Warnings: a bit of anxiety, mentioned fear of break up, fear of coming out to his boyfriend as ace, but we all know this is some fluffy shit so dont worry

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Virgil was asexual. He had sort of always known, but it wasn't until very recently that it had really dawned on him and he had adopted the label. He had always known he had no interest in anything sexual, it made him uncomfortable, and the thought of him being involved in a situation like that made him almost feel nauseous sometimes.

He was however still massively gay, in particular for one Logan Sanders, Thomas' embodiment of Logic. Shocking, he knows. But what had been even more shocking was that about two months ago Logan had come to Virgil and said that he felt the same. Virgil sometimes still couldn't fully believe it himself, but damn, Logan was his boyfriend, had been ever since then.

It was great, Virgil had been awkward sure, but so had Logan, neither of them were really familiar with a romantic relationship and stuff like that, but they had been figuring it out together and things had been going good.

There was only this small issue... Logan didn't know Virgil was asexual.

It hadn't been Virgil's intention to keep that from him, but he hadn't fully known himself until two weeks ago. Before that he had just assumed that since they weren't human, none of the sides felt any sexual attraction, because why would they?

Then as he and Logan had grown more comfortable in their relationship he had been forced to realize that he had probably just jumped to a very stupid conclusion, because while Virgil loved when Logan kissed him and didn't at all mind making out, sometimes he got the feeling that what Logan wanted was more.

Yes, that thought absolutely terrified Virgil, and since he'd began to realize that he had also became much more uncomfortable when Logan's kisses became a little too much, because even if he didn't mind the kissing in itself he couldn't help thinking too much about where it might lead.

So two weeks ago he had finally done a bit more research on the term asexual, which he'd heard about and known of for years, he had just never connected it to his own identity until then. Virgil didn't mind being asexual, not at all, he accepted himself fully, but his identity still made him anxious because, well, this was kind of something that his boyfriend should know.

Of course he had to tell Logan but, shit, he really didn't want to, he was too awkward about his own feelings and this was not a conversation he wanted to have, ever. How was he just supposed to go up to his boyfriend and go 'hey, I'm asexual, I never want to be in any sexual situation with you'.

What if that upset Logan? That was one of the last things Virgil wanted, right up there with the possibility of Logan breaking up with him once he found out, since Virgil couldn't give him the sort of relationship he wanted, but of course he had to tell him because otherwise he would end up in uncomfortable situations he didn't want to even think about, and he would not put himself there.

So he had tried, a week ago, and then abandoned the idea because he was an utter coward. Then he had tried again a few days ago, but he hadn't dared to then either, and maybe he could just never say it and instead just avoid anything that could lead to anything sexual? Right, he could do that?

(Of course he couldn't, but it was a nice thought.)

Even if it terrified him Virgil still wanted it to be said because he didn't want to have to be this nervous around Logan, like tonight when they were both in Virgil's room, on his bed and watching movies on Virgil's tv. Virgil was sitting up against a bunch of pillows, and he had Logan sitting between his legs, his back to Virgil's chest so Virgil could easily just sit there and hold him while the movies played.

Holding Logan in his arms had a somewhat calming effect on him, but he was still far more anxious than he wanted to be. He loved spending time with his boyfriend, he loved holding him and cuddling him and he loved kissing him (although he would absolutely deny it if anyone asked because he had a reputation to uphold), Logan was a safe space in the form of a person (side?), and Virgil hated that that was being ruined for him by his own anxious brain.

And Logan knew that something was up, he'd asked a few times if there was anything going on or if there was something making Virgil anxious during the past week, but Virgil had always denied it because he wasn't ready to say, still wasn't really, but he had to.

Nearing midnight after My Neighbour Totoro had ended Logan said something about sleep, and Virgil pouted but let go of him, immediately missing having the warmth of Logan pressed against him (he really was a sucker for non-sexual touch).

Logan pressed a kiss to Virgil's forehead before attempting to step down from his bed, making Virgil feel all mushy and happy and loved, and why not ruin that? Now that he had the perfect chance he needed to get out with the words.

"Wait." Virgil said and grabbed onto Logan's arm before he could have the chance to chicken out again and postpone this for another few days. He needed to get this out with, he reminded himself for what might be the billionth time in two weeks. Logan sat back down on the bed, looking at Virgil with a mix of confusion and interest.

"Yes, Vee?" He said and Virgil realized that despite the many times he had tried to play this conversation out in his head he had no plan and no idea what to say.

"Um." Virgil said, wondering how, as soon as he needed to talk, his mind could feel so blank. Virgil had never related more to the 'no thought, head empty' meme.

"Yes?" Logan said and Virgil remembered to let go of Logan's arm.

"I have to say a thing but, uh, I'm just gonna panic for a bit first while I figure out how to say it." He rambled, trying to buy himself a bit of time. Okay, Virgil knew that all he had to say was 'I'm asexual', which was literally only two words and shouldn't be particularly difficult at all, but Virgil could barely make his mouth form the 'I'm'.

Logan's hands found his, which was a little reassuring at least, Logan's touch was good at grounding him when he was about to get a bit too anxious.

"Virgil, of course you can tell me anything. I won't judge. And don't force yourself to say something if you're not ready to." He said in that soft tone of voice that only seemed to be reserved for when he was reassuring Virgil.

"Yeah. Yeah, I know. This is just kind of important, you know? Like I should really say this, I just... um. I don't really know how to." Virgil said, worrying his lip between his teeth, trying to convince himself not to be a baby and just get the words out.

