and you play along
because you want to die for love
you always have.

— Richard Siken

A hunter is someone who listens.
So hard to his prey it pulls the weapon.
Out of his hand and impales.
Itself.

— Anne Carson

≡ ≡ ≡

"dum dum da dum," jeongguk sings under his breath, just loud enough for yoongi to hear as they make their way down the alley, shoulders brushing and feet hurrying. "dum dum da dum, dum dum dum dum da dum da..." he trails off into humming as they pass someone walking the other way, nodding in greeting before yoongi tugs jeongguk by the hand into a further side street. he never thought he would be so intimately familiar with the maze of streets and alleys on this side of town, but sometimes he makes it into a game—get in and get out as quickly as possible, be seen by as few people as possible, watch for suspicious things.

jeongguk's guard is down today, clearly. yoongi can make up for it even as jeongguk bumps their shoulders together, tangling their fingers. "we should have brought flowers, hyung. at least rose petals."

"where would we ever get rose petals?"

"i know a guy."

the buildings here are tightly packed together and beginning to fall apart, casting strange shadows upon them from their height despite the sun already having risen. yoongi steps over a few fallen roof slants only to be pulled back by jeongguk, whose demeanor immediately changes when he leans in and whispers, "wait until she passes."

it takes almost a minute, but then a woman in a trench coat steps out from the mouth of alley and crosses. yoongi lowers his head, making sure his cap and face mask are secure; those two items alone usually do enough to obscure appearances, but to someone looking for him, all they need are the eyes. the woman doesn't look over at them, though, instead disappearing behind one of the buildings at the end of the alley. she might not be suspicious to begin with, but they've learned it's better to be safe than sorry.

now jeongguk urges him onward and they follow the alley until they come to their destination, a tiny building nestled between two much taller ones. it's easy to miss, unassuming and a dull grey in colour. there are no outward markings or signs to alert to what the building is used for, but yoongi still does a double check of the alley to make sure no one is following them before he follows inside after jeongguk. he did make sure to do all he could to ensure this morning's events would run smoothly, but he's not a master of fate by any means. he's learned that the hard way more than once.

jeongguk leads them through the dark building, barely more than a long hallway with several doors on either side. when they reach the end of the hallway, jeongguk knocks on the last door to the right—two short raps and a long one, then three more short. the door opens immediately, allowing them to slip inside.

the room is laid out like a simple office, a desk in the middle and a ratty old sofa against the wall. two fold-up chairs sit in front of the desk, which is covered in papers and a lamp that looks like the bulb hasn't been changed in several years. there are no windows. this almost does enough to reassure yoongi, but he knows they must move quickly anyway.

the woman who let them in returns to the desk and then holds her hand out to them. "reference?" she asks, to which yoongi reaches into his coat pocket and procures the paper they need for this appointment in the first place. it took several weeks to get it, and a lot of covert meetings, a little bribery, and the maximum power of both his and jeongguk's abilities. technically they could have just come here and used those abilities the way yoongi did with his boss back in the security department, but they'd been determined to do this right. not exactly legally—since this isn't legal—but right.

once the woman looks over the document, she gestures for them to sit. then—"identification?" both he and jeongguk hand them over, watching anxiously as the woman pulls a piece of paper from the desk drawer and begins writing on it. yoongi doesn't realize his knee is bouncing until jeongguk puts his hand on it, offering him a reassuring look as yoongi tangles their fingers together again. these days, he's used to living in the unknown, in the constant fear of something going wrong; every time he leaves the house, he's at risk. but this is more important than simply going to work or getting food.

this is their lives. this is the rest of their lives.

finally, after an agonizing few minutes of silence, the woman looks up at them. "you are aware that this is not a legal arrangement by any means?" she asks. "the government does not recognize anything happening here and the paperwork is for your own records. there will be no legal benefits that come forth from this under our current government. nothing about taxes, social services, health insurance, or inheritance. this is purely for you. it also makes you more vulnerable. we don't keep records here, but if someone were to find your own records, it will be cause for suspicion. are both of you willing to go forward with this?"

yoongi swallows tightly. jeongguk squeezes his hand. it's not even a question anymore. for nearly six months, they've worked for something like this, have hidden themselves away and learned the dance of being bonded soulmates in a society that is actively hunting down people like them. when they first bonded, the future had been so uncertain and terrifying but, in its own small way, hopeful. that night, that first night, jeongguk had told him exactly what he wanted. yoongi has always wanted those same things.

now is not the time to be afraid.

when they agree, the woman slides another piece of paper toward them, this one with only a few lines of writing on it. and yoongi turns toward jeongguk, tugging the mask under his chin as jeongguk looks over at him; there's a crooked grin on his lips, knowing this is the moment. this is always going to be the moment.

"are you ready?" the woman asks.

yoongi takes a deep breath, allowing himself just a single moment to revel in this. he doesn't get much time to relax, to stop and truly enjoy these moments in his life, and for good reason. but even if it costs him dearly, yoongi wants to take the time to engrave this into his memory. then—"you have paint in your hair," yoongi whispers, reaching up to thumb at the streak of white paint dried along jeongguk's fringe. jeongguk giggles, shaking his hair with a shake of his head. god, yoongi is so in love.

the truth is, he didn't spend much of his childhood imagining this. it was a given that it would happen someday, even if he didn't spend the rest of his life with his soulmate—and he hoped not to, for so many years. if he ever did imagine this, it was grand cathedrals and white flowers and tearful speeches. it was his family at his side and champagne fountains and weeks of preparation, of celebration.

but for all of his fantasizing, somehow none of it compares to this very moment, in a tiny office in a back alley, with paint in jeongguk's hair.

"jeon jeongguk," says the woman, and jeongguk's eyes brighten. "do you take min yoongi to be your wedded husband?"

jeongguk's lips purse a little, like he's trying to hold in a smile. "i do," he says.

"min yoongi, do you take jeon jeongguk to be your wedded husband?"

"i do," says yoongi firmly, absolutely. for months, he argued with jeongguk about it, about not needing this. they've been bonded for six months already, know their own love, know their own story. why should it matter that they have a piece of paper proving they've been married? and if it's not recognized by the government anyway, what difference does it make?

but sitting here, saying a few words of promise, he gets it. words hold power, especially here. it was words that bonded them, a confession of love finally propelling them into this new and dangerous world. and it's words that now push them just a little farther. he doesn't fucking care about the government and what they say is right. this is for them.

"do you promise to love and cherish him, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer—" (jeongguk snorts) "—for better or for worse, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him, for so long as you both shall live?"

they've been doing that and much more for six months. it's dangerous being bonded soulmates, having to keep themselves under the radar as much as possible, taking advantage of the underground society that soulmates and those who support them have created. it's never easy. but with jeongguk, it's always worth it.

yoongi grins, squeezing jeongguk's hand when together they say, "i do."

i do i do i do, he thinks, i have. i will. i will always.

for this is a love worth dying for. but more than that, it's a love worth living for, even if living means giving up everything he's known for his entire life. even if it means turning his back on a system that has benefited him greatly for over twenty-five years. even if it means constant fear and uncertainty, the risk of being found out and killed for it. despite the discomfort of his life, despite being thrown into the deep end for fear of the consequences elsewhere, yoongi will never vow anything else.

≡ ≡ ≡

their 'reception' is held at a hole in the wall restaurant even further into the maze of back alleys that have been taken over almost entirely by bonded soulmates and their supporters. it's one of their favourites, though, not only because of the food, but because the owners have camouflaging abilities, which means from the outside, the restaurant looks like a solid wall. jeongguk is the more reckless of the two of them, which means yoongi does the brunt of making sure they aren't being followed, aren't raising suspicions, aren't alerting anyone to the true nature of their relationship.

it's possible to live a more normal life as bonded soulmates without having to frequent underground services. as long as a government employee or member of the elite don't see solid proof that someone is a bonded soulmate, soulmates can live perfectly adequate lives. but jeongguk and yoongi are a little different. and they can never be too careful, as far as yoongi is concerned.

they squish into a tiny table in a corner of the restaurant, the whole building unable to fit more than eight or ten people at a time. it's for the best anyway; gatherings of more than a handful of bonded soulmates at a time can be a red flag. so it's a lonely sort of celebration, just jeongguk and yoongi and barbecue and soju between them. but yoongi has come to terms with the fact that his family will never be able to know about this. they'll visit jeongguk's parents later.

"we need speeches," says jeongguk as he drops a piece of meat on yoongi's plate. "they always have speeches at weddings."

