Jin freezes, keys still dangling in the doorknob as he stands staring through the entrance to his own home.

"What are you doing?"

"Go away, I'm on a date," Taehyung says moodily from Jin's dining room table, his face thrown into disconcerting shadows from the candlelight of the single burning candle on the table.

"No," Jin corrects him, sounding concerned now. "You are eating a hot pocket, pantless in my dining room and apparently having a conversation with your computer."

"I found Jimin's YouTube channel," Taehyung says simply. "After I shat my pants at how many subscribers he has, I binged for 13 hours and finally decided to take a food break. Now I'm having dinner with bae."

"Should I be concerned right now?" Jin asks, tentatively stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him.

"No," Taehyung clicks his tongue in annoyance, reaching across the table to pause Jimin's tutorial video. "I do not actually think I'm on a date, Jin. I'm just practicing for when it inevitably happens. Easing myself into it. He's a lot to handle. And also I like looking at his face when I eat. Aids my digestion."

"That is not true."

"Literally doctor's orders."

"You know, you say that a lot, but there is no way in hell an actual doctor is telling you these things," Jin says skeptically, slinging his bag down on the ground.

"It's one of those telephone doctors my company provides for us as part of our benefit package. When I got that allergic reaction to peanut butter on my nuts, I just texted him a photo of the rash, and I got a prescription for medical marijuana. It was awesome." He takes another bite of his hot pocket and turns back to the screen. "Now if you'll excuse me, I was just about to watch Jimin's video on tucking." He glances back at Jin with a proud look. "Which I have recently discovered is not about shirts."

"Fine, whatever. I'll leave you to your... date," Jin sighs, shuffling over to the kitchen to start making dinner. "Any chance you're going to see real Jimin any time soon?"

Taehyung shifts in his seat. "Um. Probably. I have his number."

"And you haven't texted him yet?" Jin asks in disbelief.

He shifts uncomfortably, his upper thigh un-sticking painfully from the chair. "I'm... no."

"Text him, then!"

"Right now?" Taehyung asks, the panic evident in his voice.

"Yes, right now! You don't want to leave a hottie like that hanging. Not when they're that far out of your league. Believe me, I know from experience."

"When did you leave somebody hanging?"

Jin tilts his head to one side like he can't believe what he's hearing. "I am obviously the hottie in this scenario, you bitch. How could you say something like that to me?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Taehyung pouts, sliding his phone towards him on the table. "Fuck, you really think I should text him?"

"Yes, like asap. You know how many people are probably pursuing him as we speak?"

"Fine." Taehyung picks up his phone and opens his messaging app, typing a simple 'Hello' into the text box, finger hovering over the 'send' button. He stares at the screen, unblinking, for a solid 30 seconds before he is groaning in frustration. "I can't do this, Jin!"

"Yes you can. Just close your eyes and press send," Jin assures him kindly.

Taehyung takes a deep breath, then mashes his fingers down on the screen where he estimates the 'send' button must be. Then he presses down once more, for good measure, just to make sure it went through. He peeks his eyes open to look at Jin again. "I did it!"

"Good job," Jin praises him flatly as he chops vegetables.

"Yeah," he says, exhaling in relief, shoulders relaxing as his eyes find the screen once more. "Yeah I did. You know it was JIN I SENT HIM A PICTURE OF MY NUT RASH."

After he has purchased a new phone and changed his number, he tries again.

Me // 9:55pm: hi this is kim taehyung

Minnie // 10:05pm: lolll

Minnie // 10:05pm: hello this is park jimin

Me // 10:06pm: wow did you give me your actual number???

Minnie // 10:11pm: of course?

Me // 10:13pm: oh don't act surprised, I bet you have a go-to fake number to give to losers

Minnie // 10:20pm: I mean it is a real number... it's just not MY real number

Minnie // 10:21pm: can you blame me though some people are creeps

Minnie // 10:21pm: yesterday some random pervert texted me a picture of his rashy nuts

Me // 10:40pm: wow. just wow. some people have no sense of decency.

Me // 10:42pm: so who would i actually have been calling if you'd decided to give me the fake #?

Minnie // 10:50pm: disney world

Me // 10:51pm: ...why

Minnie // 10:59pm: because my name is minnie. it's like calling the zoo and asking for 'mr. lyons.' a classic.

Me // 11:04pm: okay, respect

Me // 11:04pm: and thanks for not doing that to me. I have a rep to uphold at disney world

Minnie // 11:05pm: what does that even mean

Minnie // 11:06pm: and not that i would want to anyway, but we have mutual friends so I can't pull that shit with you without getting caught

Me // 11:09pm: you know I still don't know if I believe that this is really you...

Minnie // 11:10pm: what, are you going to make me show you my butt again?

Me // 11:11pm: yes please

Minnie // 11:13pm: lol no way

Me // 11:14pm: pleaseeee

Minnie // 11:19pm: $20

Me // 11:21pm: u serious?

