The sight out of the front window was that of a denim blue sky and a quick glance at the dashboard clock showed him that it was almost 9am. It wasn't late exactly, but Namjoon almost felt like it was. They had lost quite a few early morning hours sleeping on the side of the road like this yet it wasn't exactly like they had wanted to do that. He had fallen asleep with the knowledge of the car still moving forward, too tired from the little sleep he had gotten the previous day to stay awake even though he had wanted to. It had just been the gentle vibrations from the flatbed flooring combined with the still and silent air that had made him succumb to slumber. He didn't even recall sleeping for he had sunken down so deeply in his sleep it had been nothing more than sheer blackness. Peaceful, calming blackness that had been broken by the sound of screaming.

Namjoon had never heard something quite like that before in his life. He had heard screams of course, the usual ones that would escape and then turn into embarrassed laughter whenever he or his friends were caught by surprise, the excited ones that Jimin had a habit of making. They were all nothing in comparison to the noise that Taehyung had made last night. It had surpassed a level of fear or excitement and had bordered on pure horror, something that even a terrible horror film couldn't possibly achieve. It had been cracked and hoarse, had reached warbling levels that had made his ears ache. Even now, hours after it had all happened, Namjoon could hardly believe that Taehyung had actually made that noise. Needless to say it had freaked him out greatly, being woken up to the sound of him screaming and the sight of him flailing around. It had almost been as if he had been having a seizure of some kind, face and fists scrunched up tightly as his limbs had jerked. Even though it had been crazy it had been the first thought to cross his mind in the few seconds he had been frozen in place, staring at him because he hadn't known what to do. But then instinct had kicked in and he had finally reacted. Pinning him down to the flatbed might not have been the best idea considering everything, but he hadn't had many other options. It had worked at least, though it hadn't really calmed him down that much at all. There had still been the tears and the shaking; the hysterics.

Outside the window he watched a truck rumble past, cloud of dust thrown into the air from the wheels that then dispersed across the road. They were parked right on the edge of the road to free up most of the lane but even then he thought it was lucky that passing people hadn't hit their horns just to wake them up. Namjoon would like to think that people wouldn't do that but he knew better. He could recall the night the Chevy Impala had broken down and all of those vehicles had passed them without even slowing down, staring out of windows at them like they were some kind of circus act. He knew that the sight of people sleeping rough would cause quite a few people to unleash their asshole potentials and honk their horn a dozen times. Luckily for them the road that they were currently on was so far out between cities that they only saw a rare few vehicles passing, most of them industrial goods trucks or large coaches.

He shifted to sit upright rather than slumped back, accidentally knocking his knee into the steering wheel as he did. It was rather cramped trying to sleep in the driver-seat that it was no wonder Seokjin had decided to crash in the back the other morning. He reached over with a sleepy groan as he grabbed the door handle and pushed it open. It swung outwards with a creak that had the car move lightly, and he swung his legs over to sit sideways in the seat for a moment. He rubbed his eyes roughly and glanced in the back to see Jimin and Yoongi lying on the backseat; the former curled up so tightly that his knees were nearly against his chest, using the latter's shoulder as a pillow. Yoongi had his head balanced on the top of his, face burrowed his dark hair so that there was a clash between the colours. There was a blanket shrugged over them both and they looked comfortable even in the cramped space. He thought that they wouldn't enjoy waking up and finding out that they out that they couldn't feel their legs however. Namjoon climbed out of the seat and walked around the side of the car to get to the open back.

The rest of his friends were lying in the flatbed: Jungkook then Seokjin then Taehyung and finally Hoseok. Jungkook was sleeping mostly on top of their eldest friend, using him as a pillow and looking very comfortable. Looking at him reminded him of a cat lying sprawled out on an owner's lap, snug and blissfully asleep. He could only study the back of Seokjin's head and a slight hint of his profile. It was funny seeing the youngest on his back because he barely cover his wide shoulders, but the one thing that the position revealed to him was how much bigger Jungkook had gotten over the last year. Namjoon wouldn't at all be surprised if he discovered that he was a little taller now, which would mean that he might just beat his height soon. He shifted his gaze along to study his two other friends.

Hoseok was lying on the other side, buried under his blanket with his backpack open beside him. He must have been rooting through it last night and had forgotten to close it again, falling asleep just as exhausted as they had all been. Lastly Taehyung was seated up, slumped over slightly so that his chin was on his chest. His arms were hugging a book to his chest, one that he didn't recognise but could see was a notebook rather than a published novel. There was a slight edge of silken ribbon sticking out of the inside and Namjoon cocked his head to see the hints of letters embossed on the front cover. 'Just My Thoughts' was printed in a slanting cursive print on the soft blue cover, upside down and back to front in his friend's arms. Quaint. Had it come from Hoseok's bag? Perhaps, but whatever it was he knew one thing: it had caused Taehyung to fall back into a peaceful sleep. That was a blessing for he needed it. It seemed that the sleeping pill they had plied him with over the night might just be more useful than thought, for it had managed to numb him enough to not dream at all the first. It wasn't good, but it wasn't like they had any other solutions right now. If he could dream then he might just end up waking up screaming again just like last night.