"should i pretend to be my mother?" asks yoongi. he waves his chopsticks as he continues, pitching his voice an octave higher, "i never thought i'd see the day my little boy betrayed me and everything i stand for. i hope his marriage is filled with pain and hardship and that the government beheads him for his crimes."

jeongguk swats at yoongi's arm even as yoongi laughs, because if he doesn't find some humor in it, he'll be filled with absolute despair. for jeongguk, bonding with his soulmate didn't change much other than putting him at more risk from the government. but he was already poor, already looked down upon, already angered with the way the world works. for yoongi—everything changed.

he's had to turn his back on the life and support he's known for twenty-seven years, and he's had to do it without alerting anyone to the truth. he can't tell his parents about jeongguk, but he fears that they'll suspect something so he's taken to distancing himself as naturally as possible. his family was never huge on getting together anyway, but he's resigned himself to knowing he might never have a good relationship with anyone in his family ever again. worse is stepping away from the elite society that gave him privilege for so long. in the past six months since bonding, he and jeongguk have moved into a much smaller and less expensive home closer to the run-down parts of the city and closer to jeongguk's parent's apartment. he left his job, choosing instead to work in a much less conspicuous department in the government. now he works at city hall, helping citizens pay their bills and tickets, issuing parking passes, and answering questions about simple services like water and power.

it's hardly riveting work, but it's a happy medium that he's found—he doesn't want to benefit the government in any way, but he knows that leaving the government entirely at this point will only raise alarms. the last thing he needs is someone from his old department sniffing around and finding out that jeongguk and yoongi are bonded soulmates. this way, he's not actively helping the government kill soulmates, but he's staying in the favour of the government.

in the meantime, he's enrolled in the university so he can study marine biology. jeongguk, on the other hand, helps out at his parents' restaurant when he can, but has taken a step away while he and yoongi covertly funnel money to his parents to supplement their income. it took weeks of discussion and argument to get to that point, jeongguk refusing to let yoongi see his family as a charity case. but after yoongi changed angles and convinced him that it was like forcing the government to give his parents more money without them even realizing, he conceded. somewhat.

and it's hard. yoongi was well known in his old department, and his family didn't exactly blend into the crowd growing up. if he's spotted by a member of the elite society or a potential spy for the government in this area of town, he'll be done for. his past means he has to take extra precautions to be safe; as a result, he and jeongguk don't leave the house much, other than for work. when they do, it's with as much disguise as possible, quickly, quietly. they only frequent underground businesses or places of leisure that they know are protected as much as possible.

each time they set foot outside of their house, they're painting targets on their backs. they're wrong now, in the eyes of the government and the elite. they pose a threat, a risk to the very way of life that benefited yoongi for so long. and yoongi can't believe he ever saw this as wrong. it's been difficult at times to adjust to a different lifestyle without so much privilege and wealth, cutting himself off from contacts and relationships that made him truly powerful.

but after realizing how that privilege also meant people like jeongguk suffered, it's been a lot easier to begin extracting himself from it. besides—jeongguk is the only thing he really needs or wants now. he feels like the richest man in the world when he's watching jeongguk grin at him, knowing they're connected not only by some cosmic power that made them soulmates, but by choice. yoongi has chosen jeongguk and jeongguk has chosen yoongi in return. the sting of danger seems a little less sharp that way.

"the best part of a wedding is the food, anyway," says jeongguk as he munches on his meat.

"i thought the best part was us getting married."

"i dunno, you're kind of a bore."

yoongi's face falls, and the next time jeongguk reaches for his plate, he accidentally knocks over his glass of water. accidentally. at the sight, yoongi begins laughing again, even over jeongguk's shouts as he rights the water and says, "min yoongi! that's not allowed!"

"you're the one who knocked it over."

"you made sure i did." yoongi just shrugs. most of the time, he and jeongguk don't find real uses for their abilities and instead use them to have fun or mess with each other. he can see how being able to predict the future and manipulate probability could be a threat to the government, but neither of them has an interest in putting themselves on the front lines of the war between the government and soulmates. so this is the next best use for it; yoongi just made sure jeongguk's water was in the way of his hand. he doesn't question the mechanics of it.

once jeongguk has mopped up the water with a plethora of napkins, he tosses a wet wad of them at yoongi's face. "you're going to go grey by the time you're thirty."

"is that a prediction or a wish?"

jeongguk sticks his tongue out. "you'll just have to wait and see."

"i'd be hot with grey hair, anyway," says yoongi. "and you're the one who'd have to look at it all day."

"not if i divorce you."

"we're bonded soulmates, jeongguk. even if you divorced me, you can't escape that."

jeongguk lets out a dramatic sigh, propping his chin up with his hand as he watches yoongi. and of course it's all a joke, the way they like to tease each other. but yoongi can feel the way jeongguk is absolutely smitten with him, the way it colours all of his words and actions. it's vaguely terrifying to know they're in this for life—but he can't imagine wanting to be with anyone else, anyway. they could leave each other if something were to go wrong, but being bonded means they'll always find their way back to one another, anyway. it's impossible to break that sort of thing.

jeongguk sighs again, saying, "good thing i love you, then." he winks, making yoongi snort, and then leans over the table to pull yoongi in for a kiss. sometimes it feels odd to joke and be so in love in their world, when they have to hide everything and soulmates are killed every day for trying to live their truth and fight against a system that only harms them and most other people in the nation. but yoongi thinks he would go mad if he thought about it too much. he's going to take advantage of this one ray of sunlight he has in jeon jeongguk. he's going to make everything yellow.

"oh," says jeongguk as he sits back down. "i forgot to tell you i've been doing more research on underground programs and stuff we can get into." his eyes are bright as he talks; it's clear that this is where he thrives. for so long, jeongguk only knew heartache and the hope for a better future. now things aren't solved by any means, but he's finally found a place he feels more at home—among others who are willingly risking their lives for love, among others who hate the government as much as he does.

yoongi gets that, somehow.

"there's a great one for married couples," begins jeongguk. "since we don't actually get any legal benefits, there's a group of people who are trying to develop programs and stuff that mimic those benefits we're missing out on. and it would be cool to meet a few others who are trying to live married lives without being legally married. try to find some semblance of normal."

"sounds nice," says yoongi.

"oh, and i found this group that does traveling art galleries of sorts. they go into communities, not only of bonded soulmates but also just regular common people, and put up temporary art galleries for a weekend so everyone gets a chance to see some art." he absently reaches over and grabs a piece of meat from yoongi's plate. yoongi lets him. he always does. "i thought it would be really cool to be involved because i would have loved to have something like that while i was growing up, but maybe they'll even let me be some of my art in the show."

that's been another benefit of yoongi and jeongguk bonding—jeongguk has been able to devote more time and energy to his painting. there's an entire room in their house they turned into a studio for him, and yoongi is happy to buy jeongguk whatever supplies and paints he needs for his work, no matter the cost. to alleviate how guilty jeongguk feels about the time and money he has for that kind of hobby, he gives away most of his paintings for free to people in his old neighbourhood or to bonded soulmates who are even worse off than them. it's something they have to grapple with, since jeongguk tends to feel awful about being able to live a better life because of yoongi, but they do what they can to use his new position to help the common people.

"i think that would be really cool, jeongguk," says yoongi. "and they'd be lucky to have your art in the show, too. you're really talented."

"we're already married, hyung, you don't have to woo me." but jeongguk's cheeks are dusted pink as he shrugs. yoongi can tell this is important to him. "anyway, i'm going to meet with them next weekend and bring some of my stuff along to show them."

