The idea of getting an explanation that actually makes sense has been ghosting through Yoongi's mind for the past days. However, he still doubts that there actually is something logical behind Taehyung's behavior.

But what's the saying?

Hope dies last?

Yoongi could only shake his head at this. The lingering glimmer of hope inside of him is about to fade completely and if he would have a say in it, then it would have been gone for days now. But it's still there. An annoying shine in all the darkness filling his insides. The physical representation of his lingering feelings for Taehyung. They're complicated now – his feelings not easily distinguishable when it comes to Taehyung. He doesn't hate him. He wants to. But he doesn't. The problem is that it isn't easy to let go of all of these feelings so easily. It's not like he could simply cut all the love he has for Taehyung out of his body just like that.

Even if he would want to.

Just yesterday night he laid awake for hours, just staring at his ceiling and letting the pain wash over him in waves. He didn't care. There were anger, betrayal, and disappointment inside of him but above all – he still loves him. No matter how much his actions hurt him. It doesn't matter that Taehyung didn't choose him. Because Yoongi's heart still yearns for him. Even if he lies awake, wishing for a way to just cut the younger out of him, completely.

His heart aches for him, beats for him and Yoongi being nothing more than a fool still has this spark of hope that Taehyung would explain everything, choose him – them. But Yoongi wishes that glimmer would just disappear. He spent the last days trying to smother that spark of hope and he's got enough anger inside of him to mask the lingering feelings of love desperately holding onto the pieces of his heart.

But when Taehyung stood in front of him it was a little bit harder. With him sitting on his couch though, stumbling over his words and never really saying anything relevant Yoongi could feel the resentment bubbling up again. Like bile rising in his throat, it slowly eats its way through his body as he watches Taehyung gathering enough courage to continue to speak.

The younger sits on his couch, pressed in the far left corner. Usually, Taehyung is someone who always searches eye contact, especially when he's talking about serious topics. This time though, his eyes can't seem to focus on one thing, jumping from the floor to his hands, over to the window, the Tv, the coffee table but never landing on Yoongi. Never even coming close to his direction. Yoongi doesn't remember a moment where Taehyung avoided looking at him, where he actually seemed scared to look at him.

Yoongi stares at him, tapping his foot impatiently while the irritation inside of him grows with each passing second filled with nothing but silence. The more he waits, the more he doesn't even want to hear what Taehyung has to say to him. This all was probably nothing more than a waste of time. There's nothing that Taehyung could say that would explain –

"My father is sick."

And for a second time seems to freeze.

"He's really sick – it's cancer. Inoperable. It's now at stage four. None of the treatments they tried have worked. It has gotten worse over the past four years."

Taehyung's voice has dropped, there's something else than sadness lacing it as well but Yoongi couldn't pinpoint it. Couldn't quite put his finger on it. But he couldn't focus on that, not when Taehyung just let a bomb like this drop.

Cancer.

It doesn't make sense. Or maybe it does. Yoongi wouldn't know. How could he? The health of Taehyung's father is not his job and also definitely not his business but how... Yoongi spends most of his time working with Taehyung's father, attends to his every wish – he knows the man's daily life more than the elder himself so why... Yoongi shakes his head. Why did he never notice anything?

He's perceptive. Very perceptive but he would have never suspected that there's something wrong with Taehyung's father, especially not something as severe as stage four cancer. Of course, he noticed that the other man changed a bit over the years but he blamed that on his age. And the fact that he's always been a cranky old man that kept all of his private life, well, private.

But cancer. At stage four! How is it possible to hide that? To continue working like that? And why – why would anyone do that? Why would anyone burden themselves like that?

Of course, he noticed how the man often spent time outside of the office, attending appointments he kept a secret from Yoongi – something he never did at the beginning. There were signs. Reducing work hours, days where the man only worked from home and didn't even take any calls. But cancer?

"The cancer," Taehyung says, directing Yoongi's attention back to him, "It's actually the only reason why we even have contact again. He reached out to me because he thought he would die and leave his business without a successor tied to his family."

Yoongi slowly lets the tension from before bleed out of his system and with it, the anger disappears – starting to get replaced by a hollow void. His fingers tremble slightly as he presses them into his sides, hugging himself tightly.

All of these months, after more than two years, that he now already knew Taehyung he always wondered why the younger tried so hard to reconcile things with his father. He could never understand how Taehyung could come back to him after cutting him off cleanly years ago. Never, he was never able to wrap his head around the idea but now that the cancer is in the picture... Yoongi doesn't know but the word feels suffocating. It's like a big cloud filling the whole room, taking away the air to breathe around them.

Cancer.