Namjoon had no idea what his nightmare had been about, couldn't possibly imagine the kinds of things that had caused him to scream himself awake like that. A few days ago Hoseok had told them all that their friend's mind was a maze of self-hate and fear, that it was a dark place that not even Taehyung would venture into. Deep in the recesses of his mind Namjoon knew that horrible memories would fester and grow more toxic; would go from traumatic to nightmarish. His father and his flying rolled up fists, the years on the streets and in the hostel, the trouble on the adventure with Jimin, all of these things were just sparks that could spread and become fires in his friend's mind. Just like Yoongi and his stress-induced terrors, it was perfectly reasonable that Taehyung would have nightmares after what had happened. He would have been shocked if he hadn't. Yet he, Seokjin and Jungkook were yet to have nightmares about what they had seen and done: burying a corpse in a shallow grave, not even a stranger that was nameless but their friend's father. Namjoon had told Jungkook that he hadn't really looked but he had. He had looked just once and yet the image would probably be stuck in the back of his mind for the rest of his life, an image that always seemed to be floating behind the eyelids; there and gone again in the blink of an eye. Ashen skin, glazed over eyes, the shock of black hair almost as demanding to the eye as the blood all over the floor and soaked into his work shirt. He doubted he would forget the thumping sound that the body had made being rolled over and the wooden stiffness of the limbs as he had helped carry him into the garden.

If those thoughts were enough to cause chills to run down his spine then he could only imagine what it was like in Taehyung's mind thinking about it all. He had nearly died. That wasn't a situation one just simply recovered from. He would probably have nightmares about that for the rest of his life, if that was what he had even had a nightmare over. It could have been other things.

Namjoon folded his arms up on the back of the flatbed as he looked at his friend. Seeing him that way, sleeping with his mouth open in a soft pout, eyelashes fluttering every now and again as he exhaled, he couldn't get over how fragile he looked. This was Taehyung, the young man that had been unlike anyone else he had ever met; that had been the boy that drank vodka straight and shouted curses at the skies at the tops of his lungs. Yet here he was, such a fragile thing right in front of his eyes. It was strange. Looking at him made him think of a flower. A flower that had bloomed so wonderfully from the cracks between paving slabs, one that could be stepped on and crushed to nothing underfoot. One that would wither away over such a short time. But Taehyung hadn't withered, he had just...lost his colour was all. He would recover and bloom just as brightly as he had before, right?

As this thought crossed his mind Taehyung's head dropped suddenly and the jolt made him wake up, snorting loudly as he jerked his heavy head back up. The book fell out of his arms and landed on the floor of the flatbed, opening up with a crackling of pages. His friend eyed this and then sensed him staring at him so he lifted his eyes and he held his gaze for a few seconds before dropping it once more.

"I was just about to wake you all up," Namjoon explained with a soft smile. "You saved me some trouble." He shifted to pull himself up onto the flatbed and then grabbed one of Jungkook's legs. The boy had placed it over the backs of Seokjin's so he lifted it up and dropped it down on the carriage.

"Huh, wuh-" there was a loud thud as the boy's head connected with the back window and Namjoon winced at the sound. From the inside the car came a loud grumble and it seemed that the sound had woken Yoongi up, for only he could make such a disgruntled noise. It was a talent he had perfected as well as his blunt and sharp tongue.

"That's gotta hurt."

"Ah fuck!" Jungkook cradled one arm over his head and he let out of deep groan. "What a great fucking way to start the day, huh?" Namjoon just smirked at him and then he shifted to look at Seokjin's head. "Should I?"

"Be my guest." Namjoon moved back to sit on his heels and he watched Jungkook for a moment as the boy tried to think of the best way to wake him up. He leaned close and seemed to consider yelling right down his ear but then settled for getting to his feet. Oh, this was going to be interesting. Jungkook grinned widely at him and then he moved so fast he was practically a blur. He cocked his leg back and then swung it out so that the toes of his boots connected with him. Not on his upper thigh, oh no, the boy's aim was perfectly true. He kicked Seokjin right in the ass and the sound was enough to make both him and Taehyung burst out laughing: like that of a baseball landing right in a catcher's mitt with a satisfying thump. This time it was Seokjin's turn to react, and he did by crying out in surprise and jumping up onto his hands and knees. Then he reached down with one hand to touch his no doubt stinging behind.

"Good morning~" Jungkook said in such a saccharine voice it was unbelievable. He sounded as sweet as a choir boy, hands folded in front of him just to add to the innocence appearance. If it wasn't for his sleep messy hair he might just pass for an angel.

"Do that again and I'll give you food poisoning," Seokjin intoned in a stern voice as he moved to sit down. He managed to keep the expression on his face for all of three seconds before laughing. "That hurt, you know?"