Minnie // 11:30pm: ... are you?

Me // 11:35pm: u got venmo?

The Queen Bean (Haus of Coffee) opens at 7:00am, and Taehyung has the restraint to wait until 7:05am to tentatively enter. It's empty, except for one small, huddled figure leaning face-down on the countertop, silver hair splayed across the surface.

"Ahem," Taehyung says by way of announcing his presence, and Jimin startles, squeaking slightly before he spots Taehyung.

"FUCK," he groans, settling his hand over his heart. "You scared me."

"Sorry. Jin says I do that. I have an unnaturally light step and I don't breathe as much as most living people."

Jimin waves off his apology, still clutching his chest. "It's fine, it's fine." His eyes give Taehyung a once-over, and Taehyung smoothes his clothes nervously. "Hi."

"Hey," Taehyung responds a little breathlessly as he takes a couple of tentative baby steps forward towards the counter. "Uh, I can leave if you want me to. I know it's early," Taehyung gestures towards the door. "You just... said to come by, so..."

Jimin's eyebrows shoot up, and he looks a little panicked. "No, no way. This is good. Nothing wakes my sorry ass up like a pretty face. Not even Jungkook's deadly Quadruple Espresso Condensed Caffeine NutShot."

"That drink sounds illegal," Taehyung says, trying to bluff his way through the blush he feels spreading over his face.

"I mean it literally has cocaine in it, so yeah."

Taehyung just laughs stiffly, no clue if Jimin's joking or not. "Um, I brought my laptop if that's okay. Figured I'd work here a little today."

"Yeah, of course."

"Cool." Taehyung walks over and takes a seat at the bar, pulling his laptop out of the bag and setting it up. "What's the wifi password?"

"696969."

"High-brow," He nods appreciatively as he hangs his bag on the back of his chair.

Jimin shrugs, pouting his lip in a smug, self-satisfied pout. "I like to scare straight people by gazing into their eyes and saying 696969." He pauses for a moment then adds, "No offense."

"Oh it's fine. And anyway I'm like, only 75% straight."

Jimin's eyebrows shoot up, and the corners of his mouth turn down in a restrained smile. "Thought it was like 98% last time we checked? That first night?"

Taehyung stares hard at his computer screen as he answers. "I have recently been re-evaluating."

"Is that so?" Jimin looks wickedly gleeful when Taehyung's eyes dart briefly over to him then dart away. "So how does this work, this percentage thing?"

Taehyung considers. "I think... at like 60% I would touch a dick."

"Well," Jimin says, straightening up with a satisfied smile. "Let me know if I can be of any help with this whole like... journey of self discovery. I'd be happy to lend a hand. Or any other body part you may require." Taehyung snorts in laughter then, mostly because he cannot formulate a suitable response.

"Hey so, you're not in drag today," Taehyung notes, appraising his crisp collared shirt and immaculately-fitted black pants. There's meant to be a compliment somewhere in there, but Taehyung can't seem to find his way there.

"Ha," Jimin says wryly. "The only reason my brows would ever be glued down at 7am is if I was stumbling still drunk into my home after a show." He runs his hand self-consciously through his silver hair, and even though his tone is light and confident like usual, a little worry line appears between his eyebrows. "I usually only drag-up for afternoon shifts. Sorry."

"No, no, I meant you look nice." Taehyung says quickly, panicking a little. "You, uh. You look awesome, actually."

Jimin smiles with uncharacteristic shyness at that, and the little line in his forehead vanishes. "Thanks. So what are you working on?" Jimin asks gesturing to his computer.

"Oh just some like normal job shit. I work remotely, usually from home."

"What do you do?"

He thinks for a moment, trying to find a way to make his job sound more exciting. "I guess I'm kind of like... a professional hacker."

"Ooh, sounds illegal. I'm aroused," Jimin says, leaning forward on his elbows and resting his chin on his hands. Taehyung steals a glance, and he's a little struck by how soft and pretty Jimin looks up close, out of drag. Fresh.

"...Totally illegal," Taehyung bluffs, eyebrows disappearing underneath his bangs. "I'm like... on an FBI watchlist. So illegal. Some real dark web shit."

"It's not illegal, is it?" Jimin asks suspiciously, eyes narrowing.

"Well. No. But I could do very illegal things if I wanted to. I just choose to use my powers for good. Like as a security consultant. I guess you could say... I'm kind of a hero."

"Ahh, bad boy with a heart of gold." He reaches up to boop Taehyung's nose. "Like a sexy little internet cowboy."

"That's me," Taehyung sighs dreamily, gaze darting to Jimin's thick, slightly parted lips. They're such an attractive pink that he's got to be wearing tinted balm at the very least.

"Well, I'll leave you to it," Jimin says, straightening up now and smoothing down his shirt. "What do you want to drink?"

"Could you make something with like... Code Red Mountain Dew and a Four Loko?"

