There were no tracks in the wooded area they were to find, even when they walked further in past the fallen tree. Jungkook climbed up on it and asked them how they thought it had fallen down as he mounted the trunk and started walking along it. It was on such a severe angle that he had to put some effort into it, arms held out at his sides to keep his balance. His boot soles caused leaf matter and chips of woods to sift down and land on them, getting in the hair. He got very high up and then stopped to grin back down at them. He claimed that he thought it had been struck by lightning even though it was clear that it hadn't; there was no damage at all along the trunk to show such a thing. The branches were snapped from colliding with other trees, leaves shriveled and dry, but there were no scorch marks on it, no blackened husk. Taehyung argued back that it was either too old or too drunk and it had fallen over, causing his friends to laugh as he did. So Hoseok had shifted and gestured at the exposed stump, pointing at the expansive rot that had clearly eaten through the tree from the inside, making Taehyung gag in disgust because he had sat on it. After a minute Jungkook made his way back down without any trouble, the thump of him jumping down the last few feet echoing on the still air. Then they were off walking through the trees once more.

They had time to waste and no other way to spend it beyond sleeping in Seokjin's car. The logical thing seemed to involve walking through the small woods to try and burn energy after being on the road for so long. Taehyung knew that their youngest friend always had energy to burn though he had been noticeably more still over the past months than he remembered. Today however he was bounding ahead of both him and Taehyung, boots cracking twigs underfoot loudly and fingers reaching to pull of the low branches of the trees they passed. Hoseok hanged back slightly, walking at a moderate pace and stepping over stray roots other deliberation to avoid tripping and breaking an ankle. Not like Jimin, who likely would have tripped even after having one of them point the snaggly tree root out to him. Taehyung just stayed between his friends and appreciated the fact that neither of them unloaded questions on him. The few things they did say were just about mundane things rather than the obvious.

They didn't ask about his father once.

As they got further into the woods the foliage overhead thinned and allowed more light to stream down on them, light that still a bright orange and sky that deep bruised lilac that showcased that the sun hadn't started lifting high in the sky yet. Jungkook pulled blossoms off spindly branches, having to only jump slightly to grab hold, then turning back and blowing them in their faces; apple blossoms as white as Yoongi's bleached hair floating off the palm of his hand. Taehyung reacted to this by grabbing a branch and trying to stab him between the ribs, each blow falling short because the boy dodged much too quickly. Jungkook crashed through the trees laughing at the tops of his lungs and making him chase after him and they ended up bursting through into another smaller clearing. This one was just grass and a few pitiful growths of weeds nestled in the lush green. Before the boy could possibly locate a weapon of his own kind Hoseok loudly declared a duel and he span around to see his lover holding out a branch towards him, wide smile on his face.

"A contest," Jungkook declared before dropping into the grass to watch them. "Whoever wins gets to duel me."

"Oh so you're automatically the best, huh?" Taehyung asked as he dropped his gaze to study him. The boy just grinned at him widely. "Fine, a duel lover boy."

"This should be fun."

Taehyung had never been a child that had liked pirates and toy swords. That had been closer to Yoongi, who had once boldly declared that he would be a navy officer in that wonderful dreamy way only children could emulate. He had been so greatly wrong but he had still loved pirates and ships and all things as such. Taehyung had much preferred trains, planes, things with loud rumbling engines he could imitate and make his friends laugh over. He hadn't wanted toy soldiers and guns like Jungkook, hadn't wanted weapons of any kind. So when it came to the tree branch duel he really didn't have any experience to work in his favour. He didn't know whether he should swing or parry or slash, and it seemed that Hoseok didn't know either. He had grown up liking ballet. So he just stood there awkwardly and waited until his friend got into a joke position, copying the fencing pose by folding one arm behind his back and holding the other up in front of him.

"En garde," Hoseok said with a smirk.

"More like 'on your ass'," Taehyung retorted, hearing Jungkook snorting laughter at the bad joke.

At first the duel was rather tame, branches lightly hitting each other with a soft sound. Had they been real swords then they would have made a wonderful metallic rasping sound as the blades kissed. Then came the more experimental attempts, quick thrusts and parrying blows to try and catch other out. Taehyung felt a few grazing chances go past his arms and he nearly caught his lover's thigh only to miss by an inch. So he attempted to end it by thrusting out wildly. Hoseok managed to leap sideways to avoid this blow, throwing his chest forward and curving his spine so that the stick missed him by mere inches. He looked like an expert fencer now, the sudden movement making Jungkook burst out laughing and clap like an audience member. Hoseok let out his own shocked laugh and then he was jabbing forward and hitting him right in the chest. The end of the stick was rather sharp and he felt it digging in even when his lover didn't use much force. The boy jumped to his feet and declared that they had a victor, seizing Hoseok's hand within his own and holding it up in mock celebration, and Taehyung reached up to touch his chest.

Hoseok had just stabbed him. They had fenced with broken tree branches for fun and had stabbed him in the chest. Suddenly this game didn't seem fun anymore.

