There was one childhood memory which stuck with Yoongi until now. The day he was having fun on the playground, laughing and yelling for his mother to look how high he could swing. He left the swingset in favor of the monkey bars which seemed so far away from the ground but so exciting to climb. It was all fun and games until he hung there, strength leaving him and instead of just letting go like he normally would he felt himself being seized up by fear.

He was so far above the ground, heart pounding in his throat and he couldn't even yell for his mother to help him before he slipped. The ground came nearer faster and faster and no matter how much he had tried to hold on, he could do nothing against the fall.

Right now he feels like being a little kid, the little kid falling from the monkey bars. He tastes sand in his mouth, his ears are ringing and head pounding from the hit. He couldn't open his eyes properly, hands scraped open from trying to lessen the impact and his right arm hurting like hell because of the way he twisted it during the fall.

Everything hurts and he doesn't know how something making him so happy and being so much fun could transform into so much pain in the span seconds. It feels impossible but it's happening right now.

He thought he's seen it all, experienced it all, that there is nothing which could faze him anymore but he was wrong. Nothing he ever experienced could compare to the collision of feelings inside of his chest right now. Not even the accident of his parents compares to this – but only because both situations are so different. The death of his parents – the only emotion he remembers is sadness, emptiness, a void in his heart no one could ever fill. But now years have passed and yes, he hasn't found a person to fill this emptiness but he found a lot of different persons who all worked together and slowly made that void disappear.

But this right here right now is different. There's so much going on inside of him. So many emotions and thoughts swirling around and he couldn't catch onto anything. He's lost, lost between anger, sadness, betrayal, hurt and confusion. There's too much in his head. He can't focus on anything. To be precise, Yoongi feels like he's drowning. The blood is rushing in his ears, heart pounding in his throat and he doesn't even realize he's panting until Shin speaks up.

"Hyung?" He sounds scared. Yoongi immediately snaps his head up, to his horror he could feel hot tears pooling in his eyes. Why's he crying? He shouldn't be crying. He doesn't cry in front of his family – He's the strong one. He's the one everyone comes to, the one to listen to everyone's worries while swallowing down his own. He's the safe haven, he needs to be strong for everyone. He can't be weak, he needs to be strong to hold them all together. But he could feel himself breaking ever so slowly.

"Yoongi?" This time it's his aunt. He just stares at her, mouth not able to move as she blurs right in front of his eyes. "Are you okay?" I'm not, he wants to scream, wants to yell, wants to cut into the wood of the table in front of him. But Yoongi couldn't answer. It's like someone is squeezing his throat, he can't even move but stare straight into the worried eyes of his family.

What's happening? This feels different than anything he's ever experienced. It's similar to a panic attack but not quite one. He can't describe it. It just feels like he's slowly falling apart, his body not responding to him as his mind screams at him to do something, anything!

The paper between his fingers feels as heavy as lead and his eyes drop on the printed words again. The black ink blurs before his eyes, the tears start running down his cheeks and stain the paper. His body trembles with the force of his silent sobs. He wants to throw up, to scream, to yell, to tear the paper apart, burn it and then burn the ashes but he couldn't do anything at all. The voice inside of his head isn't whispering anymore, now it's screaming at him. I told you. I told you. I told you. I told you from the start and I was right.

He couldn't even argue against it, couldn't do anything to stop it because why should he? It really is right after all. It is right and Yoongi is the biggest idiot in the entire universe, in the entire history of the human race and he can't believe he let himself be fooled like this.

He scans the paper again and the written words engrave themselves on his carefully sewed together and beat up heart, only to pull at the seams trying to break it again.

Dear Min Yoongi,

On these papers, you'll find a non-disclosure agreement regarding the whereabouts of my client Kim Taehyung. We sincerely hope that you will understand how important it is for my client to not further damage his image. The official story about his vanishing has already been made public and now all we need of you is to sign this and agree to not tell a soul about what has really happened.

This contract has been put together on the request and under the supervision of my client, Kim Taehyung and we all hope you also understand the importance of this. By signing this contract you not only agree that you will not talk about what happened but this includes anyone you have already told something. So, if your friends or your family members or anyone else you've told about Taehyung goes to the press, we'll be able to sue you.