"do you want me to come along and help?" help as in shift the probability in their favour. yoongi doesn't like doing that as much as he likes using his ability for little things, since it feels wrong to make sure the two of them get what they want while everyone else has to leave everything up to chance. but when it's really important, yoongi doesn't mind having flexible morals.

but jeongguk shakes his head. "i don't want to get it because they don't really have a choice," he says. "i'd rather do it because my art is actually good. besides, i have a good feeling about this. you can come along to support me anyway, but just no reality warping."

by now, the two of them have fully mastered their abilities and figured out most of the ins and outs of them. jeongguk can predict the future of situations or objects well, up to nearly a week into the future. his ability is stronger if he can touch something and he can't predict the future of a human other than yoongi since they're bonded. on the other hand, yoongi can manipulate the probability or outcome of a situation to his heart's content, although the bigger effect that the change will have on reality, the harder it is to change the probability, so some of what he wants to change might not happen or might fall apart in the end. he can't make people do something or change their wills, only try to rearrange the situation around them so they change their minds on their own. and because jeongguk is his bonded soulmate, it's easiest for yoongi to manipulate probability when the situation involves jeongguk. on top of that, he can only manipulate a situation he's currently in, so he can't make a tree fall in a forest across the country.

they could do real damage with that sort of thing. but they prefer to keep the abilities to themselves for the most part, protecting themselves and jeongguk's parents. for now, at least.

but after six months of living this way, yoongi is beginning to grow tired of the way soulmates are treated. he knew objectively for years what was happening, but it's different facing it firsthand. more than just the government killing bonded soulmates and fighting with the rebels are the subtle ways people like them are now at a disadvantage; for the most part, bonded soulmates can't get real jobs or use government services because background checks might pull up something suspicious. most bonded soulmates are stuck in the same position they were in before they became bonded out of fear of what would happen if they tried to change something and drew attention to themselves. lots of bonded soulmates who have left their old lives in hopes of something more are forced into these underground societies where they have to provide for themselves and protect themselves, never able to hope for something better because of the government's tyranny.

they took a huge risk by bonding, but these soulmates are just normal people. if they aren't looking to join the rebels, many of them don't know how to protect themselves otherwise. but jeongguk and yoongi have always been headstrong people, capable of taking risks and dealing with danger—maybe more than other people.

so yoongi brings up something he's been researching, too. "i heard of this community that does a lot to protect bonded soulmates who haven't joined the rebels," he says. "like, actual protection as in security and safety. using their abilities to keep them safe, making sure they're not at risk from the government and stuff. i thought it might be cool to check that out."

"we could be bodyguards," grins jeongguk.

"i don't think it's quite like that."

"it's a great idea, hyung. i want to help take care of people like us." yoongi doesn't know how much they can really do, but he knows they need to do something. they need to try.

so—"okay, let's do it," he says. "they have a meeting next week, i think."

"hold on, what's the group called?"

"soul guardians, or something like that.."

jeongguk shuts his eyes for a second, brows furrowing in a tell tale sign that he's using his ability. "yeah," he says. "it happens a week from today, a place called the treehouse."

that does come in handy.

"but first," says jeongguk, opening his eyes and holding up a finger. "i have predicted something else."

yoongi's eyebrows rise.

"the actual best part of the wedding. tonight."

"which is?"

"the sex, hyung, obviously."

yoongi rolls his eyes, throwing the wet wad of napkins back at jeongguk, but jeongguk laughs at him and it feels good, feels right. nothing is easy, not anymore. but it's always worth it with him.

≡ ≡ ≡

the treehouse turns out to be someone's actual house, a shabby bungalow near the river—named so, yoongi guesses, because there is an abundance of different plants and bonsai trees inside. it's in a neighbourhood that doesn't look much different from jeongguk's, but the same care is taken with it. when they arrive, the house is already full of others who have come for the meeting; jeongguk worries, at first, about having so many (presumably) bonded soulmates in one place, but yoongi reassures him about the precautions the group takes, things he learned in his research of them.

they sit around the small living room, cups of coffee and tea in their hands, as though they're all college friends here to catch up on lives and marriages and kids. in reality, all of these people—twelve in total, including jeongguk and yoongi—are deemed dangerous by the government, have been stripped of every right they have, and are simply trying to survive in a society that wants them dead. it's a surreal moment, as so many are when yoongi reflects on how his life has changed in the past six months. and all because he fell in love with the wrong person.

yoongi and jeongguk are offered two chairs next to the ratty sofa, apparently given privilege because they're new, and when yoongi settles in, a dark-haired man in a turtleneck steps up in front of the group. "are we all settled in?" he asks, holding up his own coffee mug. "alright, then we'll start. welcome to another guardians meeting. most of you know me, but as we have a few new members joining us today, i'll introduce myself." he grins at jeongguk and yoongi, clearly referring to them. "my name is kim namjoon. i'm the organizer and leader of our little group here. our main goal is to help protect the bonded soulmates who are attempting to live normal lives without retaliation from the government. we support the rebels, of course, but we want to do things on a smaller scale. most of the time, we just support soulmates that come to us asking for help. we're just regular people trying to help each other out."

the idea of it has been weighing on yoongi's heart for months now. for years, he helped the government kill soulmates, and now that he's realized the error of those ways, he knows he has to tip the scales somehow. this is the right thing to do. beside him, jeongguk reaches for his hand and squeezes it. namjoon seems to notice, his grin softening before he says, "would you like to introduce yourselves?"

"oh, uh," begins yoongi, cheeks heating slightly as all attention is on them, suddenly. "sure. i'm min yoongi. this is jeon jeongguk." jeongguk waves. "we're bonded soulmates and more recently, married as well." he chuckles at the chorus of congratulations they get from the group, jeongguk squeezing his hand again. "we've been bonded for about six months and have recently been getting involved in more of these underground societies and groups. i think we both really feel the need to do what we can to help people like us, so i'm looking forward to lending a hand in this group however i can."

"we come from very different places," adds jeongguk. "but the thing that connects us above all is being soulmates. and the government doesn't have a right to do what they do to people like us. hyung and i are lucky that we have the means to live more comfortably than a lot of people, and we also have abilities that allow us to be safe. but not everyone is like that. and we want to help the people who are most vulnerable."

he's sure everyone feels the same way—this urge to do something, to help others who are in the same position. it's why they're all here, after all. and namjoon is grinning at them like he's proud. yoongi doesn't know if they'll end up being a good fit for the group, but he wants this to work. he wants to make sure no one has to live the way he's seen over the past six months.

"we're really glad to have you here," says namjoon. "you're welcome at any of our meetings and after this one, if you decide you want to become official members and be put on our list to call when we're needed and for future meetings, we can talk." he takes a sip of his coffee, letting that settle before he turns to the group at large. "let's jump in, then. firstly, i'd like to address a few concerns that have been brought up to me since our last meeting, mostly about increased police activity in a few neighbourhoods. we may need to keep an eye out and be proactive in warning known soulmate pairs about it. when was the last time we ran one of those seminars on how to keep from raising suspicion?"

jeongguk leans over to yoongi, shoulders brushing when he whispers, "we're gonna be like friendly neighbourhood spider-men." yoongi has to quickly lift his mug to his lips to keep from laughing out loud. the worst part is he's kind of right.

the meeting goes on for a little under an hour as namjoon goes over concerns he's heard, initiatives that are already underway, and asks for input from the members. for the most part, what the group does isn't anything dangerous or too serious; they help newly bonded soulmates adjust to this life, monitor suspicious police or government activity in neighbourhoods in order to warn the residents or do something more if needed, and provide personal protection services by giving their number out to bonded soulmates who might need it. most of the time those services are simple; escorting a worried soulmate somewhere, maybe even babysitting their kids for a few hours. they're certainly not the rebels, but it's what they can do as (mostly) regular citizens. they're just trying to make a difference and protect each other, which yoongi can certainly get behind.

when the meeting is over and everyone is mingling and heading out, namjoon approaches jeongguk and yoongi. "so?" he asks with a wide smile. "what do you think?"

"i loved it," says jeongguk immediately, returning that smile. "it sounds like you guys do a lot of good work and we'd love to get involved. i mean, hyung—"

"definitely," agrees yoongi. "i like what you've been doing here. if there's anything we can help with, i think we'd be up for it." it reminds him of the nagging thought he'd had throughout the meeting—the truth of just what he can do to help. for the most part when he and jeongguk have conversed with other bonded soulmates or even people who support them but aren't bonded themselves, he's kept his past a secret. the way jeongguk reacted to all of yoongi's privilege when they first met is enough of a reason, and he doesn't need a target on his back from both the government and soulmates for what he's done and what he used to believe.

but he knows how useful his past can be. and if there's one person to admit that to, it's kim namjoon. so he takes a breath and then adds, "actually, i... i think i could be of some help because of information and knowledge i have." namjoon's eyebrows rise, indicating for yoongi to go on. first, he makes sure no one is listening in, just in case, and then he says, "i used to work in the security department for the government."

he sees namjoon freeze, his entire body tensing. before he can cut in or throw the both of them out, yoongi continues: "i was born into the elite society and grew up with all of that privilege. i was taught to believe that soulmates deserve to die and i whole-heartedly believed it. i worked in a department that created and tested technologies to help the government and military track down and kill bonded soulmates. and i've left, obviously—i met jeongguk and it changed everything. it's been a long time of me realizing the truth and changing my views and rejecting that side of me, but... that knowledge is never going to go away. i don't know how much you know about what the government really does behind closed doors or how they're able to track and kill soulmates, but i have intimate knowledge of it all."