"Wake up first next time and you can kick me instead," the boy offered as he hunkered back down, arms folded on his knees. Seokjin muttered that the thought was incredibly tempting. The back door popped open and a moment later Jimin and Yoongi were climbing out, the former grabbing the latter's hands to help him climb out. The sight made Namjoon smile, thinking that it looked like a Boy Scout aiding a poor old man at a care home. Yoongi's hair was nearly white after all. Then Jimin was walking into the grass on the side of the road to presumably relieve himself. He glanced back over the flatbed to see that Hoseok had woken up too, either from the sound of Seokjin yelping or possibly because Taehyung had been polite enough to wake him up with a gentle shake of the shoulder. He was rubbing at his eyes roughly, cross-legged with the blanket puddled in his lap; the patchwork pattern not that much different from the shirt he was wearing under his denim jacket.

"Hey guys?" Taehyung said in a quiet voice. "I uh...I'm sorry about last night."

The air fell silent at this, all of them going still and silent as they looked at him. Taehyung was staring at his hands on his thighs rather than look back up at them, fingers twitching every few seconds as if he was trying to find a thread to pull on and shoulders high and tense. He wasn't quite gnawing on his lower lip but he was getting close and if he didn't stop he might just nibble right down through the already chapped thin layers of skin and cause himself to bleed. He looked like he was waiting for something, for someone to yell or maybe even hit out at him. Then Seokjin shifted to gently place an arm around his shoulders and they dropped from the contact.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he said in a soft voice, hand on his far shoulder and palm brushing against his denim jacket with a soft rustling sound. "You don't need to say sorry, we don't need an apology either."

"But I..." Taehyung looked up to hold his eyes and he paused. Then he shifted his gaze over to look at him. Namjoon just shook his head at him, telling him that there was no need to finish talking, so he let his breath out in a wheezy sigh.

"You don't need to apologise over a nightmare Tae," Hoseok agreed as he collected the book from the flooring and placed it on his thigh. He must have located a pen too for he moved forward to grab something and then sat back against the side of the flatbed. "You did nothing and we're not mad at all. We're just glad to see that you're OK today, right?"

"Right," Jungkook agreed as he pulled one of the bags over to himself. He rifled through it quickly and there was a series of rustling and light clanging sounds and then he pulled something out. Namjoon caught the familiar sight of clear wrapping around a bundle of bread and then the boy was unraveling it and pulling a slice free.

"Kookie," Seokjin said in a weary voice as he stared at the boy. "Don't eat those, they'll be stale by now."

"Tastes good to me," Jungkook retorted around a mouthful of sandwich. Judging from the slightly red stains in the white bread it was one of the bulgogi ones. Namjoon thought that the fact that they might be stale would be nothing in comparison to the fact that there was meat in the filling. It was enough to make him grimace at the thought. Clearly the boy had a strong stomach...and terrible taste buds. "Try a bite." He shoved it at their eldest friend and Seokjin just pushed his hand away. "All food is good food."

"You're gonna puke an hour from now," Taehyung remarked in a low voice, elbow balanced on his drawn up knees and chin in the palm of his hand. "Gonna puke your guts up like that one time you drank that Bloody Mary."

"It wasn't a Bloody Mary," Hoseok explained. "He poured strawberry syrup in a glass of vodka and pretended it was. Remember?"

"Yeah I remember that," Yoongi muttered as moved over to fold his arms up on the side of the flatbed, chin on his forearms. "Kookie puking up something that looked like blood whilst you were all laughing like fucking loons. That was fun." Jungkook smirked to himself as he carried on eating, seemingly not going to stop even after everything that they had said to him. After a moment the blond man reached inside to grab Jimin's backpack, rooting around inside it until he pulled the familiar white box of his Polaroid camera out. He turned it over and study it before glancing back to look at their friend. Jimin was currently stretching on the side of the road to loosen his stiff muscles. Yoongi leaned back against the side of the vehicle and watched him for a moment, lifting the camera up in preparation. When Jimin finished rolling his arms like pinwheels and dropped low to spread his thighs out on the ground he held it up to his face. At the exact moment Jimin leaned forward to touch his toes, ass perking up ever so slightly, he depressed the shutter button and there was the loud click of it closing and opening again.

"What the...?" Jimin twisted back to look over his shoulder, eyes wide in surprise and confusion. He saw the camera in Yoongi's hands and then he let out a sudden laugh; sweet. "You ass."

"It's a keeper," Yoongi pulled the shot free and started shaking it, leaning back to shove the camera back in the bag. "Anyone got a pen?" Namjoon pulled his Sharpie pen out of his hoodie pocket, the one he had been scrawling on the map with, and he held it out. His friend accepted it, pulling the lid off with his teeth. Then he was shifting to press the shot against the back window so he could scribble on it. Yoongi hummed slightly under his breath as he worked, an artist creating a masterpiece.

"What're you writing?" Jimin asked as he carried on stretching. Clearly this was a game of some sort for them, one that the rest of them had just discovered. It was somewhat surprising for Namjoon to imagine Yoongi playing around with something so childishly sweet, but it was also strangely fitting. "Better not be something mean..."

