• Music. •

Christmas morning was beautiful. The snow had thawed, but the city smelled fresh in a way you never expected New York to smell. Or maybe it was that my senses had finally cleared up and could take in the beauty.

Dan, Kyle and me had enjoyed a healthy breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes with maple syrup, hot chocolate with marshmallows and leftover candy from yesterday. Kyle and Dan had been constantly kissing and holding hands all morning. They were in love during Christmas and it was beautiful.

But it had hurt my heart seeing what they had and I missed.

What I knew I'd never have with the person my heart sung for.

His heart only heard one tune.

Dan and Kyle had eventually gotten dressed and left to go to Kyle's place for some privacy. After the big L-bomb yesterday, I didn't blame them. After assuring them both I would be fine alone for a few hours, I laid back on the couch and waited.

Waited.

Because in my heart, I could feel him. Even as I drifted asleep waiting for him, I knew he was coming. I could feel his aura even from miles away, coming towards me, aching. It hurt with every beat.

So when the knock finally came, I wasn't even the least surprised.

I opened my eyes slowly and looked up at the white ceiling. It felt like minutes passed. Silence. No more knocking. And yet, I still sensed him there.

Unlike the other times, I didn't rush to the door to open it. A thought in my mind actually briefly wondered what would happen if I didn't... if I didn't answer his...

I slowly arose and grabbed the suitcase in my hand. I had laid it out earlier while I was waiting for him, knowing the instrument inside it had been dormant for too long, laying lifeless with melodies to sing for him. Only him.

I walked to the door and felt my throat close up as I put my hand on the lock. It seemed like fate was speaking to me in the clearest form ever; Open or shut? Yes or no? Him or you?

I twisted the lock around, but I didn't open the door wide. This time I was the one with the downcast eyes as I opened the door an inch and showed him my presence. He knew when I was alone; I didn't care how, but he knew when we could speak freely without worlds colliding.

The second I let my eye crack out through the door, I saw his heavy, dark shadow. He stood as still as me, didn't look me in the eyes either. Perhaps we had finally both seen enough. Perhaps he was finally feeling everything I felt when I looked at him.

And yet.

"You're safe," He raspy voice said, lowly. With nothing more, he looked like he was about to leave again, his body shifting around.

My eyes flipped up in shock. "What?"

He stayed still for another second, his limbs protesting the statuesque form. "You don't have to worry about... them... anymore. You're safe."

What did that mean? There was never an explanation with him. "Tony..."

He shook his head. Don't ask.

I wasn't even sure I was going to.

When he turned to leave, my voice jerked alive again, pushing the words out. "Tony, wait."

His back froze and he cast a glance over his shoulder. His fists closed at what met him.

"Take it."

I held the suitcase out for him, sturdily. I couldn't keep it any longer. Couldn't... couldn't wait for him anymore.

Tony slowly turned around, and what his face showed made my eyes well up with tears as fresh as rain. Our gaze finally locked and I had a feeling neither of us were breathing anymore.

His eyes were red, his skin was pale and he seemed more carved than ever. He seemed almost hollow as he looked at the violin, staring at the way my fingers were gripping it, shaking. His hand lifted, uncurled from a fist and... pushed the suitcase away.

"Tony," I pleaded him. I couldn't take it any longer.

"It doesn't talk to me anymore."

Because he had found a new trigger. A better toy with much higher screams.

My eyes fell to his calloused fingers. The slim, diligent fingers he had used on me, used on the violin. They twitched as I painstakingly lowered the violin, letting it drop to my side. They were mocking me, speaking to me.

'What would you like me to play; the violin or your pussy?'

"Do you want me?" I whispered, looking up to meet his eyes. Tony's ocean blue orbs were a vast sea, but his waters were still. I already knew his answer.

"Melody..."

I moved only because I had to prove my point. Only because I wanted to see it happen.

I stepped forward slowly and wrapped my hand around his cheek, bringing his lips down. He didn't close his eyes. Neither did I.

Our lips met, gently, and I saw the way his gaze shattered and the flickering emotions built up inside him. As our mouthes gently dueled, we kept our eyes locked, mine weeping tears, his washed over with Blue.

He was swimming through it, seeing only that.

Tony pushed me away and turned, shutting his eyes. A sound reverberated from his chest, something desperate and frustrated. I wiped my cheeks down while watching him clutch his head.

"Do you want me?" I repeated, needing to hear him say it so we could end this. Needed to hear him shout it loud enough to hear it across the seas. "Tony."

