Chapter 50: The Cluster Fuck of My Heart

Good morning Amour. I thought we could get lunch today, sound good?

You've got to be fucking kidding me...

"What?"

This bitch ass mother fucker-

"Jade, language!"

Oh fuck, I said that aloud?

"You betcha sweetheart."

I shake my head, deciding to voluntarily use my voice. "Luc just texted me." I say throwing my phone on the couch for everyone to see. As they look, I pace angrily behind the couch. That is until the elevator dings, the door sliding open to reveal Steve in his running gear. I sigh deeply remembering last night, my anger dispersing. "Hey." I say stepping in front of him, my hand rubbing his arm. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine." He responds quickly, looking down at me and resting his hands on my shoulders. "How are you?"

"Pissed." I say looking away, my mind going back to the matter at hand. I step away from him and walk back to the couch.

"Why?" He asks behind me. I take my phone from Clint and hand it to Steve. As he reads, he clenches his jaw and his other fist tightens. "You're going?" He asks sternly, but there's still a sense of hurt in his tone.

"What?" I say snatching my phone back. "You responded?" I say spinning around and glaring at Clint.

"You need closure." Natasha says. I turn to her as she stands from the couch. "Make his sorry ass regret losing you." She says as she passes me and goes to the kitchen. I look back at my phone as it buzzes again.

Wonderful, I'll pick you up at noon.

I groan, rolling my eyes. "He's picking me up at my apartment in three and a half hours."

"Jade are you sure you want to do this?" Steve asks.

I look up at him nodding, "Yeah, Natasha's right. I need to end this." He looks at his feet with the biggest puppy dog eyes I've ever seen. Honestly, he's like an ocean-eyed golden retriever. "Don't worry, I'll be fine." I reassure him. "Besides, you wouldn't want me letting out all my anger on you and the team, right?" He chuckles, nodding and meeting my gaze again. I smile up at him before turning to everyone else. "Well I guess I'm headed to my apartment. Call me if you need anything." I say grabbing my bag off the counter and walking to the elevator.

"Jade wait." I turn towards Peter as the doors slide open. "I'll walk you." He says entering the elevator. I nod, stepping in myself. The ride down was silent before Peter says, "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." I respond as we exit the building.

"What are you going to do?"

"Ha, that's a good question. I don't really know yet."

"Well I say you drop kick him back to France." I laugh at Peter's comment while we cross a busy street. "I"m serious Jade. Make him sorry."

"I know Peter. I will, but quite frankly drop kicking him will draw a bit of attention. Don't you think?"

"I guess, but... This shouldn't have happened Jade." Peter says sighing.

"But it did, and that's what matters right now."

He sighs again, dropping the topic. Before I know it, we're at my apartment building. Peter doesn't bother coming upstairs, just hugs me in the lobby saying, "Be careful Jade."

"I will, thank you Tigré." I kiss his cheek before he turns and leaves. I"m waiting for the elevator when a door upstairs slams.

Not too long after, someone shouts, "Jade!" I walk to the center of the lobby and look up to see Collin leaning over the hand railing. "Mind getting my mail?" He shouts down.

"Fine." I respond. He drops his key down, to which I promptly snag out of the air. I grab my own keys realizing I haven't gotten my mail since staying at the Tower. I grab both mine and Collins mail, my amount being substantially more and enter the elevator. I skim through the envelopes seeing it's mostly junk or bills, although there is one addressed from SHIELD. More paper work, no doubt. I walk out of the elevator, Collin leaning against his door frame.

"Thanks beautiful, you're the best." He says as I hand him his mail and key. I don't respond as I turn towards my door. "Whoa, Jade, what's wrong? No sarcastic comeback?" I sigh sticking my key in the doorknob, but leaving it there as I face Collin.

"Remember that guy you caught breaking into my apartment?"

"The French guy? Yeah."

"Yeah well, he cheated on me last night."
"Jade, I'm so sorry." Collin says pulling me into a hug.

I return the hug, giving a half hearted, "Thanks."

"What did you do? You broke it off with him right?" He asks pulling back.

"I actually have a lunch date with him."

