"We're with the band."

"Sure you are."

The bouncer at the door must be at least six and a half feet tall. Maybe even taller.

It's hard to say. I'm too frazzled to really care.

He laughs, not budging one bit.

"We are!" Michelle insists. "And it's not like we need tickets, or an invitation to get in. Do you really think Guns N' Roses are that coordinated? They're a mess," Michelle says. "I would know! Let. Us. In."

"I'm not letting two little teenagers in to a rock n' roll party. Now get lost!" The bouncer barks at us, waving at us with his hand before crossing his arms again, unfazed.

The worst part of this situation is that we're the only people out here. Everybody's already inside the warehouse Guns N' Roses have turned into a full on party. Everybody except us, thanks to Michelle and I's inability to know where we're going. We drove in circles for what felt like ages. Frances was supposed to come too, but she had to catch a last minute flight to New York.

"C'mon," I whine, starting to panic. "We're an hour and a half late! We're supposed to be here. You can get anyone inside to confirm that we are who we say we are, I promise!"

"Yeah!" Michelle nods vigorously. "Get the band! Get their manager, Alan! Get Mandy Brixx, or Adriana Smith, or, or-"

While trying to see over the bouncer, I nearly scream at who I catch a glimpse at.

I'd recognize that top hat anywhere.

"Slash!"

Michelle gasps, immediately calling for him too. "Slash!"

"Hey! I'm gonna call the damn cops if you two don't beat it-"

"Slash, help us!" All the flashing lights and commotion inside make it difficult to make him out, but I swear I can see him. A confused Slash, standing just a few feet away.

"Slash! It's Chas and Michelle! Help!"

I watch Michelle drop to her knees, and scramble in between the bouncer's legs. He goes to grab her, yelling, but she's too quick. Michelle shoots up to her feet the second she's inside, booking it.

As the bouncer chases behind her, the two of them heading right for Slash, it leaves the way inside completely open. I simply walk right in, my shoulders shaking with laughter as I walk over to where Slash is arguging with the bouncer.

"What are we even payin' you for, man?! These girls are some of my best pals!" Slash slurs slightly as he drapes his arms over Michelle and I's shoulders, pulling us close.

"Told you so!" Michelle and I both scowl.

"Now c'mon, girls! Let's go find everybody!"

Slash pulls us away with him, weaving us in and out of people. The place is packed, full of fans and friends and the odd assortment of business people, probably from the record company. They stick to the outskirts, talking amongst the other important men in suits. Nearly everyone else has a drink in their hand, and I spot what must be the open bar across the way. A sound system is set up, and an INXS song plays loud throughout the whole space. The air is thick with cigarette smoke. It reminds me of Axl, and when I remember that he's here somewhere, it gives me butterflies.

I start to get really nervous, actually. Slash and Michelle laugh and talk loud next to me as I look all around, my mind racing. It's been days since I've seen him.

He doesn't even know the news yet. . .

"Chas! You look sick, doll!" Slash laughs over the lyrics of "Need You Tonight", his hand squeezing my shoulder.

"Is there a bathroom?!"

"Yeah! It's down there!" Slash points ahead, towards a narrow hall in one corner.

"I'll catch up with you guys later!"

My memory goes in and out as my heart pounds. One second I'm returning Slash's arm back to him, the next I'm caught between two strangers, trying to push my way through the crowd. Then I'm alone, the only girl in the bathroom. I know for sure, because I check that all the stalls are empty before talking out loud to myself.

"I can do this. It's just Axl."

Just Axl! Ha. That's exactly why I'm like this. He makes me like this. Absolutely crazy. Blood racing, shaky, jittery. Like a fiend for him. Craving the high that comes from being in his presence. Especially if it's been a while. Even if "a while" is just a few days. Five, actually. Five days. Each of them spent wondering about him, yearning for him. Maybe even dreaming of him. Thinking about him late at night. . .

Axl. Axl. Axl.

"I love him," I say, looking at myself in the mirror. My eyes stare back at me, going wide as I realize that that's the first time I've said that out loud. "I love Axl. That's why I feel this way," I nod. My reflection agrees, doing the same.

I love Axl.

I better go to him.