Jimin's lip curls in disgust. "You just re-gained 5 Straight Boy points."

"But I-"

"Nope, sorry. Back to 80%"

"But I'm tired! I was up late!"

"Doing what?"

"Doing... research," Taehyung replies elusively, pretending to be busy but actually just typing gibberish into the google search bar.

"Research?" Jimin presses.

"Like... gay research..." Taehyung mumbles, tucking his head.

"Yeah, now you're just talking shit so I give you your points back, nice try," Jimin dismisses him, smacking his bar towel in Taehyungs direction. He pauses then, eyes suspicious, because Taehyung's face is beet red, and he won't look Jimin in the eye. Jimin cocks his head, eyes bugging suddenly. "Wait... Did you watch gay porn?"

Taehyung gasps in indignant outrage. "I have never watched porn in my LIFE."

Jimin fixes him with a look.

"I have never watched gay porn in my LIFE," Taehyung amends with a sheepish, boxy grin.

Jimin crosses his tiny arms, eyes looking adorably dead.

"I have never watched gay porn... at any time in my life... that was not... last night..." Taehyung confesses slowly, cringing, and Jimin's face contorts in glee. "But FUCK I have so many questions, like, how does an asshole DO that? Why are those guys so smooth and hairless? Even their assholes? Is the big one always on top?"

Jimin stares at him silently for a few moments before breaking out into unstoppable giggles.

"Don't laugh at me!"

"You said 'butt fuck,'" Jimin hisses out between giggles.

"I did not!"

"You did, you said 'butt fuck I have so many questions,'" Jimin recounts, face red with laughter.

"Wow, that's worth three giggles max. Stop laughing!"

Jimin stops laughing long enough to look at Taehyung's face, which is contorted comically in outrage, and he is instantly overcome by another fit of giggles.

"I'm leaving," Taehyung bluffs, pouting, and Jimin sobers immediately.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Jimin says, wiping tears from his eyes, reaching for Taehyung's hand to ensure that he stays. His hand is jarringly soft and warm on top of Taehyung's. "I just... I was not prepared to have this conversation today."

"Well I don't know who else to have this conversation with!" Taehyung huffs, ducking his head. "Jin won't talk to me about butt stuff anymore. I've tried."

"Um. Okay," Jimin says, folding his small hands together in front of his face. "I can do this. We can do this. It's fine."

"Yeah, it's fine," Taehyung agrees, though his instinct is flight, because a very beautiful man who may or may not be his soulmate is about to give him the equivalent of a gay birds-and-bees talk.

"Right," Jimin pushes on bravely. "So as to your first question, 'How does an asshole do that?' I assume you mean, how does it... accommodate... so much? Well. Lots of prep and lots of lube. Lots of fingers in asses, lots of waiting, sometimes with flaccid dicks."

"Sounds terrible, go on," Taehyung urges him, eyebrows knit seriously.

"Uh, also they definitely wax and shave in pornos, and most assholes are not that naturally hairless. It's fine. It's a part of life. Assholes are still great."

"Assholes still sound pretty mediocre to me, but go on."

"Right. So. The big one is not always on top, and in fact, I think most couples switch at some point. Power dynamics do not necessarily correlate with body size. Nor do power dynamics necessarily correlate with position. There are a lot of different factors at play."

"Okay well this all sounds very complicated and scary, and I am very done with this conversation."

Jimin gawks at him. "Excuse me, you started this! Do you think I wanted to have this conversation with you?"

"No, but thank you for having it anyway!" Taehyung spits back at him, eyes raised indignantly.

"You are very fucking welcome!" Jimin returns, his tone challenging but his words sincere.

They stare at each other for a few moments before Taehyung breaks the silence. "Why does it feel like we just had a fight?"

"I don't know, I think we are naturally kind of combative. That was actually a very productive conversation."

Taehyung shrugs and is silent for several more moments before he mumbles, "Can I have my gay points back?"

Jimin reaches out to pinch at his cheek, and Taehyung scowls a little, on instinct. "Aw, honey you can have 10 gay points."

"Thank you," Taehyung says grumpily, then his face softens. "And also... really thank you. Porn was very misleading. I was scared."

"Really?"

"Yes! Scared that my asshole wasn't hairless enough and that if I did it with a dude I would have to make a lifelong decision to give or receive! Generally fucking scared!"

Jimin fixes him with an affectionate smile. "Look... People are people. Sex is sex. It's all about communication, man. Like... okay, remember how nervous you were about sex before you had it?"

Taehyung does recall, with wide eyes. "Yes. I almost barfed on her."

"I mean... It's kinda like that. I think that it's mostly just the unknown that's scary. If you're with the right person, with somebody you trust, it'll just happen as it happens."

Taehyung chews the inside of his cheek and considers. "That makes sense."

Jimin shoots him a fond smile. "Now can I make you a real beverage? One that does not consist of straight man ball sweat or whatever the fuck it was you asked for?"