"What?"

"I'm going to confront him today." I say.

"Oh well, squeeze that ass into the tightest jeans you got and make him sorry."

I laugh, saying, "Not bad advice Collin."

"That's what I'm here for." He says before walking back to his door. I open mine as he closes his and enter my apartment. I toss the mail on my desk and go to my room. My bed is completely made and it doesn't even look like Luc slept here. But when I sit down, I can still smell him and I hate myself for liking it. I take off my shoes and follow Collins advice, looking for an outfit that will not only make Luc regret what he did, but make me feel great while yelling at him. I change into a pair of tan timberlands, black skinny jeans and a black, sheer button up. I then do my hair and makeup and la de da, stupid girl stuff. ***

After getting ready, I opened my mail, payed my bills, signed the paperwork, whoopdey-do, stupid adult stuff. Anyway, there's still about twenty minutes before Luc picks me up. I don't want to bother with a bag so I put some cash in my leather jackets pocket. Doing so, there's a knock on my door. I open it to reveal Luc, wearing a gray v-neck t-shirt, black jeans, boots, and a trenchcoat.

"You're early," I state.

"Yes, is that a problem?" He asks.

"Not at all." I respond, slipping a wine red scarf over my head and putting on my jacket. I grab my keys and step out of my apartment, closing the door behind me. After locking the door, I face Luc again.

"You look beautiful my dear." He says placing a hand on my waist and kissing me.

"Mhm." Is all I can muster myself to respond with. It's that or some snide comment. Luc follows me to the elevator holding my hand and intertwining our fingers. I let him, even though all I want to do is flip him to the ground, but I honestly don't know how to bring this up. He leads me through the city and we walk into the restaurant. ***

"Alright my gem, what's wrong? You barely spoke a word during lunch, are you unwell?" Luc asks, breaking the silence as we walk through a park. I push his hand away from my face, as he tries to tell if I'm running a fever.

"Luc, you cheated on me," I state emotionlessly.

"What are you talking about? I would never-"

"Don't deny it, please. I saw you."

He sighs heavily, his arms falling to his sides. "How could you have seen me?" He asks.

Fuck. How could I have seen him? Average Jade Sawyer doesn't go to halloween masquerades hosted by millionaires. Which brings up, why was he there?

"Collin." What!? Why did I just blurt that out?! "Collin saw you and he showed me pictures." Shit, fuck, why did I drag him into this?

"Your neighbor? How did he-"

"That doesn't matter, Luc." I cut him off. "What matters is you cheated on me. You were with another woman, Luc! I understand that we hadn't exactly talked about labels, but, but... I loved you!" I screamed at him in the middle of what would be a beautifully peaceful park. Way to not draw attention to yourself, Sawyer.

"Loved?" Luc asks, looking extremely hurt with wide eyes. He takes a step back as if my words were a physical blow to the chest.

"You honestly expect me to be in love with you after your hands were all over another woman, after you kissed her and Lord only knows what else," I spit angrily at him. "You were my first everything, you jackass. The first person I loved and now the first love I've lost."

"Amour, please," Luc grabs my forearms. "Let's take this somewhere more private."

"Get off of me." I wrench my arms from his grip.

"Jade I promise, I can explain everything." Luc grabs me again, this time tighter.

"There's nothing-" I say pushing him off of me, "-to explain!" I shout, scissor kicking him in the chest. He falls on his back and I see several people with their phones held up, but I don't care. I'm pissed. And hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Luc coughs, holding his chest and leaning up slightly. "Jade..." He says before taking a deep breath. He stands, keeping me at arm's length and dusts himself off. "Alright, I deserved that."

"And more. Much more than that," I say, glaring at him.

"Jade, please, you have to understand-"

"There's nothing to understand! You were with another woman!"

I hear several gasps and one woman goes so far as to respond. "You tell 'em girl!"

Luc sighs, taking a step closer to me. "Jade-"

"Stop. There's nothing to say. You're a lying dirtbag and I never should have let you back into my life."

Luc's eyes widen with hurt, but then they fill with rage. "You're right, what I did is unacceptable. But you are in no place to be doing something like this. Jade you could have had the decency to talk about this someplace private."