"My turn!" Jungkook said as he jumped to his feet and accepted the branch off him, wiping at the backs of his jeans to knock any soil and leaves free.

Taehyung moved aside to sit down, cross-legged and hunkered forward as he watched the pair of them messing around. He didn't really observe the match because his mind was elsewhere. This was supposed to be fun, a nice moment spent playing around with his friends, and yet it had been ruined. He couldn't even look the stick in the boy's hand without feeling a little nauseous. The stick, sharp ends and fitted perfectly in the hand like the beer bottle had felt in his fingers. It was just a game, but one that had far darker undertones than visible on the surface. He watched Jungkook knocking aside all blows that came his way with surprising grace, lips twitching each time he did so that the corners danced just as much as his wrist did. The thwack thwack of the branches colliding, the rustle of their boots in the grass as they stepped and parried, never staying still for longer than a second. It was just as Hoseok found a slight chink in his defenses that a loud shutter noise sounded and his lover jumped in surprise, stab going off course and leaving him wide open. So Jungkook dramatically plunged his own branch at his stomach with a war cry before throwing his arms up in victory.

"That was a low blow..." Hoseok muttered and Taehyung dragged his eyes away to locate the source of the sound. He located Jimin standing but a few feet away in the trees that surrounded the clearing, leaning against the trunk with a Polaroid camera in his hands. He lowered the machine and a slip of white stuck out of the slot on the front.

"You wanna go, huh?" Jungkook asked, puffing his chest and squaring his chin like a warrior.

"No thanks," Jimin said with a wide grin. "You'll poke my eye out with that stick." He was completely correct, and the joke made them all laugh as he pulled the shot free and started shaking it.

"Why did you bring that?" Hoseok asked as he moved over and waited for the shot to develop, no doubt wanting to see if he looked good. Their friend carried on lightly waving his wrist and explained that it had just seemed like a good idea when they had been packing, that he used it pretty much every day to take a stupid shot of Yoongi so it made sense to bring it along. The machine wasn't that big at all so it wasn't an inconvenience, but it could be very easily broken if the bag it was in was thrown around carelessly in the back of the car. "It best had be a good shot seen as I lost because of you." Jimin rolled his eyes and argued that his aim had been off anyway, earning a light punch in the arm from their friend.

Taehyung watched them both studying the shot, held between Jimin's thumb and forefinger so that he could only see the white back. After a few seconds he said that it was a little blurry but good, to be expected seen as the subjects of the shot had been moving when he had hit the shutter button. Jungkook just kept his branch in his hand and tapped it against his thigh almost impatiently, as if he was bored and wanted someone to duel him again; to allow him to show off and brag.

"Yo Tae," Jimin said suddenly, perking up as he did. "You doing OK?"

"...Yeah I guess?" he replied with a nonchalant shrug.

"Good." His friend gave him a brief smile and that was that, no more questions that would make him uncomfortable. Taehyung greatly appreciated how his friends had suddenly dropped their past urges to grill him about everything, though considering the current situation it wasn't really a good thing. Jimin ran his eyes over the clearing and then sighed. "There's nothing pretty here! I thought for sure that there'd be something nice, you know? But it's just fucking trees..."

"We're in the middle of nowhere, on the side of an old dirt road," Jungkook explained. "Dunno what you were expecting but you've got high expectations."

"I was hoping for a field of flowers, or something cool like-"

"The train tracks."

"Yeah Hoseok, like that but all I got was a fallen over tree and you two playing like kids." Another arm punch, this one delivered by Jungkook and much harder than the previous. "Shit Kookie, any harder and you'll break my arm." The boy called him a 'pussy', an insult that Taehyung hadn't heard in quite some time. "This pussy's gonna take shots of you when you're asleep and stick 'em on your classroom door if you hit me again." Jungkook clearly didn't believe this for he reached over and lightly tugged on his ear.

"Oh, that reminds me! How's school?" Hoseok asked suddenly whilst Jimin shoved the Polaroid shot into his polo shirt pocket. The boy shrugged and said that he was supposed to be in for one final week before the summer break, that he had done pretty damn good on his exams for the year. "Good, I'm glad to hear that you're working hard. You'll be in college in no time." Hoseok smiled at him and the boy just reached up to rub at the back of his neck in slight embarrassment. He would be finished with high school next year and yet here Taehyung was, not even that under his belt never mind college. Jimin lifted his camera up and peered through the view, turning this way and that as he tried to locate something worth taking a shot of.

"Save your film," Taehyung advised as he ran his fingers through the grass. "By the time we get down to Taean County you're gonna want so much film." Jimin raised an eyebrow at this, turning the camera over in his hands as he did. "Trust me, you'll see things a lot cooler than baby pirates."

"Says the baby pirate that lost," Hoseok retorted with a wide smile.

