Am I annoying? Am I boring? I feel like I am. I try so hard to make people like me or to please people but I seriously never feel like I'm good enough.

I want people to pay attention to me and it only lasts for so long. I just feel so useless and helpless and then it's sucks because then I'm alone with all my thoughts and I just get really sad and lonely.

I think people are my friends and then at the same time I'm not sure anymore. I've stopped trying I guess, even though I want to try and I want people to care or pay attention to me, or I'm trying to be there for them but at the same time I'm not sure if they care that I'm there or not.

I don't know. My thoughts and feelings are all clouded and I'm trying to make sense of all of it. None of it makes sense. I'm just more sad.

The worst thing is assuming. Assuming that what they posted was about me and aimed towards me, and freaking out and beating myself up. How did I do something like that? What did I do wrong to them? I'm in a constant state of worry that I did something wrong.

I mean two of my friends straight up blocked me... and to this day I still don't even know why. I tried asking them. I tried talking to them.

Dammit I hate feelings. I wish I could just feel numb and not feel anything at all. Then it wouldn't hurt and I wouldn't be sad and freaked out and lonely all the time, eating myself up inside.

I don't know. No one is probably going to read this but I just needed to get this out of my system. I don't know