In exchange for your signature on the contract, we'll offer you a high financial compensation. The details about everything are written in the following papers. Please read them carefully and make the right decision and keep in mind that this is Taehyung's wish.

Regards Kim Taehyung and lawyer.

Yoongi just wants to throw the contract away but he can't. Why, why does this happen? Yoongi doesn't understand. He can't even fathom an idea of what might go on and why Taehyung is doing this. He said he loved him. Love... Did he lie? Did Taehyung really lie to him? He must have. No one who loves him would do anything like this, right? Right?

"Yoongi," His aunt is standing up now, her voice full of concern but still reassuringly soft, Yoongi doesn't notice though, "What is wrong?"

His ears are still ringing and he feels himself falling deeper and deeper into a downward spiral while his mind is slowly shutting down. He can't do anything but watch as it happens. A lie... Everything has been a lie. He can't believe it though. He just can't believe that Taehyung spent all these months lying to him. But why should he get a fucking lawyer involved without even telling him anything about it in the first place? He thought they were close enough to talk about everything – he was sure they were close enough. But maybe every 'secret' Taehyung ever told him had also been a lie and Yoongi had believed it all.

He's so stupid... And even though the proof is staring right at him he still can't quite believe it. His hand twitches towards his phone on its own accord. What should he expect? Is there anything new at all? Is there a lot? The non-disclosure contract makes it seem like it. The name Kim Taehyung gets him hundreds of results, hundreds of newsflashes over every social media platform. Like he's in a trance he clicks on the first article to maybe find out a little bit more about the situation he's in.

Kim Taehyung – Does this name ring any bells?

That's right, according to a reliable source the actor is back in the scene. To refresh your memory we'll quickly tell you what went down with Kim Taehyung a few months ago.

The twenty-two-year-old male has been the rising star of Korea's Dramas but once his dark secrets got unraveled he's lost everything. From getting roles offered from every direction to getting kicked out of a cast and directors refusing to work with him – That's the story of Kim Taehyung. The young star actor who got himself involved in various scandals including a leaked sex tape, videos of him doing drugs, drinking alcohol, fighting in bars and definitely not behaving like he should.

But it's been months since then and Kim Taehyung had been off the radar throughout this time. The public lost sight of him but now he suddenly returns to the spotlight. In the last two weeks, he's been spotted with two very important people.

The first one is none other than the famous youngster Drama director Park Bogum (24). People have seen them in the city on various occasions and rumors get around that Taehyung is supposed to be the main actor in Bogum's future Drama which is supposed to start production soon. Which brings us to the second person Kim Taehyung has been hanging out with. Buckle up because it's the confirmed female lead of Park Bogum's new Drama and the one and only Jung Eunji. Might this be enough confirmation for Taehyung's participation in the production of the new Drama?

But this isn't all. While the meetings with Park Bogum were held professional we've seen pictures of Kim Taehyung and Jung Eunji being closer than people who are just co-stars. Is there a new couple? We suspect this might be more than true considering how often they've been seen the last weeks, sneaking around even at night. Especially this picture of them sitting so close at a water fountain fires the dating rumor up.

You might ask yourself now why Kim Taehyung is back in the picture and where he's been the last months. This is the first time his parents have agreed to open up about his whereabouts. And it's been confirmed by them and Taehyung's lawyer that he ran through withdrawal in a rehabilitation clinic – finally saying goodbye to drugs, and alcohol. Kim Taehyung is supposed to have completely redeemed himself.

We're happy that the talented actor found back on track and welcome him back.

Yoongi's head is about to explode. He can't think anymore. Why? Why? Why? Why? Just why did Taehyung do this? How could he? How could he betray them all like this? Out of the blue? After all that happened, after all, that happened between them?! Maybe he's missed something. A small tiny detail which would explain everything. Did he not get the memo stating that he – that they don't mean a single fucking thing to Taehyung?