They stayed in the clearing for quite some time, using both the sky visible overhead and Jungkook's watch to gauge the passing hours until they got closer to the time that they would need to return to the car. They spoke about random things that came to mind from over the last few months, work, school, funny anecdotes that they had stored away for moments like this. Taehyung found that he didn't have much to talk about, for he couldn't really talk about how he busked for cash on street corners and hid it away under the floorboards of his lover's bedroom, nor work for he had no job. But it wasn't something that affected him for he greatly enjoyed just listening to them all talking instead. He found that he loved the upwards inflections that Jimin used when excited, telling them about that one time that Yoongi had ripped the seat of his jeans open and had flashed his underwear at a park full of people. He had had to tie his jacket around his hips to cover his ass. He discovered the slight stutter in Jungkook's words whenever he got carried away and talked too fast for his brain and tongue to work in sync. Lastly he was touched beyond words by how Hoseok always managed to involve him even when there was no need to, of how saying his name was enough to make his lips curl up at the corners on the final syllable. Taehyung greatly believed that he could spend all day just sitting there listening to them talk but they didn't have all day and soon enough they had to trudge back through the woods to emerge on the road.

When they did they saw the surprise sight of vehicles actually rolling past, passing their car which was pulled right up to the hard neck of the road. Yoongi was standing to the side of the truck, leaned back against the window with the slightest remains of bread dropped by his boots, a chunk of crust lying beside two stubbed out cigarettes. Seokjin was awake behind the wheel also eating something hurriedly as no doubt wanted to be back to driving. Jimin pulled the shot free and showed it to Yoongi with an eager smile, his lover accepting it and studying it as he slung an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. Yoongi declared that it was a wall shot - whatever that meant - and then placed it back into his pocket, leaning forward and kissing him as he did. Taehyung noticed that none of his friends even blinked at this but he did catch Jungkook's gaze lingering for a few seconds before the boy found something more interesting to look at. Within several minutes they were all seated in the vehicle: Jungkook in the passenger-seat, Jimin and Yoongi in the back whilst Jimin ate his own rendition of breakfast, and he, Hoseok and Namjoon in the flatbed.

Taehyung found that it wasn't as cramped as he had been expecting it to be, that the three of them fitted rather well even with the bags. He liked sitting with his back against the side and stretching his legs across the width. When Seokjin started the car the engine rumbled to life and then he was smoothly curving it back into the lane to drive along with the light traffic. He was pretty certain that many pairs of eyes shifted to stare at them as they passed, at the three of them huddled in the back like pet dogs or pieces of luggage, but Taehyung found that he didn't care. He liked sitting in the back with the soft roar of the wind as it played with his hair roughly and made his cheeks feel slightly numb.

Without a watch he couldn't track time at all so he just watched the colour of the sky change over the duration of the ride; first changing from pastel purples to soft faded blues, then becoming vivid and bright and filled with soft banks of rolling clouds. When the car stopped for the first time it was presumably the middle of the afternoon for more food was dragged out of the bags in the back, Seokjin attempting to cook ramyun on a small camping hotplate and doing so surprisingly well, using bottled water and lots of patience to get the water to boil enough to cook but even more so for managing to stop Jungkook from opening a can of kimchi because he had already eaten a load for breakfast. It was nice eating hot food even if it meant using disposable Styrofoam cups instead of bowls and all huddling in the flatbed whilst cars went past beeping horns at them. For some reason their taunting horns made Taehyung smile and made the food also taste a lot better.

From that point they were traveling once more along the roads of Osan to get down into Pyeongtaek, a city recognisable by sight as well as name. He hated riding through the city and having to stop at lights for it meant more staring and pointed fingers, but eventually Seokjin was guiding them through the industrial areas and onto the freeways that went above the pedestrians. By the time the sky was darkening they were moving along wide roads that looked to exit the city and take them finally down into South Chungcheong. It was around that time that everyone excluding Seokjin started settling down to rest, Yoongi and Jimin visible through the back window with their heads together and the younger man lying against him like he had lain across Hoseok the night before. He couldn't see Jungkook but he also couldn't hear his voice through the open windows so he might have been settling down, and one look at Namjoon and Hoseok showed that they were dozing either side of him. So he settled down and tried to get more comfortable.

The sky was a deep shade of blue overhead, the horizon a thick bank of clouds that were deep orange and pinks in a way that made him think of candy. He couldn't see any stars yet because night hadn't fallen fully, the sun was still in the act of setting. If he lifted his head he would see it continuing to burn away behind the trees and pylons that lined the roads. Taehyung wanted to see some stars yet he didn't know if he would get to see them tonight. He was tired, too tired to possibly stay awake for much longer. It wasn't just in the heavy eyelids and limbs, not wanting to do much more than even lift a finger right now, it was also in the fogginess in his head. He currently felt like his mind was packed full of those peach clouds, swirling around and getting thicker and thicker rather than dissipating. Soon the clouds would spread down and into his chest, his stomach and right to the very tips of his fingers: a blissful sensation. There might not be any stars out right now but they were still so very close to cities, still trapped under the cloud of light pollution that would hide them from sight. But when they reached the coast...

