THE weather of a new day scorched through Xibel's black sutane. It was still nine in the morning but the heat already was an erupting volcano. Hindi niya mapigilang mainis habang iniisip na lalabas siya ngayon. Isa pang dumagdag sa sakit ng ulo niya ang dami ng taong naglalaro sa playground.

He hated meeting people. What more of going outside?

"Papa, hurry!" Hinila siya ni Imris papunta sa playground pero ayaw niyang gumalaw sa kinatatayuan niya. Kahit natatanaw na niya ang playground, may kalayuan pa rin sila. Pero kahit na ganoon, naaabot na ng kaniyang gift ang mga tunog ng kanilang mapait na nakaraan.

He held on to the tip of the cloak covering his face. "I'll stay here. I'll just watch you."

"But you said we'll play." Sumimangot ito.

"Yeah. But . . ." Lumuhod siya upang magkapantay sila. "I hate the crowd. I hate humans."

"Why?"

Napaisip naman siya ng puwedeng idahilan. Isang rason na hindi na mamimilipit pa si Imris na papuntahin siya sa sandamakmak na mga tao.

When an idea ticked his head, he sighed so deep as if he was losing all his breath. "I'll die if they'll see me."

Kaagad naman namilog ang mga mata nito. Nabalot ng kaba at takot ang mukha. Mabilis nitong hinawakan ang dulo ng hood ng kaniyang balabal upang mas lalo pang takpan ang kaniyang mukha. "Papa should stay here then!"

Pahilim naman siyang napangiti matapos iyong marinig. Isang tagumpay ang kaniyang pagpapanggap. She patted his head. "Hmm. I'll play with you once they leave."

"Okay! Don't die, Papa, okay?"

"I won't."

Imris waved her hand before running toward the pool of crowd in the playground. Pinanood niya itong magtungo sa bagay na tinatawag na slide habang naglalakad siya papalapit sa katabing bench. Subalit bigla siyang napatigil nang lumingon si Imris sa kaniya at tumakbo pabalik.

"What's wrong?" tanong niya nang makalapit.

"Do you hate Imris too?"

His eyes squinted with her question. "What do you mean?"

"You said you hate humans," mahina nitong sabi.

Silly. Would I even take you in if I do?

Nilapat niya ang kamay sa ulo nito. "You're an exception."

"Really?" Her face beamed in happiness.

"Really." He touched her forehead with his finger. "You should feel honored that a monster like me likes a mere human like you."

Imris giggled. "I love you, Papa!"

Bago pa tuluyang pumasok sa isip niya ang sinabi nito ay tumakbo na itong muli papalapit sa slide. That was the second time he had heard that from her. He shook his head as he walked towards the bench.

Naupo siya habang ramdam na ramdam pa rin ang init. Buti na lang may mga kahoy sa kaniyang likuran kaya kahit papaano ay nagiging malamig pa rin ang hangin.

Binalik niya ang tingin kay Imris na nakikipaglaro na sa mga bata. Even if he could only see her smile from far, it felt like he could hear her giggles. The expression she made as she glided along that slide looked like she was granted the most freedom.

His heart felt light seeing that the child he rescued from that worn down orphanage seemed happy. However, he also couldn't stop the fear creeping into the beat of his pulses. Could he keep her happiness? As someone designed like a nightmare, does he even have the right to keep her smile? And what if one day . . . one day her perspective would suddenly changed? What if she would see him like everyone else? What if she would fear him?

What if he would be cast away again?

He sighed. He held the back of his head while looking down. Kailangan niyang alisin ang ganoong mga katanungan. Dahil bukod sa ang dami-daming ingay na naririnig niya sa isipan, hindi na niya pa kayang dagdagan ang bigat ng mga katanungang hindi niya naman kayang sagutin.

Napansin niyang may dumaang mga tao sa kaniyang harapan kaya lalo pa siyang yumuko.

"Mom, what is that?" Turo ng bata sa kaniya.

He didn't bother looking up and just clenched his fists. No matter how he tried to keep a calm composure, he always ended up feeling tense. He was afraid because he could already tell their frightened face.

"Don't point your finger at him. Maybe he's a weirdo."

Pinikit niya na lang ang mga mata at piniling umidlip muna. Napapagod siya sa ingay. Napapagod din siya kakaisip na baka may taong biglang lumapit sa kaniya at tanggalin ang kaniyang cloak. Higit pang kinatatakutan niya na baka kaya nilang makita ang kaniyang itsura kahit pa balot na balot na siya.

