The cold air of the night makes Yoongi shiver.

It's so much colder than it was inside of the gallery and Yoongi draws his scarf tighter around his neck, covering the bottom part of his face as well. A few leaves crunch under his feet as he shuffles a bit, trying to warm himself up. He presses his thumb in the palm of his hand. Pressure, The pressure is solid and it makes him calmer. All the people that have been around them the whole evening have left him restless.

But now, out here with nothing but the cold air and occasional cars passing by them he feels calmer. Better.

His gaze falls on Jungkook, who's literally only being held up by clinging to his two boyfriends. He's only wearing a dress shirt, the first few buttons are completely undone but he doesn't look cold. Well, must be the alcohol warming him up – Jungkook really drank way too much tonight. Yoongi hasn't been there, too busy staring at the paintings, but when he came back he witnessed some kind of champagne drinking battle between the youngest and Jimin.

Jungkook should have known that no one beats Jimin in drinking. There's just no way – maybe Jin could come close, on good nights. But Jungkook? The only thing he could chuck is beer, anything with a higher alcohol percentage fucks him up very quickly. At least his boyfriends are still there, even though there's a little bit of vomit on Jungkook's shoes and Yoongi wouldn't come anywhere close to him. But Hoseok and Jin don't seem to care about that.

Yoongi turns away from the scene, catching the exact moment where Namjoon and Jimin part from each other. It's not the first time Yoongi has seen them kiss but they mostly do it in private – he guesses. It's rare seeing them kiss in public – none of them being too keen on performing PDA. They're more lowkey. With them, it's always little touches, a brush of fingers here, a squeeze of the shoulder there and constantly being in each other's space. It's subtle, only noticeable if you really look for it but it's like they're always drawn towards each other – as if they're attached by an invisible string.

Like soulmates, Yoongi thinks with a small smile.

He's so happy for his friend. A few years ago, in university and even after that, he remembers how Namjoon said he'll probably live with Seokjin forever because there's never going to be someone who would want to spend their life with him romantically. He remembers how the other never believed that anyone would understand him or even try to. And Jimin – Yoongi sighs – Jimin possibly is his soulmate. Really.

The younger is moving mountains to reassure Namjoon, to be there for him, to understand him and not make him uncomfortable. And they're so happy together. Every time Yoongi sees them his heart beats a little faster, a smile involuntarily spreading over his face.

Because Yoongi remembers the old Namjoon. He still remembers Namjoon sitting on their bedroom floor, the smoke of weed collecting at the ceiling while talking about being a forest. That is the moment that would never ever leave his mind.

His words still ring in his head – it's been so many years now, Yoongi isn't even sure if Namjoon remembers what he said but that moment would always be there. Those words still sting, they still sting like knives and Yoongi is so happy. So fucking happy that someone took the time to appreciate Namjoon's forest.

Yoongi stares at the two of them, stares at the way Jimin holds his hand so gently and he smiles. "Sometimes I feel like me – like I am a forest. The forest is everything I am and I'm sitting in front of it, blocking the only bridge that could make it possible for anyone to enter the forest. And every time someone comes around and wants to pass my bridge I decline, I decline because I am afraid they're just going to be mad at me because I can't show them every part of the forest. Because there are just parts without paths. Parts where you would just destroy nature if you set foot in it. So, I'm just sitting there, on my bridge, waiting for someone to come around that will explore every path of my forest with me – without wanting to leave those paths because they're just content with what they see, with what I have to offer them. Because I am enough for them but I... I am afraid that there's never going to be someone who thinks that I am enough."

Jimin gets up on his tiptoes to leave a small, quick peck on Namjoon's cheek. The taller blushes before hiding his face and Yoongi averts his eyes, feeling like he's witnessing a moment too intimate for him to see.

"We're going first," Hoseok speaks up from somewhere behind them, "It was a nice evening."

"Thank you for coming."

"As if we would miss this," Seokjin says loudly, leaving Jungkook's side to embrace Taehyung in a bone-crushing hug. The younger looks a bit surprised by the sudden wave of affection – it's not like Seokjin isn't affectionate with him but even though it's been over a year, it took Seokjin and Taehyung the longest to warm up to each other again. Completely. Without past baggage.

"We're all proud of you," He whispers but still loud enough for Yoongi, who's standing almost right next to them, to hear.

He clenches his fist at the sound of Taehyung's voice. It's thick, a little shaky – as if he might cry any moment and all Yoongi wants to do is hug him. "Thank you guys," The younger says – not only to Jin but to everyone.

The whole evening must have been a little overwhelming for him. Yoongi doesn't really understand everything the younger must feel right now but he knows how much their support means to him – especially that they're proud of him. Yoongi knows that this must have been a very hard evening for the younger – of course, he's obviously more than happy to take part in an actual exhibition with his artworks. It's a reason to be proud, to be happy. But not only Yoongi sees the slight sadness peeking out at the edges, sometimes darkening his eyes like a shadow.

Because no matter how happy Taehyung might be about exhibiting his artworks and how much his friends all support him – they know that there's one person he would have wanted to be here. It's been almost a year since his father died – in two months, to be precise – and Taehyung doesn't often let it show that he misses him. Even after their complicated history. But at moments like this – it's hard for him to hide the pain that is still somewhere inside of him.

Everyone could see that. So, all of them try to make this the happiest evening for him. Giving him all the love and support they have.

"We should paint together now!" Jungkook suddenly yells – now only hanging on Hoseok for support. As soon as the words leave his mouth his excitement fades though, his face turns completely pale and Hoseok quickly takes a step away from him, leaving him staggering for a second.

It's Seokjin rushing to his side instead, maybe because he's already been under the attack of Jungkook throwing up. "Okay – don't throw up again please, we still need to get home," He says, holding the younger by the shoulder, still at an appropriate distance though.

The younger leans against him, looking up with a dreamy expression, "I love you."

"I know," Seokjin smiles and everyone - everyone knows what's coming now. "Everyone loves me."

Not a second passes and Jungkook has already weakly punched the other's shoulder – not much of his usual strength and coordination left after being this drunk. "Say it back, you ass!" He whines loudly before facing his other boyfriend. "Hobi! He's not saying it back."

The other only fondly rolls his eyes – this always happens when Jungkook gets drunk, every single time. "You know he loves you."

"I thought at least you were on my side!"

And when Jungkook pretends to cry, Seokjin leaves a kiss on the crown of his head, patting him on the back affectionately. "I love you," He mocks the way Jungkook said it to him before, "Now get in the back of the car."

"Hyung," The younger gasps scandalized – obviously taking the other's wording the wrong way. "Not in front of our friends."

That's all it takes for Jimin to break out laughing – even though he's the one with the highest alcohol tolerance, he also drank a little bit too much. Just a bit. Yoongi could hold his laughter back but he could see Taehyung chuckling next to him.

"Hoseok – I'm gonna drive, you go and sit back there with him," Seokjin sighs with a shake of his head – ignoring Jungkook who still tries to cling to him.

He's opening the door of the car for both of his boyfriends, bowing to them with a mischievous smile on his lips. It's funny to watch. They do this every damn time the three of them have to share a car. Yoongi isn't sure where they got the idea – it was probably Jungkook finding something on the internet again.

But every time they share a car, one of them acts as a chauffeur, driving the other two around. At first, Yoongi didn't get it but then he understood. It would be kind of awkward to always have one of them sitting in the backseat, so it's always two of them. The driver acts like a personal chauffeur just to make it funnier.

Seokjin presses a quick kiss to Hoseok's lips before the other gets in the back of the car. That doesn't go unnoticed by Jungkook who promptly complains once again – voice louder than normal due to the alcohol. "Unfair! I want kisses too!"

"No offense baby," Hoseok says, pulling him inside of the car, "But your breath smells awfully much of vomit. You shouldn't have drunk so much."

"This is homophobia."

"Come on, just get into the car – say bye to the others," Hoseok coaxes him gently and it works like magic, with a loud and obnoxious yell of "Bye!" Jungkook finally gets into the car and they drive off.

Yoongi shuffles again, the coldness of the night seeping slowly into his bones.

"We're going too," Namjoon says to Taehyung, dimpled smile on his face, "I really liked your paintings."

During the night Yoongi noticed how much those two talked about art and other philosophical shit that Yoongi wasn't too keen on trying to understand. It's the pairing he kind of expected to click the least – but those two actually have so much in common. They think alike, they see the world in such a different light than most others – just their way of expressing themselves is different. Where Namjoon knows exactly which words to use, knows how to use them to evoke emotion, Taehyung uses art, he uses colors and shapes but those two still get each other.

It came as a surprise when Yoongi found out how often they meet, just the two of them. Riding bikes, looking at nature and just talking. Not always though. Namjoon tells him about just sitting with the other, sitting in silence for what feels like hours and that's just it.

Taehyung smiles, hugging Namjoon before engulfing Jimin in a tight hug and ruffling his hair. "Thank you – and take care of my Jiminie, he also drank an awful lot of champagne."

"You know I'm not a lightweight," His 'Jiminie' whines before hiccupping, "But maybe the last glass really wasn't necessary."

"You're right," Namjoon kisses his forehead gently, pulling the smaller against his side, "We'll be going then. Should we take you, Yoongs?"

For a moment, Yoongi doesn't even realize that the other is talking to him and not to someone else. It takes a while for his mind to focus back on reality, to realize that he's an actual human being a part of this conversation and not just a silent bystander. But when his words catch up to him he hurries to decline, not wanting to burden them. After all, their apartments are in opposite directions of each other and Jimin now looks like he's going to fall asleep any second. "No, you don't have to. Take Jimin home."

Namjoon shrugs, waving to them as he drags a giggling Jimin in the direction of their car. "See you then. Goodnight!"

"Night!"

"Goodnight," Yoongi mumbles, only now realizing what not taking the other's offer means.

Now it's only the two of them. Not literally of course. There are other people around, still, even though it's already late at night. There are still a lot of people on the streets, cars driving past them but somehow, it feels like it's just the two of them at the moment.

He bites the inside of his cheek, glancing at Taehyung who doesn't seem to sense the semi-awkward atmosphere between them. "It was a great night," He eventually says, just to fill the silence between them.

The second Taehyung turns towards him he drops his gaze to the floor. A shiver runs through his body at a particularly cold gust of wind.

"Thank you for coming."

Yoongi nods, shuffling on his feet a bit. "I really like your paintings – the way you capture emotions is so different," He bites his bottom lip but the words keep spilling from his mouth – as if he's looking to fuck up. "Like, someone wouldn't understand what's going on in your paintings if they don't know who you are – it even took me some time to realize what some of the paintings are supposed to portray. Because sometimes they just look like mixes of colors and shapes but – to you, they aren't just that."

The younger doesn't answer him. It's a little unnerving, the sudden silence. Yoongi doesn't dare to look at him though, too afraid of what he might see. Did he say too much? Did Taehyung figure out that he knows what the younger is painting about? Did he figure out that Yoongi knows that it's him and their relationship he mostly portrays? Or worse – did Taehyung figure out what Yoongi was thinking but didn't actually paint what Yoongi thinks he does?

Maybe he had it wrong all along. Maybe it's not him being painted by Taehyung and the younger doesn't know how to tell him that without making the situation even more awkward than it already is.

"I hope you'll continue to paint," He adds quickly, digging his fingernails in the palms of his hands. Solid. Solid pressure. That's good. Pressure is good.

"As long as my muse keeps being around I might."

The words ring in Yoongi's head.

Does this mean he's actually been right? It's really him Taehyung keeps putting into his art? Yoongi is not sure and the confusion is eating him alive. Still, he still tries not to show it.

"I hope it does," He coughs, staring at his own feet intensely, "Well, I'll be going then too."

"Let me take you home." Before Yoongi could even react to the other's words, Taehyung is already adding something. Correcting himself. "Drive you back. Let me drive you back – you don't have to use public transportation. I know you hate it."

He's a little taken aback, not really knowing how to react to the younger's words. It's not like something like this is uncommon but it feels different now. In this particular situation. Walking through the small part of the exhibition displaying Taehyung's paintings felt way too intimate for them. It left Yoongi breathless, gasping for air even though his lungs work just fine. He's not sure if it would be smart to spend time with the younger alone now.

"I don't know, Tae," He says slowly, uncertainty obvious in his voice, "You don't have to. I'll be fine taking the bus. Don't worry about me so much."

An awkward chuckle leaves his lips and he glances at the younger briefly. It's been a year and still, they're still a little awkward at moments when it's just the two of them. Especially because they still catch themselves acting as if they've never broken up, doing or saying things they only did during their relationship. Sometimes it's still hard to distinguish friendship from the love Yoongi carries in his heart but maybe that's also because they've never been friends before.

They stumbled into a relationship just like that, never knew how it is to be friends with each other. Maybe they moved too fast back then and now they have no idea how to act around each other.

"Come on, hyung," Taehyung interrupts his thoughts with a pleading voice. "Take the offer from a friend."

Friend.

Yoongi couldn't help the pain that still shoots through his chest whenever Taehyung says that particular word. With a sigh, he accepts his offer and it's definitely not because the younger gave him the puppy eyes.

Not at all.

-o-

It's already dark outside. Moonlight filters through the gap between Yoongi's curtains as he sits on the edge of his bed. His eyes are set on his closet, the door opened to reveal his very own 'secret' part. It's the second Friday of the month and for the past four months it has been the day that he visits Sense.