The bathroom door swings shut after I walk out of the room, back out in the dark, deserted hall. I take a deep breath, and make it maybe two steps until I hear him.

"There you are."

When I turn around, I can just barely make out his figure. He leans against the wall, a small smile on his lips.

"They told me you were in there," Axl nods to the bathroom. "I figured I'd give you a few minutes before I went in."

"You were going to follow me into the ladies room? How inappropriate." My voice comes out teasing, a joke, but. . . Not quite. It's heavy, too. My breath has already been stolen from me by him.

Axl stands up tall, crossing the space between us. His boots are heavy, echoing off the walls on either side of us, the very, very dim lights overhead catching on his face. His cheekbones. The slope of his nose. On the shadow of his lower lip as it curves from his smile, a silent laugh. On the veins of his big hands, grabbing at my waist. The feel of them is like an electric shock, making me jump. My hands fly up on instinct, coming to rest on his tattooed biceps. The black t-shirt covering all the bright colors is tight, cotton soft under my fingertips.

Axl's voice fans over my cheeks. He talks low, capturing my attention. I look up at him, but he doesn't do the same. He's too busy looking straight down at his fingers. They pull at my skirt and pinch at my waist. It tickles, and I squirm. He chuckles.

"I like this, this cute, little outfit you've got on. Our t-shirts always look so good on you, honey. But I don't think I've ever seen you wear one so. . . Tiny." Axl grins, running his hands over the dark denim skirt covering my hips, up my bare arms, to where the sleeves of my Guns N' Roses t-shirt rest on my shoulders.

The whole way, my skin burns, leaving goosebumps behind.

"Axl-"

He moves us swiftly, gently. Just like that, he has me pressed up against the wall, in the darkest corner. Completely out of sight, completely alone. Just us.

The way he kisses me makes me shiver. His tongue is skilled, velvet on mine. I moan loudly, the uncontrollable sounds so obnoxious that I feel them vibrate low in my throat.

When Axl pulls away, he looks down at me through heavy lids, his breath coming out in pants. "How badly did you miss me?"

"Really bad," I groan.

When I reach up to kiss him again, he pulls back even further. "Oh yeah?"

My only response is one of impluse, pure feeling. I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing my body against his, our chests and hips flush. That action alone makes my t-shirt ride up, the thing practically a bikini top now. I can feel air hit the bottom of my bra, the underwire.

"What's gotten into you, Chasity Grace?" Axl taunts me, his hands rubbing my back as he keeps me against him.

"What is it that you want, huh?"

All I can do is look at him, honestly not quite sure.

What do I want? A kiss? To finally spit it out, tell him I love him? What do I want? What. Do. I. Want.

"I missed you," I say earnestly. It doesn't even answer his question, but I say it anyways. "I miss you all the time, Axl."

I don't think we've ever been this close, not even all those times in the car. I had a real shirt on then.

"Tell me what you want, Chas."

Axl's laugh is menacing as he waits. The music from outside thumps in the walls, a reminder that we're not supposed to be in here.

My only response is a whine. I groan in my throat as I grab at his shirt, fidgeting. I manage to get one leg in between both of Axl's, proving that there was still a few millimeters of empty space. It makes my skirt ride up. I think what I feel against my bare inner thigh is his bulge.

I hardly manage to move my hips once before Axl speaks.

"We've been gone for too long."

"I don't care," I breathe, burying my head in his neck. "Take me somewhere. Please, Axl. Let's go." I cling to him, my hands tugging at his shirt.

"I can't. I have to be here. We have to be out there."

To that, I say nothing. A lump in my throat blocks any other protests I could make.

I feel ridiculous as my eyes water, annoyed with myself for feeling like I could cry because Axl won't let me grind myself against him here in the hallway. Because I can't muster up the guts to pour my thoughts out to him.

Get a grip, Chasity.

When Axl catches sight of my watery eyes as he peels himself out of my iron grip, I see his face contort with quiet laughter.

"Oh, Chas. Don't cry."

"I'm not gonna cry, Axl."

"Yes, you are. You're so horny you're gonna cry. Poor baby."