"yoongi-ssi," begin namjoon, but yoongi panics, needing to get just a little more in.

"you can kick me out if you want," he says. "i wouldn't blame you. i did terrible things and supported a system that has hurt and killed and oppressed. but i'm trying to do the right thing now that i've seen the truth and my heart has changed. and i think that i could help your organization with this information. but it's up to you, of course. i respect your decision."

it's been his fear for six months—ostracization by an already-ostracized group. to be hated by the people that he now wants to call his own, to be kept out of this life because he once believed that all of this was wrong. and the worst part is that yoongi couldn't even be upset if soulmates chose to hate him. he deserves it for what he's done and for how he's contributed to the system that oppresses and kills soulmates. but he wants the chance to make it right. he can finally use this knowledge to do good, and this might be his opportunity. but it's up to kim namjoon.

the man watches him for an agonizing minute. and then a small grin settles on namjoon's lips. "do you know why i started this organization, yoongi-ssi?" he asks. "my soulmate was a lot like you. she was born into the elite as well. she wasn't directly employed by the government, but her family ran a very wealthy and prestigious company that catered to the government. she was like you—grew up to believe one thing, hated soulmates and even the common people. but she changed her mind."

it doesn't escape yoongi that namjoon said was. "we met when we were quite young, actually, so we bonded by the time we were nineteen," he continues. "i'm sure there were organizations like this back then, but we weren't aware of them. more than that, we were—young. we were reckless. we were in love and we were superhuman and we thought that this system that sought out and murdered bonded soulmates was something that would only affect other people. we weren't smart enough to cover our tracks and keep from raising suspicion. in the end, it was her family who figured it out." namjoon rubs over his collarbone, almost absently. it must be where his soulmark is. "she's been dead for six years now. and i don't for a moment blame anyone but the government and their systems, but i can't ignore the fact that we could have protected ourselves better. if only we had known how to do so."

yoongi swallows tightly.

"there are so many people like that version of us," says namjoon. "people who don't know, people who don't understand. but also people who do know and do understand but are afraid. people who need help. i don't want another person to lose their soulmate the way i did. so i started this organization to save lives in the small ways, by spreading awareness and peace and trust. i'm doing whatever i can because i am wracked with guilt that she's gone and i'm not and i could have stopped that. so, yoongi-ssi," namjoon grins at him, reaching out to take yoongi's hand. "i would be honoured to have you and jeongguk-ssi as part of this group. whatever knowledge you can impart on us is valuable and much needed. and we can use it to save people."

he's taken aback by the sincere words, but namjoon continues. "i'm saddened that you spent so long hurting soulmates," he says, "but the point is that you turned away from that. you were faced with reality and chose not to ignore it to but change yourself for the better. you want to do better, and you can't change what you've done in the past. you can only change what you do now. so i'm very happy to have you here and to have your support. i would love for you to help."

yoongi lets out the breath he was holding, practically melting into the floor. he'd been so afraid of namjoon's reaction, but he's surprised to learn that these people who have been treated so terribly have such kindness in their hearts. namjoon, despite losing so much at a young age, still wants to help. he doesn't even hold anything against yoongi despite the fact that he very well could have developed the technology that killed his soulmate.

"thank you," he sighs. "i was worried that everyone here would hate me for what i've done."

"they won't," says namjoon. "these are good people, yoongi-ssi. they'll be glad that you're on our side now and want to help. we all come from different places and different backgrounds. you'd be surprised how many people are a lot more like you than you think." he'd never really considered it—the idea that there are other bonded soulmates out there who came from the elite society, too. of course he knew it was possible, but he'd considered himself an anomaly for so long. maybe he doesn't need to feel so alone in this.

jeongguk hooks his arm through yoongi's, a grin in his voice when he says, "we really appreciate it, namjoon-ssi. we want to help as much as we can. and i'm also really sorry about your soulmate."

"i can't change what happened," says namjoon. "but without that, i wouldn't be able to help other soulmates. i try to look for the silver living in the tragedy." he grins at the both of them. "maybe we should get together soon to talk about what you know," he adds. "i want to utilize your knowledge as soon as possible, yoongi-ssi. and i'd also be interested in getting to know the both of you as people, too."

"oh, friends!" says jeongguk. "hyung and i mostly keep to ourselves, so that'll be nice."

namjoon laughs, but it does feel like the start of another chapter in their lives. and when they leave the treehouse, heading back home, yoongi feels lighter than he has in months.

≡ ≡ ≡

something about it seems surreal—how good life is for them. they're as careful as possible, but despite all of the horror stories and the reality of how the government deals with soulmates, yoongi finds it remarkably easy to get by and to enjoy their circumstances. his job is boring, but he gets to study something he's been passionate about for his entire life and he gets to come home to a husband he loves dearly and who loves him dearly in return. on top of that, getting involved with the guardians turns out to an extremely fulfilling step.

for the most part, yoongi himself deals with intelligence. he spends hours with namjoon after their first meeting, detailing everything he can think of for the systems the government uses to deal with soulmates and how to best avoid getting caught or raising suspicion. although he hasn't been in the department for six months and thus can't comment on any recent developments, what he knows is more valuable than anything the group has learned before. he wishes he could somehow develop new technologies to actively fight against the government, but without the money, support, and facilities in his old department, it's impossible to create anything new.

the best part, perhaps, is what joining the group brings—friendship with the other guardians. for six months, jeongguk and yoongi have mostly kept to themselves out of caution and self-preservation. any of yoongi's 'friends' in the elite society have been cut out on principle and jeongguk claims to not have many friends to begin with. but finally, they've found like-minded people who are working toward the same goal as them: the protection of soulmates. all of these people have looked at the world and decided they want something more. all of them have weighed the risks and decided it was worth it to be in love with their soulmate, to live a life sacrificing one thing for another.

at first, they spend time together at the meetings only, but yoongi sees the way jeongguk watches the other couples when they make plans to hang out once in a while. putting any number of bonded soulmates together can be a risk, but perhaps it's another risk worth taking for a little happiness.

finally, after a month of meetings and working together, the group is wrapping up at the treehouse when yoongi notices jeongguk watching a few of the couples who seem to be making plans to get together for dinner. yoongi sidles up to him, backhugging him as he says, "why don't you ask to join them?"

"what, like i'm six?" asks jeongguk. "needing to be invited on a playdate with the cool kids?"

"you want to be friends with them, don't you?"

jeongguk hesitates. "it's not that i don't like when it's just the two of us, but—"

"there's nothing wrong with having friends, jeongguk," laughs yoongi. he kisses the back of jeongguk's neck. "and we've finally found people who are on our side and are willing to fight for what we deserve. of course you want to hang out with them." he'd never really taken jeongguk as someone who was shy around new people, but he's learned since being with jeongguk that he can be shy and he's truly an introvert. he manages to hide any of his insecurities about being around people, especially new ones, with a boisterous attitude toward what he's fighting for. it's easy to be brave in the face of an injustice he's been fighting for his entire life, and since he tended to turn away potential new friends in his teenage years because of that attitude, he doesn't necessarily know how to act with people who are now on the same playing field as him.

it's impossibly endearing. yoongi has seen jeongguk fight tooth and nail for what he believes in, rant passionately for hours about injustice and oppression, even physically fight someone just the other week who got aggressive with a shop owner who had turned them away due to suspicious activity. but here he is, unsure how to approach a group of people and ask if he can get dinner with them, too.

yoongi pokes jeongguk's bellybutton. "just ask," he says. "i have to stay behind and help namjoon with some stuff, anyway. you go with them and we'll meet back at home and you can tell me all about your playdate."

jeongguk groans, but he unhooks yoongi's arms from around him, turns around to kiss yoongi, and then says, "don't have too much fun without me."

later, when the others have left and it's only yoongi and namjoon in the treehouse, they sit around namjoon's tiny dining room table with the files of information they've been collecting. recently, yoongi has been digging through his old files that he stole from work before leaving the department, explaining to namjoon how some of his own inventions work and how to best avoid being caught with them. for the most part, his own work was used against rebels, but it's always best to be prepared. it was jeongguk's idea to make little pamphlets to hand out to bonded soulmate pairs with information about the different technologies the government uses to track down soulmates and how best to avoid them. it's a work in progress.

the two of them go over one of yoongi's last creations, making notes to put into their pamphlets. looking back on his work always puts yoongi in a strange mood, remembering what he did and believed for so many years of his life. he finds himself reflecting on the past year or so of knowing and being with jeongguk, how much has changed in such a short amount of time.

when namjoon calls for a break, pouring them both fresh cups of coffee, yoongi asks, "did you ever resent her? your soulmate. because she was born into an elite family and had believed such terrible things before she met you."

namjoon's back is to him and he hesitates before turning around, expression measured. in the past month of being part of this group, yoongi has learned about the other members—some of them were born into elite society like him, too. it makes him feel less alone, but he already understands their feelings. it's the other side that he wants to understand, too, and although he knows jeongguk would never lie to him, he's still biased.

and he trusts namjoon.

