Warnings: mentions homophobia of varying degrees

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Growing up in a neighbourhood full of close minded people, a lot of them old, Logan couldn't say he'd been overjoyed when realizing he was gay.  He didn't know of any other queer people living in this small town (except for his boyfriend), there was bound to be some, but hopefully they had the brains to leave here as soon as they could. Logan knew he would, he'd take Virgil with him and they'd start their own life somewhere. 

They'd discussed it many times, what the future would look like. Hopes, fears, the kind of conversation that could only happen in the early morning hours after a night of no sleep as they saw the sky begin to brighten.

Logan's parents weren't horribly homophobic, not like a lot of the kids at school and the older people in church, but he knew that if he came out they would be utterly disappointed in him, and he couldn't see coming out making anything better. They wouldn't be sending him away to conversion therapy, they wouldn't throw him out on the street, or take a way all his things to limit his contact to others, Logan was pretty sure, but that didn't mean coming out would bring anything good.

No, he (and his parents) were likely happier with none of them knowing. Though whenever thinking of the future Logan always felt a nagging feeling, a weight in his gut at the thought of the day his parents would find out, because of course they would know one day. It could not be avoided. 

Either he'd have to come out one day, or he'd have to break contact with his parents almost entirely to continue keeping his identity a secret and neither were any option he wanted to choose.

Logan closed the front door to his house quietly, standing still outside for a moment to hear if there was any sound coming from inside. It would have been near impossible for his parents to hear the click of the door from upstairs, but he didn't want to take any chances. Deciding there was nothing to worry about he hurried down the street, glancing back to see that neither of his family members were chasing after him and wondering where he was going.

The street were deserted, barely any lights shining from the other houses. Their neighbours were mostly old people or families with young kids, people who were usually in bed early and wouldn't notice him outside at eleven. 

Within twenty minutes he had reached the centrum of the little town they lived in, seeing a group of young adults away by the already closed grocery store. He ignored them and continued towards the library, which still was open, but he did not enter and instead stopped by the alley between the library and the abandoned building where there had once been a fabrics store. He spotted a hooded figure standing a few meters away, looking at something on his phone to judge by the light lighting up his face.

"Greetings, Virgil." He said and his boyfriend spun around, relaxing quickly when realizing who was talking. 

"Lo." He pocketed his phone and came up to him, taking one glance over Logan's shoulder to see no one was close by.

Virgil pulled him in for a lingering kiss, one hand firmly placed on his waist and the other cupping his cheek. Logan smiled when they parted, whichever nervousness that had been plaguing him subsiding. There were many things he could worry about, of course, but Virgil had a rather calming effect on him (which was strange as his boyfriend was an incredibly anxious person). And these nights they'd spend together had never before ended with their parents or anyone else finding out about their relationship, it was unlikely that it would tonight.

"What do you want to do?" He asked. They wouldn't be spending their time together standing here in a dark alley. Sometimes they took long walks together. A few times they'd gone and seen a movie at the cinema, which was nice because in the dark no one would see if they held hands. Last summer they'd gone swimming in the lake many nights. The few time either of them had no parents at home they'd have sleepovers where they didn't have to worry about anyone walking in on them kissing or 'acting gay'. 

"Want to get some food?" Virgil asked. Logan wasn't particularly hungry but he nodded anyway and allowed Virgil to take his hand and lead the way through the ally and onto the street. Many of the streetlights were broken and not many people were out at this time of the night on a wednesday, they probably wouldn't be seen by anyone. Logan was still ready to let go of Virgil if seeing any movement.

"What lie did you use to get out of the house?" Virgil asked, grinning. Logan remembered how Virgil had been teasing him the first time they'd met up like this, joking about how bad his influence must be and what others would say if they knew the rule abiding and straight-A student Logan had lied to his parents and then gone out to kiss a boy.

"None, actually. They think I went to bed two hours ago, and they were already asleep when I left." Logan said and Virgil looked mildly surprised for a moment.

"You snuck out of the house to see me? I'm honored." Virgil nudged him with his shoulder and Logan rolled his eyes. It wasn't much different from lying to get out of the house. Either way if his parents found out what he was actually doing they'd never look at him in the same way. But if his parents would notice he was gone he would simply tell them that he had been unable to sleep and went out to take a walk, unwind his mind.

It didn't take long until they had reached a fast food place, Virgil having let go of his hand a while before when seeing someone crossing the parking lot across the street they were walking. Virgil ordered an impressive amount of fries to go, and a big soda, from a bored and exhausted looking teen behind the counter. Logan didn't want anything, he knew Virgil would insist to share his fries anyway.

With a take out bag for all the fries in one hand and the soda in the other Virgil looked very happy and made a gesture for Logan to follow him. They didn't plan on staying in there to eat, and instead walked outside again without any real plan where to go.

"Where to?" Logan wondered. They could go back to the library, sit in the warmth and read books together, eat fries while trying to find the gayest books in the library. Or go to the park, sit on the swings that hadn't been comfortable since they were twelve, see if any stars were out tonight and spy for the white cat who were almost always around there at night. There was much to do, even if the town was small.

"Can we go to the lake?" Virgil asked, already munching on fries and looking so content with life at this moment that Logan couldn't say no.