"Don't you dare talk to me about decency," I hiss back at Luc.

"You still don't have the right to kick me to the ground and create this scene in public, Jade." Luc says stepping closer to me and his voice rising in anger with every word.

I take a step closer, glaring up at him. "Wanna bet." I seeth, turning slightly and elbowing him in the chest while pulling my leg behind his and knocking him to the ground once more.

"Fine my love, we'll have it your way." Luc says before flipping himself up from his back and onto his feet. Before I can react, he bows back down, sweeping his leg out and taking my feet out from under me. I lay on the ground slightly dumbstruck while hearing several gasps and "Ohhh!'s" from the crowd. Luc stands over me, holding his hand out. "I'm sorry Jade, but can we please talk about this?" I take his hand, huffing myself up.

"There's nothing to talk about," I say quietly and then kick Luc square in the gut. He takes several steps back, heaving out his breath. As he's about to say something else, I deliver another blow. Unfortunately Luc blocks my leg going for his side, pushing it away and causing me to stumble and nearly fall.

"Jade." Luc says sternly, a vein bulging in his neck.

"Luc." I respond in the same tone. I try to punch his jaw, but he blocks me.

Left hand, punch. Blocked. Right, left, right, kick, left. He consistently blocks everything I throw at him. Not being able to destroy him the best way I know, physically, has my emotions flying everywhere. Anger, sadness, defeat, rage. They all spill over as tears and I can't stop my voice from cracking. "You were supposed to love me with everything you had." Left, right. "And we were meant to be unstoppable." Kick, left. "What were you, scared, bored, dissatisfied?" I hiss trying to fit in one more punch but Luc grabs my forearms, holding me close to him.

"Jade!" He shouts, anger, guilt, sadness and regret all rolled in my name. Hot tears don't stop streaming down my cheeks as I look into his hazel eyes that soften with every passing second. "I love-"

"Aaaaghhh!!!" I shout as I head butt Luc, his grip on me faltering as he trips backwards, after I shove him to the ground. I ignore the throbbing in my head as I crawl over Luc, straddling him, and rain down punch after punch. My tears blur my vision but it's not long until two strong arms wrap around me and haul me off of Luc. I kick and push trying to get the person off of me, but to no avail.

"Miss, please, calm down," A thick Boston accent says. My sense finally returns and I stop resisting, turning as the person sets me down, but their grip never letting up.

Pros to having a public argument: It's beautifully dramatic and tends to get you results faster.

Cons: Some asshole always calls the cops.

***

My glare doesn't leave Luc as I wait for Deputy O'Shay to uncuff me. I hear the clang of the door as he shuts the holding cell.

"Now, you two are gonna sit here and think about what you've done while we figure out what to do with ya." He says waggling his finger towards Luc and I. I roll my eyes, turning away from the cell door.

"I thought we were in jail, not timeout." I mumble.

"What was that?" The deputy asks.

I spin back around to him, ignoring his question and ask, "Is there an Officer Harris in by chance?"

"What? No. He's off today, why?"

"Could you please just call him in?" I ask as politely as I can considering the circumstances.

"Yeah... Sure thing sweetheart." Deputy O'Shay says walking away from the cell. I mentally cringe, remembering Tony and the others and how they'll react to me being in jail... I shake the thought away, sighing and blowing several strands of hair out of my face, spinning on my toes away from the cell door. Luc sits on the bench in the cell, an ice pack pressed to his left eye. I roll my eyes, again, as I being pacing. I watch as an officer begins processing all of Luc and I's personal effects.

"Would you stop pacing and come here so we can talk about this?" I turn towards Luc giving him an annoyed look. "It's the least you could do considering you've now caused legal problems."

"You're the problem." I walk to the wall across from Luc and slide down it, sitting on the floor, my arms resting on my knees. My mind flashes to when Luc and I were first reunited and i mentally body slam the memory away.