And maybe he gets it. Taehyung is nice, too nice most of the times but Yoongi couldn't actually say that he wouldn't have done the same. Maybe he would have. If he were in Taehyung's place, if he fought with his father and then learned that he would die – he would probably go back as well. He wants to believe that he wouldn't – but it would be a lie to say that he would know the answer to a hundred percent.

"That's what he's trying to do," Taehyung continues to explain and Yoongi focuses back on him. His brain only now catching up to the other words the younger said before.

Afraid to die without a successor tied to the company. That's what he said. A successor tied to the family. Yoongi gets it. Kind of. He's worked for Taehyung's father now for roughly five years and he knows how much the older man loves his company, knows that he put his everything into building it. He wouldn't be surprised if the man sold his actual soul for the company. For someone like him, it must be horrible knowing that the company wouldn't stay in the family after he would resign.

"He wants to tie me to the company without letting me have any actual business with it. He already decided on his successor. If Hoseok is going to take over the company and I'm married to his sister then I'm – my family is indirectly still part of the company."

Yoongi shakes his head slowly, not quite believing what Taehyung is telling him right now. It couldn't be. It just couldn't be. Of course – of course, he could follow his boss' train of thought but that still... still doesn't explain why Taehyung is actually going along with it. This is all just an excuse. Nothing more than an excuse and as Yoongi catches Taehyung's gaze he understands it.

There's something about the whole situation that Taehyung just doesn't get. And he doesn't get it because he's just too nice to see it. Yoongi already lost. He couldn't help the ugly feeling of disappointment spreading through his chest, pricking his lungs with a thousand tiny needles and squeezing his heart tightly.

His breath comes out stuttering as Taehyung averts his eyes again. He looks so small, so innocent sitting there on his couch. His fingers keep clenching over his thighs, his teeth biting on his bottom lip and Yoongi could see the guiltiness in his eyes but Taehyung wouldn't change his mind about the wedding. That's a thing Yoongi will have to accept sooner or later – even if he doesn't think he would ever understand it.

"The doctors are giving him a little less than a year." His voice is quiet, thin. So unlike Taehyung that Yoongi wouldn't believe it's actually him speaking if he wouldn't see the words leaving his mouth right in front of him. "This marriage – the marriage with Dawon is his last wish but it doesn't mean anything. To neither of us – not to me and not to her. I only love you, Yoongi and I don't want you to be my little secret but I also can't deny my father his last wish. I can't do that if all I've ever done in his eyes is disappoint him. This is my last chance to do something right for him – It's the only thing he's asking of me right now. My last chance to make him proud of me."

There it is.

The real reason.

Yoongi should have known it from the start. His mouth stays in a thin line as the silence stretches between them. It's been years since Taehyung walked out on his father, years since he accepted that he would never be enough – years since he actually realized that he didn't need his father's approval in this world. But there has always been a part inside of him, a tiny part that is still the same little kid from before, the little kid that just wants to make his father proud. And as soon as that opportunity presented itself that part grew – it grew inside of him like ivy, poisoning him from the inside.

The silence between them is unnerving but Yoongi just – he couldn't find the right words to say. Couldn't bring his mouth to move even though there are a thousand words stuck in his throat. None of them wanted to come out.

He feels tired, so exhausted as he slowly walks over to lower himself on the couch. As far away from Taehyung as possible though. His gaze stays on his coffee table. There's a stain of something red. Yoongi doesn't remember the last time he ate at his coffee table though but it's probably tomato sauce or something else.

"You don't get it." He doesn't really recognize his own voice. His words break through the silence. They don't shatter it, they're more like a quiet noise that gradually gets louder.

"You just don't get it Taehyung, do you?"

The couch dips and Yoongi only pulls his limbs closer to himself, farther away from Taehyung. "What am I supposed to get?" The younger asks meekly like he's afraid of his answer.

"You don't get why I'm upset," Yoongi repeats his words and this time he doesn't even have to fight against the burning behind his eyelids. He's not even aware that there are already tears trailing down his cheeks. "You just don't get it."

When he looks over Taehyung is staring at the floor. His bottom lip is trapped between his teeth, the usual pink flesh turning white from the pressure. It doesn't look like he's going to say something anytime soon.

Yoongi just looks at him. Really looks at him. He lets his eyes trail over his cheeks, the pretty slope of his nose, the way his eyes glint in the light falling in through the window. It catches on the purple stone on his ring. Yoongi lets his gaze travel over the other's long fingers, it catches on the skin around his usually neatly done nails. The skin is open, dry – like he's been pulling at it, chewing on his nails as well.

And as he looks at him, only looks at him, his heart beats a little faster. But every beat drives the knives of disappointment and heartbreak deeper into his skin.

"I love you," Yoongi whispers, turning his body towards Taehyung. He hopes to catch the other's gaze but Taehyung only makes himself smaller, digging his fingernails into the skin of his thighs.