"As long as you don't try to convince me to swim, it's far too cold for that." He said.

"You're just a wimp." Virgil teased.

"It's March." Was all Logan retaliated with. The water was likely no warmer than ten degrees celsius, and he did not want to experience that again. Once before, last fall, Virgil had somehow coaxed Logan down to the lake to swim, and it had been freezing and not fun at all. At least to Logan, who'd rather the waster was twice as warm as it had been then.

There was no one by the lake, not even a drunk bunch of teens or a lone person walking their dog. Perfect.

They sat down by the edge of the water, on what might have been called a beach if it hadn't been fifty percent grass, fifty percent sand. Virgil placed the bag of fries between them, shoving the drink into the sand so it wouldn't fall over. 

They ate fries and talked, about school and all the test they would soon have, and already planning to go out together again this weekend. Logan would tell his parents he'd be studying at the library (which he would be, and attempting to make Virgil study too).

Then after he'd made Virgil agree that they should be studying later they sat and enjoyed the quiet, still no other people anywhere to be seen, no cars being heard from town. It was peaceful in the best way. No people around meant they could be themselves.

Virgil was staring at the lake, slowly chewing a fry and looking lost in thought. Logan reached out a hand, placed it on his shoulder in a gesture meant to ask Virgil to share his thoughts. Virgil gave him a glance and seemingly decided to talk, swallowing the last of the fry.

"Okay, I know I'm not much for showing affection in public, I don't think I would be even if I was straight or if we lived somewhere gay-friendly, but sometimes I wish we could just, I don't know, have a normal relationship?" Virgil dug up a handful of sand, watching it slip between his fingers. Logan observed him but Virgil didn't look up to meet his eyes.

"Like, you know, being able to go on dates without worrying anyone would find out, and also have dates on normal times of the day. Or not having to sneak out of our houses at night to see each other. I wouldn't mind holding hands in public sometimes. Or just know I could kiss you whenever I wanted." He wiped his hand on a patch of grass, Logan saw him pick up a small rock.

"Yes, I know." Logan loved these dates of sorts they had, but he definitely understood what Virgil meant. He'd thought of it a lot, how freeing it'd feel to live in a world where no one cared who he was dating. Wistful thinking but he couldn't help it, and neither could Virgil.

"Can't wait to kiss you whenever." Virgil mumbled. He threw the small rock and it hit the surface of the lake a few meters out, creating ripples on the surface. Logan reached out for him.

His fingertips brushed Virgil's jaw which effectively had Virgil turning towards him and he placed a quick, soft kiss on his lips. Virgil wrapped an arm around Logan's middle, holding him close to kiss him more properly and Logan couldn't help but melt into it.

He could stay there with Virgil forever, if he'd have the choice. Which was a horribly sappy thought, but Virgil made him think like that sometimes.

"Lets just not think about life tonight." Virgil said when they parted. Logan nodded, taking Virgil's hands in his.

"Agreed." 

Virgil kissed him again, and again. He climbed into Logan's lap to kiss him, letting go of his hands to put his arms around him. When they eventually parted Virgil was slightly breathless and had a sort of half smile, half smirk on his face. He then buried his face in the crook of Logan's neck. Logan looped one arm around Virgil, the other on the ground to keep him sitting up. They sat like that for a long while before either of them spoke again, the cool night air almost making Logan shiver.

"I don't want to go home." Virgil complained quietly. Logan briefly removes his arm from around Virgil to look at his watch. It's later than he thought it was, nearing one in the morning and Logan knows they need sleep to make it through the coming school day.

"You'll see me at school." He says, knowing very well that's not something worth celebrating, especially since Virgil hates school so much. They won't have much time to see each other and they of course can't show any kind of affection or they will be labeled as gay immediately. It's for the best if they don't have such rumours going around about them, the few others who's been said to be acting gay has never been treated very well by any of the other students. Of course it is very unlikely that they're all homophobic, but seemingly no one is brave enough to drop that charade. Logan cannot blame them.

"Yay. School." Virgil says, without even a smidge of joy in his voice. Logan gives up on trying to keep himself sitting and lies down on the ground, Virgil still clinging to him.

"We'll stay another hour, at least." Logan decides, even though he knows they shouldn't but he cannot bring himself to cut their time together short. Of course this hour will go by much quicker than he'd like.

Virgil rolls off of him, luckily not to the side where the half empty cup of soda is still standing. They lied next to each other, hand in hand again and looking up at the sky. It was almost clear, only the occasional clouds passing by, but other than that stars were visible.

Say what you will about this town, at least it wasn't bright enough or polluted enough to hide all the stars.

In the corner of his eye he can see Virgil looking at him.

"I love you." He said. Logan stared up as a while cloud illuminated by the clear moonlight passed over the sky, hiding the stars above them. 

"I love you too, Virgil." He looked over at him and Virgil smiled, smiled in that way that was only for Logan. He doesn't hesitate to return the smile.

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Written: 9th & 10th May 2020
Published: 26th June 2020,
Words: 2376

Literally been having an internal crisis about so many things constantly lately like oh my god let me rest what the fuck

Anyway, going out with my grandpa's boat saturday-wednesday so yay!! except I have no data,,,so rip lol

I hope you've had a good day <3