"Christ!" He crouched on the floor and gripped his head. In the middle of the hallway, he looked huge, his trench coat pooling around his feet. He breathed angered through his lips, pushing each breath out with fervor. "Stop."

"Answer me," I said, breaking down as well. "Or play."

I dumped the suitcase onto the floor and walked back into my apartment, leaving the door open. I didn't stop until I was in my armchair, clutching my legs and laying my head against my knees.

I cried silently when I heard him stand up. Heard footsteps against the floor. Heard a click, then a stringent sound and a pained exhaled.

And then, he played.

It was the most heartbreaking tune I had heard thus far. Maybe it was because my own sobs mingled with the sobs of the violin's broken screams. It bled like my eyes, cried like my mouth.

And then, I heard another tune.

Him.

– And just like that, a string snapped off the violin.

Both me and Tony gasped. Tony dropped the violin into the couch and cupped his face while I sat up, looking at the broken string.

He had broken her now, too.

"I can't..." He suddenly whispered. His voice crackled like fire in a cold fireplace, clinging to the last timbers of wood. "I can't... see her."

And wasn't that the sweet irony. The one he could see was on the couch, asking if he wanted her. The one he couldn't was lying broken on the couch... his chosen one.

"You know where my bedroom is," I voiced, detached. I saw his whole body stiffen and his lips flatten; Ice flooded the apartment.

"That's a non-sequitur, Melody."

"Is it?" I asked, my voice intensifying. "Is it really, Tony?"

He flipped his eyes open, and like a thunderbolt, they struck mine and met me fiercely. "You think I like this?" He stood up angrily and walked over to me. "You think I like that I'm doing this to you?"

I stood up as well and crossed my arms, but in truth, it was a defense mechanism. Hugging myself because he wasn't going to. "I don't know anymore, Tony! I just can't... can't do this anymore," I said, tears slipping down my cheeks again. I had promised him I would stay... but I wasn't here anymore. "I can't keep letting you... hurt me."

"I never wanted to." He wrapped his hand around my neck and pulled me to his body, drawing my forehead to his. His eyes closed and his face wound up tight as he held me. "I never wanted this to happen. I'm hurting you just breathing on you."

I didn't know whether it was intentional or not, but his breath froze for a second. I closed my own eyes and pressed my hand over his heart, feeling it beat silently beneath his ribs. But still not for me.

"Melody." He laid his own hand over mine and exhaled, hard. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head. It wasn't his fault that he saw her when he kissed me. Wasn't his fault that my eyes were brown when they should be blue. It wasn't his fault that he so desperately wanted to kiss me, but all he saw was Blue and that he wished he could shove her away and be alone with me.

But she would always be there. Every moment he spent trying to love me, she would only re-emerge.

It wasn't his fault that his gateway to his past was now me and unlocking it meant hurting me more than he ever could.

And that's why he didn't try and kiss me again. He closed his eyes and removed my hand from his heart, taking it back. It wasn't mine to claim anymore, wasn't up for grabs.

I held the key to it, but he wouldn't let me unlock it with everything that it entailed.

And I didn't know if that hurt much worse.

When he pulled away, a sob broke from me. Tore. The second he slipped from my fingers I knew it would be the last I'd ever see of him. I wasn't ready for that. My body wasn't ready, my mind wasn't ready, my heart wasn't strong enough.

I leapt forward and almost jumped him. Tony stumbled back and hit our dining table, catching me as our lips met with bruising force. My hands raked down his shoulders and arms as I took every last bit and taste of him I could get.

However painful it was.

Tony shifted beneath me and let go of a pained grunt as our lips parted and our tongues met. With brutal force, we devoured each other, everything culminating in one final battle.

Boom.

Tony ripped free of me and shoved me away. He breathed rapidly and strongly as he with nothing more stalked out of the apartment, leaving me for the last time a mess as I clung to the memory of something I never had in the first place.

The echo of his boots were my first memory of him and my last.

But the taste of his lips on mine would be my undoing.

As the footsteps faded down the hall and disappeared, I knew full and well I'd never hear them again. Knew he had left this apartment for good to save me from him, save him from the sinking wreckage he was on, dragging me down with him. This was where it ended.

...Until my eyes slowly drifted up and landed on the broken violin on my couch; A corpse waiting to be claimed, a victim still waiting for the final blow. Dead, but not done.

– It was a fallen warrior, oh, but it wasn't done fighting yet.

• • •

One final battle to come.