"And I know you," Yoongi continues slowly, "At least I think I do and the Taehyung I know wouldn't have let himself be guilt-tripped into a marriage just because his father is dying. As harsh as it sounds."

"I'm not being guilt-tripped into anything," Taehyung immediately retorts.

Yoongi knows how insensitive he must sound. But maybe that's what Taehyung needs? Because that's the truth and sooner or later he'll have to face it. It's sad, it's not what Yoongi would want for him but as mean as it is – Taehyung's father only cares about his company and about nothing else. Not even his own family. And Taehyung seems to have forgotten about that at the prospect of finally being seen as worthy in his father's eyes.

"You don't even see it," He says a little louder, feeling a wave of anger well up inside of him again, "Your father doesn't give a shit about you."

Taehyung flinches at his sharp words but Yoongi doesn't care. He slams his hands down on the couch next to him, almost climbing up on it to properly face Taehyung. The words leaving his lips are harsh, they're painful and they will sting but they are also the truth. The truth that Taehyung needs to hear, needs to see. And Yoongi so desperately wants him to open his eyes but in the end, he couldn't force him to.

"That's what you always told me!" He knows he's getting louder, knows he lets irritation take over again but he's desperate. "That's how you describe your relationship with him and I always – I always wondered why you tried again. Why you worked towards bettering your relationship with him again after having fought so fucking much to live your own life – without him. You cut him off completely, cut all ties and even though he's your father and family you didn't have a problem with it until he fell sick."

Blood rushes in Yoongi's ears and his thoughts stumble over each other. Taehyung is staring at him, lips slightly apart and eyes so wide open. Almost comically open. Shocked? Afraid? Yoongi doesn't know but he tries to take a deep breath, tries to calm down a little.

"You have a big heart, Taehyung. And it doesn't really help you here," He continues, voice much softer than before. "You love your father, after everything you love your father so much that even after fighting for everything you have, everything you love and everything you want he can just come and take you back so easily. I mean – It must be hard. I can't imagine it..."

He shakes his head, thinking back to his parents in Daegu. The relationship he has with his family is maybe a little different from the average one. But that's because Yoongi is nowhere near average. He's been dealing with so many problems since birth and his parents stayed by his side through them all, always held him, comforted him, tried everything to make his life as bearable as possible and he owes them everything.

They love him unconditionally and he returns those feelings without a doubt. It's completely different from the relationship Taehyung has with his own family, so Yoongi has a hard time imagining himself in Taehyung's place.

"If my father would be sick... I would drop everything for him – but I also have a very good relationship with my father," He says. His heart clenches when Taehyung winces at his words. And yeah, Yoongi pities him but it's the truth. "You don't have a good relationship with your parents – at least not with your father. You never had and even though you tried the past years you're still not close with him, you're still dancing around each other. Even after those years that you've given it your everything your relationship with him is still shit and you wanna know why?"

Taehyung's brown eyes swim with tears and Yoongi hates it. But every feeling of pity gets suffocated by his own anger, by the heartbreak, by the pain the younger caused and is still causing him. Someone has to be honest to him. Someone has to hit him with the facts if he refuses to acknowledge them otherwise.

"It's because you have such a big heart and your father is selfishly taking advantage of it," Yoongi mutters, "He knows you wouldn't deny him this. That just – And you don't even notice that he's guilt-tripping you into this."

Taehyung snorts, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he leans back against the couch, away from Yoongi. "He's not guilt-tripping me, I decided to do what he wants from me. That was my choice, I decided what to do."

"Because he's dying," Yoongi yells exasperated – his desperation is slowly turning into frustration and he just wants to shake the younger, wants to knock some sense into him. "Sorry to sound insensitive but if he wouldn't be sick you wouldn't agree to his wish, right?"

The younger immediately drops his gaze again. His whole stance wavers. Just a second ago he seemed so confident, sitting there all high and mighty and now he stays silent. Not giving Yoongi an answer but his silence is enough of an answer for the elder.

"And you don't get what bugs me," Yoongi whispers and he collapses back against the couch. All the fight leaving his body again. It makes him a bit nauseous. "For you, it doesn't seem like such a big deal, right? Maybe to some extent, or else you wouldn't have kept it a secret from me. But you hoped I would agree to this, right? You hoped that it wouldn't bug me. But it does. It does bug me that you're going to marry someone else while claiming to love me. It bugs me that you even considered that I could agree to be with you in secret. That's not what I want. Even if you would only going to marry her for the time your father is still alive. It would still bother me."

He draws his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them tightly. His gaze strays towards his window. The sun is out, illuminating the life outside beautifully but inside of his apartment, there's nothing beautiful. Only pain and anger. Disappointment and betrayal. There's nothing fitting into the warm rays of the sun painting everything golden.