"Who's drinking ball sweat at 7:30am?" a deep, cracking voice mumbles as a tall figure emerges from the back of the shop. Namjoon is bare-faced, a ballcap covering his short, black hair. He's wearing a pink t-shirt and and jeans that Taehyung's mom probably rocked in 1994.

"Taehyung," Jimin says lightly, moving towards the espresso machine to presumably make Taehyung a coffee. "I'm either going to make him a Café au Gay or a Crémed Pants."

Namjoon groans, looking up at the chalk board, where Jimin has written the names of the drinks under 'Drinks of the Day.'

"Jimin, what have I said to you about gross drink names?"

"A hell of a lot more than you've said to Jungkook," Jimin mumbles moodily, grabbing a wet rag from the countertop as he drags his feet to wipe the board clean. "You know he has way grosser ones than I do."

"I call him out on it, too!" Namjoon insists, though his embarrassment is evident.

"'Hey Jungkookie'" Jimin says softly, imitating Namjoon with a lovestruck look, "'You know I love and adore your creativity... but maybe you could channel it into something more productive? You're such a good, smart, beautiful, wonderful-"

"Fuck off," Namjoon grumbles, grabbing the rag for himself and moodily wiping down the board.

"Speaking of Kook, where is that little devil?"

Namjoon shrugs, tossing down the rag and plopping down on a stool near Taehyung. "How should I know? He doesn't work today."

Jimin shoots a skeptical look over his shoulder. "Like that ever stops him from coming in whenever you're the manager on duty."

Namjoon scoffs loudly, but he tucks his head to stare at the bar. "He's just in here to study a lot, and I just happen to be here."

"Joon, not to be that asshole, but he's in love with you and you know it."

"He's... not," Namjoon denies, neck flushed a gentle pink. In combination with his shirt, the illusion is overwhelmingly soft and rosy. "He never told you that."

"He didn't have to, because it's obvious that he absolutely is, and if his ass isn't in the stool next to you in the next 15 minutes, I will lick the used coffee grounds out of this filter," Jimin promises, holding up the crimped paper filter.

"Fine, deal. And if he's not, I'll let you do my drag makeup one night."

"Oooh," Jimin says, rubbing his hands together in glee as he turns to Taehyung. "You don't know what an opportunity this is. His drag is usually like... butch soccer mom meets unremarkable middle sister from a 90's sitcom. I've been itching to get my hands on him."

"There are many ways to express femininity!" Namjoon insists grumpily.

"Okay well-"

They are interrupted by the jangling of the bell above the door, and Jungkook steps over the threshold, eyes going wide when he feels everyone's attention on him.

"Uh. Hi?" Jungkook ventures tentatively as Jimin collapses into a fit of laughter on the bar. "What the hell is up with him?"

"It's nothing," Namjoon assures him, being sure not to make eye contact as he sighs heavily. "Jimin's going to do my makeup and apparently he's just really fucking thrilled about it."

"Seriously?" Jungkook sounds excited. "Jimin's gonna do it his way? You're going to be so pretty!"

"Yeah Joon, so pretty," Jimin teases, reaching forward to pinch his cheek.

"Shut the fuck up," Namjoon pouts, and Jungkook seems to think he's bristling at him.

"Ah," Junkook starts, eyes looking a little panicked. "I uh, I didn't mean you weren't... already... you know," he struggles, "Because you... are. You like... super are. And I totally get your concept, I just meant..."

"Hey Kook, could you grab me a new box of beans from the back?" Jimin says mercifully, and Jungkook nods enthusiastically, tripping on a stool in his haste to leave.

"Don't. Say a word," Namjoon says through gritted teeth once Jungkook has disappeared.

"So you do know," Jimin says, leaning forward to rest his head on his folded hands.

Namjoon exhales hard through his nose. "Of course I know. How could I not know?"

"Well then what's the problem? Kid's a hell of a catch."

"I know he is," Namjoon groans, letting his head fall forward onto the counter with a dull thunk. "He's sweet and funny and talented and hot and also very, very not ace."

"Oh come on, lots of ace people date non-ace people," Jimin argues. "You dated that one guy."

"Yes. Exactly. Look how that turned out. He thought I would change my mind about wanting sex."

"Okay, fair. But that guy was an ass, and you barely knew each other. Kook, on the other hand, has been in love with you for years and knows you inside and out. That kid would do anything for you. And I also happen to know you're super sex-positive, so it's not all black and white."

"Jimin..." Namjoon sighs, rubbing his face with his hand, and Jimin reaches out to lay a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Sex isn't everything, Joon."

"Yeah well, it's still a lot, to a lot of people, and I know for a fact it's something that he wants. A lot. Kid popped a boner at the grocery store when we walked past the bananas." Namjoon groans, then straightens up, folding his hands on the counter and staring hard at them. "He should have everything he wants."

"Oh," Jimin says suddenly, eyes going wide. "Oh shit. Do you love him back? Do you love that little fucker back?"