The first few months after he started being friends with Taehuyng again his mind hasn't really been able to yearn for anything BDSM related. There were too many different things keeping him distracted. It took quite a while until he noticed how much his body but especially his mind crave for someone to control them. And even then Yoongi tried to ignore those feelings – despite knowing what it would cause.

It wouldn't be the first time he'd bottle up for too long – so long that he'll eventually have to break at some point. He knew it would happen. It happened before and if he wouldn't actually try and work against it, the same thing would happen again. And this time he might not be lucky enough to have someone there to pick up the broken pieces of himself.

So, it took a little while but Yoongi started going to Sense again. The club has become some part of his safe haven once again. In a different way than before though. Two years ago it was a safe space but a prison at the same time. A prison, because Yoongi fled there and hid, hid from his responsibilities and ultimately hid from himself. This time though, this time he wanted to walk into Sense as a free person.

He's been going for three times now – this evening marking the fourth. And it helps. Yeah. It does. Obviously not the same way a Dom would be able to help him but Yoongi takes what he could get. At least the busy life of the club, the heavy atmosphere that presses down on his skin distracts him not only from his stress and anxiety but also from Taehyung. Even though Yoongi decided he wouldn't pursue the other again, no matter his feelings, it was impossible for him to completely ban Taehyung from his mind.

Yeah, being friends with him is nice. It's comforting, it makes warmth bloom in his chest and his tummy but at the same time it's bad. It's good and bad – a little bit like Yin and Yang. No matter how good it is, there's always gotta be something bad. Light can't exist without darkness and all that shit. So yeah, good and bad at the same time.

He enjoys being his friend, he enjoys being together with him but he also couldn't deny the way his heart hurts whenever he remembers his place. He is nothing more than a friend to him. They are nothing more than friends. And just because Yoongi couldn't get over his feelings and accepted them back into his heart doesn't mean that it's the same for Taehyung. He actually has no idea how the other feels. Not a single clue.

But it is most likely that Taehyung forgot about them. Not about him. Not about their friendship but about them. Them. Their relationship, their feelings for each other and that's okay. Yoongi would never force anyone to love him, he would never want anyone to feel like they need to love him. So, he thinks it's better for everyone to just carry this heavy secret around, on his own, alone.

He's standing in front of his closet now – uncertain about a single thing. With a sigh he turns away again, eyes finding his reflection in the mirror. Since he started going to Sense again, he also started wearing this kind of clothes once more. Looking at himself – ah, it's almost nostalgia that's sweeping through him.

His eyes travel over the clothes he wears, from the tight black pants up to the white satin shirt he put on. The sleeves are pretty loose on him, so long that they brush over his knuckles every time he moves. It tickles slightly. The thing he likes about his outfit the most must be the corset around his waist.

He hasn't worn it that often before, always a little bit afraid of other's opinions about him but now he's more confident – especially in his body. The corset is black, blood-red laces at the front to tighten the whole thing. It makes his waist look even tinier than it actually is while also enhancing the fact that he actually has pretty broad shoulders. Yoongi likes it.

His fingers trail over the laces, pulling them a little tighter and when he feels the pressure around his middle getting close to being painful he stops. A breath of relief spills from his lips as he relishes in the tight pressure around himself. It's not the same as being tied up but it's one of the closest things he could have at the moment so he'll take it.

And then he's right back at the question that plagued his mind the whole evening.

Should he take it or not?

With nimble fingers, he opens the purple box again. The diamonds of the collar reflect the sparse light in his room brightly and it's like Yoongi could already feel the pressure of them around the base of his neck. His skin itches for the feeling, yearns for it. But should he do it?

It was one of the more awkward moments between Taehyung and him. The moment where the younger gave him all the personal things back that he left at his apartment during their time as a couple. After a few shirts, books and movies, Taehyung has presented him with the purple box. Yoongi refused to take the collar. Of course, he did.

Back then he told himself it was because it never really belonged to him in the first place. It was bought with Taehyung's money, for their D/S relationship. But Yoongi knew that this wasn't the only reason holding him back from accepting it easily. Apart from being a literal symbol of their D/S dynamic, the collar also kind of represented their relationship and Yoongi hasn't been sure if he'd be able to handle having it in his own possession.

In the end, he caved though. He caved and took the collar home. Since then it's been collecting dust in his closet but this evening, this evening Yoongi is contemplating whether to wear it or not.

It's for a simple reason. Safety and comfort. (At least that's what he makes himself believe.)

Of course, Yoongi experienced it before, way before he met Taehyung he's also been an uncollared Sub visiting Sense. Uncollared and pretty, so a lot of Doms would approach him over the evening. Yoongi has always felt uncomfortable in these situations, always tried to get away from them as fast as possible and now – well, now he had the perfect excuse.

No one is going to bother a collared Sub. Especially not when the collar is so obviously unique and expensive as this one. No one would dare to touch the property of a Dom that could and would gift their Sub such a collar.

Still, Yoongi is unsure about actually doing it. He keeps telling himself that it wouldn't mean anything – that he would only wear it to spend his evening unbothered but there's a tiny voice in the back of his head that corrects him every single time. And he knows – oh, he knows that the voice has a point.

Technically he knows that it's not the best idea to wear the collar, especially not considering the remaining feelings he still has for Taehyung but somehow, that doesn't stop him. It doesn't stop him and just an hour later Yoongi finds himself at the bar, collar heavy around his neck.

Nothing much has changed since the first time he used Sense to try and relieve some of the pressure that keeps building every day. Just the atmosphere of the club makes breathing a little bit easier. It's always fascinating how quick his heartbeat adjusts to the low and sensual beats playing, how fast his mind starts slowing down even though colorful lights keep flashing through the room.

Yoongi doesn't even notice all the other people around him and they stay clear of him too – letting him enjoy the night without much anxiety simmering under his skin. It's all so pretty and calm, Yoongi feels how the tension starts melting off him.

And at the same time, it doesn't feel right.

He can't really put a finger on it but with each passing second he waits to be welcomed by the arms of relief, he gets disappointed. It is not that Sense isn't helping him at all. It is. Just not enough. He digs his fingers into the flesh of his thighs, biting down on his bottom lip as he tried to enjoy the atmosphere – but it doesn't work. Not like he wants it to.

But he still tries, tries to let everything wash over him and get lost in the feeling. Everything around him swims together and yes, there's the sweet taste of relief on his tongue but it's accompanied by the flames of something dark and heavy licking at his skin. Yoongi gets lost in those conflicting feelings, not really noticing what's going on around him. That is until his thoughts get interrupted by a voice.

"From the guy sitting at eleven." Yoongi first doesn't even register the words of the bartender, mind still somewhere far away. But when a veiny hand pushes a glass with molten gold in his line of vision his blood runs cold.

For a few seconds, he's left to stare at the whiskey, wondering why his heart is going crazy in his chest and why his lungs refuse to take in any oxygen. His mind takes a while to catch up, needs a minute to realize that he doesn't only imagine the familiarity of the situation. When he does realize his heart stops for a second.

It's a déjà vu that hurts just as much as it makes his stomach swoop. He doesn't listen to the music around him, ignores the people dancing and conversing, ignores the flashing lights. There is only one thing going on inside of his head right now. His fingers close around the heavy class, the coldness from the ice seeping deep into his bones. It feels a bit like walking in a dream, legs heavy, noises muted and everything seems to happen a little slower than normal. He doesn't even feel how he keeps bumping into other people, doesn't care about their touches – his eyes and his mind stay locked on the stairs leading up to the balcony.

His heart is hammering in his chest and as much as he wants to push these feelings down, wants to ignore how much the love inside of him goes crazy – he couldn't stop himself.

Velvet steps under his feet lead him higher and higher. And just like always it feels like entering a completely different room even though the bar and dancefloor are not separated from the balcony. Not even a wall or door between the two spaces but the atmosphere changes with every step that Yoongi takes.

The lights are lower up here, purple color tinting everything in a sensual light. Even the music seems to be muted up here but maybe that's just what it feels like for Yoongi. Like the thundering bass comes from far, far away – nothing more than an echo that barely reaches his ears. The thing he could hear loud and clear is the blood rushing through his veins, his heart pounding right behind his ribcage, violently slamming against his bones as if it wanted to break out of his chest. Cold sweat builds on his forehead, his hands shake with every step he takes on wobbling legs.

How long has it been?

Despite trying to keep his eyes down his gaze immediately jumps towards the table right at the railing. Two years. About two years since he has been in the exact same situation. He falters in his steps for a moment, just staring at the table hidden mostly in the shadows. Purple lights flash over the person sitting there, face hidden in the shadows but Yoongi knows who's sitting on the chair. Of course, he knows.

He doesn't even know how he could have been this sure about the identity of the person even before he went up here. But when his eyes have landed on the whiskey he knew exactly who sent it.

His breath quickens but he swallows his oncoming nerves. Two years. Two years in which he found a home in Taehyung, lost him and gained him as a friend again. A friend. Just friends - that's what they are. No matter how much Yoongi's heart might yearn for something more the second it started to heal.

He knew. He kind of knew it from the start that no matter how long and how hard he would try to stay Taehyung's friend - his heart already had other plans. And this, this situation right here? It's one of those that Yoongi can't really decipher. It's one of the situations where Taehyung gives him mixed signals.

Sense has always been Yoongi's safe haven. It has always been his anchor and Taehyung knows that. He knows that, just like he knows that Yoongi has started spending time here again. So, this is not a coincidence. It couldn't be... right?

There are so many clubs – so many different clubs Taehyung could have visited but he chose this one. He chose Sense despite knowing that the possibility of encountering Yoongi would be huge. Despite their history tied to this particular club. Despite probably being aware that this, meeting here, right here, puts a certain kind of tension back into their friendship. Yoongi shakes his head, takes a deep breath and proceeds towards the table.

Different from the last time he confronted Taehyung up here he doesn't start to speak, doesn't wait around but sits right away. Being closer now Yoongi could see the younger's face and his breath hitches once more.

Taehyung is just always so pretty and Yoongi is fucked. Seriously fucked because just seeing him here, dressed like this – his body screams at him to submit, to give himself to the other completely. It's hard fighting against the urge but Yoongi doesn't have a choice.

His eyes wander over the other's body despite that though. Taehyung's dark hair is swept off his forehead, exposing strong eyebrows and sparkling brown eyes. Though, in the darkness, they look almost black, specks of purple light reflecting in them. There's a glimmer of what seems like golden eyeshadow on his skin, making his eyes seem that bit more magical.

It's hard to tear his gaze away but Yoongi manages. He doesn't know if staring at the other's body is any better though. It makes his skin tingle in all the right ways. The other wears a black dress shirt, buttons undone so Yoongi could see the caramel skin of his chest, thick black belts wrap around his waist, one of them running up over his chest and wrapping loosely around his neck. It's not a collar but it comes pretty close to one. Long earrings dangle from his left ear, the metal reflecting the purple lights.

The sleeves of his dress shirt are see-through, a rose pattern running over them. Yoongi's eyes catch on the other's long fingers. He always loved Taehyung's hands, not only because they were bigger than his but also because they are just beautiful. He would have never imagined to like someone's hands this much but Taehyung really is an exception. Long fingers with perfect knuckles, not too knobbly, not too thin. Slender fingers with perfectly manicured nails and an array of rings on them. Just when his eyes travel lower, catching on the rips in the other's pants Taehyung starts speaking.

"What are you doing here?"

It's not like he hasn't heard the other's voice in a long time or something. But there's something different about hearing him right here, with this atmosphere than hearing him talk in a casual situation – as nothing more than a friend.

The fact that they're even interacting in something related to the BDSM scene after being friends breaches their small promise. Their promise of 'just being friends.'

Yoongi sets the glass of whiskey down on the table. The ice clicks together. "Enjoying myself," He replies after a short pause, looking up to meet Taehyung's eyes and seeing the slight smile on his lips, "And you?"

"Enjoying the view," Taehyung says but there's something in his words, something hidden in his eyes that Yoongi couldn't decipher. "You don't seem like you're having fun."

"Maybe you should put on your glasses then," Yoongi attempts to joke instead of affirming the obvious. He knows that Taehyung is right. It's been a while since the other actually called him out for acting – since they've been in a relationship actually – but even as friends, Yoongi knew that the younger could still see right through him. He could still see through Yoongi's acts easily, he just never called him out. Until now.

It must have been obvious – almost to everyone. The way Yoongi's shoulders have been tensed since he sat down at the bar, his pinched expression and the way he jumped every time someone seemed to come to close to him.

Taehyung chuckles at his response, his eyes slowly drifting lower, running over Yoongi's face and halting at his neck. It takes the elder a second too long to understand just why Taehyung is staring so intensely at his neck but when it hits him, it's already too late.

It sits loosely around his neck, the diamond collar Taehyung gifted him when they started their BDSM relationship. Something Yoongi would have never wanted Taehyung to see on him. Just why – why did he have to see him today? Today out of all days? The first day where he's wearing the collar again? The universe must be against him. Completely against him.

Even though he drops his head quickly, trying to somehow shield the collar from Taehyung's view, he knows that his pathetic attempt at disguising the collar is fruitless. "Why are you still wearing it?"