When Yoongi was finished he recapped the pen and gave it back to him. Namjoon caught a quick glance at the Polaroid showed that he had scrawled the words 'target sighted' on the bottom in his usual messy print. Very childish indeed. His friend looked at shot with a loud snort and then shoved it into his back jeans pocket to hide it from Jimin's sight. He was still too busy stretching to notice.

"Why did you even pack that thing?" Namjoon asked as he watched Jimin roll back onto his back to lift his legs and start rolling his ankles.

"For the memories."

"I packed a photo album," Hoseok said suddenly, looking up from his diary to glance over them all. When they stared back at him blankly he laughed. "Don't really know why I just did. Good thing we've got the car or else our shoulders would all ache from carrying all of the shit we packed around, right?" A photo album? Why they were all being so nostalgic all of a sudden he wasn't entirely sure, but Namjoon could somewhat sense the emotion too.

"I wanna look at it," Jungkook said, still working his way through the second half of his sandwich.

"Wait until we get into Taean County," Hoseok replied, turning his attention back to the book on his lap. "Then we can all sit down and look at it. Maybe stick some of those Polaroids in it...if they aren't just shots of Jimin's ass that is." Yoongi argued that they wouldn't get many new shots inside if that was the case, eliciting a few sniggers as he did.

After a moment of silence, the bare vehicles rolling down the road punctuating it with softly rumbling engines, Seokjin announced that he had packed his old Sony camcorder too. At this news everyone made noises of wonder and excitement. Namjoon forgot the fact that he was the only one that had seen it recently. For everyone else it had been a few years, so it was no surprise that they all started talking about it, asking to see it because they didn't believe him. So Seokjin dragged his holdall bag over and pulled it onto his lap, unzipping it to rifle through the interior. Then he pulled the camcorder out and held it up to show them all. The silver body of the camcorder reflected the sunlight off its curves so that the object gleamed in his hand. He explained that the card in it was currently empty, that he had shoved a few of the old ones inside one of the inner compartments. A blank card just waiting to be filled.

"Ah that's so cool," Jungkook said with an awed expression. Namjoon joked that it was older than he was, the others laughing at the sudden quip. "Ha-ha, very funny. I remember it, I thought that it was broken." Seokjin explained that he had just left it his old family home when he moved onto the college campus and that it had ended up down in Anyang when his parents had moved. When he had stayed with them for near a month he had found it, found that it was working perfectly fine, and that he had brought it back to Seoul with him.

"Can I...can I look at it?" Taehyung asked in a soft voice. His request hanged in the air for a few seconds and then Seokjin held his hand out to offer him the device. He shifted to accept it and then held the camcorder between his hands as if it was something sacred, a relic. He didn't turn it on but just turned it over slowly as he studied it. "Y'know what's on the cards?"

"No, that's the fun part," Seokjin said with a soft smile. "We'll have to watch them and find out." Taehyung made a soft noise under his breath, opening the screen so that he could look at it and then closing it again. "I checked the card that was in it whilst I charged it. Found footage from that time you jumped onto the tree in the park, that's all I know that's on one of the cards."

"Superman Tae," Jimin remarked as he got back to his feet and dusted the backs of his jeans free of foliage and soil. All stretched loose and limber he practically skipped back over to the car. He got over to Yoongi and noted that he didn't have the shot in his hand so he shoved his own hand into his jacket pocket. When he didn't find it he made a disgruntled noise and then attempted to find it in his jeans pockets. "C'mon, lemme just see it. Lemme-"

"We'll look back on those videos and think...how the fuck did we survive?" Hoseok spoke over the tussling pair with a warm laugh. "Trying to fly, skateboarding in front of traffic, jumping off the tops of trains and daring each other to touch live tracks." He closed his diary and then slipped it into his backpack, back down deep where the photo album would be hidden under folded up clothes. "Reckless seems like an understatement."

"But it was fun," Taehyung said as he held the camcorder back out to Seokjin, their eldest friend accepting the device. "Even when it was fucking nuts and dangerous, it was fun." Namjoon silently agreed with this statement. Even with their borderline death wish ideas there was no denying that they had still been fun at the time. A certain memory of Taehyung shoving Jungkook down a hill in soapbox car the boy had made in school to see if it would really work, ages nine and seven respectively, came into mind and he wondered if that was on one of the cards. The sight of the shitty wheel popping of one of the back axles as the thing had damn near fell apart at the bottom of the hill, all of them waiting for the pissed off tears from the child...except Jungkook had climbed free of the broken creation with a wide grin and only voiced his annoyance that he couldn't do it again.

After another moment of tussling Yoongi relented and gave Jimin the Polaroid shot, his lover making a happy little noise as he had won. Jimin studied it for a moment before pulling the other shot out of his jeans and holding them up to observe, no doubt comparing the artistic integrity of each one: an ass shot and a perfectly timed snap of them play fencing. Then he moved to walk around to the back of the car, passing them along to Hoseok so he could keep them safe for the photo album. So Hoseok accepted them and placed them in an inside compartment of his backpack. Yoongi pulled his cigarettes out and flicked the packet open with his thumb before eyeing the contents. He slipped one free with his teeth and then held the packet out, offering the last one to whoever wanted to take it. Jungkook leaned over the side to collect it and he waited for Yoongi to pull a box of matches out.