Even though his fingers twitch towards his phone again Yoongi forces himself not to look up the girl – actress – mentioned in the article. Yoongi recognizes her face, he's seen it before. As a contact photo in Taehyung's phone and suddenly, everything falls into place.

He has hoped that everything he just read is a scam, a cruel joke set up but it's not. Definitely not. Taehyung has been meeting with this guy and with his Noona^^ - Jung Eunji. He can't believe it. He feels so small, a little kid lost in the darkness. He let himself be fooled by a pretty face and an Oscar-worthy performance. He let himself be played with like a stupid puppet.

It's true and Yoongi doesn't know why but it is true. Taehyung has started to build his old life back up again and the question 'why?' just remains in the elder's mind. The word jumps around there like it owns the place because there's no answer. No answer to the question why this is happening. Yoongi thought the other was happy, happy here with them – with him. But it seems like he wasn't, now he understands why the media has been so obsessed with the younger's acting skills. He's astounding, making Yoongi believe every lie he told him.

That's it. Taehyung lived here in poverty with them and now he has the chance to return to his old, luxurious life and he just selfishly leaves them behind, without a second thought. Maybe that's been his plan all along, just using them to stay away from the streets until he could return.

Yoongi feels like trash, like everything that happened in the past months has been fake. And the proof that it really has been fake is staring him right in the eyes. He can't deny it. There's no way to misunderstand anything here. Taehyung never loved him. Taehyung was never his, to begin with. Taehyung and the actress – Yoongi is sure he's going to throw up.

Taehyung is cheating – is it even considered cheating if Yoongi is just someone he used to survive in the harsh world outside? Is it cheating when he never considered Yoongi as a real partner in a relationship?

His mind is blank, face pale and he can't function. He's just sitting there, staring at the blurry words in front of him as he lets himself get drowned by hurt, betrayal, by everything.

The door opens behind him and Yoongi turns his head so fast that he's afraid of actually getting a whiplash. Everyone's eyes are glued to the door where Taehyung stands like a deer caught in the headlights. Normally Yoongi would coo at his cute expression or feel overjoyed because wow, he's home early but right now the mere sight of the boy makes him see red. The betrayal, hurt and sadness only fuel his anger and no matter how hard he tries, he can't think of a moment where he's been angrier than right now.

The anger rises under his skin like a tornado and he's ready to unleash it all. His whole body is shaking, tears burning like fire on his cheeks. Taehyung enters the apartment carefully, closing the door behind him softly as he stays put right in front of it, not moving further inside. He seems to sense the tense atmosphere and his eyes look so concerned – so real as he stares at Yoongi. Like he means the concern like he isn't acting at all.

"Yoongi –" The soft tone of his voice makes the elder want to scream and strangle him. Stop lying, he thinks but Taehyung continues talking like he really cares about the reason for Yoongi's emotional breakdown right in front of him. It feels so real, too real but Yoongi knows it's not. "– What is wrong?"

The elder is standing up now, legs wobbling as he grasps the cursed piece of paper tighter in his fist. "I thought you changed... " He whispers, his voice doesn't even sound like his own as it leaves his dry throat. He can see the confusion on the younger's pretty face. He wants to punch him. He wants to wipe this expression off his face.

"What?" Taehyung is taking a step towards him now but instantly stops when Yoongi flinches away from him. He's partly aware that his whole family is watching them in confusion right now but he couldn't bring himself to care. There's only Taehyung in front of him. The man he loves, the man who's supposed to love him back. The man who told him he loved him so much that he would take a bullet for him but now it turns out it's Taehyung pulling the trigger to shoot him down.

"Dating ...? New Kdrama?" His voice comes out hoarse and as soon as the words leave his lips he sees the way Taehyung's face falls. So it's true. Everything is true and Yoongi is the biggest idiot in the whole world. The confirmation of the younger makes the anger inside of Yoongi boil up again and he couldn't help but start to yell, "And this – this contract?!"

He thrusts the paper forwards not even caring that he's crumpling it in the process. It's not like he wants to sign it. He would love to tear it apart in front of the other's eyes right now but what would he gain from that? A small moment of satisfaction? Maybe. But why shouldn't he sign? Taehyung doesn't want him.