"You don't get how much it hurts to be the only thing in your life that isn't worth fighting for with your father..." It's not the first time he says it but it's the last time. Yoongi glances at the younger, sees the pain in his expression, the tears in his eyes but there's still the aura of determination surrounding his guiltiness. No matter what Yoongi said to him – It didn't change his mind. But Yoongi couldn't shut up. His mouth just keeps talking.

"Even though he's dying – that is not an excuse for him to dictate your life once again. Just because he's family, you are not obligated to give up anything for it. You are not obligated to do anything. In the end, you are independent and I know you can be – I know you can stand on your own two legs, make your own decisions. I know that because you fought for literally everything else – apart from me. From us."

One of the tears drop. Yoongi watches how it rolls down Taehyung's cheek, dripping down his chin. "We're worth fighting for..." The younger croaks and more tears follow the first one. "You are worth fighting for..."

"Then fight for me."

Taehyung drops his gaze, hands clenching into fists as he bites down on his bottom lip again. It's enough of an answer for Yoongi. "That's what I thought." He gets up from the couch, gesturing towards his apartment door. "Please leave."

For a few seconds, Taehyung is just staring at him, eyes wide and mouth opening a few times. In these few seconds, Yoongi thinks that the younger would say something, that he would fight, wouldn't give up just like that... But he's wrong.

Taehyung gets up from the couch with a crestfallen expression on his face but Yoongi couldn't imagine that the younger feels even half of the pain Yoongi experiences at the moment. And then he walks away, turns away and walks out of Yoongi's life like he never was a part of it.

It's surreal. It doesn't feel real. When they got together Yoongi thought they had a future ahead of them, a bright future. But now, wherever he turns, all that he sees are ruins. Ruins of something that once was so beautiful, that once gave him life. Now nothing of that is left. Taehyung takes the last glimmer of hope with him as he walks out, not even wasting a glance back at Yoongi standing in the ruins of what once was a 'we.'

Maybe that's what was always meant to happen. That's who they really are. The real Taehyung and the real Yoongi. Just not meant for each other. It was nice while it lasted but now Yoongi has to collect the burning ashes of his heart, hoping he could wash the stain Taehyung left behind from his soul. Hoping that one day, one day he'll forget about him, forget about all the pain torturing him at the moment.

Now he's just watching how Taehyung leaves his apartment, without another word falling from his lips. And watching him, seeing him walk out of his apartment, out of their relationship just like that finally makes the realization of the past few days set in. Yoongi couldn't describe what it feels like. Maybe like waking up from a dream? From a dream that felt so real that he was able to taste it on his tongue, feel it on his skin as if it was real. In the end, he wakes up though. No matter how hard he tries to believe that the dream was real. It's not. This is the reality. This is the real 'him' and the real 'Taehyung'. This is the real 'them'.

And with the realization, all the feelings bleed out of him. Yoongi wakes up in a reality that he never knew existed and all he could feel is – nothingness.

It's really the end. It is the real end now and there's nothing else he could do to change that or change anything about that. And this feeling – the emotionless part that grows inside of him is worse than all the pain of the past days.

-o-

Taehyung experienced a lot of lows in his life.

There were small lows. Moments of weakness when he was a teenager, waking up in the morning still tired as hell but not because he hasn't slept but because life was just too exhausting for him. Moments where he found himself crying out of nowhere, sitting down in the shower, letting the water wash away the tears on his cheeks.

Lows are nothing new to him. Taehyung hit a pretty deep low when he got thrown out. He spent quite some time in that low, having Jimin by his side trying to cheer him up again. In the end, it was spite motivating him to show everyone that he could succeed that got him out of it again.

Taehyung is used to lows and knows how to deal with them. Usually. But sitting inside of his office long after he could have gone home, a bottle of wine on his desk and ugly sobs fighting their ways over his lips with tears staining his papers is a new low.

It must have already been hours since Jimin went home. He remembers the concerned gaze of his friend but there was something else in his eyes too, something in his expression that drove the spear of guilt deeper into his chest. Taehyung knows that he did something horrible, knows that he probably tore Yoongi to shreds but that's the decision he made. That's what he chose, so he really doesn't have a right to be this upset, does he?

He shakes his head slightly, frowning at the taste of wine on his tongue. Jimin probably already knows what happened, what Taehyung did. He kind of doubts that Yoongi kept all of this to himself and didn't talk to his friends. And if Namjoon knows Jimin does too. But he doesn't know for sure. Jimin hasn't said anything but his face gives him away.