Oh there would be more than a few pitiful stars shining through clouds and smog. There would be an entire sea of stars out in front of them, hundreds like pinpricks stuck into the silken material of the sky; all of it reflected on the vast expanse of water in front of them so that there was a never ending sea at their feet and over their heads. It would be beautiful, just like he had told Jungkook. It would be like he remembered the first time that he had looked up at the sky as a child, sand gritty and yet soft against his bare feet, hand clasped tightly in his mother's as fireworks had been set off down on the very coast. The fireworks had been nothing in comparison to the stars, had almost ruined the splendour for him because of the loud explosions that had made him jump in shock. The scent of burnt sulfur on the breeze, of cooking food hissing away as everyone had sat around talking and laughing. It was one of the positive memories that he had from his childhood, something that he treasured dearly for he had only a few.

That night, just a child, Taehyung had started to think about just how small he really was in the scheme of things. A whole galaxy over his head, he barely any larger than one of those grains of sand against the soles of his feet; the first of many strange existential crises that he had experienced over the years. Back then he hadn't understood it at all, had just felt a strange unease and hollowness as he had ran his eyes over the sky, and even now he barely understood it. It was a sensation that couldn't truly be explained in words, intangible yet with a heavy weight to it that almost seemed like he could grab it with his hands. It was stepping out of reality, out of one's body and watching everything pass without being 'you'. Taehyung was scared that he would feel the sensation once more even though so many years had passed. But with his mother's hand tightly around his, not at all large but feeling so because he had been just a child, he had also felt a warmth. A warmth that he hadn't felt very much over time, that he had tried so very hard to replicate with his friends. Taehyung now felt that that warmth and it was better than what he had felt in the past.

His friends didn't spark a little ember inside of his chest that would burn bright for moments and then die out like everything else. They made him feel like his chest was filled with tinder and just the thought of them alone was enough to kindle it. Touches and smiles and words, it was enough to produce an emotion that he could only feel because of them: love. The fabled love that he had heard of and yet found nowhere in sight. No, Taehyung didn't think that he would feel that horrible hollowness with them beside him. He thought that he would feel something better instead, hands snagged in theirs and the cold night air settling down deep into his bones.

He would feel like he was in paradise.

His eyelids were starting to get very heavy now, to the point in which keeping them open seemed near impossible. They would close for a few seconds and then slowly open again, blackness replaced by the deep navy sky only to turn back to blackness again. He was so heavy and yet he managed to slowly roll onto his side and observe the sight of Hoseok lying beside him. His lover had his arms folded in front of his chest, face turned slightly to press into the pillow and blanket down past his ribs. He felt his knees brushing against his slightly as he moved to get comfortable, the friction of denim rubbing together. He looked very peaceful, eyelids not even flickering to show that he was drifting lightly in sleep but rather deep. Taehyung studied his face for a moment before reaching over to grab the hem of the blanket, pulling it up over his arms. Satisfied that he looked warmer, looked more comfortable, he felt a little more comfortable too. He could just close his drooping eyelids and let that fogginess roll over him, drag him down into blissful peace for several hours. So he let his breath out in a heavy sigh and closed his eyes, settling down to the gentle vibrations of the truck flatbed that rocked him to sleep.

It was strange opening his eyes again for when he did he saw that he was not in the back of the truck. He didn't open them to see Hoseok lying beside him: pillows and blankets and soft breath on his skin. He wasn't even lying down but standing up even though he could not recall moving to do so. Taehyung studied his surroundings to see that he was standing in what looked to be a hallway. The walls were so close that he felt he could reach out and touch them with his arm span yet when he did so it turned out to not be the case. The walls almost seemed to move away from his touch instead; wallpaper on them familiar to his eyes. Thin vertical stripes of blue and white. He could see a door at the very end of the hallway, open wide so that he could see inside of the room. Deep blue walls and white skirting boards. Taehyung felt his heart sink down into the pit of his stomach and a moan escape from his slack lips. If he were to turn around right now he would see the bathroom just behind him on the left wall and his parents bedroom just at the other end of the hallway, but he couldn't seem to turn around to do that. Instead he could only walk forward along the stretched hallway until he finally managed to step inside the room.

It had been several years since he had last seen his bedroom but he couldn't possibly forget it. Every little detail was imprinted deep in mind, from the slightly creaky floorboard in front of the window, to the uneven screws in the light switch and the tiny patch of mold growing in the corner of the ceiling: black like the smouldering ash of one of Yoongi's cigarettes. Stepping inside made a wave of discomfort course through him, so heavy in his stomach that it actually hurt. He could see his bed right there a few feet away, against the wall with the sheets and covers covered in cartoon animal prints. There was a plush just beside the pillow that just have been stitched up a hundred times by Seokjin or Hoseok's mother's hands, a lion with velveteen ears and-

Taehyung cocked his head because he was certain that he could hear something, a rustling from somewhere in the room. It was empty from what he could see, yet his feet carried him over to the bed and so he hunkered down at the bottom on his knees and then placed his palms down so that he could lean forward and press his head against the floor. Annoying carpet pile. He squinted into the darkness and sure enough he saw something moving under the bed, the slightest movement of a small body.