"Alright, take your time." Logan said and gave his hands a reassuring squeeze.

"Yeah..." He said, then being absolutely quiet for probably too long, but Logan kept patiently waiting for him to speak. Virgil pulled his hands from Logan's hold, wiping them on his pajama pants and cursing at himself. This shouldn't be so difficult and Logan was being so nice and patient and, shit, losing him would hurt a fuck-ton and Virgil really didn't want that to happen and-

He took a deep breath, opening his mouth to speak but then closing it again. Fuck, if he was quiet for any longer then that would put him in an even more awkward position than speaking would.

"If you have trouble saying it you could always write it down instead." Logan suggested and Virgil grimaced.

"I could, but that somehow feels even more awkward." He complained, having actually thought of that a few days ago when trying to force himself to tell Logan, but writing his thoughts down on a paper and then giving that to Logan was terrifying too.

"Okay, fuck it, here goes nothing, rip off the bandage or whatever, I'm kind of... I'm asexual? Yeah? Um. Yeah, I'm ace." Virgil said quickly and ran a hand through his hair, ignoring how his voice went a lot quieter towards the end, but at least he had finally gotten those words out. He glanced at Logan, having been staring down into his own lap as he had talked. If Virgil was being honest he didn't feel any relief from admitting to his asexuality, so far he just felt a bit nauseous while waiting for his boyfriend's response.

"Oh." Logan said, which was not at all the response Virgil had hoped for or feared, and he felt a mix of panic and confusion. He ignored a persistent voice in his head repeatedly going; please don't break up with me.

Logan held his hands out for Virgil to take if he wanted to, and Virgil allowed their fingers to entwine because if Logan was going to tell him that a non-sexual relationship was something he didn't want then Virgil at least wasn't going to waste this chance to get to hold Logan's hands.

"Virgil, look at me please." Logan said and Virgil forced himself to look up at Logan, meeting his eyes for at least a second before looking away and staring at one of his posters instead.

"I don't know what you might have worried that my reaction might be, but I need you to know that you being asexual does not change how I feel about you." Logan said and Virgil looked at him again, just out of surprise at his words.

"Oh?" He said.

"I love you, Vee." Logan pointed out and yes, Virgil knew that, but he wasn't sure Logan entirely understood...

"Yeah, I- I love you too, of course, but, I'm asexual. Like I don't want to have sex. Ever. Like, you get that part, right? I'm sex repulsed and shit, so, I won't ever want... you know, you get that, right?" He said, stumbling a bit over his words and feeling his face grow red because that was all so awkward to talk about.

"Yes, I understand you, Virgil. And I need you to understand me. I know that society in general puts a lot of focus on sex so I understand your worry, but I don't, um- sex is not more important to me than the romantic relationship I have with you. I want you, and I would never expect anything off you that you are not comfortable with. I, personally, don't mind a relationship that is purely romantic, I promise." Logan said all that so very gently and it all sounded a bit too good to be true and Virgil stared at him for a few seconds before finally deciding that Logan seemed to be telling the truth, and finally he felt himself relax slightly, allowed himself to believe that his asexuality did not mean the end of their relationship.

(Thank fu-)

"Okay." Virgil said, flustered and a bit speechless, having no idea what to say or how to really react. He hadn't thought this coming out would go this well and now he was a bit stumped, the response he had imagined himself saying had been 'I understand if you want to break up with me' not... not this.

"I promise, I love you and I want to be your boyfriend, and you being asexual does not change that. I'm very sorry you felt scared to tell me, I never want you to be scared of talking to me, and I sincerely hope I have not made you feel forced to do something you're not comfortable with." Logan said and Virgil would be damned if he cried at that but Logan was always so sweet and considerate and Virgil was finally starting to feel that relief he'd hoped for earlier.

He shook his head to let Logan know that, no, he hadn't done anything like that, and it wasn't his fault that Virgil had been scared (he's anxiety), and he pulled Logan in to a quick hug to help convey that message, and so he could press his face into Logan's shoulder for a brief moment.

"We have to have a talk about your boundaries, because I'd really like to kiss you, if you are comfortable with that." Logan said, as always so blunt with what he wanted, and thank god for that, because Virgil was the opposite and if it had been left to him to do things like confess his feelings then they would not even be boyfriends yet.

(Though Virgil was almost a little offended at the fact that so far Logan I-Have-No-Feelings Sanders was better at handling romantic feelings than he was.)

"I'm fine with kissing." Virgil said, leaning in a tiny bit to urge Logan on. Logan leaned in the rest of the way and captured Virgil's lips in a gentle and careful kiss that somehow communicated exactly how Logan felt for him and it wasn't particularly the kiss itself that left Virgil breathless. He smiled a little as they parted, most of his worry having melted away at this point.

They ended up lying down together on the bed, Virgil lying with his head on Logan's chest as he answered Logan's questions about what he was and was not comfortable with, and Logan reassuring him again when Virgil asked if he was really okay with it.

Then when they realized how tired they were, Virgil, for the first time, asked Logan if he would stay, and they fell asleep together, Virgil finally able to feel completely relaxed around Logan and knowing that his boyfriend wouldn't expect anything of Virgil that he couldn't give.

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Written: 20th & 21st December 2020
Published:
Words: 2387

Personally my ace ass isn't comfortable with kissing even, but i love writing about my otps kissing??? so u know what-

Am writing on another long logince soulmate au :D assassin logan and prince roman, already 11k words lol