It had to stop.

Taking a deep breath, I clutched the suitcase tightly in my hand as I sat on the subway train and rested my forehead against the bulk of the thick, shapely trunk.

It didn't deserve my touch, but she had done nothing more wrong than me. She might've been my competitor, but I was strong enough to know when I couldn't win.

She belonged with him, and either way, he was going to have her.

But I couldn't keep her anymore.

As the guttural voice over the speaker system on the train announced the station, I stood up and readied to walk off. The trains were half-empty, everyone wrapped up in their post-Christmas coma/pre-new years charge-up. The people of the city were gearing up for the largest party of the year which would take over the whole of the world in just five short days.

I had never believed in the turn of the calendar 'fresh start' hype, but after the year I had had... a fresh start was what I needed.

But I could never have that if I kept clinging on to old ways.

Stepping off the train with my large bag and the curvy case in my hands, I worked my way up the stairs from the subway and onto the lively street. I pushed through the crowds, bumped into several people with my heavy cargo, but then turned down a corner and stepped onto the street that would either be my torture... or my awaited ending.

Yesterday Tony had told me I was safe, but I wasn't. Maybe from the mobsters somehow—I still hadn't dared ask—maybe from getting killed or attacked, but not from him. He thought leaving was enough, but if leaving had ever been enough, then he wouldn't still be searching for Blue.

I had to cut my strings to him.

By handing over his own.

I stared at the Veteran's Place with an ache in my heart. The snowy streets had made many homeless people seek to warmer shelters such as churches and homeless centers – the ones who still had room, anyway.

A few too numb for the cold had stayed on the street however and had wrapped up together, some huddled under tarps and joined under old ratty blankets, while others stood around a steel drum with dying flames clinging to whatever dry, flammable material they had scoured up.

Christmas was a tough time, but these people were tougher. They had so little to fight for, yet they still stuck around.

It was easy to see why Tony had found this a temporary home...

Blowing out a breath, I crossed the street and started heading down the back alley. Tired faces looked up at me, some perhaps recognizing me from the growing times I had stopped by—or maybe they wondered what someone like me was doing here in the middle of the post-Christmas slumber. The volunteer season was over, so what was a homeheld New Yorker doing coming down to the Veteran's Place?

I looked around the unfamiliar faces and searched for a familiar one. I half-expected to hear his sweet hum and reinvented version of 'Baby It's Cold Outside' to ring through the alleyway, but not a hum was heard over the crackling fire in the steel drum or the silent wind blowing exhaustedly through the city.

"Angel-girl?"

I spun around when I heard a familiar voice. Riff, the homeless woman with the dreadlocks who had been with Phil the last time, was sitting under an awning and gave a slow, although tired smile when I came closer.

"I thought I recognized them curls—girl, you got an afro that needs 24-7 supervision."

I smiled back and crouched down to see her sitting with a couple of other guys and a woman. They were all sleeping, but then again, it was barely noon. "It's good to see you, Riff."

"You, too, Angel-girl. You, too. What brings you to the neighborhood?"

I pulled my large bag up with a grunt, a bag normally used to transport bedsheets and comforters. Today, though, it was filled with something else.

"I wanted to say Merry Christmas," I whispered. Riff dropped her mouth as I unzipped the bag. I started pulling out the content, handing it over with trembling hands. "I, uh... we had some leftovers from Christmas, and I... I-I know it's not much, but I brought some pads as well, a few packages to go around if anyone else needs it, some Christmas cookies and—"

Riff broke out and threw herself towards me. I caught her and got completely overwhelmed by the tightness of which she hugged me with. She smelled like beer and fresh snow, her dreads frizzy and her coat moist, but her tears were all I paid notice to through her words.

"You are an actual angel," She whispered and slowly pulled back, poking her friends who woke up at the commotion and looked at what was happening. "Bless you, angel! Bless you, bless you! God bless you!"

I couldn't help the emotions that poured through my heart as her and the others went through the bag I handed them and uncovered the tinfoil which I had wrapped our leftovers up with. There was turkey and fillings and sides and desserts and all of the baked goods Dan and Kyle had told me to take. I'd told them what I wanted to do today and they had supported me fully.

Dan had asked if I wanted him to come with, but I knew this was something I had to do myself.

I had to end this on my own.

"Where's Phil?" I asked, after a moment, as Riff and the others continued to marvel over the food and bits and bobs I had also packed. Pads and bandaids, a few bottles of eggnog and cider. Something to keep them warm in the relentless cold. "I brought him a present as well."

It wasn't much, really. It was a real notepad with a pen so he could continue giving out his autograph on actual paper instead of old cereal boxes and cardboard. I figured doodling was easier on that than on an uneven surface.

Riff's eyes lifted from the cargo and met mine. Her entire face fell and the brightness in her eyes disappeared. "Angel... oh, I'm so sorry."

I watched her reach for my hand and give it a squeeze. Like a stab, I felt it hit me. "No... no."

Riff shook her head. "Christmases were hard for him..."

My chest closed. As Riff continued to speak, telling me what happened... couldn't take it anymore... wasn't really here in the end... didn't want to go on... wanted to go home... he was in a warmer place now... all I could think was... how if only I had gotten here sooner.

But some people couldn't- or didn't want to be saved. I knew that better than anyone.

Life was strange sometimes. I didn't know what the lesson had been here, but my heart ached as I thought of Phil, a man I hardly knew, but considered a friend, still. He had introduced me to Tony and given me so much with just such small gestures. 'The Birds always flies south when things get too harsh at home...'

Phil had flown to his south now.

"I didn't know," I whispered, wiping away a single tear which grew cold against my cheek as it fell. "I'm so sorry."

"He sent down an angel," Riff smiled, and for the first time I noticed what a beautiful smile she had. It wasn't the joy behind it, it was the warmth of it that did it. "He really liked you, you know. Said you were a sweet girl. He was right."

I looked down at the large bag again, looked at the homeless people around me passing around the food...

They didn't know me, but the woman in front of me called me a sweet girl. Because of food. Because of a smile. Because of a merry Christmas.

– So little love needed to create something so warm.

"Melody."

His voice jarred through my body. My name was Melody, yet his voice broke it. Slowly, I turned my head to the side.

He stood like an outsider amongst the huddled-up group, looking at me with burning eyes. They were in pain, but then they slid down my crouched shape and landed on the violin and turned an even darker shade.

Always haunted by her.

His fists clenched and his jaw squared as he felt the same thing I had felt when I looked at it. One loose end left to tie up. They weren't done yet.

I slowly stood up, giving a brief nod to Riff, before turning towards Tony who had already turned as well and was heading down the alley. I followed, trembling, and tightened my grip around the handle of the violin case, knowing this would be the final moment of everything. All of it.

– The ending or a new beginning.

• • •

Get ready for the last one.