"sometimes," admits namjoon, returning to the table and sitting across from yoongi. "at first, it was a lot more. for so long, i'd resented the elite as a whole because they were given everything while people like me were given nothing. as i learned about her and she began to change her mind, that went away because i realized she was just human underneath it all. but..." he laughs, although it's mirthless. "even after, when we'd been together for a few years, i'd find myself resenting her once in a while. it was always against my will. but no matter how we met in the middle, there were still differences between us that never went away."

"i worry that jeongguk is the same," says yoongi. "when we were first met, we fought all the time about that kind of stuff—the differences, the injustices. and i see that now, i really do. we're on the same side. but i know he feels guilty about feeling like he's abandoned his parents and his people because we're able to live in a nicer house and we wouldn't need to work at all since i have enough money just sitting around."

"i don't think you're ever going to get rid of that entirely. you are different. you'll never be able to change the fact that you started on entirely different ends of the spectrum."

"it's just odd, even now," says yoongi. "i feel... happy. even as a bonded soulmate at risk from the government, even having to hide and be careful and have so much of my life changed, this seems easier than i thought it would be."

"we grow up with the horror stories," says namjoon. "growing up, you believed bonding with your soulmate was worthy of death so of course it's ingrained in you to expect all of this to be awful. for me and jeongguk, we only knew fear. and yes, i am constantly afraid. i don't even have my soulmate anymore, but that bond is still there. i still have my powers. i'm still at risk. but even when she was alive, i realized that on both sides of the issue, everyone forgets that there is a lot more to life than what the government thinks of us."

yoongi nods. "i forgot to think about the every day stuff," he agrees. "most of the time, i'm just hanging out with jeongguk. if we leave the house, we have to be careful and we have to think about what services we're using and who we're talking to. but we're just... together. we're just in love and happy together. i underestimated how much more i would love being with jeongguk than i would hate having to deal in underground societies."

maybe it's different for namjoon now; he still has to live the life of a hunted soulmate but he doesn't have his soulmate to soften the blow or make it worth it. and surely there are bonded soulmates who have lost their other half and give themselves up, integrating back into society somehow. but namjoon has chosen to take life the way it is, to deal with the pain so that he can help others.

it's not surprising, then, when namjoon adds, "don't let that make you lower your guard, though. i've seen it before—bonded soulmates who are prepared for the worst because that's what they've been taught and then they find that it's really not that bad, or not that difficult to deal with this life. then they get careless and sloppy. and then they die."

yoongi swallows tightly.

"i'm not saying you need to be afraid every second of your life, hyung," namjoon says, "but you're smart. jeongguk is smart. i know you two can strike a balance between it. life may seem brighter now because it's not as dark as you expected it to be, but don't sugar coat it. we're still being hunted. we still can't have normal lives, nothing compared to the life you had before. we are still at war, and our enemy doesn't, for one second, let their guard down. so you can't, either."

it feels almost appropriate, then, that later that month, yoongi realizes he's being tailed.

he and jeongguk have been steadily getting more and more involved with the guardians, as well as a few other underground societies and programs they've heard about through the grapevine. after the first time jeongguk went out with the other couples from the group, he was elated with all of them and made sure yoongi came along the next time and then suddenly, between one meeting and the next, yoongi had a bunch of new friends. meeting at each other's houses for drinks or games, texting and calling each other to stay up to date and make sure the others are safe, having inside jokes.

it's surreal. but yoongi likes it.

then, he's heading across the river to meet jeongguk and a few of the couples at someone's house after his shift at work when he suddenly becomes aware of someone following him. he's wearing a cap and face mask to hide most of his face, as usual, and he knows that he blends into the surprisingly crowded street—it's the weekend and the sun is out—but he knows. yoongi is being watched.

he stops before the bridge over the river, pulling out his phone to pretend to take photos of the water. instead, he's using it to see over his shoulder without looking suspicious. sure enough, there's a woman that has stopped on the other side of the street, turned slightly toward him. her clothes are far too expensive for this area of town, but that's not what makes her stand out most—it's the way she keeps leaning away from anyone who passes by her, like she can't stand to be touched by the common people.

it's what yoongi used to do.

it's not impossible to find someone of the elite society in these parts of town, but it's certainly unusual, especially if they're just standing around. when the elite pass through the poorer parts of the city, they do so with a one track mind—to get in and out, to not touch anything or anyone, to not have to be confronted with the reality of the situation for longer than necessary.

yoongi doesn't know who she is; from here, he can't make out her face in his camera. it's likely she's just a police officer or special agent sent out to tail suspicious people, but it could be someone from his department. the last thing he needs is to be recognized. the fact that he's being tailed at all is worrisome, since he's done his best to fly under the radar, but maybe it's catching up to him now.

he curses himself now, remembering how he came straight from work. even when he worked in the security department, it wasn't uncommon for the government to send tails after their employees just to check up on them, to make sure they weren't doing anything worthy of being reported. this woman might not think he's a bonded soulmate, but he has to make sure that he doesn't lead her right to jeongguk and the others.

yoongi pockets his phone, making his way onto the bridge. when he glances back just slightly, as though watching the sun over the water on the other side of the bridge, he notes the woman immediately begins walking too. definitely following him.

he begins winding through different streets, leading in the opposite direction that he's supposed to go. staying at a leisurely pace so not to tip the woman off that he knows he's being followed, he turns this way and that as he winds further into different alleys and then begins slowing down, taking the turns more slowly. at last, when he finds a street more or less empty, he stops and takes out his phone again, pretending to look at something on it and then up at the buildings, then down again, turning back halfway before he runs a hand over the back of his neck in a hopeful signal of stress.

then he turns and quickly begins making his way back the way he came. when the woman doesn't have time to hide or get out of the way, yoongi finally looks her in the eye and then, taking in her clothing and out of place appearance, lets out a loud sigh. "are you lost, too?" he asks.

the woman seems taken aback by his words, opening and then closing her mouth with no response.

"sorry, it's just—everyone else around here is... you know," he tilts his head a little, and then gesturing between the two of them, adds, "we seem to be more alike. i don't exactly feel comfortable asking one of them for advice or directions, so i apologize for picking you out of a crowd, but you know how it is." saying those words makes yoongi sick to his stomach. but he has to pretend not to belong here, has to pretend that absolutely nothing is wrong.

he could easily turn the woman away by using his ability, but he has no idea what kind of tracking devices she has on her. if he uses his ability, it could trigger something that she's carrying and give him away. instead, he has to do this the logical way. he has to pretend to be that elite bastard jeongguk met a year ago.

"no need to apologize," the woman finally says. "i do sympathize."

"of course," laughs yoongi. "i could tell immediately you're someone to be trusted. you don't smell like... well. trash."

the woman laughs. god, she's actually delighted by his comments.

"anyway," says yoongi, before she can question him, knowing that he has to keep control of the conversation to steer her suspicion away. "my parents sent me on an errand for them and i have no idea where i am. you didn't hear it from me, but my mother's favourite dressmaker is one of them. it's hilarious how they'll take severe underpayment simply because it's payment at all. and if my mother wanted to, she could send that dressmaker to an early grave, so there have been no complaints at all." he laughs again, trying not to make it sound fake. the worst part is that he's not actually telling much of a lie. his mother did love a dressmaker who lived and worked in the poor part of the city, and she did abuse them terribly because she knew she could get away with it.

now he steps toward the woman, holding up his phone. "do you happen to know where stitch by stitch is? she said i should take a right off of forty-three, but i fear i might have done so too early."

"i don't, sorry," she says. "i'm not familiar with this area myself."