"Before I begin, can you please promise to not interrupt, verbally or physically?" I scoff, looking away. "Jade." Luc solds. I sigh heavily but gesture for him to go on. "Je vous remercie. Maintenant Jade vous devez comprendre que ma vie ne soit pas juste être le référencement de Parc Corp. Et avec la façon dont vous avez agi, je suppose que vous n'êtes pas juste un simple musicien essayant de le faire dans la Big Apple." (Thank you. Now Jade you must understand that my life isn't just being the SEO of Park Corp. And with how you acted, I'm assuming you're not just a simple musician trying to make it in the Big Apple. )

"Je ne comprends pas. Que dites-vous, et pourquoi parlez-vous en français?" (I don't understand. What are you saying, and why are you speaking in French?)

"Il y a une partie de ma vie, je ne vous ai pas parlé. Il est incroyablement secret et je vais deviner aucune des thèses imbéciles parlent notre langue." (There's a part of my life I haven't told you about. It's incredibly secretive and I'm going to guess none of theses imbeciles speak our language.)

"Secrète? Luc, qu'est-ce que tu veux dire?" (Secretive? Luc, what do you mean?)

"Jade, je voudrais-" (Jade, I would-)

"Mikey!" A booming voice cuts off Luc. A voice I hear almost every time I open my front door. "What's this about a crazy bitch asking for me?" I get up, dropping my conversation with Luc and walk to the front of the cell, holding onto the bars. I glare at Deputy "Mikey" O'Shay before my gaze catches Collin's. "Jade?" I smile sheepishly at him. "Oh thank God, I thought you were one-"

"Of your lady friends? Fraid not." Collin looks around me at Luc, who's standing up now.

"I said make him sorry, not give him a black eye!" Collin says.

I shrug saying, "I believe I still accomplished making him regretful." Collin only rolls his eyes at my response.

"Tu as totalement raison." (You got that right.) Luc mumbles.

"Collin, can you please just get me out of here?"

Collin sighs before walking to a desk and picking up a file. "I'm sorry Jade, but you're charged with domestic violence and disturbance of the peace. I can't just get you out of there."

"But I can bail myself out right?"

"I guess, but these fines-"

"Don't matter. I can pay them." I interrupt.

"Alright, but you'll need to call someone down here to fill out all this paperwork." Collin says opening the cell and letting me out. "I'll deal with you later jackass." He says to Luc. "Make it quick." Collin says handing me the receiver. I dial the number and pray he picks up.

"Hello?"

"Tigré?"

"Jade?... Wait, this is the New York Police Department! Jade what did you-"

"I'll explain later, I promise. Right now I need you to come to the police station and fill out some paperwork."

He sighs. "Fine, do I need to get Tony or Steve?"

"No, no, I don't think I could handle any of them right now."

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute, but don't think we won't talk about this young lady."

I can't help but smile. "Yes,Tigré, understood." I hang up the phone and turn back towards Collin.

"Tigré?" He asks. I shrug as we walk back to the cell. "And what's with the accent?"

"Story for another time?" I try.

"Fair enough, considering the circumstances." Collin agrees. He closes the cell door and locks it saying, "Don't worry Jade, you'll be out of here in no time."
"You got that right." I hear Peter say. He walks up to the cell next to Collin after another officer directed Peter to us. "Now I thought we agreed last time would be the last time." Peter scolds. I roll my eyes, but don't bother hiding my smile.

Collin laughs, "Last time?" I only look away from him. "Ah man, I like you, Collin Harris." Collin sticks his hand out to Peter.

"Peter Parker." Peter says returning the gesture.

"Come on let's get you started on that paperwork." After the two have left I turn back to Luc.

"Who was that?" He asks, a puppy-esque look to him.

"You're fucking kidding me right?"

"I just want you to be taken care of."

"I can take care of myself." I reply sternly.

"I know that..." Luc says. I roll my eyes turning and leaning on the bars. "As I was saying-"

"Jade!" Peter cuts off Luc and jogs up to the cell. He sticks his hand through the bars and rests them while using the pen to point with. "How do you spell Guinevere?"

"G-u-i-n-e-v-e-r-e." Luc answers for me. Peter writes it down while Luc asks, "Jade who is this? What right does he have to bail you out of jail?"