"No lighter?"

"Nah kid, back to fucking basics," he said around the stick as he shook a matchstick out and dashed it on the emery board. The head caught alight with a rough striking sound so he held the end up and lit his one before leaning over to light his too. Then he shook his wrist and the flame died, head now smouldering black instead of red. Yoongi took a deep drag and breathed it out in a groan. The smoke escaped his lips in a wispy cloud and he rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. "There's gotta be a gas station coming up soon, right? One we can get cleaned in?"

"Judging from the quick check I did on my phone, yeah," Namjoon replied. "Gas station a couple of dozen miles away. Shouldn't take too long to get there."

"Good, I can buy more smokes." As if that was the most important aspect of the gas station, not the bathrooms and cold fridges filled with food and water, the charging stations for their phones to save them from running out of battery. No, for Yoongi it was clearly the cigarettes.

"We should get moving," Seokjin said as he shuffled along the flatbed to drop down beside Namjoon. "There will be plenty enough time for eating and cleaning up when we get there." He dusted his hands off and then walked around the side of the car to climb into the driver-seat, waiting for them to all pile back inside so they could get rolling down the road once more.

The gas station looked pretty much like every other gas station, Namjoon was to find out. Having worked in one for near a solid year in the past he was greatly used to the sight of such a building, yet he always found himself wondering if the sight would ever change. But just like up in Seoul, and the ones that he remembered from the adventure last year, Asan's offering did not break the mold at all. Just like the motel rooms all over again, copy and paste over and over.

The gas station wasn't exactly inside of Asan but rather on the outskirts, meaning that it wasn't packed full and crowded but rather just had a couple of vehicles pulled up. Of those vehicles most people seemed to just be filling tanks up before leaving, popping in to grab a drink or some cigarettes and nothing more. It was the usual wide square building with glass windows that made up most of the walls, the lower area white washed bricks and the panes held in thin metal frames. The roof was a flat sheet of metal with a slight overhang that would protect customers from the rain, and there was a rubberised ramp that led to the automatic doors. There were ten pumps situated around the lot, all of them deep green with petrol companies advertised on the sides and black hoses and handles stuck in the fronts. Glass screen and slots set into the metal, a little rotating pole beside the lot with a spinning orb on top to catch the eye. The lot was dark grey asphalt divided by thick white paint lines, sectioning off an area for each pump. Standard issue, he could picture the interior already in his mind: linoleum, plywood shelves packed with shit, plastic counters.

Seokjin pulled the car up into a space near the edge of the station and killed the engine. He glanced over the lot for a moment before making a soft noise under his breath. From his position in the passenger-seat he could see that he was eyeing the other vehicles up. Last time they had crashed at a gas station it had been near empty, allowing them to use the restroom without complaint. Now they were going to have a little trouble. Then he popped the door open and climbed out, a signal that they should all follow suite. So they got out of the car, or jumped from the back. Their friend shifted their bags into the backseat just to stop any wandering hands from stealing them, and then they were all following along after him to enter the gas station a little like ducklings following their mother. The interior, it turned out, was very similar to what he had imagined except a lot better. There wasn't just aisles of food and drinks and papers, cigarettes behind the tills. There was also a long counter along the wall beside the entrance door with stools placed along the length. Instant hot water and coffee machines, tall box machines with plugs that could be used to charge phones for a couple of hundred won. It was just like the station he had worked at back in Seoul, surprisingly high tech for a station out in the middle of a small town like Asan. This changed a lot of things because it meant that they could prepare food nice and easy inside rather than pile into the flatbed and hope for the best. Namjoon studied all of this with a great interest and then turned to look at his friends, who seemed to be thinking this over too.

"Let's uh..." Seokjin paused and then furrowed his brow as he thought it over. "Fill up the car, get cleaned up, make some food using the counters for convenience. We can charge our phones whilst we eat too, my battery is running kind of low right now. Then as soon as we're done eating we can leave, no rush at all. Sound good?"

"I'll fill up the car," Hoseok said as he turned on his heel and crossed the store.

"Jin, we can buy the shit," Yoongi said, shifting to grab a basket. "Everyone else can get cleaned up first, I don't mind."

"Use the disabled toilet, go in pairs," Taehyung explained to them. "Sounds stupid 'cos it's only tiny but trust me I know from experience, no one's gonna need it. Just try not to elbow each other too much." Jungkook and Jimin nodded in agreement before bounding out of the station to get to the restrooms, meaning that Namjoon was left standing there without a clue what to do.

Namjoon glanced over the store before watching his older friends crossing to disappear down the aisles and then he noticed that Taehyung had wandered off too. He stared at the spot that he had been occupying and then moved to glance down the first aisle. Yoongi was studying the backs of a food container, squinting at the tiny print, and Seokjin was nowhere in sight. Namjoon went along and to the next aisle to see baby goods and rows of cheap medical supplies in the forms of aspirin, bandage rolls, boxes of plasters and dressings and herbal treatments for headache and nausea. He located Taehyung in the next aisle, standing right in front of a pitifully small shelf on which alcohol had been left, clearly for last minute rushed gifts for celebrations. Taehyung had his hands in his pockets but after a few seconds he pulled them free to pick up a bottle of soju. He just held it in his hands, unmoving and likely unblinking as he stared at the label on the front.

