• Music. •

I didn't break out of my shocked state of mind until ice cold water hit my back. I hadn't sensed the hands that had wrenched the soiled clothes off my body and directed me into the tub. Kneeling, clutching myself, a small cry tore from me as I felt the icy water pelt down over me and cover me before it turned scalding hot. It was a wakeup, a pinch back to reality.

"Oh, God." The first coherent sentence since the alley broke from my throat, dragged out and got strangled as I cupped my mouth and started shaking again, waking up. No more numbness. "Oh, God... oh, what happened... o-oh, God, w-what... you... they... oh, God, they're dead—"

"Melody."

"They're dead, they're dead! Oh, God, Tony—"

There was a shift and suddenly he was behind me. The shower head lowered to the floor as I started panicking, the next stage of my trauma washing over me instead. I felt myself move, my body unable to stay still.

"Oh, God, y-you k-killed them—"

Arms came around me and pulled me back against a chest. A broken cry fell from me, the warmth of his body burning me. Skin against skin. I tried to break free, felt him fight me. The water sloshed in the bathtub, but he didn't give up. He held onto me—refused to let me break apart from him. Or just break. I clawed at him, yelled, screamed, broke into tears, and finally, fell back against him. His grip didn't ease, but kept holding me tightly. Safely.

How could a murderer bring me comfort when I couldn't myself?

"Melody..." His voice was in my ear. My head was resting back against his shoulder, my lips parted, trying to breathe. Tears still streamed down my cheeks. I couldn't understand what had happened. What I had seen today. Couldn't... "Melody."

My name was rough on his lips, a harsh prayer. He knew.

He knew had been ruining me and I hadn't tried to stop him. I had wanted it. I had given him too much and he had willingly taken it. For too long, he had had nothing... so he had taken my everything.

Which was exactly what I had given him.

But now the fatal blow had come.

"You lied." My voice tore apart the two simple words. The accusation from my lips came as if I hadn't given him the liberty to. As if I hadn't let him. It was so much more than just a statement, though. It wasn't a fact for him to reaffirm inside himself. No...

- It was a breach of trust. Of honor, of everything we had worked on together. Of... us.

"Yes." He silently whispered back. Yes. That one admittance was more broken than me, and that's when I realized he wasn't just holding on to me anymore.

He couldn't let go.

"Tony..." I was trying to breathe, trying to calm myself so I could... I didn't know anymore. He lied. Why? The tears that fell from my eyes were accompanied by a cracked sob. We were supposed to be in this together... He was supposed to be my savior... but now?

My savior was a murderer.

"Melody."

His arms finally released me. It was then I shifted to turn. To face the stranger behind me. It was difficult. Physically and mentally. The tub was too small, he was too large. I was too stiff. He was kneeling behind me, resembling a soldier after a war; Broken. Broken soul, broken man; Broken.

But, as his bleeding eyes found mine, more broken than his heart, I knew then. Why I couldn't let go of him either.

He was my Blue.

"I'm sorry," He grated. He was apologizing. For everything that had happened... for dragging me along. For letting me get sucked in. For not fighting harder to push me away.

But what he didn't know was... he couldn't have. I had needed him much more than he had needed me.

And he had needed me.

But now... we had both lost ourselves.

Rising from the bathtub, I stepped out onto the floor and mechanically reached for a towel. Tony slowly stood up as well, wearing his tattered and bloodied jeans and peeled them off. I offered him a towel, continuing the déjà-vu. We dried off together, none of us speaking. Then again, what more was there to say?

Donning my robe, I walked into my bedroom and was by my bed when I realized Tony wasn't following. I turned around slowly and found him still standing in the bathroom. He was staring at the floor, a look in his eyes.

I saw it happen. His decision echoed in the silence as if he had screamed it.

"No." I felt my feet pull me back to where I came from. No. "S-stay." Why?

"They knew how to find me." A statement with a thousand strings attached to it cut into a firm line with emotions as cold as the temperature.