"that's alright, i'll just have to call her," sighs yoongi. "god knows she'll be upset with me if i don't get back for her dinner party and—fuck, i'm already late. you'll have to excuse me." he opens his phone, pretending to dial his mother's number before holding the phone to his ear, offering the woman an apologetic smile before stepping around her.

the moment he hears her begin to speak to him, probably wanting to ask him a question or start a conversation that will answer her questions about tailing him, he says, "hello, mom? yes, i'm getting—i'm getting it, calm down. your instructions were a little convoluted, unfortunately, and i seem to have gotten lost..." he keeps walking, leaving the woman behind and not turning around as he does so.

he knows that he can't go where he was meant to, in case she continues to tail him. he doesn't know if he's done enough to throw her off, especially if she does have reason to be suspicious and isn't merely doing a routine check up on government employees. either way, he continues a fake conversation on his phone as he heads back the way he came, waiting until he gets to the bridge again before he pauses and turns to scan the street behind him for a sign of the woman.

when he doesn't see her, yoongi lets out a very long and shaky breath. he didn't want to admit it earlier, but his heart is pounding in his ears now at a close call. of course, he knew that he wasn't immune to the government tracking him. but it's harrowing to be reminded of their control so readily. perhaps the honeymoon phase of being a bonded soulmate is finally coming to an end, reality once again setting in.

when the woman doesn't appear for another two minutes of yoongi waiting by the bridge, he finally starts across it, heading home. this time when he pulls out his phone, he makes a real call—to jeongguk, explaining, apologizing. this has to be their wake up call that that namjoon is right: they can't let anything cloud their judgement. they are still at war. just because neither of them is on the front lines doesn't mean they can relax.

≡ ≡ ≡

"but i'm serious, she was getting so upset that her face was turning red and then it just started on fire and i thought she was going to burn her skin right off!" yoongi chuckles at the story being told, even more so at the fact that the storyteller is having a hard time getting the words out with how hard she's laughing, too. they've all gathered in yoongi and jeongguk's living room, several bottles of wine deep between the seven of them, and jeongguk is half sitting in yoongi's lap, apparently interested in physical closeness even with all of their friends around.

"i didn't look like that," exclaims one of the women, dahye, as her wife minsoo tries to mimic what she looked like in the story. jeongguk keeps laughing so hard that he throws his head back and almost topples sideways, so yoongi has a firm grip with an arm around his waist to keep him from flailing all over the place. he loses control of his limbs when he gets drunk.

as yoongi watches the little group, he can't help feeling that he's extraordinarily lucky. despite the dangers, those of which he's been reminded about more recently, there are so many wonderful things to be grateful for in this hidden life—the first of which are his friends. tonight, he and jeongguk have invited five of them over, two other couples and namjoon, enjoying a dinner and evening together. yoongi has never had this before. despite having given up so much wealth and privilege, he feels like this is a much better life after all.

he finds himself watching jeongguk giggle as the arguing wives continue trying to hash out the true story of how they discovered their abilities after they bonded. daehye can start her body on fire, and although now she can control how large the flames are and which part of her body is on fire, at first that was hard. apparently she burned a lot of good clothing that way.

when jeongguk flops over from laughter again, yoongi finally hauls him off of his lap, making sure jeongguk is sitting on the sofa properly before leaning over and kissing his cheek. "having fun?" he asks.

"this was such a good idea, hyung," sighs jeongguk.

"having friends over?"

"you and me. can't believe you didn't want to be my soulmate at first." it's embarrassing to remember those first weeks and months when yoongi had been so stuck in his own ways that he had failed to notice what a gift jeongguk was. he's come so far from that, but it wasn't so long ago that he had been closed to everything about this.

yoongi kisses jeongguk's cheek again. "you were too cute to ignore in the end."

"alright, alright," it's a new voice—namjoon, who is sitting on the floor on the other side of the room, a half empty bottle of wine clutched in his hands. "lovebirds over there. newlyweds."

"it's been two months already," seoyeon, slumped over the coffee table, calls.

"that's what i'm saying," says namjoon. "shouldn't you be over the disgusting pda and everything?"

jeongguk sticks his tongue out at namjoon, which makes yoongi laugh and feel the need to kiss him again—also to spite the rest of their friends, who all make groaning noises. they are the newest couple among them all, though. some of the people in their group have been bonded for ten years already, amazingly. yoongi can't wait until he and jeongguk are that deep, too, even deeper if they can make it. ten years is considered a miracle by most soulmates, though, considering the track record with the government managing to off soulmates. the longer someone is bonded, the more likely they are to be killed even with the precaution, merely because they've been exposed to the outside world longer.

"let them be cute and disgusting," jinyoung pipes up, poking seoyeon. "they're in love. and love is a beautiful thing."

"just because all of you have become bitter and jaded with the state of the world," says yoongi. he laughs when someone throws a gum wrapper at him, ducking out of the way. "i'm bitter and jaded too, it's fine. he just makes me happy."

yoongi catches namjoon's eye. there's something sad about his grin and yoongi can't help wondering if he's thinking of his own soulmate, gone for so many years now. this could be him—should be him. but that's why they do what they do, trying to protect those who want to be able to make it past ten fucking years of being together.

"in all honesty, though," yoongi adds, sobering for a moment. "i really am happy. it's weird because we're all in pretty shit positions and we're treated like dirt by so many, but there are things to be grateful for. that's what the past eight months of being bonded with jeongguk has taught me. there is always something yellow."

jeongguk turns to look at him, grin slow and drunk and so full of love.

"how about a toast?" yoongi asks, reaching for his wine glass and holding it up. the others follow suit, this ragtag army of soulmates who want more. who want better. but who are making the most of what they are given anyway. "to good friends and good wine."

jeongguk laughs. "to having hope even when everything feels desperately hopeless."

around the room they go, giving their well wishes and toasts—to a better today and a better tomorrow.

"to a future where we are allowed to be who we want to be with who we want to be with."

"to happiness in the little things, like laughter and love and finding money in your coat pockets."

"to feeling stronger together."

"to looking at a world that hates us and choosing to love in return."

at last, the toast comes to namjoon. he's still watching yoongi, but he raises the bottle he has when he finishes with, "to those who have come before us and have gone before us. may we fight for them. may we make the world better for the ones they could have become."

yoongi nods, lifting his glass a little higher. they drink together. the wine is warm all the way into the pit of yoongi's stomach. he wants to be warm forever, wants to feel like this forever—so loved and full of sunshine. full of yellow.

jeongguk leans over and whispers, "namjoon-hyung's gonna spill that all over himself in like two minutes."

"think he deserves it?" yoongi asks.

jeongguk giggles. "it would be kind of funny."

yeah, yoongi thinks. he'd like to stay like this for a while longer.

/

"jeongguk-ah, we're gonna be late!" yoongi calls, checking his watch for the fifth time in a minute. no matter how often he looks at the time, though, it never goes backwards or shows a better trajectory for the two of them. technically they're already late, but they have a small grace period before it becomes a true issue.

"hold on!" jeongguk calls from deeper in the house. yoongi has been standing by the front door with his shoes and coat on for near five minutes now, waiting. "i can't find my sketchbook!"

"why do you need that, anyway? we're going to an official guardian meeting."

"namjoonie-hyung wanted me to sho—oh, there it is!"

yoongi resists checking the time for the sixth time that minute, instead listening to the sounds of jeongguk hurriedly getting ready and then clomping down the stairs with his jacket half on, sketchbook clutched in his hands. other than his paintings that litter their house, he's taken to designing tattoos for their friends and friends of friends. namjoon must be looking to get some work done if he asked jeongguk to bring his ideas and sketches.

jeongguk is all bright eyes and brighter smiles when he gets to the front door, stopping to kiss yoongi before he pulls on his shoes. "sorry," he says. "they'll forgive us for being late. jinyoung and seoyeon were late last week."

"jinyoung and seoyeon have a toddler to deal with," yoongi says. "what's our excuse?"

"you were distracted by how plush my ass is?"

yoongi rolls his eyes, but he can't help the fond laugh he gives as jeongguk finally finishes readying himself and yoongi pulls open the door. the sun has already set, but with increased police presence in namjoon's neighbourhood, they've moved their group meetings until after sunset in hopes of being able to move without attracting attention. they've also decided to rotate their meeting spaces, in case someone is watching the treehouse.

tonight, they're meeting in a public space, an abandoned restaurant deep in the underground district that is now used mostly for things like this. it'll take them a good fifteen minutes to get there, and as yoongi checks the time again, he sees the meeting will be starting now. he sighs, pulling out his phone to text an apology to namjoon and to let him know that they are coming, just running late.