I am. But it goes deeper than that, Axl. I feel it in my core and in my heart. I love you, Axl. I love you, I love you, I love you. And you don't know.

"I-I am not-"

"Yes, you are. And it's adorable."

The noises that leave my throat sound like they belong to a small child having a tantrum.

"Don't say that. Don't do that."

"Do what? Call you adorable?" Axl questions, reaching out for me. He pulls down my skirt, making it actually cover my upper thighs. Then he fixes my top, hiding my pale pink bra. "Let's go."

Without another word, I let him lead me out of the hall, our little bubble. The party engulfs us, and people treat Axl like he's a god. Calling out praises, smiling, shaking his hand. It reminds me that his brilliance is not only a gift for me to enjoy, but everyone's. That I have to share him, and as time goes on, even more so.

I don't realize that Axl's led us right to the band's main hangout spot until Izzy and Michelle are in front of me, giggling. They've both got beers in their hands as they sit on a vintage looking sofa. I see Duff and Slash a little ways away, at the bar, with Mandy and Sally. Steven is at Adriana's side, too busy to notice me looking at them, because they're making out.

So not fair. . .

Axl's voice catches my attention then, just as the music stops.

"Hey! We're gonna actually do something we came here to do now, other than get drunk. You're the first people to hear Appetite, and I think that's pretty cool. We hope you like the record. Later on, we're gonna be handin' them out, plus some new merch we made, so stick around. Thanks for comin'!"

With that, It's So Easy plays over the speakers. For a split second, I manage to laugh at Axl's words, forgetting how he's currently making me feel.

But then it all just comes rushing right back.

"You look upset, honey."

Duff stands close so I'll hear him over the music. He smells like vodka and cigarettes. The whole party does, though.

"I'm not."

When I look up at Duff, I can see that he's made more of an effort today. I bet it was Mandy's doing. His crisp black button up is rolled up below his elbows, and his hair looks shiny and brushed. It's all a major contrast to his normal frazzled state. He was in it when I saw him last, outside the casting.

"Where have you been?"

Trying to get Axl to touch me.

"In the bathroom," I say quickly. "But I see where Michelle has been."

I look to her again, where she sits, head tipped back. She finishes off her beer, which makes Izzy applaud.

"It was already too late once I realized you two showed up. She already had it in her hand, and I can't make a scene here."

Upon noticing my gaze, Michelle frowns at me. "It's a party, Chas! Lighten up!"

I can't lighten up, Michelle.

"Can I get you somethin'?" Duff asks softly. "Preferably not alcohol. I don't want both of you drinking tonight."

"A shirley temple, please."

I sit down on the sofa across from Izzy and Michelle. My fingers trace the golden, metallic lace design om the cushions as I wait for Duff to come back. Once he does, I take my drink from him with a thank you.

The cherry syrup reminds me of The Whisky, and Axl's lap. Motley Crue. The sparkly red tabletop of the booth. His Jack and Coke. The car, after. What it felt like to orgasm for the first time in the front seat. His hand. It makes me somber, here in this party, as I listen his voice and his lyrics loud in my ears. A party that's supposed to be a celebration.

But each song just makes it worse. Michelle becomes more drunk, and eventually gets up to dance, taking Izzy with her. Mandy and Adriana go to join them. Slash, too. They party like the band has solved world peace. I sit here, sober.

My heart practically splits open and pours out onto the floor as I hear that goddamn song play next. That riff.

The final recording of the song Axl wrote about me.

"She's got a smile that seems to me. . ."

Everything sounds so different hearing it like this. The demo that made me cry was scratchy and raw. This version has new parts, and Axl's voice is smooth and louder than the rest of the band.

People around me whisper. Things about how it's going to be a hit, wonders about who the Sweet Child is. I wish I could tell them to stop, so I could listen better.

"Sweet Child of mine. Woah, oh, oh, oh, Sweet Love of mine. . ."

Axl, the real Axl, sings along with himself in my ear. It startles me, makes me shudder.. His version is a little off beat and maybe even a bit out of tune, but I feel like I have to cut him some slack.

"She's got eyes of the bluest skies. . . I'd hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain, Chasity Grace."

"Serenading me won't work." I turn around to look at Axl from where he stands behind the sofa.