"I'm not talking about this here," Namjoon huffs, grabbing his newspaper and pushing himself to his feet. "And don't you dare encourage him."

He stalks back down the hallway toward the managers' office and passes a bewildered looking Jungkook who emerges clutching a giant box of beans in one arm like it's nothing. Jungkook looks worried as he sets the box down on the bar.

"Did I do something?" he asks fearfully, unloading the individual bags of coffee beneath the bar. "He seems mad."

"You didn't do anything. He's mad at me because I'm an asshole," Jimin assures him with a gentle pat on the arm.

"Oh." Jungkook looks barely reassured. "Do you think he... Never mind."

"No, baby, I'm sure he has no idea about any super secret things that you may or may not be trying desperately to hide from him," Jimin says kindly and with a pitying smile as Jungkook's eyes go wide and suspicious.

"I'm... gonna go get more boxes," Jungkook says carefully as he backs away from Jimin. "I think I can do like four at a time now if I balance them right. Total time-saver. Unless, you know, I trip over a wig and spill them all over the shop again."

"Hey Kook," Jimin calls softly after him.

"Yeah?" Jungkook freezes at the door

Jimin gives him a cautious little smile. "Don't give up."

Jungkook tilts his head quizzically, pointing his thumb back towards the storage room. "Thanks? But I think I've got it handled? I'm mad jacked?"

Jimin groans, slumping down onto the counter. "Yes, exactly, thank you Kook. I was definitely talking about the fucking boxes and not the pining hopeless-romantic asexual drag queen in the back room. Good call."

Jungkook looks like he's been shot.

Taehyung, who has in fact been hanging out at the Queen several times a week for the past several weeks and who is currently mere steps from the entrance, receives a text from Jin inviting him for a drink at the very place he was just about to enter, just as he has extended his hand towards the door handle.

He freezes, withdraws his hand, and checks to make sure that no one has seen him before he retreats and walks one loop around the block to pretend like he wasn't already in fact there fully intending on hanging out with Jimin. Without Jin.

"Hey!" Jin greets him brightly when he steps inside. He's seated at a table with Yoongi, and Hope is standing next to them, done up beautfully in casual drag. "That was so fast. How did you get here so fast?"

"I was in the neighborhood, you know," he lies, ignoring Yoongi's sharp glare. He glances around the place, which is humming quietly with activity, but he doesn't see Jimin. "Uh, where's Jimin?"

"I switched shifts with him today," Hope says with a smile, her ash blonde hair tied up into two adorable buns on each side of her head. Sharp collarbones peek out from her loose white off-the-shoulder crop top, one big, draping ruffle on her small frame. A long, flowing blush pink skirt with a thigh-high slit swirls around her, and a tiny, delicate chain drapes and sparkles across the golden skin of her chest and shoulders. "Sorry I'm not the pretty face you wanted to see. Something about driving his mom to the doctor."

"Oh. Right," Taehyung says, swallowing his disappointment. "Is she okay?"

"Ms. Park?" Hope scoffs. "Of course. Strong as an ox. She just sprained her wrist lifting a box at work and he's having to drag her bodily to the doctor. If he didn't, she'd never go. She's about as headstrong as Jimin."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you should meet her somet-"

Yoongi clicks his tongue in annoyance and abruptly cuts him off. "Hey Hope, do you want to take Jin to go pick out another bottle from the back?"

"Oh, we could just get one from behind the bar."

"I don't want this swill you're selling to customers for 6 dollars a glass, I want the good shit. Please?" Yoongi asks, and holy shit, is he pouting? Taehyung is at a loss until he sees Hope's reaction.

"Aww, fine," she says, pinching Yoongi's cheek, then reaching down to grab Jin's arm to tug him back to the storage room. "You want a Cabernet?"

"Of course," Yoongi confirms with a tiny wave and a gummy smile as they disappear into the back. The moment they've rounded the corner, the smile slides off his face so fast that Taehyung literally blinks and it's gone. "You. Sit," Yoongi orders, crossing his arms.

Taehyung eyes him warily, hesitation. "My instincts are telling me... no..."

"Well I guess you'd better decide which is more likely to kick you ass, me or your instin-" Taehyung scrambles into the seat and folds his hands politely in his lap. "Good boy." Yoongi stares at him for a few seconds, letting him squirm, reminding him very much of his mother when she is waiting for him to fess up.

"What's... what's this about?" Taehyung asks with faux obliviousness.

"Jimin."

Taehyung's eyes widen, but he does not tear his gaze from the table in front of him. "Who's... Jimin."

"Jesus, you can't be serious for one second, can you?" Yoongi scoffs, downing the last sip of his wine, and Taehyung feels a vague wave of shame wash over him. "Look I'm gonna say something, and I need you to be serious for a minute."

Taehyung swallows hard, licking his lips nervously as he tends to do when he's put on the spot. "Okay."

"This Jimin thing needs to stop."