"It's pretty..." Yoongi answers slowly, knowing full well that his answer is nothing more than complete bullshit. Of course, the freaking collar is pretty but it's not the reason he's wearing it – and of course, of course, Taehyung knows that as well. A single raise of his eyebrow is enough for Yoongi to break. He doesn't look up at the other, whispers the words but he knows Taehyung could hear him. "No one will bother me if I'm collared."

"That's the only reason?" At least Yoongi wishes it was.

"Look," He sighs, clenching his fist on top of his thighs – this whole conversation could quickly dip into dangerous territory. Just being here with the younger is already a step into dangerous territory and Yoongi has to be careful, careful not to fall in a trap. "Taehyung, I – Why did you buy me the drink?"

The younger looks at him innocently, taking the glass Yoongi pushed over the table in his hand. He makes the golden whiskey swirl in the glass, ice cubes clinking together. "I thought friends would do something like this?"

"Not here," Yoongi says – he's not sure what Taehyung is playing at. If he really believes that it doesn't mean anything when he buys him a drink here or if he does know and has some motive to it that Yoongi just couldn't understand at the moment. Whatever it is, he needs him to stop or he'll do something stupid. Something stupid like act on the way his heart is screaming at him.

He forces himself to meet Taehyung's gaze again, needing to see the other's reaction to his questions. Needing something to shut the voice of his heart up or maybe – no. He doesn't even want to entertain a hopeful thought at the moment. "What are you trying to do? What are you trying to achieve by doing this?"

Taehyung takes a sip of the whiskey and Yoongi couldn't, no, he couldn't help but let his eyes linger on the way his Adam's apple bops while swallowing. "Do you remember the first time we met here?" The younger asks and his heart stops.

Stops and then goes impossibly fast. Boom. Boom. Boom. It's thundering against his ribcage, so hard and fast that it should scare him, scare him to death but it doesn't. Not yet.

"Taehyung – "

The younger doesn't let him talk. "Remember what I told you?"

"Taehyung – "

"My offer still stands."

Yoongi freezes. Everything stops for a second – his heartbeat, his breath and everything around him too. For a moment the music stops, the lights stay on for a tad too long and the earth stops spinning.

"It will stand forever."

He just keeps talking. Taehyung just keeps talking and Yoongi couldn't get his mind to stop spinning. His heart screams – it yells at him to let his feelings out. But Yoongi couldn't – he couldn't act upon his heart and understand his confusion at the same time.

Why is he saying this? Why is he suddenly doing this? Breaching the carefully drawn line of friendship between them. And why... god, why is every fiber of his being screaming at him to accept Taehyung's offer again? Just like the last time?

Yoongi changed a lot since he met Taehyung. He changed while being with him, being apart from him and being his friend. He changed much but not in a bad way – maybe not in a completely good way either but he changed. He just changed. That's what life is about and Yoongi only realized that now. Before Taehyung, he's been stuck in the past and stuck in the present. He's been stuck and refused to move on, refused to try and live his life like he's supposed to.

It's been so hard to accept that he needed to change. Ah, ah yeah – there it is again. That particular word. Need. It was hard accepting the fact that the things he needs are also the things he wants. Yoongi spent most of his life denying himself his needs because he thought they would become wants – and he couldn't have that, couldn't let himself want something.

It's been easier accepting something as a need than admitting to having a want. Easier because a need is not something you have any control over, a need is something that you can't refuse – it's something that you couldn't deny yourself. While a want is the opposite thing. A want is something you consciously decide to have in your life, it's something you actively have to pursue. It's something that you don't have an excuse for. It's something that you consciously want in your life – you don't need it, you want it.

And Taehyung slowly taught him that having wants is not something bad. And now – now Yoongi is sitting here, listening to Taehyung's words and knowing that he wants, he wants the younger. Not only his heart – everything of him wants everything of Taehyung.

"I know we're friends now," Taehyung continues to talk and the calmness leaves his words with every passing second. It's not often that someone catches Taehyung rambling but he's doing it right now. "And I thought that we could really be only that but – but I still have feelings for you... After all these months. I still want you."

Yoongi sucks in a sharp breath. There is the word again. Want. Want, want, want. It gets stuck in his head, repeating itself over and over again. Want. Want. Taehyung wants him – Taehyung still wants him. It's not really catching up to him, Taehyung's words don't really make sense to him yet. His brain takes so long to make sense of the words. "I still dream of you and I still miss you every time I open my eyes and you're not there. I still miss you even when we're together because we're just friends but I... I know that it's been months... Almost a year, huh?"

The younger interrupts himself with a sad chuckle. And finally, finally, the words make sense to him. His heart stops and then pounds a million miles per second. His hands start to shake a little and so many different emotions begin to swirl through his chest.

Is Taehyung actually saying what he thinks he's saying?

"Almost a year and I'm still in love with you." Yoongi wants to cry. Or scream but what he wants to do the most is kiss Taehyung. "If you don't – if you don't feel the same way or don't want the same thing we can forget that any of this ever happened. We can forget that we met tonight, that I said all of these things and just continue to be friends like before. But if you don't want to forget it... take me up on my offer?"

The sound of the club is far, far away. It's just the two of them and the table separating them. Yoongi doesn't know how to say the words that are stuck in his throat, the words that are already waiting on his tongue but just wouldn't come out.

There's a burning sensation behind his eyes, his lower lip trembling already but Yoongi refuses to start to cry right now. He wants to talk first – wants to tell Taehyung how he feels before crying, before breaking down – overwhelmed from the sudden onrush of emotions. He knows that with every passing second of silence, Taehyung's confidence decreases. Yoongi could literally see how the courage bleeds out of him.

And then the younger drops his gaze, regret visible on his face. "You know, just forget it. Forget I ever said – " Before Taehyung could finish his sentence Yoongi is already interrupting him – words just tumbling over his lips on a whim, desperate to not discard this opportunity. This opportunity to give his heart what it is yearning for.

"I never stopped loving you either."

"What?"

It takes a second, nothing more than a second for Taehyung to start crying. Crying and laughing at the same time, trying to stop the tears but failing miserably. Yoongi kind of gets what he feels. It's overwhelming – being in love but being friends at the same time. Especially with their background, this is just a little more overwhelming than it would be for others.

"You mean you – all this time we still loved each other?" Taehyung asks wetly, and there's a bright smile on his lips but tears sparkling on his cheeks. Yoongi has never loved him more. "And we could have been together all this time?"

His questions make the elder stop for a second though, stop to think about what he's saying. "Yes and no," He eventually says.

The younger falls silent too. "What do you mean?"

Yoongi thinks for a second, thinks about what he wants to say – what he really wants to express because yes, he's so happy that Taehyung is feeling the same way as him but he's even happier that the younger didn't reveal his feelings sooner. Because if it would have happened sooner then they would have rushed things. Would have rushed back to each other too quickly.

Even the beginning of their relationship has been a bit too rushed. That's what Yoongi realized during the months they spent as nothing more than friends. They rushed into their relationship, they haven't been friends before – just rushed into dating and maybe that has been too fast. Maybe that has been one of the reasons why the problems they had, in the end, came to be. But it's just a small part – a small part that changed now though.

Now, they've been friends. They built a connection, they built trust between them one a completely different level than they did when they were dating. And maybe now – after everything, they could finally try again without any baggage from the past.

"I mean that yes, we've been in love all this time but no, we couldn't have been together," Yoongi explains carefully, hoping that Taehyung would understand what he means, "I think that the time as friends was good for us. I think it's good that we didn't get back together too soon – being friends was good for us. We never got the chance to be friends before. It was something we both needed."

The younger nods slowly. There aren't any more tears spilling down his cheeks but the old ones are still sparkling on his caramel skin – purple lights reflected in the tear tracks. "And now?"

"Now, I think we both grew. We're both a lot more mature than a year ago and we've both sorted out all of our personal problems." Yoongi sucks in a sharp breath, twisting the rings on his fingers. "And even when we spent time apart and as nothing more than friends – my feelings for you never completely went away."

Yoongi closes his eyes – contemplating whether he should say his next words or not. In the end, he decides to just get them out though. Gathering all his courage he faces Taehyung again, meeting his eyes dead-on. "You see, if I could go back in time, knowing what would happen in the future if I accepted your offer, I would still say yes to you. I would still do it all again. Because it's you. I would do it all again just to end up right here with you," Yoongi whispers, hands clenching tightly, "And if your offer is really still standing then I – I would like to take you up on it."

The smile wobbles on the younger's lips again as he attempts to joke, "I only date my Subs."

"Glad we're on the same page then," Yoongi smiles, a giddy feeling taking over his body. The smile spreading over Taehyung's lips is so much brighter, feels so much happier than it did in the last months. And Yoongi lets his own tears trail down his cheeks now, a sob wracking through his body at the younger's next words.

"I love you."

He couldn't wait for a second longer and without really thinking about it, Yoongi leans over the table, pulling Taehyung forward by the back of his head and smashing their lips together. It's by far not a long kiss, not a sensual kiss – it's not passionate but it's filled with so many different emotions that they couldn't kiss for more than a few seconds. If they would the feelings would overwhelm both of them.

The kiss doesn't make fireworks explode around them, it doesn't let the world stand still but it's so much at the same time. It feels like taking a deep breath after being underwater for a long time, a deep breath of fresh, clear air and Yoongi doesn't think he could ever let go of the younger again.

"Let's start again," He says against his lips, "Without secrets this time."

Taehyung just kisses him again.

-o-

That night they go back to Taehyung's place, giggling like little kids and Yoongi feels a bit like he's flying. The giddy smile on his lips wouldn't leave and his steps are filled with a type of energy that he hasn't experienced before.

Taehyung is right next to him, hand on his lower back, thumb reassuringly pressing against his skin every other second. It's as if he wants to remind him that this is real, that he's here – right here with him. The solid pressure of his hand, its weight against his back helps Yoongi to ground himself. To not get lost in these overwhelming feelings taking over his body.

It's funny how easily Taehyung slips back into helping him cope with his emotions. It's funny how Yoongi doesn't mind it at all, appreciates it even. And it's not really funny after all – it's perfect, familiar. Taehyung's hand puts pressure on him, enough pressure to be conscious of his own body, to remember that he's not flying away, that the world around him is real and that he couldn't get lost in his head. If he could he would thank the younger but his lips are pressed together. Glancing at Taehyung and his bright smile he sees it though, he sees that the younger knows what Yoongi couldn't but wants to say.

And that's enough.

That night they fall asleep in each other's arms, holding onto the other tightly. It's warm and intimate – and it makes Yoongi's head swim. He doesn't know where his body ends and where Taehyung's begins and frankly, he does not care at all. The only thing that matters is that they're in each other's arms, breathing each other's air and Yoongi excitedly listens how their heartbeats start to synch up. It's like they're one body with one single heartbeat, beating strong in both of their chests.

They don't do anything sexual that night. Taehyung slowly undresses him, leaving him in nothing but his underwear and one of his oversized shirts. The detergent of the younger fills Yoongi's senses and he takes the deepest breath he could, inhaling the faint scent of strawberries and something that is unmistakably Taehyung. The younger joins him under the blanket, dressed in the same thing and then wraps him in his arms. And right there, squished against Taehyung's chest, Yoongi truly feels like he's home. If Taehyung notices the few warm tears trailing over Yoongi's cheeks and wetting the front of his shirt, he doesn't say anything.

Yoongi isn't even sure why he cries. He's just – overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by love, by happiness – by warmth. Everything feels too much but he has no time to think about that, not when his eyes are already falling close. And after months of continuously battling with himself to finally fall asleep, Yoongi slips into the darkness in mere seconds – just because he's in Taehyung's arms.

But in the morning the overwhelming feeling isn't gone.

"Morning hyung." Taehyung's voice is close, he could feel his breath on his cheek but at the same time, the sound of him seems to come from far, far away.

Yoongi doesn't open his eyes, not really sure if he could if he wanted to. His body feels like lead, so heavy. It's like he melted overnight, melted and is now connected with the mattress. The warmth surrounding him is a little too hot to be enjoyable, the heat simmering under his skin is uncomfortable and he tries to move away from it – failing. It almost feels feverish.

"Hyung?" Taehyung's voice echoes in his head and Yoongi just hums as a reply. The sound is foreign to his own ears as if it's not him making it even though he feels how it vibrates in his throat.

His head feels fuzzy, a little as if he's drunk but in a bad way. It's not the funny kind of fuzzy – not the one that spreads warmth through his body. Yoongi couldn't focus on anything, couldn't concentrate on one thought because either they're all coming at him at once or his head feels eerily empty.

It's weird. Weird and definitely scary. Yoongi feels like crying and all he wants to do is curl up in Taehyung's embrace but the younger is so far away, so far out of reach and it makes pain explode in the middle of his chest.

A whimper falls from his lips and Yoongi could feel how his whole body tenses. The dizzying sensation increases and he swears the bed has started to spin. There's an urge somewhere inside of him, a need simmering in the pit of his stomach. When he tries to move his arms pain shoots through him, starting right at his joints. He hisses, only now really realizing how tense every muscle in his body is. Every time he tries to move, his muscles clamp up. It's like he's been under tension the whole night and now his muscles won't relax.

"Hyung?" Taehyung is still so far away from him. "Is everything okay?"