No matter how hard he tries to hide it. His face is like an open book to Taehyung, perks of being friends for the majority of their lives. But right now Taehyung wishes he wouldn't be able to see the disappointment in his best friend's eyes, wouldn't see the silent judgment in the way the corners of his lips point downwards.

But it's what he deserves, right?

He ruined something perfect. Something that had made him the happiest man on earth and why? Because he's weak. Taehyung likes to believe that he made the choice, that Yoongi wasn't right with what he said but maybe there's a tiny bit of truth hiding behind the other's words.

Did he let himself be guilt-tripped into the whole thing?

Taehyung shakes his head. His mind is already starting to get blurry from the wine. It doesn't matter anymore. Yoongi has given him two chances. Two chances to choose him, to choose them, their relationship. And what has Taehyung done? Both times he let him down. Both times he let them down. Walked out without doing what his heart yearns for.

But that's the problem. His heart is torn. Of course, he loves Yoongi. He loves him like he never loved anyone before but his father – he's family. And he's going to die.

A sharp pain pierces through his mind, interrupting his thoughts. This whole getting drunk thing hasn't been his best idea but now that he's already started? Why stop?

A bit of wine drops from the bottle as he presses it against his lips. He could feel the red liquid soak through his dress shirt right at his collarbones but he doesn't care about the ruined cloth. First, the sweetness of the beverage laces his tongue. The thick liquid running down the back of his throat leaves a bitter taste behind though. Taehyung shudders but continues drinking despite that.

He's usually not someone who gets drunk. Especially not on fancy drinks like wine or champagne. Also, beer is not really his case – maybe it's just alcohol in general. The only thing Taehyung really enjoys drinking is fruity soju – just because it doesn't really taste of alcohol but more like the fruits in it.

When he puts the bottle down a hiccup fights its way out of his mouth. His lips taste like wine, his tongue laced with the sweet bitterness and his head is already fuzzy. A weird feeling spreading through his stomach and Taehyung wishes he would have another bottle to completely overshadow the painful guilt inside of him. He's going to be hungover as hell tomorrow morning but right now he couldn't find it in him to care about that at all.

He loosens his tie and relaxes back against his chair. Just as he puts his feet up on the table and puts the bottle back against his lips to completely empty it someone knocks at the door. At first, Taehyung considers just ignoring the knock. His work time is officially over, no one is supposed to come to his office right now. So who could it be?

When another knock – much more insistent echoes through the room he quickly takes his feet off the table. "Come in," He calls out, hands fumbling to quickly fix himself. Just as he hides the bottle behind his desk the door opens and to his surprise, it's Dawon peeking into the room.

Taehyung freezes in the middle of running his hands through his disheveled hair. What is she doing here?

She's just standing in the door, her gaze traveling over Taehyung who clearly didn't fix his appearance in time. Silence stretches between them before Dawon steps inside of the office with a sigh.

"You forgot, right?" She asks, walking over to his desk and settling on the chair in front of it.

"What?"

Maybe it's the alcohol. Maybe it's guilt poisoning his brain or maybe it's the heartbreak ripping through his chest but Taehyung has absolutely no idea what she's talking about.

"We were supposed to go out today but it doesn't look like you're in the right condition for that." An awkward chuckle leaves her lips as she puts her bag down on the floor, relaxing in the chair. And fuck – Taehyung remembers. His father reserved a table for them tonight.

"Oh shit," He curses, "I'm so sorry, I really forgot about it."

"Don't worry," Dawon whispers. Taehyung snaps his head up to look at her when he hears the softness in her voice. There's concern written all over her face, compassion glinting in her eyes and she doesn't look the tiniest bit disappointed that they won't be able to go out.

Why should she?

Taehyung lied a lot of times, kept the truth to himself for such a long time but he didn't lie to Yoongi when he said that the marriage doesn't mean anything to either of them. Dawon doesn't think that they would end up really being together – for her, it's also nothing more than an arranged marriage. Taehyung likes her. She's nice, a little older than him and pretty. But he would never be interested in her and if Dawon is ever going to be interested in anyone is something only she could know.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks softly, reaching into her handbag to offer him a tissue.

Oh – and Taehyung thought he couldn't even cry anymore but now he could feel the hot wetness on his cheeks again. Dawon reaches for a second tissue just as Taehyung buries his face in the first one, hiding behind it. "There's nothing to talk about, I already ruined everything," He sniffles.

"Well," Dawon leans back, the easy smile never leaving her lips, "Even if that might be the case – talking about it can still be helpful."

Taehyung just stares at her. They haven't been able to talk much since they got to know each other. There weren't a lot of opportunities for them to converse, just the two of them. Normally, there's always someone with them – mostly his father. He barely even knows her and the same goes for her but she's still offering her help.

Just like that.