"Hey?" Namjoon saw his shoulders go up slightly at his voice, fingers luckily tightening on the bottle rather than loosening so that it dropped to the linoleum and shattered: green shards flying everywhere, the stink of soju filling their noses as the cheap liquid splashed on their boots. Taehyung glanced over his shoulder sharply at him, holding his gaze with wide eyes and slack lips. Namjoon reached over to put his own hand on the bottle and his friend let him gently take it out of his hands to put it back on the shelf in front of them. There was no resistance, no attempt at knocking his hand free. He probably should have said something to him but he wasn't quite sure what he could without sounding rather mean: "put the bottle down" coming across too authoritative, like a parent telling off a naughty child; "what are you doing?" foolish and pointless. Instead he just put the bottle back and dropped his hand down to his side. Taehyung stared at the bottle silently for a moment, eyes glassy, and then he let out a soft laugh.

"Kinda funny, just holding one of those bottles makes me feel so much better. Funny...and fucked up."

"It's been a year," Namjoon replied in a quiet voice as he glanced up and down the aisle. None of the others had seen them, none of them had a clue. "That's a long time. You been holding onto bottles every time you felt bad? No, you've had other things that made you feel better, yeah?" Taehyung didn't reply, and the look on his face hinted that maybe he hadn't really been feeling 'better' after all. "I know you weren't gonna do anything, I trust you brother. But it's not good to be around this shit."

"I know, I just," his friend shifted to shove his hands into his pockets. "I saw it and just couldn't help myself. I just needed to feel the weight of it in my hands, it's like...it's like holding someone's hand, y'know?"

Taehyung turned his head slightly to look at him, eyes not holding his but rather just moving over his face slowly. He could see that he was gnawing on his lip, pulling it in so that his upper teeth flashed. Holding someone's hand? It was a strange analogy but it seemed fitting in its own way. The weight of the bottle on the palm and the wrapping of the fingers around the sides or the neck. It could feel just like holding a hand, even if it was cold and hard glass rather than smooth and warm flesh. Did it really matter that holding the bottle made him feel better? Not really, no, so long as that was all that he did. Namjoon did trust him to not give up and knock back five shots but he had also trusted Yoongi to stop burning himself and he knew that he hadn't done that just yet. There were still recent bumps of skin that hadn't been scarred in the past that showed that he had slipped up over the last year. If Yoongi had slipped up then maybe, just maybe, trusting someone on their own wasn't the best idea. Maybe a little bit of firm guidance was needed too.

"You need to hold someone's hand?" Namjoon asked. "You got six sets of hands." Taehyung thought this over for a moment and then he laughed softly. It was a pretty cheesy thing to say but it worked for his friend dragged his eyes away from the booze shelf and instead glanced over the aisle.

"I was just looking for snacks and this happens, you should get me blinkers," he muttered as he pulled hand free and ran a hand through his hair. It showed a quick flash of his brow before the messy tangle fell back forward again. "Got booze on the brain even when I haven't touched it in forever. Shit, you think I'll ever stop thinking of it?"

"Yeah, I think that you will. It just takes a little longer I mean, a year is great but-"

"It's not that long at all." Namjoon agreed with this and Taehyung scuffed his boot on the linoleum. "Feels like just yesterday we were all sitting outside that coach station, y'know? Maybe that's why I can't stop thinking about it? 'Cos I don't feel like it's been a year. I feel like it's been just days." He let his breath out in a soft sigh and then he offered him a weak attempt at a smile. "Feels good knowing that it hasn't." Namjoon reached over to sling an arm around his shoulders and pull him closer, Taehyung leaning in close to him.

"And a year from now," he said as started walking down the aisle, steering him away from the alcohol, "you'll look back and think, "shit has it really been two years?" and when we tell you it had you'll go, "no fucking way man!"" Taehyung grinned at this as they stepped out into the perpendicular aisle. It was a long stretch of magazines, most of them girlie mags placed high to stop any kids snatching them and lower racks filled with teen idol ones. At the very far end there was a large fridge section with more beverages in, and judging from the large space in the shelves where the water was Seokjin had already been there. "Next thing you know it's been five years and you're not even aware of it because you haven't been marking down the days."

They located their two friends over by the tills paying for a full basket of goods using Seokjin's card. Despite there being food still left in the back it was all preserved goods like nests of dried noodles and meats that would stay fresh for quite some time. But the food for sale in the station was relatively fresh - prepared food from the morning delivery - so it made sense to take advantage of this rather than deplete their stocks. Most of the basket was filled with bottles of water and juices, which they had nearly ran out of in the summer heat. As soon as everything was packed into brown paper bags they crossed the store to sit at the counter. Hoseok finished filling the tank up outside, messing with the machine as he fed several notes in to cover the costs, and then he was crossing the lot to enter the store. That was when Seokjin came up with the idea of filling up containers just in case they ran low on gas, so he disappeared off across the store to enquire about this. After a few minutes Jungkook and Jimin came into view, tossing bags into the back now dressed in clean underwear and fresh tees, hair damp and cheeks ruddy, and that was when Namjoon and Hoseok went to get cleaned up.