He manages to pry his eyes open. The ceiling seems further away than normal. From the corner of his eyes, he could see the younger, sitting right next to him on the bed. So, when he's this near, why does he sound so far away? He wants to turn on his side, wants to look at the other and confirm that he's really there but his body doesn't respond.

"M'tired," He gets out. Even his lips feel like they've been glued together. The simple act of forming words already is so exhausting.

"You slept like a baby the whole night," Taehyung chuckles and his fingers card through Yoongi's hair. The other's hand is a cold relief to his burning skin and Yoongi leans into his touch. "You wanna get up and eat breakfast?"

The question makes him freeze. His eyes spring open as he stares at Taehyung whose face is right above him. Yoongi just stares. He doesn't know if he wants to get up or if he wants to get breakfast. No idea.

The more he thinks about it the faster his heart starts to beat. It takes him a few seconds to realize that it's panic settling in his bones. And then just another second to identify the fuzzy feeling and the reason for his panic.

His breath quickens as he clenches his fists. He slipped. He must have already slipped last night without noticing but now he couldn't ignore it. The whole thing of being without a Dom must have affected him more than he realized. And maybe his body responded quicker to reconciling with Taehyung than his mind could comprehend. He must have slipped on accident, must have slipped because he needed it and now there was finally a Dom around him. But Taehyung has no idea what happened to him. That night, that night over two years ago, when he got pushed into his Subspace and Taehyung found him in his office – Yoongi thought that was the worst that could happen. But now this?

He's been this deep into his headspace just a handful of times and he doesn't really remember those either. But he does remember that he told the younger about the possibility of needing something like this. A complete power exchange. A scene that stretches well beyond Shibari and sexual BDSM. But it's most likely that he forgot about it, forgot because it never happened in these two years.

Yoongi doesn't know why it happens now of all times but he also isn't able to really think about it. Not in this state of mind.

"Yoongi, is really everything okay?"

Yoongi quickly shakes his head, the fast movement making him even dizzier. He's afraid he'll throw up.

"What's wrong, baby?" Taehyung's voice is as soft and calm as always. Talking through the panicked haze in his mind easily.

"Don't know," Yoongi gasps, "Head fuzzy."

"Fuzzy?"

"Fuzzy," He nods, eyes squeezed shut tightly, "Need you."

"Do you need me to take care of you? Tie you up? Or do you need a scene?"

A whine fights it's way out of his mouth and a pout settles on his lips. Isn't Taehyung supposed to know what he needs – what he wants? Yoongi squirms uncomfortably, trying to find the words that would make the younger help him. Somewhere in his mind, he knows that Taehyung, who has always been very perceptive, does know what he needs but wants Yoongi to say it. To verbally express the things he needs to happen.

Consent and all but Yoongi couldn't really focus on something like this at the moment. His head feels fuzzy and just thinking about doing literally anything stresses him. Tears prick at the corners of his eyes when Taehyung still doesn't do anything.

"Take care of me," He finally says, fighting to push the words over his lips, "Take care of me, please."

And finally, finally the younger moves. "Of course," He whispers and Yoongi moves along as the younger makes him sit him up. "Then stay and I'll get clothes for you. After that, we'll eat breakfast."

That's basically how the whole day goes.

.

Yoongi doesn't have a lot of experience in basically letting go of all control outside of scenes. Well, basically this is still a scene. A different one though. This time he needs Taehyung to control every single thing about him and about what he does or doesn't do.

It's something new for both of them. A new experience and Yoongi knows the other is doing his best and at first, it helped. In the beginning, Taehyung managed to calm his beating heart, managed to distract him and Yoongi reveled in all of the attention, all of the affection thrown his way.

And when his head cleared a little he was able to think a bit about their situation. They got together again yesterday – are they moving too fast once again? Could he really trust Taehyung in this sense once again?

Looking at the younger's face, the way he cares for him and tries to take the pressure of his chest, Yoongi knows that he could. And that he should.

Maybe this is not an ideal situation but they're not moving too fast either. It's the way their relationship is structured. They take care of each other's needs and Yoongi needs this. It's not just a kink for the bedroom or something – it's so much more. It's the one thing dictating his life.

So, Yoongi decided to ignore the small sliver of doubt in his mind. And just a little bit later he would have been unable to think about it anyway. Because as much as Taehyung helped him, in the end, it wasn't enough.

Yoongi's body but particularly his mind craved something different. Something more. Something that would take the overwhelming pressure from his chest and would let him breathe again.

They're sat on the other's couch, a movie that Yoongi hasn't been focusing on since the start playing on the TV. The fuzzy feeling is bad and Yoongi swears he slipped even deeper into his Subspace. His chest feels tight, too tight to breathe and his body seems to melt away.

He doesn't know how to describe it the best but it feels like he's slowly slipping out of his own body and he knows that he needs something to anchor him to reality.

A small whine falls from his lips again as he squirms once again, trying to squeeze himself between Taehyung and the couch. Anything to get pressure. The hand that stroked the top of his head before stills. The younger extends one arm and wraps it around his shoulder, squeezing.

It's not tight enough but Yoongi shudders despite that.

"Are you okay?"

He shakes his head, squirming again in Taehyung's arms.

"What do you need?"

The other's voice sounds far away already like he's speaking through cotton. Or maybe his head is filled with cotton? Yoongi doesn't know as he continues to move around, trying to get out of Taehyung's arms while simultaneously wanting to get as close as possible to the younger.

His head feels funny – so funny. Yoongi isn't sure if it's because he hasn't been in this particular headspace for such a long time or because of something else. Even during his first relationship with Taehyung, he hasn't slipped deep enough to be this affected, this helpless. Actually, Yoongi could count the times where he slipped deep enough into his subspace that he needed his Dom to take every trivial choice from him in everyday life on one hand.

It's a particular kind of trust needed for scenes like this. Scenes that happen for the whole day and Yoongi has never really felt safe enough to actually let himself slip deep enough to completely give up on himself. To give every ounce of control he owns up to Taehyung, trusting him to take every single decision away from him – even letting him decide what he wears, when he drinks or eats and when he goes to the bathroom. Yoongi has never really slipped this deep – a little afraid because it feels different, it feels a lot different than his usual subspace.

It's a bit scary, to be honest. Experiencing an overwhelming crushing feeling every time he just as much as thinks about making a single decision. It's something he never really experienced this intense before but Taehyung is his consistency at the moment. The younger is his pillar in the storm, solidly sitting behind him.

The other's question rings through his mind. What do you need? What is it that he needs? Yoongi squirms once more, squeezing Taehyung's hands tightly – maybe too tightly but the younger doesn't complain.

"Pressure," Yoongi gasps, "I need pressure – please. Sir. Pressure."

"Ropes?"

Yoongi nods. "Yes – tie me up now, please. I need it, sir."

Everything else happens fairly quick.

Taehyung leaves him sitting on the couch and Yoongi restlessly squirms in his seat. His heart beats a mile per minute and cold sweat is breaking out over his body. It gathers at his hairline, down on his spine and his hands. It makes him shiver and even though the younger couldn't be gone for more than two minutes or so, Yoongi is certain that it feels like a century.

His heart skips a beat when Taehyung returns with the rope. It's the only one they never used before. Sure, Yoongi has been there when they looked for it. He remembers the day like it was yesterday – even though the memory didn't cross his mind in the past months. It was over a year ago when they entered the BDSM shop.

Yoongi has been to one before. But that one had been different. It had a different feel than the shop he was at before. A more, high-class feeling. Yoongi remembers the low, sensual music, the black tiles on the floor and the many different things they could buy at the shop. But that day Taehyung only took him towards the rope section. There were so many different ropes on display. Some were already cut, bound together in a pretty bow, ready to be bought.

Other ropes were coiled around a big winch and there was a particular one that caught Yoongi's attention right from the start. Since the second they stood in front of the wall, Yoongi's eyes have been on this particular one. Synthetical rope, smooth to the touch but burning when it gets rubbed against his skin. But what really drew him in were the colors.

A beautiful, calm purple woven together with pristine white.

Yoongi is glued to the couch, feeling like he's melting into its softness. His heart hammers against his ribcage, hands starting to tremble lightly and the fog in his mind gets thicker. Staring at Taehyung through a thick haze makes him dizzy and he craves for the younger's voice, for the ropes on his skin to bring him clarity again.

There are too many clothes separating him from the cool air. Too many things restricting him from feeling pressure on his skin. It only needs one glance from Taehyung and Yoongi is moving, moving off the couch and pulling at his clothes. He stumbles a bit, failing a few times before he's standing there in his underwear. With nimble fingers he folds his clothes, putting them aside before waiting for further instructions.

Taehyung takes his time, just letting his eyes rake over Yoongi's body until the elder almost couldn't stand it anymore. The suspense, the need inside of him, the want clawing at his insides makes the room around him spin. Only when it's almost too much, when Yoongi feels like his knees are going to give out Taehyung moves again.

Without looking at him Taehyung takes one of the bigger pillows from the couch, setting it down on the floor, right in front of him. His eyes snap up to meet Yoongi's gaze again. They're so different than before. It's as easy as flipping a switch. Taehyung's expression can change in the fraction of a second, his attitude switching from his usual one to his Dom persona quickly.

Sometimes it gives him a whiplash. The quick changes. But it is what makes Taehyung so special, so easy to submit to. It's easy because Taehyung is natural when he switches, when he slips into his own headspace and it's like he commands the air around them, every single thing he looks at, touches is under his control. It's easy for Yoongi to lose control around him.

"Kneel." His voice commands the air inside of Yoongis lungs, the blood running through his veins and he drops to the floor quick enough to get dizzy. His knees are pressed into the pillow and he wonders why Taehyung doesn't want him to feel the floor.

Usually, the younger has always been pretty good at grounding Yoongi and a huge part of that was making sure that he feels solid pressure from everywhere. Letting him lie on the floor or letting him sink deep into the mattress do the trick pretty well. So, why is Taehyung now looking out to make this comfortable for him? Comfortable is not what Yoongi needs at the moment. But he trusts Taehyung. Trusts his judgment. He must have a plan for all of this. There is no way the pillow is only there to make the whole kneeling experience easier for him.

For now, Yoongi just keeps quiet, eyes following every single one of Taehyung's movements. The younger holds his collar in his left hand. The diamonds sparkle in the sparse light around them, reflecting the flashing lights from the TV.

Their gazes lock as he crouches down in front of him, carefully settling the collar around his neck. The sudden coolness against Yoongi's skin grounds him slowly, the heavy collar weighing down on his muscles and making him relax his shoulders slightly. He could feel it, lying right against the base of his neck and it feels great.

Taehyung sets the safety scissor down on the couch, right in Yoongi's line of vision and his heart skips a beat. It's always been subtle but since the start, even two years ago, Taehyung has always made it clear that there is a way out. A way out of everything and Yoongi is forever grateful for that. The simple show of placing the scissors in his line of vision makes Yoongi trust him even more.

"Even if you won't need it, I just wanna be sure," Taehyung says lowly as he presses the small, squeaking ball into Yoongi's right hand. The elder closes his fist around it once, hearing the high pitched sound ring through the air.

"I understand, sir."

"Good," Taehyung straightens up again, turning around to prepare the rope he set down on the couch beforehand. "Then you keep quiet now and only talk if I ask you something."

That's what he says but Yoongi knows, deep down he still knows and will always know that something like safewords is never a part of this talk. It's what Taehyung says. Don't talk until you're being spoken to. Don't make a single sound or you'll be punished. He doesn't have to add that safewords don't count because Yoongi knows that. He'll always know that, it'll always be in the back of his mind, no matter how far gone he might be in his subspace.

"Yes, sir."

When Taehyung turns back around he has the rope between his fingers. Purple and white intertwined. Yoongi couldn't fight against the excitement bubbling up in his chest but with it comes the anxiety. It feels like his body knows that Taehyung is going to take control and everything inside of Yoongi fights against it. The last fight of his anxiety, of all of these controlling feelings inside of him – a fight to not give up his control but Yoongi lets it happen.

The second Taehyung's hand touches his wrist Yoongi lets go of everything, letting himself fall deep enough into his headspace to only focus on Taehyung and the rope. The pressure that comes from inside of him is ready to explode, the anxiety so bad that he wants to claw his skin off but then there's the rope wrapping around his wrists. And suddenly nothing else matters.

Taehyung ties his wrists together, leaving a bit of space between them though. The rope is tight around his wrists, wrapped around his bones more than twice before the younger lifts them high up in the air. For a moment, Yoongi doesn't know what the other his planning but he doesn't fight against being moved around.

He has to bend his arms at his elbows eventually and only then realizes what Taehyung is planning to do. With his elbows up in the air Taehyung lets his wrists stay behind his head, crossing the rope over his shoulder blades and running it under his armpits and over his chest. Like this, his arms are immobilized and Yoongi could already feel how the blood leaves them. His wrists rest right against the back of his shoulders. He could feel how the rope connecting both of them bores into the back of his neck, right above the collar.

The younger starts crossing the ropes over his chest, tying them around his upper body but it's not tight enough. Yoongi needs the knots to hold him together. It feels like his ribcage is going to burst from how hard his heart is hammering against it and he needs the ropes to prevent that from happening. He needs the ropes to keep him from falling apart.