"Her ex-boyfriend, whom she dumped for you. But don't worry babe, I'm more than happy to take you back." Peter now answering for me.

"Ex-boyfriend!" Luc exclaims while I raise an eyebrow at Peter.

"That's what I told Collin." Peter whispers so only I can hear. "Plus that explains why you haven't been at your apartment lately. You've been with me."

"Not a total lie." I mumble.

"Exactly." Peter continues filling out the paper and I'm grateful because Luc doesn't continue his explanation. I couldn't give 2 shits right now about whatever reasons he has. After several minutes of silence, minus when Luc would mumble something in French to himself, Peter finishes. "Alright babe, I"ll be right back." Peter says kissing my forehead through the bars and walking away.

I know he doesn't think I see it, but Luc stands in the corner mocking Peter before stepping up to me. "You left him for me?" Luc says once Peter is out of sight.

"Yes, and clearly I made a mistake." I respond bitterly.

"Jade, I'm sorry. The commitment idea scared me. I regret this with every bone in my body, every drop of blood coursing through me. I want nothing more than to redo things." I want nothing more than to punch him in the face. Considering the handful of police officers around us though, I'd say that's unwise. And anything verbal isn't nearly as satisfying. I do however, think of something just as spiteful.

Quickly, I grab the collar of Luc's shirt and smash my lips into his. He responds just as fast, dropping the ice pack and grabbing my waist, pulling me closer. It's passionate, rough, desperate and breath taking. As his cold hands hold onto me, I push him back. He gasps, catching his breath. "Quelle?" (What?) He whispers, looking at my lips, still holding me.

"Je ne veux pas refaire les choses." (I don't want to redo things.) I say venomously, my eyes burning into Luc's as he meets my gaze. "Je veux que mon nom te tache les lèvres, si bien que dans quelques années, d'autres goûteront encore l'amour que nous partageons." (I want my name to stain your lips, so that years from now, others will still taste the love we shared.) Luc still breathes heavy as I push him away, his eyes growing teary. I hear the metal door slide open. Before turning, I say, "Fuck you." It came out weaker than I would have liked, but I turn towards Peter, who's holding my jacket and other things. He helps me slip on my jacket before wrapping an arm around my waist.

"What did you say?" He whispers. I just shake my head no. I don't want to talk about this anymore. He sighs, squeezing me closer to him as we walk out the doors. I space out while Peter guides us through the streets, until Peter pulls his hood up and says, "Hold on." I wrap my arms around Peter's neck and hide my face in his chest. Peter swinging in between buildings and the rush actually does make me feel better. The fresh air, clearing everything away. We land on Avengers Tower all too soon and I take a deep breath still holding onto Peter, willing myself to not cry anymore. I let go and wipe my face with my hands walking inside. All the lights are off and no one seems to be home right now.

Thank God.

"Jade, do you want me to make you something, or we can go out?" Peter asks coming up behind me.

"I wanna stay in for the night, but whatever you're in the mood for, Tigré." I say walking down the hall. "I think I'm going to rinse my mouth out with bleach." I hear Peter chuckle as I enter my room. I take off my jacket and scarf, throwing them on my bed before walking to the bathroom and brushing my teeth. I unlace my shoes before walking back out and see Peter sitting at the foot of my bed with a bowl of popcorn.

"The new season of Arrow is on Netflix." He states upon seeing me. I kick off my boots and walk over to him.

"Ah yes, my favorite vigilante shall banish my woes and sorrows." I say, dramatically of course, and grabbing a few kernels.

"I thought I was your favorite vigilante?" Peter pouts.

"Are you a billionaire?" He shakes his head. "Are you covered in scars of torture?" He shakes his head. "Do you have a traumatizing background?" He shrugs and I roll my eyes. "Do you have rock hard abs and a secret layer?"

"Well they aren't nearly as impressive as Oliver Queen's." Peter says lifting his shirt.

"Well that's the criteria for being my favorite vigilante. Batman's a close second, but he's just a bit of a drama queen."

"Fine, I'll settle for third." Peter whines, flopping back on my bed.

"Try sixth, wait no... Seventh." I tease.

