yoongi says, glancing up at the sky. It's a strange thing to say in the middle of the night. He's still rubbing Jungkook's hands together, trying to warm them up, and Jungkook wonders for the millionth time why he does this, why he goes out of his way to take care of Jungkook only to throw him under the bus later.

Jungkook stares at him, and...he looks so normal. Tired, exhausted, but fascinated by the sky. Not sparing a glance to the rest of the campus because there are things higher up to look at. He's holding Jungkook's hands the way Jimin does but has none of the warmth Jimin comes with, none of the trust and cheer. He's cold and hard and volatile.

He turns Yoongi's hand a bit, and sees that his knuckles are still bruised. They look worse than Jungkook remembers. Yoongi gives him a wary look, as if daring him to say anything about it.

"Are you okay now?" Jungkook asks. It's a stupid question.

Yoongi shrugs. He doesn't give him a reply, sarcastic or otherwise, even though he usually gets the last word in. He just shrugs.