But Taehyung doesn't tie tight enough. It's not enough. He said don't talk. Don't talk unless you're being spoken to. Yoongi doesn't know how to tell Taehyung what he needs if he's not allowed to talk.

The rational part of his brain knows that things like this are treated the same way as safewords. As soon as he's uncomfortable or needs something to change he's supposed to speak up. But through the haze in his mind, Yoongi couldn't think clearly. So, he just squirms a bit, hoping Taehyung would get the hint.

"Too tight?"

Yoongi's eyes fly open in panic, fearing the younger would lose the ropes further. "No, sir," He quickly says, eyes searching for Taehyung's gaze. "Not... I – not tight enough. Sir."

"You want it tighter?" There's definitely concern lacing Taehyung's voice and Yoongi is grateful for that. Of course, he is. Taehyung always wants the best for him but Yoongi is sure. So sure that he wants the ropes tighter.

When Taehyung doesn't react to his frantic nodding a whimper falls from his lips.

"Yes, please. Sir, tighter, please," He gasps, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes when the pressure inside of him seems like it's going to spill over. It'll make him explode.

"If you can't breathe properly you tell me immediately," Taehyung insists strongly but he's already tugging a bit on the ropes, tightening them and Yoongi draws in a shuddering breath, "No waiting, no trying to endure it. You tell me instantly."

"Yes sir," He breathes, tension already starting to fade when the first knot gets tighter.

Taehyung continues to wrap the rope around his upper body. He crosses it over his chest, creating a beautiful pattern that gets repeated on his back as well. The knots are tight, tight enough to constrict his chest slightly – not enough to make him panic though. But just enough to relieve the tension inside of him. The pressure from the outside helping to ease the pressure on the inside.

It's a little harder when Taehyung reaches his legs.

Yoongi raises up on his knees, needing help from the younger to stay balanced as he ties the rope tightly around each thigh individually before tying them together with a tight knot right above his knees. The younger puts both ends of the rope under his shins, continuing to crisscross them over his calves until he reaches his feet.

Now, Yoongi could settle back down. The ropes instantly pull tighter around his muscles and the pain makes his head swim. He knows his eyes are open but he couldn't really see anything, couldn't really focus on anything but the ropes on his skin.

Taehyung's hands trail over his back, his touch burning and Yoongi shudders slightly. His ankles get locked together and then Taehyung connects both ends of the ropes with his already tied wrists. Yoongi gasps when the younger tugs on the rope while his other hand slightly pushes against his spine.

In this position, Yoongi has to arch his back, arch it so far that his spine hurts already. The pain blinds him and an involuntarily sigh leaves his lips. He hollows his back until Taehyung stops tugging on the rope connecting his hands and feet.

And now he understands why the pillow has been necessary. The pain and ache are already enclosing his whole body and he knows that he wouldn't be able to hold this position for long if it weren't for the relief the pillow gives him. The slight softness that makes it easier for him to endure the pain and to keep himself balanced in this position.

"Close your eyes." Taehyung's voice cuts through the content fuzziness in his mind and Yoongi looks back up at him. The expression on the other's face seems indifferent but Yoongi could see a soft fondness in his eyes.

"Yes, sir." His eyes flutter shut on their own accord and immediately all of his other senses are heightened. The movie playing in the background seems far away, the voices of the actors not really registering in his mind. But everything that he feels is so much more intense.

The ropes digging harshly into his skin rub against him every time he slightly moves. The pain is freeing, liberating and Yoongi draws in one deep breath after another. He's tasting the air on his tongue, could feel how it fills his lungs and how the ropes restrict his chest.

A century could pass like this and Yoongi wouldn't notice. He's only focusing on his body – on nothing else. His head is empty, no thoughts running through his mind.

It's difficult enough to concentrate on keeping his balance. The position is not an easy one to hold and he has to be careful to not sway too much. His muscles are tensed but Yoongi doesn't even notice it. There's not much he notices at the moment. No idea if Taehyung is watching him or resumed to watch the movie – he might not be in the living room anymore and Yoongi wouldn't know.

But that's not something the younger would do. Yoongi is sure the other is close by, on the couch. Either watching him or the movie but he would never leave Yoongi alone during a scene, during a situation like this. And Yoongi doesn't doubt that. Not a single grain of doubt blooms in his mind.

He trusts him. Trusts him with all his heart and soul. And he missed this. Another year of not engaging in anything actually related to BDSM and the relief flooding his body at finally being tied up again is almost overwhelming.

Yoongi has no idea how much time passes where he's just kneeling there, eyes closed tightly to only focus on the slight pain of the ropes, the strain on his muscles and the ache in his bones. The pressure surrounding him paired with the pain makes him lose his sense of reality.

He barely registered how Taehyung loosened the rope between his wrists and ankles more than once. Letting him slowly straighten his back a little more with each adjustment. He has no idea how long ago that was but he knows it was only done so he could stay like this longer, relieving his back a bit. Yoongi's fingers feel numb, his arms too and even his legs prickle. But he wants to stay like this forever. He wants to experience this relief flooding his chest just for a bit longer.

Time passes either slower or faster – maybe it passes normally or not at all. Yoongi has no idea. His head swims and it feels like he's nothing more than a body, no feelings, no problems, no tension, no anxiety. It's just him and the ropes.

The fuzzy feeling from before, the one that made him so restless has subsided. Replaced by contentment in his chest that spreads warmth through his whole body. But at the same time, the pain starts to get stronger with each passing second.

It is a very uncomfortable position for him – He knew right from the start that he wouldn't be able to sit here for hours. He just wishes he could. But the discomfort, especially in his muscles and joints grows slowly – gradually.

As if Taehyung could read his mind his voice breaks through to Yoongi before the elder could even think about voicing his discomfort.

"Hey," It's soft, warm and slowly pulls Yoongi from the depth of his mind, "You there?"

His eyes flutter open slowly – even though the lights are dimmed Yoongi is momentarily blinded. His gaze out of focus as he stares at the younger kneeling in front of him.

"Yes," He croaks, surprised by the sound of his own voice.

"Great," Taehyung smiles lightly, standing up again, "I'm gonna take the ropes off now, okay?"

"Okay."

The younger is somewhere behind him so Yoongi stares at the couch. It's still hard to focus his gaze on something, it still feels like there's a haze in front of him.

Taehyung carefully loosens the rope holding his wrists and ankles together. When the younger pushes his back in a normal position again Yoongi winces. He didn't notice how stiff his muscles have really become. Just fully straightening his back hurts and he squeezes his eyes shut again.

The younger works on his legs now, carefully and slowly loosening the ropes around his ankles and thighs. Blood rushes back into his limbs and the prickling feeling catches Yoongi off guard. It hurts. It hurts so much more than just having one limb fall asleep.

A sharp gasp of pain leaves his lips and he tries to take deep breaths, the tight ropes around his chest prevent that though. Yoongi doesn't even have time to rationally think about the situation before his mind gets overrun by panic. The more he tries to take in deep breaths, the harder it becomes to actually breathe.

In his oncoming panic, he's tried to wriggle out of the ropes – in a very fruitless attempt though. It only feels like they close tighter around him. He ignores the pain as they rub against his skin, ignores Taehyung's voice that sounds like it's coming from far away. He couldn't even hear it properly.

He just wants out. Out of these ropes right now because he couldn't breathe. Air just wouldn't fill his lungs.

Somewhere through the fog of his mind, he recognizes Taehyung's face in front of him. He knows he's saying something, his lips are moving and one of his hands is clamped on his shoulder – trying to calm him. But Yoongi couldn't think clearly.

A hand is pushing against his chest as Yoongi feels like he's going to hyperventilate. His breath is fast and quick, heart hammering against his ribcage violently. Something metallic glints in the light and Yoongi realizes too late that it's the pair of scissors Taehyung always has with him.

The younger is pulling at one of the knots in the center of his chest, momentarily tightening the ropes and a cry leaves Yoongi lips. He could see how the younger pushes the scissors under the knot with the intent to cut it. He knows – he knows it's to cut the rope and get him out of the constraints quicker. He knows it's not for something else but as soon as the cool metal touches his skin his brain short circuits. The dull part of the scissor presses against his scar running right down his chest and it triggers something inside of him that he couldn't stop.

For a second, he's not in Taehyung's apartment anymore. He's not on this side of Seoul but on the other and there is not a movie playing in the background but a dark, dripping voice ordering him to hold still. For a brief moment, it's not a scissor wanting to cut him out of the ropes but a knife – a sharp, cold knife cutting right through his skin, down his chest.

He could feel the searing pain, could swear that there's blood all over his chest and his breathing gets erratic. His head is spinning and tears run down his cheeks. He's sure he's going to pass out until there is a sudden and steady voice breaking through the haze.

"-ngi," it says and he blinks rapidly, trying to focus back on reality. Breathing is easier, there's nothing more around his chest, nothing making it harder for him to breathe. There's no blood, no cut, and no knife. The ropes are gone from around him. "Yoongi – Everything is okay."

Taehyung has both of his hands on his cheeks, thumbs wiping his tears away as Yoongi slowly comes back to reality. His breath starts to even out again and his mind starts working properly. His wrists are still tied together but his arms not up in the air anymore. The prickling sensation of blood rushing back into his arms runs through him and he gasps again. It hurts a lot. His whole body hurts a lot and the pain is good, it's good but at the same time, it also makes his head spin. It makes it harder for him to think about what just happened – to focus only on that.

"Yoongi?" The younger asks. "Is everything okay again?"

His gaze drops to the floor. The rope lies there, still attached to his wrists but only in bits and pieces. It's cut in a few places, Yoongi didn't realize that Taehyung cut the rope more than once but in his defense, he couldn't really focus on that a few minutes ago.

Something tugs at his heartstrings as he looks at the rope. White and purple intertwined. He doesn't know why but he always thought it was something special, not only because they chose that rope together. No – also because, well, Yoongi doesn't really know. It's like, it's a little bit like a representation of both of them in it. The purple, the color that he always associates with Taehyung – everywhere he goes, the color follows the younger. And white is his own favorite color. That's the reason why he's felt so drawn to this particular rope in the first place. Because it feels like it's weaving both of them together and now – now it's nothing more than bits and pieces.

Maybe he's exaggerating. After all, these types of ropes are pretty long but it is cut in a lot of places and they won't be able to use it again. Not if they want to tie his whole body up.

"Don't worry." Yoongi snaps his head back up, not really knowing what Taehyung is referring to but then it clicks. The younger is gathering the pieces of the ruined rope from the floor as he stands up again. "We can go and buy a new one. Just like this one. Don't be sad about it – you couldn't help it. Your safety and comfort are far more important than a simple rope."

Yoongi knows that. Of course, he knows that but he still feels the slight pang of sadness in his chest.

"What happened?" Taehyung asks after he put the ropes away. Yoongi is still kneeling on the floor, flexing his fingers to try and get feeling back into them. When the younger asks his question he bites the inside of his cheek.

For a moment, he considers lying. It's nothing more than a reminder of his old habit of keeping what makes him vulnerable close to him, hidden from prying eyes. But the moment passes as quickly as it comes. Yoongi has learned to deal with these things now. Has learned how important it is to be honest and communicate. He's not going to start their relationship with a new lie.

Taehyung unties his wrists and Yoongi's eyes are stuck on the red imprints of the rope, skin sensitive and burned from the friction. "I panicked because of the scissors," he mumbles, his cheeks flushing red and he absentmindedly rubs over the white scar on his chest. Taehyung's eyes are drawn to the movement and understanding flashes over his face. "For a moment, I thought you were him. I just – I know it's stupid and you would never hurt me. But I couldn't think rationally as soon as the scissor touched me. Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize and it's not stupid either. You were scared – that's understandable," Taehyung rushes to reassure him. "I understand. But you know I am not him, I would never - never do anything that would make you uncomfortable."

Yoongi looks up at him, the corners of his mouth twitching up in a small smile. He's right. There is no way Taehyung would ever disregard his safety and Yoongi trusts him, he trusts him with every fiber of his being. "I know."

"Let's go and take a bath now," Taehyung says, smiling down at him as he offers him a hand. His muscles scream for a hot bath and he hurries to get up from the floor as well but his knees immediately buckle. His joints crack and his muscles give out.

"Oh hyung," Taehyung laughs and bends down, arms going under his knees and behind his back to lift him up. A giggle leaves his lips as Taehyung carries him towards the bathroom. It's a little painful, the slight burns on his skin rubbing against Taehyung as he carries him.

The younger lets him down in the bathroom, letting him sit on top of the toilet seat. Yoongi watches as Taehyung crouches in front of the tub, feeling the water as he lets the tap run. He's not wearing anything special but Yoongi still couldn't look away.

It's so different from what he wore yesterday evening, different from the clothes he wears when he comes straight from work. These clothes are more of his chill clothes. It's what he wears when he just feels like dressing in something and not put any work in it. But at the same time, Taehyung somehow always manages to look good – no matter what he wears.

Even like this, a black, long-sleeved shirt that seems to be a little bit too big on him but is actually fitting at second glance. Now, as he leans over, the fabric stretches over the expanse of his wide back and Yoongi couldn't look away.

As the bathtub fills with water, Yoongi's mind starts to clear completely. A little bit of shame creeps upon his cheeks – maybe something more akin to embarrassment though. Was it too fast? What they did today? He shakes his head. No. It couldn't be. It didn't feel too fast, not forced.