"Uh. What?" Taehyung gapes a little, but he understands pretty abruptly what this is about.

"Stop trying to make whatever you're trying to make happen with Jimin happen," Yoongi clarifies, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "He's had enough confused straight boys fuck him over for one lifetime."

"I'm not..." Taehyung starts to deny, feeling a lick of anger in his gut.

"Look, I don't fucking care what you are. Experiment, do whatever the hell you need to do, figure it out on your own time. But keep him the fuck out of it. I'm not standing by and watching this happen again."

"Watching... what happen?"

"Watching Jimin fall for some guy who is attracted to him but who is hopelessly conflicted about his sexuality and who ends up breaking Jimin's fuckin' heart when he ultimately decides that sex isn't worth it anymore. I'm done. Not happening."

"I would never..." Taehyung starts, and Yoongi raises his eyebrows. "It's not like that."

"You would never? Really? It's not like that? What was it that first drew you to Jimin?" Yoongi asks, leaning forward now. "His kindness, his charm, his creativity? And don't lie, I was there."

"That's not fair."

"I don't care if it's fucking fair, life isn't fucking fair. If life was fair, we wouldn't have to have this conversation in the first place. And stop thinking you're so different from the rest of them. You could so easily turn into every other asshole who's screwed him in the past."

"I would never want to hurt him," Taehyung growls through his teeth.

"Just because you don't want to hurt him doesn't mean that you won't," Yoongi says with a slightly gentler look. "You said you're a numbers guy, right? Percentages?"

Taehyung nods almost imperceptibly because he knows this is about to backfire on him.

"So can you tell me with 100% certainty that you're not gonna go straight-boy panic on him? That you're not going to get in just deep enough for it to hurt before you decide that it's too much?"

"I..." Taehyung considers that, and it hurts, because he can't. "I don't know. I'm... figuring it out."

"Exactly. And that's... fine," Yoongi assures him, softer now that he feels Taehyung start to give a little. "That's great. Figure it out. Just don't use Jimin to do it."

"Are you telling me to leave?" Taehyung asks, low and deadly serious.

Yoongi shrugs. "That's one option. Just cut it off, end it, stop hanging around. Save yourself the trouble and him the pain. But you could also just stay. As a friend." Yoongi actually looks a little pained at this, a little emotional, and it's this more than anything that makes Taehyung keep listening despite his natural defensiveness. "He could use that a hell of a lot more than a bad lay and another heartbreak."

"And what if I don't stop?" Taehyung asks with a spike of anger edged with fear.

Yoongi looks at him with an expression of mild disbelief. "What, you want me to threaten you or something?"

Taehyung's chin tilts up defiantly. "I don't know how you're going to make me otherwise."

Yoongi scoffs and is about to continue when they hear a loud giggle echo from down the hall, and Hoseok and Jin re-emerge just a moment later. Yoongi visibly forces himself to relax, grabbing his glass of wine and settling back into his seat as the pair approaches the table, bottles in hand.

"You okay, Tae?" Jin asks, a residual grin still on his face as he settles back down into a chair. Taehyung watches Hoseok's hand slide from Jin's hip as they separate.

"I'm feeling sick," Taehyung says simply, gathering his things and standing abruptly.

"O...kay?" Jin says as Taehyung blows past towards the door. "Do you need anything?"

Taehyung just waves vaguely behind him as he flings open the door and breathes in a settling lungful of nighttime air.

He's fuming as he walks towards the subway station, hands shoved in his pockets and head tucked against the wind that's being funneled between the buildings on the narrow street.

His first instinct is anger. It's none of Yoongi's fucking business what he does or does not do with Jimin.

But by the time he descends the stairs into the subway station, he's not so sure, and he's not so angry, not at Yoongi anyway. He's angry at himself for not being absolutely positive.

Jimin // 9:05pm: are you ok? Jin said you're sick.

He stares at his phone as a train whooshes by, ruffling his hair. And he's not ready to stop just yet, not to do anything tonight.

Me // 9:07pm: i'm ok! take care of your mom

Then after another moment of deliberation, he determinedly punches in his next text and shoves his phone in his bag.

Me // 9:08pm: see you tomorrow.

A lot of his work, Taehyung can do and do well in the casual, public setting of a coffee shop. A lot of what he does is emails and logistical things and reports, things he can actually accomplish with the small distractions that go hand-in-hand with shared spaces.

But some of it requires the Bunker.

It's been many years since anyone besides Taehyung or Jin set foot in the Bunker, in his apartment. It's always dark, usually the only light emitting from one or several screens, and Taehyung has a habit of going nest-mode when he's in a marathon hack. It's cluttered and grim and perfect for concentrating, but it's also one of the reasons that Taehyung spends so much time at Jin's apartment when he's not working.

And so it's properly jarring, especially after having stared at a screen in silence for several hours without moving, when there is a frantic, pounding series of knocks on his door around midnight.