Being in the crowded restroom Namjoon tried to think of something to say to him but he couldn't, for it felt rather awkward and he didn't want to put pressure on him. Yet it was roughly around the time that he was washing the last suds of shampoo out of his hair that Hoseok cleared his throat.

"Joonie I need to talk to you," he said, arms folded over his bare chest. Still so very frail but at least his ribs were less obvious. "It's about Tae, I guess."

"Sure, you can talk to me." Namjoon finished with his hair, raking it back and feeling droplets rolling down his face.

"My psychiatrist, Doctor Lee, she wanted to see him. She said that he has emotional issues, a lack of parental bonding because of all of the...you know?" He nodded at this; didn't need his friend to tell him all about that. "So she wanted to talk to him and try and delve deeper but she...she said something to me that I've never thought about before." Namjoon didn't say anything and instead waited for him to continue and eventually he did. "She said that she thinks his emotional development is stunted, and his mental development."

The restroom fell silent for a moment, the running tap hissing lowly as the water streamed down the sinkhole. Then Hoseok reached up to brush his soaked hair back too.

"She said she needed to see him but she thinks that it might be the case. I've never thought about the possibilities but now, the longer I think about it-"

"The more it makes sense," he finished for him. Hoseok nodded vigorously, stray lock of damp hair falling back over his brow. Namjoon thought it over before making a soft noise under his breath. "I suppose that it makes sense... Do you think that it's important if that is the case?"

"...Yes, yes I think it's really important."

"Why?"

"Because it means that we can't just treat Tae like an adult if he doesn't understand, if he doesn't grasp it all. I'm not saying that he doesn't understand his actions because he does, but I don't think that it's as simple as black and white anymore. Think about it, think about how he behaved the last few years. We thought it was all just a bad attitude and a longing to cause shit but really think about it for a second."

"So...you think we need to approach it all a certain way to not upset him?" Hoseok nodded and then quietly said that he didn't have a clue what exactly they were supposed to do. "Well, the best thing we can do right now is not put pressure on him I guess? Let him open up himself. Anything from your sessions that might come in handy?" His friend thought it over before shrugging and claiming that he would have to think it over. "We never sugar coated shit in the past for him. Guess that probably didn't help. He used to act so...dense."

"Like he didn't understand why to not touch that or say something because he thought it was fine." Hoseok nibbled on his lower lip for a moment and then sighed heavily. "I couldn't even take him along because all of this shit happened to us."

Several minutes later, cleaned and changed into fresh clothing they went back into the gas station. Seokjin had paid to fill up three containers of gasoline that went into the flatbed, backup fuel just in case. He and Yoongi went into the restroom and when they were ready Taehyung entered on his own. Namjoon watched him disappear across the lot, all the while thinking about what Hoseok had confessed to him.

Taehyung with developmental problems? It wasn't as outlandish as it might have once seemed hearing this, and he was actually surprised by how fitting it all sounded to him. Hoseok must have told his psychiatrist a lot of information about his lover for her to come to such a conclusion. Perhaps upon meeting him she would have changed her mind but there was no way of knowing now. He was trapped in limbo between both possibilities; nothing at all or a massive problem they hadn't been aware of. Taehyung, with his complexities and his impulsive and reckless behaviour that bordered on a level of maturity not at all different from a five year old's. But at what period of his life would the development have stopped exactly? Namjoon knew very little on this subject but he had always believed that only a very strong trauma could cause such an adverse reaction.

So what the fuck had happened to Taehyung, and why exactly had they never had a clue?

When they were all cleaned up, Taehyung returning wearing a black band tee with his jacket taut around his waist rather than the stained yellow tee he had been wearing, they all started eating a rather early lunch. Food heated up in microwaves or with the instant hot water, powdered coffee in Styrofoam cups. It was a strange meal, seated on stools using disposable plastic spoons and chopsticks, eating from packets and containers that went right into the trash. There were rolls of kimbap spread along the length for them to all share, little pots of steamed rice and vegetables in instant sauces that were thick and sticky rather than creamy and smooth. There were pancakes that were demolished in mere seconds, Yoongi making sure to declare that they were nothing in comparison to Seokjin's creations. The food was enjoyed in relative silence, all of them too busy eating and looking out of the window to care, except Jungkook who was hunched over his phone reading whilst he waited to charge it. Namjoon studied his face before leaning over to glance at the screen. He saw a page of text on it, a thick paragraph.

"Pepper? Who's Pepper?"