He doesn't have to think about that for much longer. When he looks up at the younger again he's already shirtless, pants down to his thighs and a blush spreads from Yoongi's chest and up to the tips of his ears. Of course, it's not the first time seeing Taehyung like this – hell, the guy sleeps shirtless but it's still kind of weird again. Seeing him in an intimate situation like this after months.

It's been a long time since they've been anything more than friends, since they've been this vulnerable in front of each other. And even though Yoongi is content with the younger in his personal space, with how things unfolded since they met last night – it's still something to get used to again. They've been friends for a long time now, they haven't been this close since... a long time and they will have to get used to each other again. To being with each other.

But then Taehyung smiles – all big, bright and boxy and Yoongi just melts. He has never been in a bathtub faster, sighing when the hot water immediately does wonders to his stiff muscles.

.

"Do you feel better?"

The water around them is slowly turning lukewarm but it's still comfortable in the tub. Yoongi is leaning against Taehyung's chest, enjoying the way the younger has his arms tight around his middle, fingers absently wandering over his stomach.

He hums as an answer to Taehyung's question. Something in his stomach pulls tight, heat spreading over his cheeks before he even says those three words but then they tumble over his lips. And he knows it's not what Taehyung expects him to say easily because something like this, expressing his feelings openly, has never been something that Yoongi could do easily. Especially expressing love – the pure and innocent kind of love he has for Taehyung in his heart.

And his heart. Oh – his heart, it's beating so much more freely now. Since last night, since they – did they even really get back together? Yoongi shakes his head with a small smile. What else happened? They didn't say it outright, there wasn't a – be my boyfriend part and they haven't signed a new contract for the BDSM part of their relationship but that's not what they need to focus on at the moment. Now, right now – it's only them. Just the two of them and nothing more. They could think about all the formalities and important questions tomorrow.

Yeah, he thinks, tomorrow. They should just enjoy today and then they can go back to reality tomorrow. Oh – they still haven't told anyone about what happened last night. Namjoon and Seokjin would kill him for not telling them immediately but Yoongi is not going to get out of this tub any time soon. Not to save his life.

His voice almost drowns in the humid air of the room but it's the only sound in the tiled room, seeming way louder than his whisper actually is. "I love you."

"I love you too," Taehyung's voice is close to his ear, his breath ghosting over his wet skin and a shiver runs down Yoongi's spine. The younger's arms tighten around his middle as he presses a small kiss against his neck. "Won't ever let you go again."

Yoongi sighs, leaning back into the other's chest. His eyes travel over their legs right in front of him. Taehyung's thighs are so much thicker than his, the skin of the younger so much tanner. A little bit like caramel and Yoongi loves caramel. It's one of his favorite sweets and Taehyung's skin tastes just like it. Sweet and addicting.

His own legs are pale, pale and very thin. Yoongi used to be ashamed of his body, embarrassed every time he had to strip in front of anyone – even if it just was wearing shorts in the presence of his friends. But Taehyung taught him to not be ashamed, to embrace his body the way it is and now Yoongi doesn't feel as uncomfortable in front of mirrors as he used to.

Yoongi shifts slightly, pulling his knees to his chest and his eyes catch on the first bruises forming on his thighs. Red welts have formed on his thighs, over his chest and his back after Taehyung got him out of the ropes but those mostly went down again. They're replaced by the fresh bruises forming on his skin where some knots sat extremely tight around his body.

He likes the bruises. They're a reminder, something special for him.

"Was it okay?" Taehyung asks quietly and Yoongi opens his eyes again, confusion painting his face.

"What?"

"Everything today," The younger asks and he could hear the pout in his voice, "You don't think we're moving too fast, right?"

It's the same question he asked himself before and he got an answer. No. Not too fast. Or was it...? But he could understand that Taehyung is also worrying. He must be worrying more than Yoongi. It was him that made the first step to breach the line of friendship again. It was him that held the responsibility of treating Yoongi right for the whole day. As the Dom in their D/S relationship, he must have felt a lot of pressure today, must have been scared of moving too fast.

But it's not only been him. Even though it often seems like Doms hold most, if not all responsibility – that is not the truth. Both parties are involved equally and it's not only Taehyung that pushes them too fast.

But to be honest, even after all these months they spent apart as a couple – this, this right here doesn't feel new. It doesn't feel unfamiliar but at the same time, it's different from the way they've been before. Yoongi couldn't find a particular reason why but he just knows that it doesn't feel like they've ever been apart.

The whole day kind of proved that – they just slipped right back into their dynamics. The same dynamics as before but as different persons. That's what it is. It feels like they hit pause on their relationship, fixed every issue they ever had before, switched characters and then resumed everything. As if no time has passed in between even though it has been months. It took them months of pain, of grief, of growth and of learning to love the other person in a different way than before.

But they're not moving too fast. Not right now, not like this. At least that's what Yoongi thinks.

"No... I don't particularly think so. Uhm," Yoongi thinks for a moment, intertwining his hand with Taehyung's, "I know we only got back together like, yesterday but it doesn't feel like we've been apart. And I think that building our friendship on something else than romantic feelings or a relationship really helped with that. So – I don't think we're moving too fast. This – everything between us, that's part of our relationship dynamic. Other couples who get back together have like, make up sex and we have make up scenes."

"We could have both," Taehyung chuckles as he nuzzles into his neck. His breath tickles Yoongi and he tries to swat the other away from his sensitive skin.

"Hey," He complains, a teasing tilt to his voice, "What happened to moving too fast?"

A little bit of water spills over the rim of the tub as Taehyung adjusts their positions, letting Yoongi rest on his lap as he scoots further underwater. His arms are still tight around the elder. "So, sex is too fast now?" He asks with a light giggle.

Yoongi couldn't help but laugh along. Ah, it feels so good to be like this with Taehyung again. They joked around as friends too but it was like – there was this invisible line between them that none of them dared to cross. Both of them knew that this line existed but neither of them openly acknowledged it back then. They both acted as if nothing stood between them even if there has obviously been something.

Every time they stepped too close to that line it was like they were getting burned. And Yoongi enjoyed his time as Taehyung's friend, he learned so many new things about the younger, learned to love him in a whole different way as well but it has never been enough to sate his beating heart. Only now, without that line, he feels complete again.

"No – I don't particularly think it's too fast," He laughs, lightly batting the younger's hands away from his stomach. Hindering him from letting his fingers trail too low for now. "But let's just do whatever feels right."

"Yeah," Taehyung agrees, lacing his hands with Yoongi's as he lays his head on the elder's shoulder.

They snuggle until the water turns lukewarm. Yoongi lets his muscles relax and it's starting to feel like he's slowly melting into Taehyung's body. He couldn't really say how long they've already been sitting there but at some point, Taehyung has slowly stared leaving feathery kisses on his skin.

At first, it has been pleasant, just simple brushes of his lips that would leave goosebumps behind but slowly and gradually these innocent touches turned into wet kisses. Wet kisses followed by a hot tongue and Yoongi couldn't suppress a small whimper as the younger sucks lightly on the skin right under his ear.

"If you continue to do that I'll get hard." His breath stutters and he squeezes the younger's hands a little tighter when Taehyung doesn't let his skin go without a slight bite.

He feels his chuckle against his skin more than hearing it. "Maybe that's my intention."

"At least get me out of the water and dry first," Yoongi groans, hiding his laughter behind feigned annoyance.

"Let's go then!"

The younger's excitement is cute – and funny, he has to admit that but he's still way too comfortable to move any time soon. So, when Taehyung starts moving behind him, seemingly wanting to get up he holds his hands tighter, pulling him back down. "Can't we stay a little longer like this?"

As if someone flipped a switch Taehyung is calm again. "Of course," He whispers and this time the lingering kiss on his neck isn't anywhere near sensual. "As long as you want."

Yoongi leans back with a smile playing on his lips. He closes his eyes and enjoys the other's warmth, shuddering slightly as Taehyung starts to draw patterns all over his stomach. It has nothing sexual – more like wanting to calm Yoongi down. The caressing motions make his head swim and he has half the mind to say the next words. "Still fuck me later though."

Taehyung playfully nips at the side of his neck, pressing his nails in one of the bruises on his waist. "Don't be so crude," He warns him lightly. Somehow those words only rile Yoongi up. A second ago he wanted to stay like this forever but now – well, now his mind is filling with different ideas of spending their time together.

"Or what?" He challenges and he doesn't need to look back to know that Taehyung's whole attire changes with his next words. The playful, teasing atmosphere changed into something darker, something more sensual – sexual. "You're gonna punish me?"

The grip around his waist tightens. "I would hate to punish you today but I won't tolerate any kind of disrespect," The younger darkly whispers and his voice sends shivers down Yoongi's spine.

He bites his lip, feeling how fire ignites under his skin.

"I understand, sir."

.

Taehyung's touch is burning on his skin as he slowly lowers the bathrobe from Yoongi's shoulders. Fingers dancing over his burning skin, igniting the flames inside of him, fueling the fire inside of his chest. Taehyung presses close to him, his bare chest against Yoongi's back, his breath against his neck. A whimper falls from Yoongi's lips when he could feel the younger's tongue snaking out, teasingly licking against the side of his neck.

Feather-light kisses follow. The younger makes a trail from just under his jaw to the juncture of his neck, leaving the occasional bites until he reaches his shoulder. Yoongi's thighs are already trembling, water droplets rolling down his chest as he leans his full weight against Taehyung. He sucks in deep breaths, clenching his fists at his sides when Taehyung licks a bold stripe over his shoulder.

When he whimpers again the younger repeats the motion and Yoongi whines. A full moan falling from his lips just as his eyes flutter shut when Taehyung bites harshly into the flesh of his shoulder. The sting makes tears appear in the corners of his eyes and at the same time is sends waves of pleasure through his body.

"Move," Taehyung practically growls into his skin as he pushes him towards the bedroom. Yoongi stumbles a bit on his way, his feet getting caught in the bathrobe but the younger keeps pushing, keeps moving until he forces him down on the bed.

Even though the word force might be wrong here because Yoongi is in no way opposed to being manhandled by the other. As soon as he hits the mattress Taehyung is over him, the towel around his waist long forgotten as naked skin glides together, heat starting to form in the core of Yoongi's body and a whine leaves his lips.

Taehyung's eyes are dark, predatory like and it makes goosebumps break out over Yoongi's skin. He missed this – missed Taehyung above him, looking like he wants to eat him alive. And to be completely honest, Yoongi would let him. He would totally let him.

Lips press against his own and he lets his mouth fall open without any kind of fight. He welcomes Taehyung's tongue like it always belonged right there. Taehyung's lips always feel like home, feel like they're the missing puzzle piece Yoongi has been searching for all his life. A fire ignites in his stomach and he presses his hips up against Taehyungs, feeling the other's hardness against his own.

The air around them is on fire and Yoongi's hands try to find purchase somewhere on the other's back but he only finds skin. His nails draw down Taehyung's back, probably leaving behind angry red lines but the younger doesn't even flinch, only presses closer to him. One hand is right next to Yoongi's head, pushing himself up so he doesn't crush the elder. His other hand caresses Yoongi's cheek before it slips into his hair, tugging at the strands harshly.

The sting brings tears to his eyes but Yoongi only whines in Taehyung's mouth, arching his back. A slight pang of pain shoots through his spine – a reminder of the position he had to hold earlier but he ignores the pain, pushes through it just to get as much contact with Taehyung as possible.

The younger bits his lip harshly, soothing the sting with his tongue immediately before pulling away with a gasp. "Tae –" Yoongi hiccups, pushing his hips up again and he could feel how the younger's hard cock brushes against his own. The heat in his stomach intensifies.

"Already looking for a punishment tonight?" Taehyung hisses lowly as he tugs his head back, teeth sinking into the juncture at his neck. The bite isn't too hard, but hard enough to draw a gasp of pain from Yoongi's throat. His hips kick up on instinct, his cock rubbing against Taehyung's thighs and he already feels like he could come from this alone. And he hasn't even been touched yet.

"Sir!" He gasps. "I'm sorry – sir."

Taehyung smirks as he pushes Yoongi's legs apart, settling between them. "That's more like it," He drawls, his free hand pushing his hair away from his forehead. The strands are still damp from the bath, a few of them staying plastered over his forehead and Yoongi doesn't understand how he makes it look breathtakingly beautiful. But somehow Taehyung always manages that.

He finally lets go of his hair, using the hand to trail it down Yoongi's body. The elder arches his back as Taehyung's fingers tease at his stiff nipples, pressing lightly against the forming bruises on his skin.

"You're so hard already," The younger teasingly says as his fingertips lightly brush against Yoongi's cock. His hips kick up again – desperately searching for the friction he yearns for. It hasn't been more than a few minutes but he already feels on edge, needing Taehyung to finally touch him.

"Please," he mewls, "Please, sir –"

Taehyung shushes him before wrapping his hand around the base of his dick, moving it up and down in an agonizingly slow rhythm. The younger is a demon – the devil and he loves to see Yoongi squirm beneath him because he continues to tease him. Never gripping him tight enough to give him the needed friction and when he does, he's moving his hand frustratingly slow.