"Yoongi..." Taehyung reaches out towards him but Yoongi slaps his hand away. He doesn't want to be touched by him ever again, he can't bear it. Not when he remembers all the words Taehyung whispered against his naked skin, the way his fingers have trailed over every part of him with so much gentleness and love that Yoongi had believed they would last a lifetime. Not when all those touches were nothing but lies. He can't bear to have the other near him ever again.

"I truly believed you changed but once money gets you offered you're dropping us – dropping me!" He yells loudly, somewhere behind him another door gets opened and from the corner of his eyes he sees Jiae entering the living room. Now they're all here and no matter how much Yoongi would want to spare them from seeing, from hearing this he can't. He ignores them for now, settling for dealing with explaining everything to them later.

"Rehab center? What the fuck, Taehyung?! What the fuck? If you thought I would keep quiet and continue being your fucking dirty little secret then you haven't learned anything about me in the last months!" His voice grows louder and stronger with each word and the anger inside of him does too. Lies, lies, lies, everything has been all lies.

"Yoon –" He doesn't let Taehyung even finish this one word. The way his name rolls off the other's tongue sends shivers down his spine. It still sounds so real, so sincere but it's all a lie. He means nothing at all to Taehyung. Nothing.

"I thought – I was sure you've changed!" He scoffs, turning around to avoid looking at the other's face. It only makes everything harder. The weight on his chest is almost crushing him, the pain close to being unbearable. He remembers the first time he met the younger and the strange urge to laugh overcomes him. Didn't he know right from the start what kind of person Taehyung is? He should have listened to himself back then. "I said it once and seems like it still applies to you... You're nothing more than a pretty face with an ugly heart. Don't come crying to me again. Leave."

It hurts. It hurts like hell telling the younger to go but everything else hurts so much more. "Please..." For a second he could feel his resolve starting to crumble at the desperate tone of the younger, the obvious tremble in his voice indicating that he's about to cry. But he just sucks in a sharp breath, gathering all the hurt inside of him to stay strong against the urge to give in. Taehyung is just going to manipulate him again – manipulate him into signing the stupid contract so that Yoongi won't ruin his future career.

"Get out!" He snaps, hugging himself tightly to somehow ground himself. There's the floor under his feet – steady, solid. There's air flowing through his nose, into his lungs and out again – rhythmic. There's his apartment around him – familiar. He's okay, he's going to be okay, he won't let himself be swept away by all these emotions, he'll –

"Yoongi," Taehyung interrupts him in trying to calm himself down. "If you would just let me explain –"

But Yoongi isn't having it. Taehyung had plenty of time to explain everything to him. If he could take the time to meet with his stupid lawyer to put together this contract he could have taken the time to sit down with Yoongi and explain everything to him. But obviously, he didn't want to. Obviously, Yoongi wasn't worth getting an explanation other than the fucking contract. What did Taehying think? That he would just easily give everything up, sign this thing and pretend like nothing ever happened?

"I'm done, Taehyung," He says, voice hard and unforgiving as it slices through the tensed air like a knife. "Were you even going to explain anything? Were you? I found your phone a few days ago, you know? I – I didn't look into it but it all adds up now, right? You were sneaking off to meet with her, right? With her and with him too. I just –"

"Yoongi..." Taehyung's warm hand rests on his shoulder and Yoongi has never turned around so fast in his life. He shrugs the other's hand off and pushes him back, hard. Taehyung stumbles, catching himself only as he grabs on the wall to steady himself. Yoongi doesn't care.

"I trusted you!" He shouts, pushing him once more for good measure. He knows he should try to calm down in order not to lose control of his anger but right now he couldn't focus on that. His attention is solely on Taehyung and the fact that the younger has been lying, lying, lying to him. "I gave you everything! Everything I had! Seems... seems like as long as money and fame aren't involved nothing is good enough for you."

He wants to hurt him. He wants to pierce the other's soul with words the same way he did to him. He wants every sentence which leaves his mouth to feel like a punch in the face to Taehyung. He needs him to hurt as much as he does.