"What?!" I lay back with him and kiss his nose.

"Don't fret love, you'll always be my favorite person."

"I guess I can be okay with that." Peter chuckles, wrapping an arm around me. "Jarvis?"

"Yes Mr. Parker?"

"Could you set up the tv for us?"

"Of course." Peter and I settle into place, the popcorn on Peter's lap and we begin binging in an attempt to make me feel better.

***

"I never realized this, but you kinda look like Felicity." Peter says. We've been watching Arrow for a solid 3 hours now.

"What? Really?" I say looking at the blonde girl on screen. "I don't see it."

"You're right. She's hotter."

"Shut up." I say throwing my handful of popcorn at him.

"Ollie seems to think so." Peter says.

"Whatever." I say bitterly, acting offended and scooting away from him.

"Oh come on, I'm just teasing." Peter tries, but I keep my cold expression turned towards the tv. The episode ends and Peter stops the next one from playing. "Hey." I say.

"Are you really upset?" He asks, scooting closer to me and leaning forward on his arm that's behind me. I cross my arms and look away from him, hiding my smile. I love messing with him. "Jaaaaaaade!" Peter whines, resting his head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry." I know he see me smile when I feel his laughter on my neck. "Come on, Jade." He says pulling me by my hips closer to him and kissing my temple.

"No." I say keeping my arms crossed.

"Jade..." Peter hushes in my ear, causing me to shiver. And the next thing I know my body is set into a panic as he does most dastardly things known to man.

Tickling.

I'm not very ticklish, but of course he's the one person on the planet that knows how to make me tick. "Peter Benjamin Parker! Get your hands off of me!" I squeal in between breaths as he leans over me.

"Never!" Peter shouts triumphantly before planting a lip smacking kiss on my cheek. I somehow manage to push him off me and roll to the other side of the bed, catching my breath.

"Stay... Away... From me..." I warn, holding up my hands and gulping air down. He smirks before leaping over to me but I quickly roll off the bed. "No." I say taking several steps back.

"Yes." Peter returns standing up and pulling his sleeves down.

It all happened so fast. Peter wasn't adjusting his sleeves, he was turning on his web shooters. He shot at my waist and pulled me towards him and now...

Well now we're kissing.

The sensation slowly drains out of me as we pull apart and look at each other. His thumb rubs my hip while my hands rest on his chest as I try to read his expression. It feels like he's trying to ask if this is okay, with those big, brown, puppy eyes. My body acts before my brain does and I pull Peter back to me, my hands raking through his hair. He holds me closer to him, clutching me. He's so passionate and fevered, I almost don't want to stop. But I have to, no matter how good it feels.

"Wait..." I say, letting go of him. He holds onto my waist still, eyes closed, and taking deep breaths.

"What's wrong?" He asks, still not opening his eyes and resting his forehead against mine.

"We can't do this."

"What?" He finally looks at me, furrowing his brows.

"I can't do this." I say taking a step away but Peter pulls me back.

"No Jade... I love you."

"Peter..." I look away. Is this really happening? My best friend is pulling this shit right now? And I have to...

"Please." Peter tilts my head back up. "I know it's not ideal, but... You know me, you know I'm not Luc." He kisses me again, this one more tender and it almost makes me forget that this can't be. He pulls back, only to see my eyes watering.

"Peter..." I repeat, my voice cracking, accent and all. He holds my face stroking my cheek. "You know I love you, probably more than myself. But you don't love me. Not like this."

"Yes, yes I do. Jade, I've seen you at your lowest point and I've been there as much as I could. I lov-"

"Peter, you might think you do, but you don't." I say sternly, sucking back my tears.

"Fine." He says looking back up. He trudges out of the room, without a second glance.

***

After Peter left, I don't think it's surprising I cried. God, these fucking people have made me so emotional. I had changed into leggings and a big sweatshirt before laying down and watching a movie. But now that that's ended, I look out the window at the dreary skyline. I sigh, getting up and grabbing my bots. I slip them on, but don't tie them and walk out of my room. The lights are still off and I walk out to the balcony, just to breathe.