It's what the younger is best at. Frustrating Yoongi. And it's easy to bring him to the edge this night – Yoongi has been teetering on the line of pleasure since they started kissing and he knows that he only needs a little push, a small push and he would fall over the edge. But Taehyung never lets him go, always pulls him back in the last second.

His breath comes out stuttering, hips bucking up with every tug at his cock as his heart beats violently in his chest. He wants to come, wants to come so bad but Taehyung doesn't let him. It's frustrating and Yoongi squirms under him, hands twitching to close around Taehyung's wrist and to make him move faster. But he refrains from doing so in the last second.

The sheets are clinging on his back, sweat making his whole body sticky. A drawn-out moan leaves his lips as he bucks his hips up, chasing Taehyung's lose grip around his cock. The other loves to tease him, loosening his fist every time Yoongi desperately thrusts up in his grip. "Please –" He whines. The sound high in his throat, breaking at the end when the younger squeezes his length for a second. "Sir – please –"

He shushes him, tightening his grip around his cock as he starts pumping him a little faster. The pleasure rips through him like fire, burning along his veins with a heat that makes Yoongi wonder how his skin hasn't melted yet. Goosebumps break out over his body and he twists his hands in the sheets. Eyes squeezing shut from the pleasure.

"Are you close?" Yoongi nods desperately, pulling at the sheets so hard that his knuckles turn white. A shudder runs through his body when Taehyung's breath ghosts over the side of his neck. "Are you gonna be good and answer me? Hm?"

His words punch through the fog in his mind and Yoongi whines again, pushing his hips off the bed, the sheets clinging to his skin. "Yes," he hiccups and tears spring to his eyes when Taehyung's thumb rubs over the tip of his cock relentlessly. "I'm close – sir – please. So close –"

He chokes on his breath when Taehyung licks a fat stripe over his nipple, going all the way up over his collarbone to his neck. "You can come." Taehyung's deep voice vibrates right next to his ear, sending sparks of pleasure to his cock. "You're a good boy, hm? Go on and come. You can."

One tear rolls down Yoongi's cheeks, the pleasure slowly overwhelming him, clouding his mind. His hips start moving on their own accord when Taehyung leans down to lick over his shoulder, lips closing around the bite mark he already left in the bathroom and Yoongi keens. His thighs are trembling, hands scrambling to grab onto Taehyung, trying to get him to move faster and faster. But the younger purposely loosens his grip, a dark chuckle falling from his lips.

"That's not what good boys are supposed to do, right?"

Yoongi shakes his head, unable to make a sound apart from whimpers or moans. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to will his hands to stay by his side but his attempts are fruitless. With every unsatisfactory tug on his cock, his fingers twitch, wanting to get him off faster. Taehyung clicks his tongue in disapproval before he swiftly grabs both of Yoongi's wrists in one hand, pressing them into the mattress above his head.

For a second Yoongi's whole body tenses, a wave of panic washing over him. His eyes fly open at the sudden restriction, body involuntarily trying to fight against Taehyung's weight over him. The younger is bracketing one of his thighs between his legs, holding his wrists down while his other hand is still closed around his cock. He's not moving though, completely still as he gauges Yoongi's reaction to his sudden moves. His eyes softened, expression questioning – Yoongi knows the other is waiting for his reaction, for a safeword, for anything.

For a few seconds, they're just staring at each other. Taehyung's hands pressing him down but his grip is not tight enough to make it impossible for Yoongi to pull away. It's not even necessary for the younger to open his mouth and ask the question – Yoongi knows what he's expecting of him.

After all, this – what they're doing right now is a soft limit of him. He didn't think that Taehyung would remember all of this, would remember every single one of his limits and what he wouldn't be opposed to trying.

"Green." The word leaves his lips in a whisper and he relaxes his arms again, submitting completely to Taehyung who nods at him.

The younger continues stroking his cock, moving his hand faster now – like he actually wants to make him come. But Yoongi doesn't completely trust him there. Too often has Taehyung brought him too close to his sweet release only to pull it just out of reach in the last second again.

"Are you very close?" He asks, voice almost mockingly.

His thighs twitch and he bucks his hips up a little faster, arms now automatically pressing against Taehyung's hold but the younger doesn't budge an inch. The pads of his fingers dig harshly into the blooming bruises on his wrists but the slight pain spurs Yoongi on. "Yes – sir. Yes, please," He begs, eyes teary and lips trembling.

He's so close – so fucking close. He could taste his orgasm on his tongue already, could feel it building inside of him, ready to snap at any moment. The heat coiling in his stomach pulls tighter with each tug at his dick.

Taehyung's low voice is right by his ear as he leans down – his own hard cock brushing against Yoongi's side and it makes the other whine. "And what do you say?"

"Please - oh please let me come, sir," Yoongi instantly starts to beg, tears threatening to fall when Taehyung slows the pace of his hand again. A teasing smirk playing on his lips and Yoongi would be annoyed with him if his mind wouldn't swim with pleasure at the moment. "Please – I want to come, sir. Please, please –"

"Hmm," The younger muses, pretending to think as his pace picks up again – Yoongi whines loudly, arching his back despite the pain. "Should I allow you? Did you earn it, hm? Do you think you deserve to come?"

He nods again, a tear spilling from his eyes as he gasps for air, trying to speak through his hiccupping moans. "Yes, yes – please – oh please, sir," He whines.

But that doesn't do the trick. Taehyung just darkly chuckles as he continues to jerk him off and Yoongi wants to cry. The other is so mean. So mean but he couldn't object, couldn't say anything because he secretly loves it. Now, the younger doesn't hold back, moving his hand faster and faster – Yoongi is so close.

He couldn't come though. He has to hold his orgasm off until Taehyung gives him his permission. Yoongi knows it's another way of the younger to break him down, a little like a small mind game between them. Would Yoongi be able to hold his orgasm to not get punished by Taehyung? Or would the younger make him come before giving him permission to?

Just when Yoongi thinks that he couldn't take it anymore. Just when it feels like he's going to explode, unable to hold on a second longer that one word leaves Taehyung's lips and everything goes white for a moment.

"Come."

Fireworks explode not only in front of his eyes but also right in his chest. The orgasm is so intense that it leaves his toes tingling, heart racing and breath heavy. Yoongi gasps, his thighs twitching uncontrollably as Taehyung continues to hold his body down, pressing him as deep into the mattress as possible.

"That's my good boy." He doesn't even really hear the voice of the younger through his euphoric haze. He whines when Taehyung swipes his thumb over the sensitive tip of his dick once again, collecting the cum there.

The younger lets go of his hands but Yoongi doesn't take them down, not really sure if he would be able to move at all. As the electric feeling fades slowly, his body starts to just feel like jelly. Exhaustion filling his chest as he pants, eyes finally focusing back on reality.

When he locks eyes with Taehyung, the younger bends down, parting his legs before swiping his tongue over Yoongi's stomach. His muscles twitch under the other's ministrations and he sucks in a sharp breath as Taehyung slowly licks all the cum from his skin. It's obscene. A filthy picture and Yoongi whimpers quietly when Taehyung stares right at him.

"Lay on your stomach," Taehyung rasps deeply as soon as all the cum is cleaned from Yoongi's stomach.

His own voice sounds strange – a little hoarse. "Yes, sir."

Yoongi moves a little sluggish, getting down on his knees and elbows to keep his still sensitive cock from rubbing against the blankets underneath him. Immediately there's a hand rubbing over his left ass cheek. Fingers splaying over his skin possessively as Taehyung digs his fingernails into his flesh. Distantly, he could hear the sound of a bottlecap and then there's a wet, cold finger dipping between his ass cheeks.

He bites the sheets underneath him as the first finger enters him. It's been long since he had something up there but Taehyung is as careful as always. Slowly pushing in and out, easing Yoongi into the stretch until the sting turns into pleasure.

When Taehyung enters a second finger Yoongi groans deeply, pushing his ass back against the younger's hand. His cock is hardening once again but he's glad it's not getting any attention at the moment or he would come way too quickly again. He pushes back, trying to get Taehyung to brush against his prostate but just when the other's fingers come close a sharp pain explodes on his right ass cheek.

"You've been very impatient today," Taehyung chides him and his chest presses against Yoongi's back. Their skin sticks together as Taehyung harshly presses the tips of his fingers against the elder's prostate. Yoongi's knees buckle and he bites the sheets again, it does nothing though to muffle his moans of pleasure.

Another harsh slap lands on his other ass cheek. The smack resounding in the room. Taehyung seems to be careful to not hit any of the welts or bruises that the ropes left behind. Even the slaps themselves are not as harsh as Yoongi thinks he remembers them but it doesn't matter. The slight sting of pain is satisfying enough for him and he clenches his fists tightly.

"I'm sorry, sir," He gasps when Taehyung rubs his fingers harshly against his prostate.

"I hope you are." Another slap makes him choke on a moan – this one was harder than the ones from before.

"I am!" A third finger pushes inside of him, catching him off guard. "I am sorry, sir. I swear!"

With three fingers inside of him, Yoongi already feels close to the edge again. His cock is aching between his legs and he could feel how Taehyung ruts against the back of his thigh, his deep groans echoing in the bedroom. It's hot. It's so fucking hot and Yoongi just wants the other to be inside of him already.

He wants to feel him with every inch of his being, wants to forget where he ends and where Taehyung begins. And he wants it now. But he knows that he couldn't make the younger do anything. It's all Taehyung's choice, so Yoongi tries his hardest to bring his urgency across through his body.

With trembling moans he pushes back against the other's hand harder, clenching tightly around his fingers. Sweat is running down his legs and the air around him is almost like liquid, thick and hot. It makes him feel like his body is slowly melting into the mattress and the knot in his stomach tightens at a particularly hard thrust against his prostate.

"Please –" He couldn't even finish his sentence before Taehyung suddenly pulls his fingers out. His lips kiss down Yoongi's spine while he rummages behind him. The elder has no idea what he's doing and he also doesn't care. It doesn't matter, not when Taehyung continues to touch him.

It's like a drug. Just the younger's fingers on his skin are addicting, leaving behind burning trails on his sweaty skin and Yoongi almost cries when the younger harshly bites down on his flesh. The sting fades immediately when Taehyung's cock brushes between his ass cheeks. Yoongi instantly presses his hips back but Taehyung isn't entering him, only teasing. The tip of his cock catching on Yoongi's rim but not pressing inside.

A desperate whine leaves Yoongi's lips, tears clinging on his lashes as he grips the sheets underneath him tighter.

"Enough," Taehyung rasps, grabbing his hips as he forcefully turns him on his back again. It's so fast that it leaves Yoongi's head spinning for a second. "Turn back around. Look at me – look into my eyes."

And Yoongi does just that. Looking at Taehyung's face, he realizes that he's not the only one hanging on by a thread, not the only one desperately trying not to succumb to the pleasure completely. Taehyung's eyes are – wild. He has no idea how it's possible but the dark orbs almost look feral, a dangerous glint in them and it makes Yoongi's cock pathetically twitch against his stomach.

"Sir, please," He whispers, the sound almost swallowed by the heat around them but Taehyung could hear him loud and clear. His hands reach out to curl around Yoongi's wrists, pressing them above his head and into the mattress again. A shiver runs down his spine. His hips buck up on instinct as he arches his back, begging Taehyung to finally get inside of him.

The stretch stings at first – it stings despite all the prepping they've done but it has also been a long time since he had something inside of him. Yoongi didn't really play with himself a lot during the time he spent apart from Taehyung and they rushed through the fingering a little bit. But it's not like he dislikes the pain.

A drawn-out moan falls from his lips as Taehyung finally bottoms out. He didn't even notice that the younger put on a condom before this but now he could feel it but it doesn't dim the excitement inside of him. He could still feel the way Taehyung throbs inside of him and he involuntarily clenches around him.

"Fuck –"Taehyung curses and slowly starts rocking his hips. Yoongi locks his ankles behind his back, trying to push him further inside. "Look at you –" If he could he would. But Yoongi could only look at Taehyung. Could only focus on him and he wouldn't avert his gaze to save his life. The younger just looks too beautiful above him.

Hair damp as it falls into his dark eyes, skin flushed and sweaty. His lips shine with spit, an angry red as they hang slightly open to accommodate his tongue that swipes over the bottom one.

"– So pretty," He continues before pulling out and thrusting right back into him. The pleasure and pain are mixing together, reaching a point that Yoongi doesn't know was possible and he chokes on his wanton moan. Taehyung is relentless though. He's thrusting inside of him like there's no tomorrow.

"Please –" Yoongi begs, not even knowing what he wants from the younger but everything around him is exploding in pleasure. His cock throbs against his stomach, pre-come pooling at the tip once again and he knows that he won't be able to last long. Not like this. Not with Taehyung above him, inside him – everywhere.

There's not a single one of his senses that isn't invaded by Taehyung. All he could see was the face of the younger, the way his dark eyes focus solely on him like he wants to eat him alive. Yoongi would let him. Everything he could hear are the whines falling from his own lips, the low moans from Taehyung's throat and the whispered praises that get lost in the humid air. The only thing he could feel is Taehyung, his touch burning on his skin, his cock hitting his prostate on almost every single thrust. The air smells of sex, sweat, and Taehyung. Yoongi doesn't know how but even the taste on his tongue is full of Taehyung.

It's just Taehyung, Taehyung, Taehyung. Everywhere and all around him. He wouldn't be caught complaining about it either.