"i'm driving this time, hyung," says jeongguk as he steps out onto the driveway. "you think there will be any cops around to catch me not having an official license?"

"jeongguk, you drive like a fucking maniac," yoongi mutters as he types out a quick text to namjoon, but before he can hit send, his screen changes to show he has an incoming call. it's from namjoon.

with a click of his tongue, yoongi answers. "joon-ah!" he calls immediately. "i'm so sorry; we're just lea—"

"hyung!" namjoon practically screams into the phone, the panic so evident in his voice that it physically startles yoongi, who freezes with his eyes watching jeongguk still walking toward the car. "oh my god, yoongi—yoongi-hyung, they—they just—it's gone!"

"what?" yoongi asks. "hold on, namjoon, what are you saying? are you okay?"

namjoon makes a noise like a choked sob. "i don't know how they—how they found out, but it's gone, they're all still under there. hyung, hyung, you have to—oh my fucking god."

"namjoon, take a deep breath for me. can you do that?"

"hyung?" asks jeongguk, picking up on the fact that something is wrong.

"namjoon?" over the phone, namjoon is sobbing again. static fills the background of the call, and yoongi holds the phone closer, trying to make out the words that namjoon is saying. "hey, namjoon, what's going on? we'll be right there—"

"no!" namjoon shrieks. "no, hyung, you can't—they might be watching, they might... fuck, it hurts. oh god. hyung, this is all my fault."

"what's going on?" jeongguk asks, returning to his side, and yoongi shakes his head, impossibly confused as he switches his phone to speaker so jeongguk can hear as well. the sounds of namjoon crying unintelligible words into the phone magnify that way, making jeongguk jerk back at the sounds. "namjoon-hyung? this is jeongguk. are you okay?"

"what's your fault, joon?" asks yoongi. "i can't understand what you're saying."

"here, let me..." mutters jeongguk, reaching out to touch the phone. yoongi watches his face as he closes his eyes, likely trying to predict where the conversation will end up going so that he can speed up the process. but as namjoon sobs into the phone again, jeongguk gasps and snatches his hand back, eyes snapping open as a look of horror passes over his face.

"what?" he asks. "jeongguk, what do you know?"

in the end, namjoon and jeongguk end up saying it together, twin words with namjoon's voice breaking on a sob and jeongguk's full of disbelief: "they're dead."

yoongi stares. "who?"

"the others," whispers jeongguk. "seoyeon and jinyoung and dahye and minsoo and—and all of them. all of the guardians. everyone at the meeting."

"i don't know how they found out," namjoon says, collecting himself enough to get the words out. "but they did, hyung. they blew up the fucking building with everyone inside."

(when yoongi was eighteen, he was brought to the security department for the first time. his parents had set up a tour and a meeting with the department head, since he'd shown great interest in joining the team ever since his brother had died two years earlier. part of the department was just a large office space with desks, desktops, conference rooms. but then there were the labs—where the inventors actually created their gadgets and toys, testing them out, experimenting.

that day, someone had been testing out a prototype for a device that could cause a bonded soulmate's superhuman ability to falter, which would render them completely normal and quite useless against someone trying to capture or kill them. it would be another four years before that kind of device was used in the field, albeit not very well since it was always a tricky thing.

but on that day, yoongi stood outside of the lab, staring through the glass at the woman working on her machine. beside him stood the man who was to become his boss, much older and more accomplished. they had the same anger, though. that's what made yoongi fit in so well at the department.

"do you know why the rebels and soulmates will never succeed in their pitiful attempts to overtake the government, son?" the man asked.

yoongi looked up at him, shaking his head.

"because they dare to have hope," he said. "because no matter how many times we beat them back, beat them down, they will always be foolish enough to believe there will come a time when they can live in peace. they will always want to pretend that they live in a world without us. they will always let their guard down, fooling themselves into thinking they are safe."

yoongi turned back to the labs, watching the woman inside hold a gun-like weapon up to the test dummy on the other side of the room. with a bang, she shot.

the dart hit the dummy right between the eyes.

"that's when we have our greatest chance of victory," the man said. "the moment they hope, we've already won. those soulmates practically kill themselves for us.")

yoongi almost drops his phone. all at once, the world narrows down to this one moment and namjoon's static voice over the phone and jeongguk's horrified face staring at him as they both try to understand what they are being told.

they're dead. they blew up the fucking building.

they had hope and now they're dead. for months now, yoongi has been waiting for the other shoe to drop; something about this soulmate life was too easy. they always got by. and he had begun to believe that he'd simply been prepared for the worst and ended up pleasantly surprised when they weren't being hunted down every day of his life. he had begun to believe that maybe things weren't as bad as everyone believed them to be for bonded soulmates.

now—

"we have to go," says jeongguk. then, louder: "hyung, are you still there? we're coming to get you."

"no!" namjoon shouts. "no, they might come back. they might get you too.my leg is broken, i—i think, but don't come. please, god, don't—"

"namjoon, we have to help you," says yoongi. "and they might still be—" he swallows. they might still be alive under the rubble.

"oh god. oh god, yoongi-hyung."

"jeongguk?" yoongi asks. jeongguk nods, closing his eyes as he searches the future for the answer they're looking for. it's harder for him to get solid knowledge about the future of an event when he isn't there to physically touch what will be affected, but it's also the future of yoongi, and he's best at prediction when the future involves yoongi.

either way, it only takes ten seconds before he's opening his eyes and saying, "we'll be fine. they're not coming back, hyung."

yoongi is already halfway to the car, digging the keys out of his pocket. but his hands won't stop shaking; he fumbles them, dropping them on the ground and cursing as he does so. namjoon is still on the other line, crying quietly, and yoongi is so shaken that he doesn't know what to do. their friends—their friends. they'd been so stupid. the whole point of their organization was to protect against this, and now they're just—dead—

"i've got it," says jeongguk, taking the keys from yoongi and pausing only to squeeze his hand. yoongi breathes in deep and then nods, getting into the passenger side as he begins to speak to namjoon again, trying to calm him with reassurances meant as much for namjoon as for himself.

the street is a mess when they arrive. it's in an abandoned part of the neighbourhood to begin with, but anyone who might have been drawn in by the explosion has already gone, probably fearful that whoever did this will return, just as namjoon was. a lone streetlight illuminates the wreckage, the dust having settled so they can see everything. the old restaurant has been blown apart and collapsed in on itself, huge chunks of wood and concrete scattered across the street. part of the buildings next to it have caved in as well, damage done to the buildings across the street by flying debris. it's a huge pile of rubble, dust and dirt and smoldering flame.

namjoon has pulled himself across the street, leaning against one of the buildings there. indeed his leg is twisted at an unnatural angle, but the rest of him doesn't fare much better; he's bleeding from several places on his head and there are already dark bruises forming over his arms between several shallow lacerations. but he's alive. at least he's alive.

yoongi stands before the rubble and stares. it's almost taller than his head, these remains of a building he's been in so many times before. he and jeongguk were supposed to be here tonight, too. they were supposed to be in that building when it blew and collapsed, and if it hadn't been for jeongguk delaying them by getting ready, they would be—

"what happened, hyung?" asks jeongguk quietly. it doesn't feel right to speak any louder.

"we were just—just there," says namjoon. "everyone was there. we were waiting for you two to arrive so we could start, but someone was talking about having things to do later so we should just start without you. i offered to call you to find out when you'd arrive, so i came outside to do that. and then it just—it just blew up. i think i got knocked out for a few minutes, because i woke up and the building was gone. and i knew. it was them." them. the government. the government did this. somehow, they found out a group of bonded soulmates would be meeting here at this time and they planted a fucking bomb in the building to do away with all of them.

just minutes ago, all of yoongi's friends were sitting around a table in that building and laughing and talking and waiting for him and jeongguk to show up. and now they're just—under there. they're still under there.

yoongi leans over and throws up. all it does is add to the mess.

when he straights up, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, yoongi shudders in a breath and says, "they could still be under there. they could still be alive." he stumbles forward, over the first few blocks of rubble. he grabs the first few rocks and chunks, tossing them aside as he begins to dig. "they could be—here. they could be alive. they have to be alive." he heaves, digging harder. he grabs at the rubble and debris, throwing it aside as he becomes determined to dig their friends out, to find that they're still alive and breathing under all of this, that they're fine. that they will be fine.