"Hey?" Taehyung asked in a low voice, a whisper, hoping to get their attention. There was a whining noise in response and then whoever was under it tightened up into a ball. Small limbs, little flash of skin and hair. There was a child under the bed. He studied this sight in confusion and then decided to get under the bed too, slowly moving forward on his elbows. "Hey, it's OK, it's-" The child lifted their head and for a second, just a second, he was convinced that it was Soobin; Soobin curled up under his bed crying her eyes out. But then he realised that it wasn't Soobin at all.

He was looking at himself.

Taehyung felt the air leave his lungs in a wheeze as he stared at his own face. It was him, it was the exact face that he had been looking at in Hoseok's photo album just a few days ago. Those massive eyes and thick lashes beaded with tears like rounded crystals, that soft nose that had yet to grow out and become stronger, and the pouted lips quivering. There were tears all down his blotchy red cheeks and his nose was running too, rivulets of snot and saliva all over his lower face as he cried. His hair was a knotted mess over his brow and his favourite pajamas were on, the ones that had had trains printed on the legs and a soft wool cloud of smoke on the train on the red tee. He had always loved rubbing it and feeling the fluffy wool on his fingertips. Taehyung stared at his child self in horror and the little boy looked back with knowledge hidden in those distraught eyes.

"Wuh...why're you crying?" he managed to ask breathlessly. He was amazed that he could even do that. His heartbeat had slowed down to a rhythm that felt like a single beat every ten seconds, making his blood almost seem to clog up his veins rather than flow.

"'Cos..." he sniffled loudly, lower lip quivering as he did, "'cos he's-"

From somewhere else in the house came a sudden noise, one that made the boy stop talking. The sound was footsteps yet at the same time something much too loud to possibly to be real. It was the dissonant pounding of a giant drawing closer and closer with each passing second and Taehyung turned around to look back at himself, a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach telling him that he knew what was coming, that he had been in this situation before. The boy's face blanched, pink eyes and cheeks standing out in great contrast against the sicken grey shade his skin had gone.

"He's cuh-coming."

Now it was time for Taehyung's heart to leap up into his throat, jack rabbiting and making a little moan escape his lips. His child self scrunched his face up with a wince at the end of every step, getting louder and louder to the point in which it sounded like a war drum. He could almost feel the vibrations traveling up into his body because he was sprawled out on the floor. Taehyung was aware of the fact that his feet were still sticking out from the very edge of the bed, the most obvious sign that he was trying to hide underneath it, but before he could try and pull them under he felt it: the cold shadow falling over the bed.

Then hands were seizing hold of his ankles tighter than a vice.

Taehyung cried in shock and threw his arms out to try and grab onto the carpet. What he found was not the tight pile but rather his hands were being seized hold of by the boy. He felt his adult fingers snagging within his child fingers, grip tight for a few seconds before the pressure started to get too much. Taehyung could feel himself slipping, tee pulled up so that his bare stomach rubbed against the rough carpet pile. He had always hated the sensation on the soles of his feet, rough and itchy. Right now he felt it rubbing so much that there would a hideous carpet burn all down from his ribs to his navel, red and pink blotches on his skin. He tried to tighten his grip but he saw the child's fingers loosening on his, pinky fingers curling up. He shouted at him to not let go, to just hold on but then it happened.

Taehyung almost heard a breaking sound as their hands were dragged apart, locked fingers pulled open like a necklace chain snapping. He stretched his arms as much as he could, fingertips brushing against his but it was not good enough. He couldn't snag hold, could only flail his arms and smack his elbows on the bed and floor as he was pulled back hard. He felt the burning friction of the carpet against his stomach and it was enough to make him cry out in pain as he jerked and hit his head on the hard underside of the bed. The wooden posts caused stars to erupt behind his eyelids with a jarring thud that made his back teeth snap together from the impact. He was being pulled free and he knew that he couldn't let that happen. Under the bed was safe, under the bed monsters and giants couldn't get him. Taehyung felt himself being twisted roughly and he kicked out and tried to free his ankles from the tight grip. It didn't work, the hands on his ankles were like vices; metal, unbreakable. His feet connected with nothing more than thin air rather than hit his attacker in the chest or face like he had been aiming for.

Taehyung tried grabbing the carpet. It didn't work, the pile was too tight to possibly sink his hands into. He snaked his fingers through and held onto the wooden bed frame slats for dear life, fingers seizing up so tightly on the wood that they hurt but it was no use. All that happened was the bed bucked hard and the legs scraped along the carpet an inch or so before his grip was lost again. He had almost been flipped onto his back, twisted so severely that his lower back was in agony, and it allowed him to get one last glance at himself before he was pulled free from under the bed. Taehyung stared right at his own face, so young and yet so broken, eyes squeezed shut and mouth wide open as he sobbed and drooled all over himself, and then he was gone.

Dragged along the carpet, still flailing and crying out he saw the trousers first: black work trousers, the ones with the worn knees and a loose thread of cotton on the seam of the lower leg. No shoes, just bare feet. He knew that sight all too well. That was what made him start screaming. Taehyung knew this scene. This was the stuff of nightmares for many years now, the ones alcohol had always managed to numb. As he was tugged one last time, a hard tug that made his back itch and burn along the carpet and his legs go up vertically into the air. He grabbed tight handfuls of carpet and when he looked up and saw him standing there looking down at him he became paralysed with horror.