"Yoongi!" It's the first time the younger raises his voice at him since he entered. Yoongi's a little taken aback by the sudden force of the other. Taehyung is yelling right back into his face like he's the victim here, "You're being really unfair right now!"

Yoongi wants to laugh. Where is he the one being fucking unfair? He's the person getting lied to all these months and now he's unfair because he's calling Taehyung out on his bullshit. He could definitely explode right now, the anger is blinding him, searing behind his eyelids and it all gets too much way too fast. He knows he's going to slip – going to slip into something more violent but he still fights it. A noise close to choking escapes his lips as he hits the wall next to him in his frustration.

He doesn't even feel the pain, doesn't see the way Taehyung flinches away from him even though he hasn't even been close to hitting him. His hand stings a little but that's all. Taehyung looks a little scared though but he doesn't back off, he continues standing his ground against the force that is Yoongi.

"I'm being unfair?!" The elder barks, amusement lacing his voice because really? That's just a ridiculous accusation. "What about you?! Huh? You – you came here with nothing and I gave you a life. I gave you a family. I gave you a real home. I gave you my heart and you... you're just going to betray me and all the others like that. Without a second thought?"

The fire which previously had started to burn in Taehyung's eyes dies down as quickly as it came. He seems to shrink under Yoongi's fierce gaze and sharp words. "Tell me," the elder demands, "Really, tell me how you would have explained this? 'Oh, hey it was nice knowing all you but I'm going back in my own life. I'll be acting again and you all won't say a thing about where I've been because if you do the whole world will know that I was living on the streets and weren't in rehab. Oh, and you'll get sued too. Isn't that great?!' I mean, seriously? You give us a fucking contract to sign?!"

Yoongi huffs, stomping his foot to release the pent-up tension inside of him but it does little to nothing. He knows he won't be able to keep control for long and continuing to yell his lungs out does nothing to help his situation but he can't help it. He's so mad, so mad at Taehyung that he almost wishes to lose control. Almost.

"And then? How would you have explained her? 'Ah, and while I'm at it, Yoongi, we were never anything serious, I never loved you because look, this is my super hot actress girlfriend who I'll spend the rest of my life with. You know, the girl I saw behind your back, the one who is way richer than you and obviously better because of it –" This time it's Taehyung pushing him and Yoongi is surprised by the violent reaction of the younger.

"This is not about fucking money, Yoongi!" The younger hisses loudly, baring his teeth in the process. His eyebrows are pinched together in frustration or anger. Yoongi doesn't really care either way. "Why do you always have to act like you're worthless because you're poor?!"

The words hit him like knives. Poor. Worthless. They're the ones he keeps engraved on his scarred soul at all times. The words he tries to escape every day but knows will haunt him forever and always. "Because it's true!" He wails and a new wave of tears begins trailing down his cheeks. He wishes his family wouldn't hear what he's saying but he can't stop talking. It's the thing he keeps telling them all the time: Being poor doesn't mean being worthless. But it's been too long since he believed that. He doesn't want them knowing that though. "I'm telling you it's not but let's face it, in reality, you are nothing without the needed money to guarantee yourself a living! Of course, poor people are going to be seen as more worthless than a rich person. I keep telling everyone that I don't see it that way but I don't believe it myself!"

"That's not true," Taehyung whispers, obviously taken aback by the other's outburst, "That's not you speaking. I know you don't see it like that –"

"Just shut the fuck up!" Yoongi interrupts him again, he's pushing against the other's chest, shoving him to the door while tears continue to blind his vision and leave a salty taste on his tongue, "I don't want to see your lying face ever again! I hope you get fucking happy wherever you're going now and don't even think about ever contacting any of us again!" Yoongi breaks away from him, leaning his weight against the table to be able to stay upright. He's panting, his whole body still trembling and it's silent.

He could see Taehyung just standing motionless in front of the door, eyes wide open as they jump from one person to the next. Yoongi's family is also frozen in their spots, none of them dare to move. It feels like the calm before the storm. Chul and Jiae are both clinging to their mother as they cry, Shin is still awkwardly sitting on the other side of the table and Yoongi's uncle is looking at them without any expression at all.