The younger shifts above him, putting all his weight on the hand that secures Yoongi's wrists. It hurts a bit and he could already feel how the blood flow gets cut off, his fingers prickling but he doesn't care. Not at all.

"Sir –" He chokes out, not being able to continue his sentence when Taehyung suddenly grips his hair tightly. His free hand buried in the strands on top of Yoongi's head, gripping them tightly as he tugs his head back. A silent gasp falls from Yoongi's lips as his cock twitches pathetically against his trembling stomach. He is going to come soon. Just a little bit more – a tiny bit more.

The sting makes tears spring into his eyes and Yoongi involuntarily starts thrashing against his restrictions. Tears falling down on his cheeks, their saltiness mixing with the taste of Taehyung on his tongue.

The grip in his hair and around his wrists loosens slightly, just as Taehyung slows his thrusts down and Yoongi opens his eyes again. The building pleasure in his stomach decreasing again and his cock twitches. He was so close – so fucking close.

"Color?" Taehyung asks him and the animalistic expression on his face has changed into something softer, something more concerned. But this is not something Yoongi cares about now. He tries to fuck himself on the younger's cock just like this, trying to lift his hips far enough but he fails as the younger shifts away again.

"Fucking –" He curses desperately. He's so close that it hurts. "Green! Fucking green!"

In an instant, the concerned expression is gone and Taehyung's hands have tightened again. Yoongi swears he's pulling out a few hairs and fresh tears pool in his eyes as he cries out loudly. "Watch your language," Taehyung hisses darkly before starting his pace once more.

Yoongi would have wanted to answer, knows he's expected to answer but he couldn't. He's not sure if he's even able to form words at the moment. As fast as he got pulled down from his high, he gets up again. And in no time he's begging again, not really knowing if what he says is coherent or just pleasure laced gibberish – but Taehyung doesn't seem to mind.

The younger finally lets go of his hair and Yoongi sobs in relief. The pain doesn't ebb away quickly but it spurs him on, makes the heat in his stomach coil tighter. Taehyung drags his hand down Yoongi's face, holding his jaw tightly as he forces him to look up. Their eyes meet and Yoongi swears he just needs another push, one single push to fall off the edge and into delirium.

"I'm so close –" Taehyung gasps above him and Yoongi nods his head, nods so fast that his vision becomes blurry. But maybe those are tears again. He has honestly no idea.

"Me too! Sir – please - -" He gets cut off when Taehyung pushes his thumb into his mouth, pressing down on his tongue and that's enough. One thrust perfectly aimed at his prostate later and Yoongi's eyes roll back into his head.

His orgasm certainly doesn't come out of nowhere, he's been anticipating it since they started fucking but he hasn't been prepared for it to actually hit. His vision goes black for a second before colors explode in front of his eyes. His whole body twitches and he just barely registers that Taehyung has pulled out – could only hear him moan before the younger's cum splatters over his stomach, mixing with his own.

Both of them try to catch their breath but for the time being, they only lay together, sticky, trembling and oversensitive. Yoongi could barely breathe with Taehyung on top of him but he couldn't use his voice, couldn't even move. The only coherent thought in his mind is that they would have to take a bath again – or at least a shower. Which is a weird thought to have at the moment.

When the fireworks finally pass and Yoongi actually feels his body again – apart from all the tingling oversensitivity – he pushes Taehyung off his chest. Another urge has started to manifest itself in his lower stomach. "Let me out," He gasps, pushing Taehyung harder as the other only starts to move slowly. "I need to fucking pee! Taehyung let me out!"

He's not sure but Taehyung is probably laughing at him and his frantic movements. But when he joins him in the bathroom later and under the shower, Yoongi forgets to be mad about it.

.

The darkness of the room encloses both of them and Yoongi's whole body feels heavy. So much heavier than normal but his soul feels light, feather-light – ready to fly. The exhaustion he's feeling right now isn't anything compared to what he usually feels. It's not the same exhaustion that comes from his mind.

It's not exhaustion that overwhelms him because he couldn't shut his mind up. It's not anxiety constantly simmering under his skin, making it unable for him to ever let himself relax. It's not the urge to constantly have everything around him under control. At the moment, everything he feels comes from what they did today. His muscles are sore, bruises on his skin throbbing but he has never felt more alive, more content with his situation.

He's tired – he could probably fall asleep in seconds but he keeps his eyes open. He doesn't fight against sleep but he wants to stay awake, just a little while longer. Taehyung has both of his arms around him, one under his head and the other thrown over his waist. Their naked legs are intertwined and he could feel Taehyung's breath hitting his forehead rhythmically.

Taehyung fell asleep the second the light turned off and Yoongi is kind of glad for that. If the younger would still be awake he would definitely catch Yoongi staring at him like some creep. Yoongi shifts closer, letting his eyes fall shut as he presses his face in Taehyung's chest. Like this, he could hear his heartbeat, could feel how his chest moves every time he takes in a breath.

He has no idea how long he stays like this but he could slowly feel how his own heartbeat syncs with Taehyung's. It makes a blush spread over his cheeks when their hearts beat as one. And at some point during the night Yoongi falls asleep as well. He falls asleep knowing that this is how everything was supposed to turn out. Everything that happened to them had to happen – because, without it, they wouldn't be here right now.

Yoongi would have never believed that he would end up here. Especially, not in the arms of the guy who he thought to be nothing more than an annoying, rich brat in the beginning. He would have never thought he would grow as a person as much as he did, would have never thought that he would be able to move on from his past. He would have never thought that it would be possible to live happily despite all the things burdening him. He never thought he could be able to love himself. And he never thought that it would be Taehyung – Kim fucking Taehyung, who would bring all these changes into his life and help him to accept himself.

In the end, Taehyung has been right from the start. Yoongi needed him. He needed him in his life and over the months, years, they spent in each other's presence he's grown to accept the fact that he doesn't only need Taehyung but also wants him. He wants every part of him, every single part Taehyung has to offer to him. Maybe he didn't know at first. Maybe he didn't really let himself see Taehyung the way he is during the time as they did nothing more than see each other whenever the younger decided to visit his father at the office. Those two years spent in denial don't matter anymore. Because the last two are important. The year that they've been together and the one after it, the one they spent as friends.

No matter what they were – nothing more than acquaintances or lovers or friends – Yoongi always had him in the back of his mind. Whether he wanted to or not. Taehuyng has always been there and maybe, Yoongi has always needed him. Maybe that need at him been there since the beginning of time and that's why he tried to struggle so much against it, struggled so much against Taehyung who just wouldn't stop trying to crash into his life, no matter how hard Yoongi pushed him out of it again.

Now, he knows it though, he knows that he wants everything of the younger – every flaw, every imperfection, every struggle, every insecurity, every regret, every bad decision – he wants every emotion Taehyung has to offer, every smile, every single touch. He wants Taehyung till the end of time and with every fiber of his being.

There are scars on his heart, scars the younger left behind but scars aren't wounds anymore. They're healed and now his heart is beating faster than ever for the younger. For the person who took his fucked up heart and taught him to love again. The person who broke his fragile heart once, betrayed it only to come and collect the shards. Taehyung let him heal, let his heart heal and decide again and it did. It decided that it still wanted Taehyung, that it would want him forever. Yoongi knows that what he said is true.

If he had the ability to turn back time, starting at the beginning with the knowledge of what would happen if he accepts Taehyung's offer, he would still do it. He wouldn't even hesitate to go through the pain, the heartbreak, through everything again – if only it meant that he would end up here, in the younger's arms and being the happiest he's ever been in his life before.

-o-

"Hyung..." Taehyung's voice is quiet. The words floating through the cold night air and Yoongi turns his head slightly in the other's embrace to look up at him. Their height difference isn't that big but Yoongi always feels so small next to the younger. Even if his lips easily reach the other's neck. "Did you mean what you said at the club?"

Yoongi could still taste the hot chocolate they had a few minutes ago on his tongue. The warmth is still gathering in his chest, quite the opposite of the harsh coldness surrounding them otherwise. Snowflakes dance through the air and the tip of Taehyung's nose is bright red, just like his cheeks and his ears.

It's cute.

"What do you mean?" He asks, voice a little muffled through the thick scarf that's basically wrapped around his head to protect him from the coldness of the winter.

Taehyung sighs, his breath coming out in a white cloud. "Were you serious when you said that you'd go through all the pain again to be with me now? Because I don't know if I would be able to do that if I were in your place... I just – I can't really believe you would do something like this again just to be – well, to be with someone like me..." The insecurity bleeding into his shaking tone makes Yoongi's chest tighten painfully.

So, that's what this is. Yoongi kind of suspected that the younger would start to second guess his decision sooner or later. It's only reasonable but he wants to destroy these small bits of doubt completely.

He turns his whole body towards Taehyung, the snow giving in under his feet. Taehyung's cheeks are ice-cold as he touches them, his own fingers trembling as soon as he pulled them out of his pocket.

"Of course, I meant it," He says. And he does, of course, he means it. However, he still takes a moment to seriously think about the question again. Back in the club he might have said these words a little carelessly, threw them around like they were his obvious choice. But he understands where Taehyung is coming from.

After he said that, he did think about the meaning behind those words for quite some time. Just imagining to go through the same thing, knowing what kind of pain would await him in the future, is not something to treat carelessly. And no, Yoongi doesn't want to go through it all again, even if he would know that they would get back together in the end. But what Yoongi does know is, that if he had to go through it again – if he somehow found himself at the beginning he would do it all again, just because he knows he would be standing right here with Taehyung.

It's not like he would happily accept an offer to relive this all but if he had to go through it one more time – knowing the outcome, it would be worth it.

Just because he knows – as cheesy as it sounds – that he has never loved someone the same way he loves Taehyung. And he's sure that there's never going to be someone that he could love in the same way. Even if there were, they would never be able to return the same kind of love even stronger. Not only his feelings towards the younger are unique but Taehyung's feelings for him are the same.

It's not something Yoongi would have ever thought he would say or dare to think, but he is more than sure that Taehyung is the one for him. The one he would always fight for, the one he would always try his best for, the one he would endure a thousand hardships for.

Taehyung is the one he wants to wake up to every day. He's the one Yoongi wants to fight and then work his hardest to make it up to him again. He's the one Yoongi wants to grow old with, the one he wants to have petty arguments with, the one he wants to joke around with. Taehyung is the one he wants to share his whole life and all its ups and downs with. Just with Taehyung. And Yoongi never thought he could feel something like this. He never even believed that it's possible to have these kinds of feelings for someone – but here he is. The living proof.

"Do you believe in destiny?" He asks the younger. "Or that two people are just meant to be?"

The deep tone of Taehyung's giggles sounds like music to Yoongi's ear and he notes how the younger's cheeks seem to turn even redder. This time not from the cold though. Maybe it's just been a play of the light but Yoongi isn't sure. "I would have never thought you could be sappy," Taehyung whispers and his breath ghosts over Yoongi's chapped lips.

"Hey, I'm trying to be cute here," The elder pouts, leaning closer so they're breathing the same air. "Now, do you? Believe?"

The younger doesn't reply to him immediately but Yoongi thinks he could see the answer in his eyes already. It's in the way Taehyung looks at him, eyes so soft and sparkling. But maybe that's only because of the streetlamp behind them. A snowflake lands on the tip of his red nose and melts immediately.

Yoongi's eyes close on instinct as Taehyung leans forward, pressing his freezing lips against his forehead. "Just because of you," He mumbles against Yoongi's skin.

"Oh my god –" This time he's the one laughing, eyes cast downwards as a blush starts to form on his skin. "Now who's being sappy?"

Warmth fills his chest as they're laughing together, a quiet sound just shared between the two of them. Yoongi could see other people walking through the park from the corner of his eyes. There's a dog barking somewhere behind him and a little kid is building a snowman but it still feels like they're in their own world.

A world where just the two of them exist.

He looks up at the younger and his heart skips a beat. "I meant it – of course the things that happened are horrible, painful and not something I would really love to relive. But if it means getting my happy ending with you? I think I would be able to do it," He whispers, "I know it's sappy and cheesy but I – my heart never stopped beating for you. The second I began healing, I could feel the love for you in my heart growing again. And no matter how hard I tried to fight it – I couldn't."

The silence stretching between them is comfortable and Yoongi is content just standing here. His heart is still beating fast and if someone told him over two years ago that he would ever be this sappy with someone he would have called them insane. But here he is, standing in the snow with the love of his life.

His hands are on Taehyung's cheeks, coldness forgotten as the younger curls his own fingers around Yoongi's wrists. Only then does Yoongi realize that the other's shoulders are shaking quietly, something warm and wet drips down on his skin. "Hyung," Taehyung whimpers quietly, looking up and there are tears running down his cheeks.

Without thinking twice Yoongi wraps himself around the younger, burying his face in the crook of his neck as he feels his own eyes starting to sting with unshed tears. "I love you so much," Taehyung speaks into his hair, voice thick and muffled.

"Don't ever let go of my hand again," Yoongi mumbles and Taehyung pulls back to intertwine their fingers. Warmth spreads between them as the snowfall gets heavier.

"Not in this life and not in the next one. Never."

You could break my heart in two
But when it heals, it beats for you
I know it's forward, but it's true

You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it
If I could do it all again