It was his father...but it wasn't at the same time. It was wearing his clothing, his skin, but it wasn't him. It was a monster, a demon staring down into his eyes with a hatred so intense the black depths were aflame. The hands around his ankles were like claws, tendons sticking out under the thin layer of skin and his lips were pulled back in sneer that showed his teeth. Taehyung had his father's mouth, those same even teeth that flashed between lips in a way that always made others smile. He weren't smiling now, he was grimacing at him; the flash of gums around his teeth red like warning signs. He could smell alcohol coming off him like strong cologne, a splash of soju down the throat rather than perfume dabbed behind the ears.

"The bitch left," the monster that looked like his father slurred. Taehyung watched a dribble of spittle fall to land on his chin. He didn't wipe it off. "Luh....ft me with you, you little muh...monster."

From under the bed he heard himself sobbing harder, making pleading noises. Oh it was like this the first time, but after a while the pleading stopped. No one had ever heard him anyway.

"Cuh me trash," another slurring messof words. "Runs off when I...I teach huh a lesson." One hand let go of his leg and Taehyung felt his leg dropping so that his boot thumped off the floor. "Show huh the buh...of my hand like a muh...man's 'posed to." More pleading sounded from under the bed again, his fingers were going numb around the handfuls of carpet he was holding onto and he didn't think that he could hold on much longer. "Cuh-can't finish teaching so I gotta...teach you."

Taehyung saw that grimace shifting, corners pulling up so high that he could hardly believe that a face could do something like that. He was sure that the corners practically reached his eyes; Cheshire Cat grin that looked like a tiger eyeing up prey. And he was that prey. The smile made his skin ripple almost like liquid and that was when the blackness starting squirming around him, tendrils of smoke curling up from the pits of his eyes and from between his teeth. He was finally becoming the monster, spilling free from his skin as he dropped down and started grabbing at him. Taehyung tried fighting back but he couldn't possibly do so. There was no bottle in hand now, just the carpet which he dug his heels into as he tried to drag himself away.

"Tuh...each you a fucking lesson." The wailing from under the bed reached a whole new level of volume so that it was like a siren in his ears; the screeching wail of a child terrified for their life just like he was right now.

Taehyung felt weight crushing down on him, trapping him in place so he could only buck and twist his upper half. That leering horror mask got closer and closer as the darkness distorted his father's face, skin dripping from the curves and contours liquid-like to reveal a twitching black mass underneath. Looking at it was like looking at hundreds of spiders crawling across a skull, rippling, twitching: alive. Taehyung screamed so hard that he was sure that his vocal chords would rupture and render him mute, screams and crying mixing together and echoing off those impossibly wide walls.

"Like yuh...whore mother." That twitching mass of alien flesh was so close now, the black tendrils of smoke pouring out between teeth to touch him as he spoke. Wherever the smoke touched him on his body Taehyung felt it freezing him down to the bone like death itself. He was pinned down with hands sank into his hair to trap him in place, unable to even try and squirm free one last time. He wanted to close his eyes, close his mouth, but he couldn't. Taehyung couldn't close his mouth because that meant that he had to stop screaming first and he couldn't do that with that demonic face getting closer and closer. The black mass rippled once more and he saw those white and straight teeth glinting at him from within it; a dripping and slick tongue spilling free to land on his cheek and-

He could hear himself screaming before his eyes even opened, a shrill cracked sound that he couldn't believe was coming out of his own mouth. It sounded hideous, the sound piece from a horror film that would make everyone jump in shock and maybe shout out in fear too. Yet he was making it and he couldn't seem to stop making it. All processes beyond screaming and thrashing about seemed to have gotten tangled up and that was when he heard the loud thump from behind him.

"Ah fuck!" Yoongi shouted in a guttural voice. "My fucking nose! Fuck! Fuck!" He carried on like this for several solid seconds, curses streaming out of his lips and the open window almost musically until the car stopped with a screech of still tires. The sound almost came close to the one coming out of his mouth but fell short on volume. From the front of the car he heard his friends loudly yelling questions out, what was going on, who was screaming, all of their voices blurting into a load of nonsense, and that was when Taehyung felt hands grabbing at him.

"Hey, hey, hey," Namjoon said quickly, hands trying to grab at his flailing arms before he ended up hitting one of them. "Tae stop, it's OK, you're OK." He managed to talk in a rather calm way, not shouting even though it would make perfect sense to do so right now. "You're awake, you're-"

Taehyung felt the unmistakable sensation of his fist connecting with skin, punching him in the throat as he leaned over him. Namjoon just grunted and grabbed his wrist before he could throw it out again wildly, holding it down on the flatbed as he did. Then he was moving over to get the other, Hoseok helping for he felt more than one pair of fingers around his forearm. The sound of one of the doors popping open and swinging on the hinges from the force it had been shoved open cut through the air, boots crunching on the tarmac or maybe dirt. He had no way of knowing, he had been asleep until just mere moments ago.