"I mean, you don't have to tell me. Of course not," She hurries to say when Taehyung fails to answer in time. "It's not like we know each other pretty well but my brother likes you and you seem like such a nice person. You don't deserve to cry alone like this."

Taehyung clenches his hands. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to talk about everything? And Dawon is more like a neutral person than any of his other friends. Hoseok already told him whose side he's on – Jungkook would definitely stand with his boyfriends and Jimin... He doesn't want to make him choose between him and Yoongi. Especially not when Taehyung knows that he doesn't deserve any compassion from anyone. He brought this onto himself.

"It's quite a long and complicated story," He says slowly, waiting for Dawon to tell him that they don't have much time, that they couldn't sit here and listen to his life story but she surprises him again.

"Good that we have all day then, right?"

-o-

Work has been more tiring than ever for him.

The last time Yoongi dreaded to enter the office this much was shortly after he ran away from his ex-Dom. Back then he had to hide the damage the other guy caused, make-up on his face to hide the wounds and bruises. Every time someone would look at him for a second too long he feared that they saw right through him. Maybe his scarf had shifted? Exposing the bruises blossoming around his neck like ugly stains.

For the past two weeks, Yoongi had to force himself to attend work and not call in sick. He's done everything he could to avoid interaction with anyone. His friends are worrying. He knows that. His phone is always spammed with a thousand messages from them but Yoongi couldn't be around people right now. Especially not people that he associates with Taehyung so greatly.

It's not the fault of his friends but Yoongi would rather be alone with his thoughts. There's just too much going on inside of his head right now and he just knows that he would shatter like a fragile glass the moment someone would ask him if he's fine. He knows that it's merely a matter of time until they will track him down and he would have to explain everything in detail to them but he'll avoid the confrontation for as long as he could.

They know.

Of course, they know what happened. Roughly. There's not much he could tell them without feeling like he's being literally ripped apart inch by inch. But they know enough to grasp the situation and to know that they want to support him. And Yoongi appreciates that. That's what friends are for, right? Supporting each other when one of them hits a low but he couldn't endure that now.

He's made a deal with himself.

Just a small, harmless deal that he would keep it together until the wedding would be over. He wouldn't even think about everything until the stupid wedding is over and he could finally get rid of Taehyung in every single part of his life. Because like this – always being reminded of the other's engagement because Yoongi is literally organizing the majority of the wedding, he couldn't forget about Taehyung. The younger is just always – there.

And that's not what he needs while he tries to piece his broken heart back together.

It was so much easier to lose his feelings for his former Dom. But the whole situation has been so different that Yoongi isn't sure if he could even compare both relationships with each other. His first real relationship turned abusive and manipulative pretty fast and finally getting out of it felt like breaking free from shackles. When he decided to leave the other man it was like finally breathing fresh air again.

Whereas his relationship with Taehyung ended abruptly – just like that. With his old Dom, back then Yoongi knew he had to leave, he knew it for quite some time and he had no love left in his body for the other male before running away. But Taehyung... There's a part of him that is still angry, a part that hates the younger for the decision he made. Furthermore, the biggest part of him has accepted it for now – not the reason why Taehyung didn't choose him, not the reason why the younger even accepted the engagement – but that part accepted that the relationship is over, accepted that he had to lock up all of the sad and painful feelings for now.

And underneath everything, in the smallest and darkest corners of his burnt heart other feelings linger. Yoongi wishes he could just throw them out, wishes he could burn them just like Taehyung burned his heart but the love he feels for the younger remains rooted inside as if it belongs there. And in a sense it does. Even though Yoongi doesn't want it to.

It takes a while to get rid of feelings, especially when they were so overwhelming like those he had for Taehyung – or still has. A break up is something that takes time to get over. Time and usually space as well. Yoongi has time but he doesn't have space. Everywhere he looks something reminds him of Taehyung. Hell, he fears every day that the younger would suddenly stand in front of his desk to pick up his father.

Working with the very man that played a huge role in destroying their relationship also isn't making anything easier either. Especially not because Yoongi now knows about the other's medical condition – something that obviously no one is supposed to know about.

Every time the man walks out and fixes Yoongi with his cold brown eyes he fears that it'll stand right on his forehead. Right there, written in bold letters. I know you have cancer. I know your time is running out and I know you're the one forcing Taehyung to marry. I know everything about you.

But until now, he managed to act like nothing's wrong.

What's getting harder each day is trying to not run into Hoseok. Avoiding the rest of his friends can be easy but Hoseok is literally in the same building every day and they're bound to see each other from time to time. Even though Yoongi has successfully managed to not have a conversation with him yet, the other gets more insistent.