Yoongi raises his head to look back at the younger male and suddenly all the anger vanishes. He just feels weak. Weak, small and scared. Crushed to the bone as exhaustion catches up to him and he lets himself fall down on one of the chairs. There is no fight left in him, only a hollow emptiness where his heart used to be. Maybe he's a masochist because he asks what has been burning his tongue since he doubted Taehyung's love for him.

"I never meant anything to you... right?" His voice is barely above a whisper and he couldn't stand watching Taehyung any longer. He knows he wouldn't be able to watch him look at him with pity or whatever. "I was someone convenient who let you stay and showed you how the world works... nothing more, right?" Taehyung stay silent and there it is again – the weird urge to laugh but what comes out of his mouth is more like a garbled mess between a chuckle and a sob.

"You never loved me right?" He asks, daring to look up only to find Taehyung biting his bottom lip and silently staring at the floor.

He scoffs, swallowing the sob back down before he looks down at the crumpled paper in his hand. "Can't even deny it..." He wetly chuckles, "I gave you my heart, I loved you with every fiber of my being. You know, I would have followed you to the end of the world without a question and I thought – I really thought you felt the same about me, funny right? Must be hilarious for you – a proof that your acting skills are otherworldly but I don't understand why you did this. I don't understand why you made you believe that you loved me back. I don't get it – why would you be so cruel?"

He isn't even sure what he's feeling at the moment but it doesn't matter because whatever it is, it feels like it's never going to pass. He's sniffling softly, wiping his dripping nose with the sleeves of his shirt but doesn't bother trying to dry the endless flowing tears.

"I was overjoyed when you told me you returned my feelings," He confesses. He could still vividly remember the day like it only happened yesterday. "I thought someone like me would never have a chance with someone like you, someone so far out of my league. Must be fun for you, right? Humiliating me like this. I'm the stupid worthless guy who thought you loved him but I was never anything to you. Was it fun convincing me that you loved me? Do you feel satisfied now? Now that you made me feel so – so worthless?"

"Yoongi –"

"Shut up!" Yoongi yells. He can't bear to hear the voice he loved so much anymore. It's all too much for him. "I can't promise anything if you continue to talk... I can't listen to you anymore. Leave. Leave and never come back here again..."

His hand trembles as he grabs a pen and slowly signs the contract in front of him. This is it. His end with Kim Taehyung and from now on he'll do anything to forget he ever fell in love with caramel skin, chocolate eyes and a honey voice. It never happened.

"Don't forget this!" He throws the crumpled contract at Taehyung's face, the younger catches it with a blank expression on his face but makes no move to leave. "Go to hell!" Yoongi turns around and waits, he waits until the door falls closed behind him until he lets the ugly sobs spill over his lips.

Taehyung left without another word.

He buries his face in his hands, crying as hard as he needs to. His wails are heartwrenching and every sob hurts in his chest. He has already forgotten about his family being in the same room until a tiny and scared voice timidly speaks up.

"Is he coming back?" It's Chul. The small Chul who has loved Taehyung with all his heart, who came out of his shell and learned to laugh like a kid – the small boy who must be crushed and confused by the scene which has outplayed just now. That's what Yoongi would normally think and normally he would run and hug his little, crying cousin to his chest and tell him how everything's going to be alright but he can't. He's still too far wound up in his own emotions.

"No, he's not fucking coming back!" Yoongi yells and right now his mind is so clouded by hurt and anger that he couldn't even feel bad for the violent, scared flinch running through Chul at his loud voice. He's not right in the head at the moment. He can't think and he can't look at anyone. He just... He can't.

Everything is blurry through his teary gaze but Yoongi doesn't even care as he bumps into almost everything painfully on his way to the bathroom. There's bile rising in his throat and he can't think. Can't think. Can't think.

The bathroom door slams shut behind him and Yoongi quickly drops to his knees to empty all contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl.

Yoongi loves being right but at this moment he wishes he hadn't been right the first time he saw him.

Taehyung has been a boy so pretty... but with an ugly heart.