"It's worth a try," Axl laughs. "Don't be mad at me because I won't make you cum-"

"Shut up, Axl! That's not why I'm upset. I got over that."

"Then what's the matter? Get up and dance with me-"

"No. I can't tell you-"

"Then just dance with me, Chasity!" Axl takes my hand, pulling me up. He spins me around to face him, and just like that, he gets what he wanted.

We sway lightly just as the guitar solo starts, and Axl hums along. At one point, he messes up, and it makes me laugh into his shoulder.

"You can't even remember your own song!"

"No, I can't," Axl agrees. "You've got me distracted. See, you're just so beautiful, Chasity Grace."

I love him. I love him. I love him.

"Stop it." I glance up at him, to where his eyes are looking at me.

"It's true. You are," Axl grins. "And I couldn't have made any of this happen without you. Not just your song, but all of it."

"Where do we go? Where do we go now? Where do we go now. . ."

"Where do we go now, Chasity Grace?" Axl whispers softly.

"I wish I could kiss you," I whisper back.

"Do it," Axl dares, as "You're Crazy" starts to play.

"Maybe I will-"

"But you won't," Axl says simply, teasing. "You're too scared."

"I'm too scared? Me? You'd be the one getting beat up."

"Fine. You're right-"

Slash's deep laughter pulls us both out of our bickering. He eases up to us, totally drunk. Axl quickly moves three steps away from me, as if he's trying to keep God between us for his sake, and mine.

"Did 'ya tell Chassy about the tour yet, Ax?"

"Tour?"

"We leave in three weeks! Bon voyage! We're gonna travel the world!" Slash whoops, raising his arms in the air like he's on a rollercoaster. It makes him nearly fall over, but he manages to catch himself in time, laughing.

"Damn it, Slash!" Axl snaps at him, quickly getting red.

"When were you going to tell me you're leaving in three weeks?!"

I can feel my stomach tighten, knots forming. My voice doesn't even sound like mine.

"Oops," Slash murmurs, laughing as he backs away like a little kid who just got in trouble. He stares at Axl, giggling.

I look to him, too. "How long are you gonna be gone?!"

I can tell that the answer isn't going to be good when Axl sighs, going from angry to serious.

"Over a year."

"A YEAR?!?"

It feels like I can't catch my breath. In and out air goes, but my lungs still burn.

"Yeah, but not like, consecutively, we're gonna have a week off every now and then-"

"Every now and then?!" I repeat, frantic. "Axl, why didn't you tell me?!"

Why didn't Duff tell me? Why didn't anyone tell me?!

I look around quickly, my eyes searching for anyone else's that might be witness to my breakdown, but there are none. Slash is already downing his next drink. No one cares that the world is suddenly caving in on itself.

The words "over a year" echo through my head as I walk out the same door I came in through without looking back. The same bouncer that Michelle tricked earlier says nothing as I pass him, hurrying.

I can't care that Axl's followed me out here, to where I practically dry heave on the sidewalk. Sunset is busy, the night is still so young. Cars zoom by, people walk past us, completely unaware of what's happening. Axl is leaving.

Over a year. I won't see him for over a year. I won't see Axl for over a year. He won't get to see me become a real model, or get a little older. He won't get to see Michelle and I's first apartment before we put all our stuff in it. I won't get to kiss him. I won't get to tell him.

I wrap my arms around my sides, trying to hold myself together. I crouch down facing the street, trying to stabilize myself, like being closer to the Earth could help or something. It doesn't.

"Baby, it's gonna be okay. I'm still gonna see you. I can write to you-"

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask again, closing my eyes as I pant. "Tours-tours don't just happen suddenly. You've been planning this. And-and you didn't tell me. A year long tour, and you didn't tell me, Axl."

"Because," Axl says from where he stands behind me. I can feel his emerald stare burning holes into my back. "Because I knew you'd be like this, Chas. And I can hardly handle it. . ."

All I do is cry. Even as Axl drops to his knees, his arms wrapping around my shoulders.

"I'm so sorry, honey. I have to go. I have no choice."

"I know you have to go," I nod. I do know. It's all so much bigger than him, even though it doesn't seem like it. "But I'm still so upset."