But every time his compassionate and apologetic gaze finds Yoongi's eyes the elder runs away. Not literally – at least not all the times. There was this one embarrassing moment where he literally ran down the hall but he pushes that to the back of his mind. His foolproof plan to avoid talking to Hoseok is to pretend he's on the phone with someone very important every single time the other male enters his floor.

Until now it had worked.

But today is really going to be one of the worst days since Taehyung walked out of his apartment without another word. Yoongi knew they had the meeting today, talked to Taehyung's father about all the things they needed to discuss with the engaged couple. After all, Yoongi couldn't just decide on his own how everything is going to be at the wedding. It's not his. And Taehyung's father wanted the couple to have a say location wise and so on.

So, that's how he ended up here right now. Head down, hands clenched around his papers while he has his laptop under his left arm. In his mind he keeps counting up to ten and down again, trying to concentrate on breathing deep and slow. Nine. Ten. Breathe in. Nine. Eight. Breathe out. Seven...

Until now it kind of worked to keep his anxiety in check but when he rounds the corner he almost bumps right into one of the persons he avoided as good as he could manage.

His head snaps up as he avoids the collision only to meet those pity filled eyes. Oh, and he saw Hoseok a few times but he's not prepared for this. The way he's looking at him, expression full of sadness, pity – compassion. It makes tears sting in his eyes again.

This is what he feared. This is what he didn't want to happen when seeing his friends. The second they would start trying to comfort him, would start asking about what happened, about how he's doing he would break apart. Currently, he's just keeping it together, his whole emotional stability hanging by a thread that could snap with a simple gaze.

He needs to distance himself from Taehyung and everything related to him for the time being. Only that would guarantee his sanity for now.

"Are you okay?" Yoongi sucks in a sharp breath, switching to hold the papers and his laptop close to his chest. Just behind Hoseok, he could see the conference room, everyone else already inside. There's nothing more than a wall of glass separating him from Taehyung and Yoongi is – he is not ready to face him yet.

But he doesn't have a choice, does he?

"You could have warned me," He mumbles, swallowing the lump in his throat, "You knew, right? Of course, you knew. She's your sister."

The pity on his face morphs into guilt. Yoongi watches how Hoseok drops his gaze, his fingers starting to play with the hem of his sleeves. This is not what he wants. It's not Hoseok's fault that Taehyung did what he did. It's not his fault that their relationship broke apart. Even though he knew about the secret, it wasn't his place to tell Yoongi about it.

Yes – of course, yes, Yoongi has been angry. He had been furious when his brain caught up with the fact that Hoseok must have known about the engagement. There's no way he didn't know about it. It's his sister, it's him who's going to take over the company – he must have known. And he hid that from Yoongi. Yeah, the elder has been disappointed because of that, had felt betrayal rising in his throat like bile but in the end... He understands it.

If he were in the other's place, knowing something that would break one of his best friends – he's not sure if he would have the guts to say something. He gets it. It wasn't Hoseok's place to tell him – it was Taehyung's. It should have been Taehyung telling him everything, not someone else.

But even that didn't work out in the end.

"I'm sorry." Yoongi looks back up at Hoseok again, tearing his eyes from the conference room. It doesn't look like the other people noticed them standing outside yet. "I tried reasoning with him," Hoseok claims, his voice laced with sincerity. "I wanted him to tell you sooner but he was scared."

"Scared..." Yoongi snorts. He shakes his head. This is really unbelievable. Who does Taehyung think he is? Claiming that he was scared of telling him? "Being scared is an explanation but not an excuse. It's not an excuse for the mistakes you make."

Yoongi bites his bottom lip, face scrunching up at the bitter memory of Taehyung saying these exact same words to him at the beginning of their relationship. He remembers the moment vividly. It's ironic – How much their roles have changed since the engagement got revealed. Yoongi would have never thought that he would be the one to stress communication and that Taehyung would end up being the one driving them apart because he couldn't open his mouth.

"I don't understand why he goes along with it," Yoongi sighs, glancing back towards the conference room. Taehyung is sitting next to Dawon and here, in the light of the day, the woman looks even prettier than the evening Yoongi saw her for the first time. The resemblance to Hoseok is undeniable as well.

"His father never cared for him and Taehyung has cut him off once – So what? Now he's going to die and uses that to manipulate Taehyung again. I mean – of course, it's sad that he's sick and no one deserves that but that doesn't change the fact that he's always been a shitty person towards Tae. He doesn't even deserve it that Taehyung is caring about him now."

Before Hoseok could say anything or react to his rant in any other way the door towards the room opens. It's Taehyung's father waving them inside. Yoongi brushes past Hoseok, ignoring his apologetic look as he sets his things down on the long table.