It might sound impossible, but the stares he received way back in Fort Galron had taken a large tool for him to think this way. Like their eyes had sipped through his flesh, looking at him with judgment, fear, and most of all . . . disgust. And that also made him absorb all those emotion. He became a reflection of them.

He hated himself too.

"Stop it." He warned himself because he was starting to remember all of it again. It was tiresome and frustrating. And he didn't want to experience the shivers today. He wanted to rest.

As he continued to resist the thoughts in his head, he fell asleep. The voices shut clear and his mind was at peace. If only it was possible for him not to wake up again, he would choose that way. If only the Holy Saints just punished him with death, he might have suffered less. If only the author of the story didn't choose him as the villain, he wouldn't need to carry this frustrating thoughts.

'When will this end?' was the only question he remembered when he woke up. The heat was even more hotter than the first time he came here, and now his body was covered with sweat. He wanted to remove his cloak but there were still too many people.

Tiningnan niya ang direksyon ng playground upang tingnan si Imris subalit hindi niya ito nakita. Napatayo siya sa bench at nilakbay ang mga mata mula sa bawat sulok--simula sa slide hanggang sa swing--pero hindi niya pa rin mahagilap ito.

Where is she?

Unti-unting dinukot ng kaba ang kaniyang mahinahong puso. Tumakbo siya papalapit sa playground dahil baka sakaling nagtatago lang ang bata. Ngunit nang malapit na siya, pinangunahan siya ng takot. Napaatras siya habang dahan-dahang nararamdaman ang panginginig ng kaniyang mga kamay.

His field of vision narrowed because of the voices getting louder inside his head. But still, he refused to run away. He needed to find Imris first.

Nanatili lang siya sa sidewalk na nagsisilbing boundary ng playground. Inikot niya ito upang tingnan ang bawat anggulo ng playground. Hindi niya naramdaman ang tingin ng mga tao dahil natuon lahat ng kaniyang atensyon sa paghahanap kay Imris.

"Where on earth are you?" Napahinga siya nang malalim nang hindi niya pa rin ito mahanap.

She might have gone somewhere. And because he fell asleep, he didn't know where she could be.

If something had happened to her, he would never going to forgive himself.

Muli siyang huminga nang malalim upang pakalmahin muna ang sarili. Hindi siya makakapag-isip nang tama kapag hinayaan niya ang sariling pangunahan ng kaba. He tried thinking of a place where Imris could be. If it wasn't the playground, where else could she be?

Biglang pumasok sa isipan niya ang oras. Hindi niya man alam kung gaano siya katagal na natulog ngunit base sa dobleng init ng panahon, hula niya'y malapit nang magtanghalian. May posibilidad na nagtungo si Imris sa lugar na may pagkain.

Naputol ang kaniyang pag-iisip nang may dumaan na higanteng sasakyan sa kaniyang harapan. Bumusina ito nang pagkalakas-lakas dahilan upang mapaigtad siya at sundan ito ng tingin. Nang makadaan ito, ang tindahan na nasa kabilang dulo ng kalsada ang bumungad sa kaniya.

Isa itong bakery shop. At isa sa mga table, nakaupo ro'n si Imris na kumakain kasama ang isang babae.

Kaagad siyang napahinga nang maluwag. "There you are."

Tumawid siya sa kabilang kalsada. Tumigil siya sa sidewalk at tinawag si Imris.

"Imris." Hindi kalakasan ang kaniyang boses ngunit sapat lang para marinig siya ng bata at ng kasama nito.

Napatigil ito sa pagkagat ng tinapay at napalingon sa kaniya. Nginitian siya nito. "Papa!"

Mabilis itong bumaba sa upuan. Habang bitbit pa rin ang tinapay, tumakbo ito palapit sa kaniya. Kaagad niya itong kinarga at tumawid ulit ng kalsada.

"Ah, wait lang po!"

Nilingon niya ang babaeng kasama nito. Tumayo ito at hinabol sila dahilan upang bilisan niya pa ang pagtakbo.

"I said wait!"

Hindi siya nakinig. Tumakbo siya papalapit sa bench kung saan siya natulog kanina.

Why on earth is she chasing me?

"Are you dumb? I told you to wait!"

Napatigil siya sa pagtakbo nang biglang may humablot sa kaniyang hood mula sa likuran. Lumusot ang sinag ng araw sa kaniyang mukha dahilan para masilaw siya. Bago niya pa takpan ang mukha, nasa harapan na niya kaagad ang babae.