Axl squeezes my shoulders as I start all over again, tears staining his shirt.

"I hope you realize that you're absolutely stuck with me until you leave," I warn. "I have to see you every single day, Axl." I look at him through blurry eyes, waiting for his response.

"You're gonna regret that," Axl grins. "You're gonna be so sick of me that you'll be glad I'm gone, honey."

"No I won't," I counter. "I'm going to miss you so much." Every single second.

Eventually, I stop crying. Axl lets me wipe my mascara stains off my face with his sleeve before helping me up, making sure I don't fall over in my platforms. I consider telling him now, but hold my tongue because the thought makes me want to hyperventilate again.

When we walk back into the party, we find the entire band completely drunk. Michelle wears a freshly printed Guns N' Roses t-shirt over the top she already has on, and Steven is laying on the concrete floor. All the record executives have left, and Axl leaves me to go argue with Alan about whether or not we can go, too. My eyes burn and my feet hurt from the leather straps of my shoes. Appetite For Destruction no longer plays, but instead, some Winger song.

Definitely time to go.

"Hi, Chasity!"

Mandy Brixx saddles up to me for the first time all night. She does it in heels that make mine look like child's play. And she's drunk, too. She smells like all the vodka she's been drinking with Duff.

"Hi, Mandy." I can't help it as my attention goes right back to where Axl stands, taller than Alan.

Axl points in my general direction, his eyebrows knit together. I watch Alan put his hands out in front of himself, protesting at whatever Axl just said.

Clearly, whatever's happening is not going well.

"Here," Mandy thrusts her hand out towards me. The liquid in her glass sloshes, dribbling onto my skirt. "Oh shit! Sorry, hon! Have a drink!"

"I'm okay. . ." I put out my own hand now, saying no.

Across the dancefloor, Axl shakes his head, his lips forming the syllables of my name. "Chasity. . ."

Mandy says something else, but I'm too preoccupied with watching Axl make his way back to me.

"What was that about?"

Axl clenches his jaw, upset.

It makes Mandy frown like a cartoon character, her drunkness exaggerating all her facial expressions.

"I asked him if you could come with. On tour. And of course, he had all these bullshit excuses-"

"I can't go," I interject. "I got the job. I'm going to Fashion Week."

Axl's jaw drops. "You did?" His eyes go wide as he grabs my waist, shaking me. "Oh honey, that's great! See, I knew it!" Axl looks at me proud, smiling so much it makes him squint. "I knew you'd get it. You're not even gonna have any time to miss me. You're gonna be so busy on all those runways!"

"Yay!" Mandy jumps up and down, despite me not even telling her anything about my modeling, ever. She really is drunk.

"We have to celebrate," Axl decides. "C'mon. I'm gonna go buy you an ice cream."

Mandy happily skips off after we tell her bye. I don't bother saying goodnight to anyone else. They wouldn't even remember. Alan assures me that he'll make sure all of them, including Michelle, get back to the apartment okay. As we walk out, Axl insists on carrying my stack of new merch, and copy of Appetite.

I try not to think that I'll only get to do this for another three weeks as Axl holds my hand while he drives. The dash reads eleven, and even though I tell him that every ice cream shop is closed, Axl still drives to two different ones to check. Although he's disappointed that we end up at the McDonald's drive-thru, I don't care.

I could go anywhere with him and be happy. . .

Our spoons make a soft plastic "click!" just before my laughter fills the car, along with Axl's words.

"To your first job! I'm already so proud of you, baby."

"And to your first tour," I add.

Even though it's bittersweet, this is all Axl has ever wanted. To make music, and make it well. To tell the world about everything he's seen and done, and to play rock n' roll. He's fought for this, his entire life. When his parents got so, so mad over the Queen record he bought. All the arrests, the hitchhiking to L.A., the failed bands, singing at church, being broke.

And he's about to do it all. I can feel it in my bones, in my soul that Axl's dreams are coming true.

I set my ice cream down in a cup holder before turning to face Axl better.

"Can I tell you something?"

He swallows a big spoonful of hot fudge, nodding. "You can tell me anything, honey."

"I love you."