Taehyung jumps so hard his elbow knocks over his energy drink, which adds one more stain to the fine abstract mosaic on his once-white shirt. He blinks his strained eyes, adjusting his glasses and staring hard in the direction of his door, trying to determine whether or not the sound was imagined.

"KIM TAEHYUNG IF YOU DO NOT OPEN THIS DOOR IN THE NEXT 15 SECONDS I AM CALLING THE POLICE."

He's scrambling over piles of laundry and empty soda bottles within seconds, pausing to check his reflection in the shiny plastic of the microwave door. He cringes. Even in the warped plastic he can tell he's a mess. He looks around for a clean shirt.

"FIVE SECONDS."

No time for a new shirt. Instead, he just sheds the old one, because it is really and truly disgusting, then he haphazardly runs a hand through his tangled hair as he lunges for the door.

"Jimin," he says casually, trying not to breathe hard. "Fancy seeing you h-OW!"

Jimin retracts his hand after his vicious flick, and his small, rectangular eyebrows are knit in anger. "I thought you were dead, you fuckwad! Why haven't you been answering your phone?"

"I'm in the middle of a really important project," Taehyung grunts defensively. "I texted you back this morning."

Jimin looks at him incredulously. "This morning?" He pushes past Taehyung, who makes a noise of minor protest, then reaches for one of his black-out curtains, wrenching it back viciously. Sunlight abruptly fills the room, and Taehyung collapses, screaming to the floor. "It's been two days!"

"Why is the sun out at midnight??" Taehyung groans from the floor, or rather from a pile of dirty clothes that are covering his floor.

"It's 3pm," Jimin says matter-of-factly, taking a look around the place. Now that the sunlight has illuminated his little nest, Taehyung thinks that the ensuing look of disgust is perhaps warranted.

"Oh."

Jimin heaves a calming sigh, hand fluttering up to his chest. "Jesus you freaked me out. You always respond to my texts in like two minutes, tops. But then I don't hear from you for two days and Jin says he hasn't, either?"

"Sorry," Taehyung says, properly shamed, because Jimin looks really and truly relieved to see him. His stomach flips in mingled guilt and pleasure.

Jimin chews his lip, moving to open up more of the curtains so that the room can be properly lit. "It's fine, it's fine. I was just worried. Where's your phone, anyway?"

"Uh..." Taehyung scratches the back of his head then gestures behind him, to the mess. "Somewhere in there?"

"Okay," Jimin says, rolling up his sleeves and taking a deep breath. "So, number one. We'll find your fucking phone. Number two. Have you eaten real food in two days?" Jimin asks as he heads over to the refrigerator and tugs open the door. It's completely empty except for half a packet of hotdogs and a case of Code Red Mountain Dew.

"I ate a cold hotdog dipped in ranch at some point."

"So grocery shopping and dinner, then," Jimin adds to his mental list, shutting the door in dismay. "Do you want to come with me, or do you want to work on your project while I go?"

"I uh. I don't have anything clean to wear in public," Taehyung admits, crossing his arms in front of his bare chest.

Jimin's eyes quickly scan Taehyung's naked upper half, and his expression becomes unreadable before he focuses again. "Number 3, laundry."

"You really don't have to-"

"Tae," he stops him, and Taehyung's heart bursts with affection. He thinks it might be the first time he's called him anything other than 'hotstuff' or 'honey' or 'Kim Taehyung,' and that's got to be a good sign. "Look, I'm glad you're okay, but I kinda want to keep you that way. Okay? Let me help."

Taehyung nods bashfully, and his insides glow warmly with fondness and contentment.

"Work on your stuff. I'll be back," Jimin says gently, fishing his keys out of his pocket and heading for the door. "And hey, take a shower while I'm gone," he says lightly and with a caring smile. "You fuckin stink."

Jimin returns within the hour, arms laden with bags, batting away Taehyung's money with an offended expression.

"Here- let me-" Taehyung says, lunging for his wallet and digging around for some cash.

"Just consider it repayment for the grossly large tip you gave me the first time you saw my show," he says, unloading several green leafy objects into Taehyung's refrigerator. "I'll cook dinner in a second, but for now-" he tosses Taehyung a pre-packaged salad and a bottle of gummy vitamins. "Have those so I can be sure you make it until then."

Taehyung makes a face at the salad but obeys, peeling back the plastic lining and grabbing a fork. "Please know that there are very few people on this planet for whom I would eat a salad."

Jimin scoffs. "I'm real honored."

Taehyung freezes, detecting the lingering bitterness in his voice. "Are you mad at me?"

Jimin doesn't say anything as he continues to organize the refrigerator, but the stiffness in his shoulders is affirmation enough.

"You are! Whyy?" Taehyung whines mid-bite, a huge piece of lettuce sticking out of his mouth. He forces it inside and crunches it distastefully.