Taehyung was aware that he was still screaming but he couldn't help himself. When he gasped for air it was ragged and just escaped again in that hideous noise. His throat was hurting so badly, burning just like the way the carpet had burnt in his nightmare but still the sound came out regardless of the pain. He kicked out with his legs and felt his heels bouncing off the metal flooring of the flatbed; he bucked his hips and chest up as he tried to struggle free but he couldn't. He was firmly pinned in place. He heard Seokjin asking something and then felt the vehicle shifting slightly as he jumped up onto the back and next thing he knew he couldn't move his legs either. After one last attempt of breaking free he couldn't fight back anymore because he was too exhausted, skin coated with sweat and limbs shivering terribly. Taehyung didn't stop screaming, not exactly, his screams just turned into sobs instead, wrenched up from his stomach with enough force to make it clench every single time.

"...Shit," Hoseok breathed out heavily. He peered out from his tightly squeezed shut eyes to see Namjoon still hanging over him with his lips set in a tight line, the thin chain of a necklace dangling down from around his neck to hover just above his nose. "It was juh...just a nightmare Tae." His fingers reached over to brush across his brow gently. He just wished that the contact didn't make him grind his teeth together. "You're OK."

Taehyung couldn't breathe because he was shaking so bad. His heart was racing hard enough to hurt and he could feel it pulsing in his chest, his throat, his head in sync. But despite sweating heavily he felt freezing cold, a chill all over like he had been submerged in an ice bath. After a few more seconds Namjoon released him and moved so that he wasn't hanging over him. He took several quick breaths as he tried to calm himself down, hands twitching uselessly on the flooring as he did. Hoseok carried on brushing his hair back off his brow for him, touch soft like whispers on his clammy skin.

Then came the dawning realisation that he had pissed himself.

Oh, as if the hysterical tears and screaming wasn't bad enough he had fucking pissed himself too. Taehyung could feel it, the liquid wetness that was now rapidly cooling so that his jeans and underwear were clinging to his skin, that had probably soaked through right into the blanket and ruined that too. He felt so many conflicting emotions that he couldn't seem to control them: fear, shame, disgust. He had pissed himself like a baby in front of his friends. If there was something more shameful than that then he couldn't possibly imagine it. Being caught in the middle of sex by Hoseok's father didn't even seem to come close to it. It just made it that much harder to get himself under control and his sobs just carried on a lower volume, a shuddering moan and hiccup instead of a wail and a gasp.

Taehyung reached up with one shaking hand to rub at his eyes, trying to stop them from stinging so he could open them fully. When he did he looked up to see Hoseok's face just in his periphery. He was still on his back and he didn't think that he could possibly sit up for his body was much too heavy.

"Tae, it's alright." The weight of Seokjin's palm settled on his knee, warm and gentle just like his voice. He felt his fingers brushing along the denim in a motherly way.

"Guh...guys I fuh..." Taehyung took a shuddering breath, "fucking pissed myself." Then he let out a moan as he covered his eyes with his hand. He was so cold he was shivering and he felt his back teeth chattering together. Seokjin told him that it was okay, that it just a simple accident and that it happens sometimes. "Puh...pissed like a baby, shit."

"Come on, get up." His eldest friend reached over and grabbed his ribs, grip firm as he slowly pulled him into sitting position. Taehyung felt his soaked jeans squelching at this, the scent of urine so strong that it made him feel nauseous. Then Seokjin was slowly climbing down off the back and pulling him off with him. His legs dropped over the side and then his friend practically lifted him down as if he were a child. He was led over to the side of the road away from the car and then Seokjin stopped, hands holding his upper arms firmly. "You're alright Tae. You're awake right now, with us. We're on the road and you're safe, OK?" Taehyung managed to make a noise in agreement and then his friend let go of one arm to wipe at his cheeks. The curve of his palm below his thumb gently wiped along his skin, soft and warm. "It was just a nightmare. Nightmares can't hurt you."

Taehyung didn't want to tell him that it wasn't a nightmare, not really. It had been something closer to a memory if he ignored the monster part; the twitching black face leering at him. But to him that part was just as real as the rest, for he had been unable to look at his father ever again without seeing a strange mask where his face should have been.

There was a thumping noise from just behind him and Taehyung turned his head slightly to see Yoongi kneeling down and opening a bag, rifling through the canvas holdall and pulling things out: folded up loose black jeans and clean underwear. There was something shoved up his nostrils and he saw that it was a tissue, a bloody balled up roll of tissue because he must have hit his face on something when he had screamed them all awake. The window, the back of a seat, Jimin's head? Yoongi held them up to Seokjin and his friend accepted them, shoving them under his arm to hold them in place because he was still wiping at his cheeks.

"Let's get cleaned up."