Why would Peter want me? He knows how messed up I am.Yet he still wants me... He still loves me... But everything with Luc just ended, I can't just dump all of what happened on Peter. I'm too caught up in my thoughts to notice the lights come one behind me, or to even hear Clint stop out onto the balcony. But he comes up next to me, leaning on the railing as I am.

"What's up Tiny Dancer, why so glum?" He asks pulling me out of my head.

"How much time you got?" I chuckle dryly.

"Well I am supposed to train with Tasha, but it doesn't look like she's back yet." He jokes. I smile and continue to look out at the city. My smile fades though as I sigh and look at Clint, who's looking right back at me.

"I don't deserve this." I state walking back inside. "I don't deserve any of this."

"Whoa, Jade what do you mean?" Clint asks trailing behind me.

"This," I gesture to the room, "SHIELD, friends, a family even, love... I don't deserve any of it!" I exclaim, my body ready to collapse.

"Calm down, okay. Tell me what's going on." Clint says softly, stepping in front of me and grabbing my shaking hands. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Where would I even begin? "Okay, okay, it's fine." He says, pulling me into a hug. "Maybe you don't deserve this, maybe none of us do. You've said it yourself, we've all done bad things, things we regret. But it's what we do to make up for that and how we use what we've been given that counts." I pull away from Clint. His words are reassuring, but I still don't know what to do.

"I can't be here." I say, recalling that Peter is just a floor below us. Or hopefully that's where he is.

"What?" I walk past Clint, ignoring his dumbfounded expression.

"I have to leave; figure out my thoughts." I say walking into my room. I grab my bag, phone, anything I'll need at my apartment.

"Come one Jade..." Clint says stepping into my room as I sit down, tying my shoe. I stand back up, grabbing my helmet.

"It's nothing personal towards any of you." I say rushing past Clint, again before he can change my mind. As I step out into the living room, Steve is there, setting a pair of keys on the counter and pulling off a brown leather jacket.

"Jade, where are you going?" He asks, glancing from my boots, to my helmet, to my bag.

Fucking hell...

I feel like a deer in headlights. I quickly look away from him and walk back towards the balcony. "I just need some space." I say looking at my feet then put on my helmet. Steve and Clint both chase after me, but before they can do or say anything else, I leap off the edge.

Peter says he's "in love" with me, yet he doesn't know half of how fucked up I am.

Luc said he loves me and doesn't know the other half of how fucked up I am. He says he's afraid of commitment, yet he was covered in tattoos. God, I hate him.

But I love Peter. I do, he's been there for me through some pretty shit times. And I've been there for him. But do I love him? I don't even think I know what that truly feels like. My love with Luc was so peculiar and rare. My love for Peter is... is... something different. Not brotherly, you don't think your brother has a smile to die for or a sweet ass, ass. More than platonic...

Why can't I just fucking figure this out?!

I land on the roof of my building, ready to punch a brick wall. I wrench off my helmet, hot tears streaming down my face. I look at my helmet; I look at Viper. Being her is so much easier. I press my forehead to the helmet, controlling my sobs.

What do I do?   

A/N: Alright, here is the longest chapter I think I have ever written... Now to address the elephant in the room... So I feel the need to tell you why this took so long. Basically over the time I was writing this, I had started a relationship with a guy that I really liked and he made me feel so incredible. But, then he moved... And I had decided to call things off because I didn't think long distance would be healthy for us. And then, a couple days later he called me drunk out of his mind and we talked for hours. But of course something had to ruin it. He admitted to me that he cheated on me. And yes, it was around the time that I started writing this chapter and that Jade confronted Luc and yeah... And not to thrown my own pity party, but my dad was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer... But um, yeah so that's kind of how my life's been going these past few months. 

Anywhoo, let's step aside from my life and talk about Jade's! And good golly Miss Molly did some shit go down. Yeah, well hopefully you all liked it, again I had to make sure I didn't go too over board or anything... Anyways, I'm sorry guys, I've started the next chapter and it won't be as long so hopefully writing it won't take as long. Thank you all so much for continuing to support me and I love you all. 

=_= {}:">?