"Because I thought you'd at least text me back," Jimin pouts, keeping his back purposefully turned to Taehyung as he takes his time arranging the food inside the refrigerator. Taehyung stops chewing, mouth still very much full as he regards Jimin, who still won't look at him. "You always text me back."

Taehyung swallows, rather painfully, his half-chewed bite as he approaches Jimin from behind, winding his arms around his waist in a tight hug and pressing his face to the top of his shoulder. He inhales deeply, drowning happily in Jimin's clean, sweet scent. "You know I didn't text you back because I literally lost track of time, space, and social propriety for 2 days and not because I don't care about you, right?"

Jimin's shoulders relax a little at that, melting into Taehyung's embrace, hands stilling in front of him as they stand like that. "I know."

"Good. I'm still sorry." For a first hug, it's on the edge of too intimate, with the entirety of Taehyung's front pressed up against the entirety of Jimin's back, Taehyung's breath ghosting his neck as his arms tighten around him. Taehyung belatedly realizes he's still not wearing a shirt and almost startles, withdrawing his arms and taking a few steps back. "Really."

Jimin's face softens into a sweet smile. "I'm just happy that you're not dead. Though you do look like you're well on your way to being buried alive by chip bags and soda bottles. You know I didn't believe Jin when he said you were actually a lame cave-dwelling tech guy who lived in darkness. But you are actually like, living this lifestyle."

"Yep," Taehyung says, nudging a pair of dirty underwear under the kitchen table with his big toe. "The lair of a brilliant criminal mastermind."

"I'm glad I got to see it, actually," Jimin says with a little smile. "I think I was actually a little intimidated because I thought you had your shit too together."

Taehyung scoffs so hard he chokes on his spit. "Me??"

"Yes, you!" Jimin insists. "You have a great job, a great face, and a kickass Beanie Baby Collection."

"Yeah, well, you have all of those things, minus the Beanie Baby Collection, plus a magical butt! But me? Jimin the last time I took a shower I had to use my bedspread as a towel because I haven't done my laundry in so long. I just rolled around on it like a dog until I was dry."

"I know how weird that should be, but it just sounds kind of cute."

"Well, I guess it's settled," Taehyung decides, crossing his arms over his chest. "We are both successful, adorable, and complete weirdos, so there's nothing to be intimidated about."

Jimin's smile is crooked and fond. "I guess it's settled."

The simmer in the moment for a second before Taehyung realizes. "Oh, shit, aren't you supposed to be at work or something?"

"Kook is covering for me," Jimin says, moving again to close the refrigerator. When he turns back to Taehyung, his ears are tipped pink. "No big. Now drag your laundry in here so I can get started while you finish. How much longer do you have on your thing?"

"A few hours, maybe?"

"Well, go," Jimin shoos him, kicking him gently in the butt as he does.

Jimin works quietly around him as Taehyung plugs away behind his computer screen. He hears the vague sounds of laundry, of straightening, of cooking, and after a couple of hours, he catches a whiff of something delicious cooking in the kitchen.

Taehyung hammers out his summary report in record time, pressing 'send' with so much force that the keyboard groans with the impact.

He emerges, stretching his arms over his head and groaning, just as Jimin starts to plate up dinner. Jimin glances over his shoulder, then double-takes subtly before muttering, "Put a shirt on before we eat, you animal." He gestures to a pile of fresh, folded laundry on the table.

"Smells good," Taehyung grunts, sounding very much like a caveman as he slips a fresh t-shirt over his head.

"Thanks. Do you want to put your clothes away first to free up the table?"

Taehyung shrugs. "Nah, I'm beat. Let's just eat in the living room."

"Okay. Go on and sit. I'll bring the food in a sec," Jimin insists, bumping him away with his hip when Taehyung moves to try and help.

Taehyung nods and shuffles to the living room, which is noticeably cleaner than it was earlier today, and plops down on the couch. Jimin enters a few moments later, balancing two plates and two glasses of wine expertly in his hands. He sets them down and flips the television on, turning it to Jeopardy and settling down next to Taehyung.

It's so sweetly domestic and so vividly familiar, the picture that Taehyung sees when he looks at Jimin, tucking into his beautiful home-cooked meal, eyes trained vaguely on the television where the category is "World History." For some reason, it makes his eyes prickle, thinking about it. At first he thinks maybe it's the lack of sleep, maybe it's the eye strain. But then he realizes that it's familiar because it's the exact scene from his grandparents' own living room, from every weeknight for as long as he knew them. And so he's a little sniffly as he tucks into his delicious roasted pork, Jimin's thigh gently pressed up against his on the cramped couch.

"You okay?" Jimin asks, looking over concernedly as he pauses mid-bite.

"Yeah, fine," Taehyung assures him with a watery smile. "Just tired."

Jimin's gaze lingers, but he nods, turning back to the television before shouting "BABYLON" at the top of his lungs.

Fuck Min Yoongi, Taehyung thinks as he determinedly wipes his nose on his sleeve. Fuck him to hell.