Taehyung felt rather stupid standing on the side of a road like this, fumbling out of a pair of piss soaked jeans and letting them drop down to his ankles, staring ahead without really seeing what was there beyond trees and glowing buildings on the skyline. He stepped out of them and then he was wrenching down on his underwear too, gnawing down on his lip as he did; half-naked, still shaking from his nightmare whilst his friends all waited back over the car. After a slight struggle he was getting changed into the clean clothing and Seokjin helped his fasten the jeans because the zipper was a little stiff and he couldn't get it to budge. The ruined clothing were not able to be cleaned and so the items were just left in the grass on the side of the road like trash. Then his friend was guiding him back over to the car and gently helping him climb up onto the back. Taehyung crawled along the flatbed to get back to where he had been lying, finding the flooring and blanket dry rather than soaked like he had expected. Good, it meant that he could curl up under it all and hide himself from view.

"I think we all need a break," Namjoon suggested as he shifted to get off the back of the truck. He got closer to Seokjin and leaned forward to whisper something to him. There was a slight back and forth and then he was moving to go to the front of the car, leaving the back open for their eldest friend to climb up and lie beside him.

Taehyung heard Jimin talking softly, asking what had happened in a sleepy mumble and Yoongi replying in a clogged up voice that he should go back to sleep. There was a series of footsteps and then the car creaked and shifted slightly as someone climbed up. Jungkook quietly said that he wanted to lie in the back too, shuffling over so that he could squeeze into the space between Seokjin's back and the wall of the flatbed. After a moment he heard the doors all slamming shut as the other three settled down inside the car. The air fell silent and then his eldest friend asked him if he wanted to take a sleeping pill. Taehyung mumbled that he didn't want one, all the while thinking that he wouldn't sleep for the rest of the night without one. How could he, after everything that had just happened?

A nightmare that was really more reality than they could even imagine? One that they wouldn't understand, that would make very little sense because they didn't really know. It was that dark little part of him that nobody knew about, that was as black as his father's distorted face.

He slowly uncurled from his tight ball and peered over the edge of the blanket to look at Hoseok. His friend was still sitting upright, back against the back window and legs cocked up in front of him. His hands were clasped in his lap and he was playing with the cuff of his checked shirt, eyes staring off across the horizon. His face was surprisingly blank of emotion and he longed to reach out and touch him but he didn't think that he could right now. Looking at his hands he could only think about grabbing onto the carpet, the wooden slats of his bed...his own hands. They were dirty, stained hands that didn't deserve to touch him right now. Not when he could remember everything so disgustingly vividly. Almost as if he felt his gaze on him Hoseok moved his head to look down at him, expression staying blank for a moment before raising his eyebrows at him.

"I'm not going to ask what you...what you went through because I don't want to remind you and upset you again." He sighed heavily and then slowly shifted to lie mostly down, still elevated slightly by the pillow behind him. It was like he was using the back window as a headboard. "But you know you're OK, right?" Taehyung nodded to confirm that he did. The scent of his sweat had drowned the faint lavender on the pillow. "It was just a nightmare." Hoseok paused for a moment and then quietly added. "He can't hurt you anymore."

Taehyung didn't have the energy to argue against this. Instead he just felt his two friends shifting on the flatbed behind him, settling down together. When he rolled onto his back and spared a glance over he saw Seokjin lying on his stomach, face mostly pressed into the pillow and arm curled up to hold onto some of his blanket. Jungkook had wriggled into the space and currently had his head balanced on his back, right between his shoulder blades and one arm lazily placed over his waist. The boy looked to have fallen asleep already, lips open to show his slight buck teeth and head rising up and down in rhythm with Seokjin's breathing. There was a shuffling sound as Hoseok finally lay down beside him again.

"Are you going to sleep?"

"...No," he replied, croaking again because he had screamed himself hoarse because of his nightmare. "I think I'll just stay awake for a while and...think." Hoseok told him to try and avoid thinking as he pulled his bag close and started rooting around inside of it, pulling leather straps through buckles to get inside. He pulled his diary out with a pen and then moved to check another bag, sorting through until he found the torch that Namjoon had bought. He turned it on and squinted as the light hurt his eyes. "You should sleep, you need rest."

"I probably will, just not right now. I need to think too." Hoseok flicked through and settled on a clean page, uncapped pen in hand as he stared at the paper.

Yet several still minutes later his lover had succumbed to sleep before writing a single line. Taehyung had looked at the book many times over the year and so he slowly moved his hand off it to pick it up with the torch. He trained the light on it and then spared a glance up at the sky. Right now he could see those stars he had thought about earlier out above him. Very little pollution where they were, the sky pitch black but still containing a bare few stars rather than a galaxy. He studied the sight for a moment before dropping his gaze back to the diary, and then he flicked through to find the sketch from the other day; the one of the train tracks. That would make him feel better, he was certain that it would. He could visualise the thick grass and breathe in the scent of the soil that lingered on the air to make it all seem so much more real. The weight of the sunlight on his body rather than the night chill trying to get him through the blanket. It would transport him back to a good time in his life, even when that time had tasted like cheap store bought vodka and he had always been a little blurred around the edges. Taehyung stared at the blue lines on the page that Hoseok had created and he tried to recall the last time that he had felt truly happy.

Yet no amount of contemplation could give him a precise answer.