Jungkook turned his head to look at him, expression caught in something close to comic surprise as he moved his screen to his chest to block it from his eyes. He mumbled that it was nothing, just something he was reading as his eyes shifted to look over at Taehyung. Their friend was too busy spooning cheap bulgogi in his mouth to care, several Pancho snacks on the counter in front of him as a makeshift dessert. Namjoon thought back to how the boy had told him that he could find all kinds of stories online and he wondered if this was one of those stories. Either way he looked back out of the front window and watched a couple of vehicles rolling in and out of the lot whilst the boy went back to reading on the device.

Phones charged, stomachs full and skin and clothing clean they all got back into the car: Seokjin and Taehyung in the front, he and Hoseok in the backseat and Jungkook, Yoongi and Jimin in the flatbed with the bags. They had to get through Asan and they had most of the day to do it, a challenge he thought that they would easily achieve. Sitting in the back, map spread on his knee and hundreds of lines in front of him, he found that it was oddly quiet for once. He could hear his three friends talking in the back but the interior was rather quiet. A glance at Hoseok showed that he was staring out of the window, expression passive and eyes not really looking out at the traffic and streets that they went along. It stayed like this for the few hours it took to get out of the city, but as soon as they got onto the wide roads that looked to lead out Taehyung perked up and reached over to turn the radio on.

The first station was a talkshow and so he twisted the dial. Classical station, the car filling with soft violins that were very pleasant to listen to. Another twist. A sugary girl group singing about love and candy. Taehyung twisted so hard he thought it was a miracle he didn't break the dial right off, and then he seemed to settle on a station. The song that came on seemed to be caught in the middle, nothing more than a soft guitar playing because it seemed to be between chorus and verse, but that was enough to make Jungkook dive up in the back.

"Turn it up! Turn it up I know this one!" So Taehyung twisted the dial on the dashboard again, looking over his shoulder as he increased the volume. Still that rather soft guitar, but then the singing started and Namjoon heard that it was English. That didn't stop Jungkook however, he just got to his feet and started singing along.

"So many people have come and gone. Their faces fade as the years go by. Yet I still recall as I wander on. As clear as the sun in the summer sky." The last line dragged out for a few seconds and he realised that he knew this song too, it was a well known old American song. When the guitars kicked in with force, the beat pounding in a riff that would get anyone's head moving in rhythm, Jungkook started enthusiastically moshing as he grabbed hold of the roof of the car. The sight was enough to make them all burst out into laughter and then Yoongi was quickly searching through one of the bags to get something. Before the chorus punched out he saw that he was grabbing the camcorder and holding it up, light flashing on to show that he was going to record it.

"It's more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play. I begin dreaming. 'Till I see Marianne walk away," Jungkook sang in a strong voice, rich timbre that made it very easy to believe that he could front a rock band. He had the confidence, the power to sing louder than the deafeningly loud radio, the bass making the very seats almost tremble underneath them. "I see my Marianne walkin' away~" Another long note, this one enough to make him throw his arms out and roll his head back as the note escaped. Namjoon heard Hoseok making noises of amazement as he watched the boy sing at the tops of his lungs.

Namjoon could remember that moment last year, riding down a road like this in that battered Chevy Impala with the windows down and everyone squeezed inside. Jungkook in the passenger-seat beside him quietly telling them to not laugh at his voice and just tell him if he sucked because he would be cool with that. The boy that had sang a soft and sweet tune to them all with his eyes staring out of the front window and a blush on his cheeks: demure and sweet. Now here he was, belting out rock songs from decades their parents had been born in and grinning as wide as could be without a slight hint of embarrassment on his face. He was wild in that sense that one could only achieve in the company of kindred souls; of soulmates. And he looked beautiful, so beautiful it was hard to believe.

The song went back to that soft sound, the boy placing a hand on his chest as he sang the next line; Yoongi sprawled on the flatbed with the camcorder in his hands so that he could film it all. There was a wide grin on his face and Jimin was staring at Jungkook in awe. A quick glance back over at the front seat showed Taehyung twisted in his seat to watch it all, mouth wide open and lips pulled up at the corners in the most ecstatic expression he had seen on his face in a long time. Even Seokjin was glancing up at the rear view mirror to watch him because the road was currently free of cars.

"When I'm tired and thinking cold. I hide in my music, forget the day. And dream of a girl I used to know. I closed my eyes and she slipped away." Jungkook took a quick intake of breath between these lines, preparing for the powerful note to come. "She slipped away~" The note went into a high crescendo that Namjoon couldn't have believed the boy could hit and yet he did it without even much effort judging from his face. The riff that they were all moving in beat with started again as they watched him go. "It's more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play!" Taehyung enthusiastically shouted the backing vocals at him from the front the seat. "I begin dreaming! 'Till I see Marianne walk away!" The song faded out from this point but none of them heard it under the burst of cheers and applause that Jungkook was showered with. The boy finally showed some embarrassment at this, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck and cheeks going a little red. Yoongi, unable to clap his hands together, settled for banging one foot down on the flatbed. Then Jungkook was shifting to sit down, sparing a quick glance at the camcorder before noticing that it was recording and then his mouth dropped open in surprise.

"What's next, huh?" Taehyung asked as he looked back at the radio, waiting to see what would come playing out of the speakers any moment from now, eager smile still on his face.