He doesn't expect Taehyung to look at him but he does expect him to react in some way. Out of the corner of his eyes, he observes the younger sitting opposite of him but Taehyung stays still. His gaze staying on the table in front of him. There's not a single sign that he even noticed Yoongi entering. Nothing that might indicate that he even acknowledges the other's presence in the room.

It shouldn't hurt as much as it does. But Yoongi pushes through. He swallows the pain the same way he did for the past two weeks, without batting an eye.

If Taehyung is going to ignore him then he could do the same. Fucking watch him.

Yoongi opens his laptop, clicking on the file where he keeps up with everything related to the wedding. Thankfully, he doesn't really have to do much today apart from listening to what everyone here agrees on. Well, and organize all those things the couple wants for the wedding after it. It's not like it's less than two months before the wedding is supposed to be – seriously, who only starts planning now?

He shakes his head, typing while he listens to Taehyung's father. The other people stay mostly quiet. They only open their mouths when they're being asked something. It's kind of weird. More than once Yoongi catches how Dawon leans either close towards Taehyung or her brother right next to her, whispering something in their ear without Taehyung's father noticing.

Every time she's close to Taehyung there's the ugly feeling of jealously coming to live inside of his chest again. Oh, how much he wishes he could just get rid of all feelings related to Taehyung. There's nothing to be jealous of anyway. It's not like they're still a couple. Yoongi's just wasting his feelings on the other.

Taehyung doesn't even deserve it that Yoongi sheds a single tear over him.

The conversation is quickly blurring, just words running past him and Yoongi isn't even really listening anymore. His fingers almost type on their own while he's busy staring at the couple in front of him. Taehyung still hasn't looked into his direction a single time. And it hurts.

This is how fast the younger forgot about him? Huh. As easily as he let him go. It doesn't seem like he loved him that much if he's already acting like Yoongi doesn't exist anymore.

Yoongi's gaze is fixed on Dawon.

She's really pretty. He has to admit that. Well, why shouldn't he? It's not her fault that Taehyung left him. It's not her fault that any of this is happening but Yoongi wonders what her motivation to agree was. There doesn't seem to be one – if she's not secretly in love with Taehyung despite the younger denying that. But maybe he also just said that because it's what Yoongi wanted to hear from him.

How is he supposed to know?

Maybe it's because of her brother? Maybe she loves Hoseok so much that she would marry a random guy so that her brother would take over as a CEO? Yoongi doesn't know and he doesn't care. (A tiny part of him does though. Sadly.) They look good together. Dawon is a pretty woman. She's got these big innocent eyes, a warm brown color that you could get lost in. Her nose looks so much like Hoseok's or is it the other way around? Yoongi couldn't really tell who of them is older than the other. It doesn't matter.

He sighs, trying to focus back on the conversation and on what he's actually supposed to do but at that moment he catches a movement. His heart stops in his chest for a second as he watches how Dawon reaches out, intertwining her hand with Taehyung's on top of the table.

The jealousy makes him want to throw up. Yoongi hates it. He shouldn't feel jealous. He shouldn't feel anything but hatred and anger when it comes to Taehyung but he couldn't help it. He could never help it when it comes to him. And even if he would allow himself to feel jealous – he has no reason to, right?

If Taehyung told him the truth then there's nothing between them. If Taehyung told him the truth then the younger feels absolutely nothing romantic for Dawon and the same goes for her. If... Yeah, if Taehyung told him the truth two weeks ago. But Yoongi doesn't know if the other hasn't been lying – it's not like he could see inside of his head. And even if he did say the truth, maybe that changed over these two weeks?

Maybe without him in the picture, Taehyung actually tried being with her? It could be a possibility, right?

His heart hurts just thinking about it. It's an arranged marriage. Right? Only arranged. A marriage without feelings involved but Yoongi has a hard time convincing himself of that. Maybe there aren't any feelings yet. Maybe Taehyung didn't lie and there's actually nothing between them, yet.

Yet.

Yeah. Yoongi doesn't think that someone can marry another person and spend their life or a huge part of their life with them without eventually developing a few feelings. That just sounds impossible. It's just a matter of time until Taehyung would develop feelings for Dawon. His gaze drops back to their intertwined hands. Maybe it wouldn't take that much time until she would develop feelings though.

"How do you feel about Jeju?" The voice of Taehyung's father interrupts his thoughts and Yoongi quickly glances up again. His gaze stays on Taehyung's face and the way he keeps stubbornly staring at the table, no words leaving his mouth. "Taehyung," His father sighs annoyed, "You said you would cooperate. Don't act like a baby now."

And just as an unimpressed snort falls from Taehyung's lips the younger looks up, holding Yoongi's stare.

His eyes pierce through his soul and Yoongi feels exposed. He wants to look away, wants to hide from the way Taehyung stares at him but he couldn't move.

Not a single muscle.