"Goodness! Bakit ka ba biglang tumakbo? Ibibigay ko lang naman--" Natigilan ito nang makita ang kaniyang mukha. Muntik nang malaglag sa kamay nito ang hawak na supot. "W-what the?"

"Get away from me!" He immediately turned around. Tatakbo na sana siya ulit pero bigla nitong hinawakan ang kaniyang pulso.

"Wait nga lang!"

Nang maramdaman niya ang init ng kamay nito, mabilis siyang nakaramdam ng kilabot. Isa-isang nagsulputan ang nga memoryang nais niyang kalimutan. Umakyat sa kaniyang bibig ang nakakasukang pakiramdam sa tuwing hinahawakan siya ng mga babae.

"Don't touch me!" Marahas niyang winaksi ang kamay nito. Muntik na itong matumba sa lakas.

"Ouch naman!" gulat nitong saad. "Can you calm down?"

Hindi siya sumagot. He tried running again but then a group of people suddenly gathered and blocked his path. He turned around to look for another way but there were even more people, bringing an odd square things. It was shooting light, making him dizzy.

What on earth is happening?

Xibel gulped as he couldn't find a way to get out. They were cornered. Nanginig ang kaniyang mga kamay at tuhod habang palipat-lipat ang kaniyang tingin sa mga tao. Nanghina ang kalamnan niya dahilan upang sumama ang kaniyang pakiramdam. Nahihilo siya.

Why are they here? Why are they looking at me? It's too loud. It's too loud. It's too loud. Get away. Get away, please.

Dahan-dahang nanikip ang kaniyang dibdib habang napako siya sa kinatatayuan. His mind shut that he couldn't think of anything else but just disappear. He didn't like them looking at him. He didn't want them near. He wanted them to go away.

But no matter how he shouted in his mind, the people seemed to be getting near him instead. Their mouths were moving but he could barely understand what they were saying. His chest was too painful for him to even hear them.

He might collapse anytime soon.

"P-papa?" rinig niya si Imris. Bakas din sa boses nito ang kaba, halatang nalilito rin sa mga nangyayari.

"Hey, hey! Move away!" Biglang sumigaw ang babaeng katabi niya at pumunta sa kaniyang harapan. Dahil sa malakas nitong boses, napatigil nito ang mga tao sa pagdutdot papunta sa kanila. Nagawa rin niyang makahinga dahil sa ginawa nito.

He didn't remove his eyes on her back as he tried hard to calm down.

"Get that camera down! I'm having a peaceful break here!" Nilapat nito ang mga kamay sa magkabilang balakang. "Umalis na kayo!"

But the crowd didn't listen. Although they weren't trying to go nearer, their questions kept on coming in.

"Miss Jasia, is the rumor about you having a kid true?"

Another one asked. "Did you keep your marriage to the public?"

"Get lost!" Ang tanging sagot ng babae.

Pero hindi pa rin sila tumigil at wala itong planong tumahimik hangga't hindi nito nakukuha ang sagot na nais na marinig.

"Are you raising the child alone? Ilang taon na ang anak mo?"

"Totoo bang nakikipagsiping ka sa kahit na sinong lalaki kaya hindi mo alam kung sino ang ama ng anak mo?"

"A-ano?" Natigilan ang babae dahil sa huling tanong. "Where did you--"

Hindi nito natapos ang sasabihin nang may isa pang nagsalita.

"O 'di kaya ayaw mo lang ipaalam ang pamilya mo?" Nagtama ang tingin ni Xibel sa taong nagsalita.

Bago pa nito masundan ang tanong, biglang nagsalita si Imris.

"Papa, I want to go home."

Narinig ng mga tao ang sinabi ng bata dahilan upang matuon sa kanila ang atensyon. Nagsimulang humakbang ang mga ito papalapit sa kanila. Walang tigil sa paglabas ng nakakasilaw na ilaw ang maliit at kakaibang bagay na hawak-hawak sa mga kamay.

"Ito bang kasama mo ang asawa mo?"

"Nagsasama ba kayo? Kung oo, ilang taon na simula nang maging kayo?"

"Are you two married?"

"Is the child yours?"

Napayuko ang babae at hindi kaagad nakasagot. Siya naman ay nag-iisip ng paraan kung paano sila makakaalis. Ramdam niyang hindi na rin komportable si Imris sa ingay ng mga tao kaya bago pa ito umiyak, kailangan na nilang umalis.

Subalit paano? Should he fly? Should he use his power to push these people away?

Before he could even think of a way, the woman looked up. She balled her first and screamed.

"Oo! He is my husband! And this child is our child! Okay na?!"