"hyung," jeongguk begins from behind him, but yoongi shakes his head, grabbing at a particularly large piece of concrete and lugging it aside, breathing hard with exertion.

"they're still alive," he says, deciding it has to be so—and he pushes himself into it, all of his power and superhuman ability. he can manipulate probability. and now he's going to change the probability of their friends being dead. they are alive, he thinks. they're alive. they're alive they're alive they're alive—

"yoongi-hyung," says jeongguk, a little louder.

"no," says yoongi, sniffing. he didn't realize he'd begun crying, but then he sees tears fall before him, hitting the pieces of rock and brick and wood that he's digging through. "they're alive! i can change it—i can change the probability that they're dead. and i say that probability is zero." he wipes hastily at his eyes, digging harder and harder, and his fingers hurt; they slip, cutting his hands on the sharp edges of the cement, but he only hisses as pain blooms there and then continues, determined to find them alive, he has to find them alive, they have to be alive—

"hyung, stop." he feels hands on him, but yoongi shakes them off, grabbing another chunk of rubble and tossing it aside. "yoongi, please. you can't change it. they're gone, okay? it's no use."

"you don't know that!" yoongi shouts, grabbing at a huge piece of concrete. it's too heavy for him to lift, but he tries anyway, gritting his teeth as he becomes determined to move it, because one of them might be just under it and they'll be alive and if he can just move this fucking rock, then he can save them, he can make this right—

"yoongi-hyung, they're dead!" jeongguk shouts, and the blood on yoongi's hands makes them slick, so he loses his grip on the rubble. he stumbles back with the force, tripping over another rock behind him. he goes down hard, staring at the pile of rubble before him now stained with his own blood. yoongi breathes hard. the image blurs before him, tears overwhelming him.

softly, jeongguk adds, "your powers don't work that way, hyung. you can't bring someone back from the dead."

"i thought you couldn't see someone's future. how can you know they're really gone?" when he wipes at his eyes, he knows he's smearing blood on his face. but it allows him to see jeongguk looking at him with tears on his own cheeks. it allows him to see jeongguk take a deep breath and then crouch down, putting a hand on the rubble.

after some time, he says, "if you keep digging, you just dig and dig and dig until your fingers are raw and bleeding. and you swallow so much dust and dirt that it makes you throw up. and you never find them alive."

yoongi takes a deep breath. and then another. it never makes any of this go away. he can't stop thinking about hope, about weakness. about those soulmates practically kill themselves for us. their friends are dead. his friends are dead. because they dared to hope, dared to love, dared to want to have more than a life filled with fear and oppression and loneliness. and it's not fair. none of this is fair. he doesn't care how the government found out, what devices they used to seek these soulmates out. all that matters is that they did. and now nine people are dead. nine humans are dead, just because they chose to love their soulmates rather than let the rule of a tyrannical government keep them complacent and afraid and small.

they refused to be small. and now they aren't anything at all.

from behind him, namjoon says, "this is my fault. i brought all of them together to protect each other, to protect soulmates as a whole, and now they're dead. i couldn't even protect them."

"it's not your fault, hyung," says jeongguk.

"i started the guardians because the government killed my soulmate," says namjoon. "and now i've just led nine people to their deaths. this wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been for me."

"this wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been for the government, namjoon," says yoongi. he's still staring at the last rock he tried to move, his bloody handprints stark against the grey of the concrete. "you didn't do this. they did. let's not forget who the enemy is."

"but i should have been able to protect them."

"if it's your fault," says jeongguk, "then it's mine, too."

yoongi's eyes shift to his.

"what good is being able to predict the fucking future if i couldn't predict this? if i couldn't save them when it mattered most?"

"jeongguk," yoongi begins.

"for almost a fucking year now, i've used this ability for the stupidest things. playing pranks, having a laugh. and when this ability could have saved them, where was i? how couldn't i have seen this?"

"jeongguk, you couldn't have known. you had no reason to predict this night."

"but i should have—"

"then is it my fault somehow, too?" snaps yoongi. he's angry now. not at them—at the situation, at the world. he pulls himself to his feet, ignoring the pain in his hands, and looks between jeongguk and namjoon. "for years i worked in a department that made things like this possible. maybe they used one of the devices i created to track us down. maybe i killed them, in a way."

"don't be ridiculous, hyung," says jeongguk. "even if they used your creation, you weren't the one who killed them."

"and neither were you," he says. he points to namjoon. "and neither were you. none of us killed them. but you know who did?" yoongi's mouth trembles, hands curling into fists before he points at the pile of rubble under which their friends have lost their lives. "they didn't deserve this. and i'm angry about it. i'm angry because they were just trying to live. why is being in love such a threat?"

oh, he knows why. yoongi has lived on both sides of it now. he's been raised to believe one thing, has learned to believe another in the past year and a half. he's condoned the treatment of soulmates; he's been disgusted with the treatment of soulmates. he's loved it. he's hated it.

for four months, he's done what he could to protect soulmates just trying to live a normal life, because he's a soulmate just trying to live a normal life. for years before that, it was the very opposite. and no matter what side of the fight he was on, yoongi never truly understood the rebels. he never truly understood why or how anyone could put themselves on the front line of this fight, could risk life and limb for the future of soulmates and the common people alike like that.

he couldn't understand what made someone want that.

but now.

yoongi gets it.

it's not that they want it. it's that the anger within them is so volatile and boiling and aching that they have no other choice. oh, yoongi gets it now.

he wants blood. they have taken from him one of the only sacred things in this world. they have taken innocent people who chose to love rather than fear, and who were hiding that love to protect themselves. they have taken love itself.

it's not until later, when jeongguk and yoongi have brought namjoon to one of the underground hospitals to get his leg treated by soulmates with healing abilities, when they're both sitting outside of the operation room, legs pressed together from the chairs they're in, staring at the other side of the hallway, that yoongi says it.

"we have to do something." his voice is flat, nearly dead. it's all he can do to mask the anger that has wakened within him.

the hallway is so quiet that yoongi can hear jeongguk swallow. "like what?"

"you said—what's the point in being able to predict the future if you couldn't save them. and we can't save them. but we can save others. i spent years helping them, but they made this personal. i can't stand by and let this go on anymore."

he can tell jeongguk is looking at him, studying his profile. for months, it was enough to do the little things. to spread awareness, to escort scared soulmates around the neighbourhood. to hide. it's so easy to hide, yoongi realizes. it's easy to sit in their house, bought with the government's money, and to go to work for the government, and to keep their heads down when they see someone who doesn't fit in and might be suspicious. it's so easy to pretend that they are the lucky ones.

but that's not how this works. months ago, namjoon told him not to forget that they are at war. for too long, yoongi and jeongguk have been idle. for too long, they've pretended that if they can just keep their heads down, they can live forever.

tonight has reminded yoongi that they can't. they never could.

"what are you suggesting?" asks jeongguk.

yoongi flexes his hand against his knee, the one where he should be wearing a wedding ring. yet he can't, because it would be too suspicious. but yoongi is so fucking tired of playing by the rules. he's so tired of hiding, of trying to work from within the system. he's pretended that being a bonded soulmate is enough, but it's not—not when the government is killing his friends. not when the government is killing anyone at all.

"jeongguk," he says, and then he turns his gaze to jeongguk's eyes. in them, he sees that jeongguk already knows. but he says it anyway, because saying it makes it true, because words have power, because this time he's not taking it back—"i want to join the rebels."

if they do this, everything will change. if they take a stand, everything will change. they will be known enemies of the government, constantly hunted. the government will try to take their lives every day. they will have to hide—really hide, leave their home and their friends and their families behind. they will be outlaws. there will be nothing and no one to protect them except for themselves. they will fight on the front lines.

and they may die.

but it will be worth it to fight for a world where this never has to happen again. to fight for a world where there are no elite and no common people, no rich and no poor, no divide and no hatred and no oppression. just... yellow.

and yoongi knows it's a lot to ask of jeongguk. but in those eyes, yoongi sees that jeongguk has known it would lead here.

and perhaps he's just been waiting for yoongi's heart to change, as he has waited before.

when they first met, it took weeks for jeongguk to convince yoongi to become friends at all. when they bonded, it took confessions and reassurances to be confident that the future could be theirs to enjoy together.

but this—this takes a single word.

i want to join the rebels.

jeongguk looks at him and says, "okay."

yoongi almost grins. there will be green—with newness and growth and life. there will be yellow—with courage and faith and hope.

but first, there will be red.

red with love. red with anger. red with revolution.