"They won't find you here," I knew that was probably a lie, but since we were lying to each other now, I didn't care. I wound my hands around his neck and clutched onto his shoulders. Was I begging a murderer to stay? "Please."

He grabbed my arms and dragged them away, but now I was the one who wouldn't physically let go. And mentally?

"You can't go," I pleaded him, feeling him push me away. When he reached for his pants and dragged them on, my heart started pounding. Panic. "Tony, p-please, stop—w-what about the v-violin? What about everything? W-what about Blue?"

"FUCK Blue!" He roared. I stumbled back, hitting the bathroom door, but his words hurt more than the collision.

Fuck Blue.

I was frozen as I watched him breathe raggedly, trying to regain his control. His jaw was wound tightly and his calloused hands were clenched so hard the scuffed skin on his knuckles showed the pale white bone beneath. He was raising his walls again, shoving the bricks back into place. Throwing me out. As he should. Fuck Blue.

I wasn't a warrior and I couldn't fight his battles.

Just as that settled inside me, his eyes met mine. They were pleading.

He couldn't fight alongside me anymore.

He was putting me at risk. Putting himself at risk of losing someone else he'd never get back. The more time he spent with me, the more of me he lost. Whatever he was involved in... whatever shit had found him today... it was catching up to him, and he didn't want me to be a part of it. Not this.

It made him vulnerable, and a weakened warrior could never win a war.

But neither could a lone.

"Tony." I looked at the man I had known for a few weeks and for once saw not a violinist, not a homeless person, but simply a man fighting to preserve what little he had left in this world.

Fuck Blue. If he stopped caring about her, he wouldn't get hurt.

Destroy the violin. If it couldn't scream, he'd never feel the heartache again.

Stay. If he left, he'd never have to look at me and see the pain on my face, knowing he put it there.

But if he left now, he would never escape any of it. It would be a burden much heavier than Blue, much louder than the violin and much crueler than any coldhearted absence of love.

And he knew.

"Anthony."

In two strides he stood in front of me. He caged me in, my arms grasping him. Standing right in front of me, he looked down into my eyes and I looked back up. Was this the ending or the beginning?

And did I actually give a care?

The second our lips collided, everything paused. Who caved first wasn't important. My lips were timber and he was fire, burning me up, devouring me in the slowest, yet most torturous way possible. But I was a willing victim to the pain.

Molten, our lips battled together in a burning inferno. A prohibited sound left my lips, and Tony kissed it away, his hands raking into my hair.

I couldn't breathe. Couldn't care.

My own hands flattened, yet clawed down his chest as he pushed me up against the wall – hot, bare flesh searing through my thin robe and scalding me like white hot iron. Too much. He was everywhere; in my lungs, in my soul, in my mouth and I needed him closer.

His lips stayed slow, almost careful, his thumb parting my lips to gain willing access to the cavern of my mouth. One brush, that was it; His tongue swiped against mine and his taste mingled with my own and a shudder went through my very core. My armor dissolved into nothing.

But had I even worn one?

He moved impossibly closer, his hands clutching my face, his mouth hardening as another sound made it past my lips. I realized then he was fighting. Fighting me. Desperation? The scratch of his beard only amplified the silkiness of his mouth, his bow, the roughness of his fingertips a contrast to the skin that rubbed against my own, the violin.

Surrender...

He burned me. He melted the ice running through my veins with his lips that hadn't stopped coursing since everything had happened. For the first time in months, I felt... alive. My chest was hammering, my stomach was twisting. A knot was tightening in my lower abdomen.

Feelings.

The bulk of the door shifted behind me. A strong arm wound around my body, but our lips never broke apart as we moved. Couldn't. My feet dragged against the floor, yanking him. Or was I the one being pulled?

We stopped when the carpet of my bedroom touched our feet. Like drawn apart, our lips disentangled and our eyes met. My heart hammered at what I saw. Tony's eyes were a silent storm in the night, black as tar, but shimmering. He watched me, those orbs searing into me. But there was something else... pain?

I couldn't think anymore. Couldn't analyze. I felt myself rise to my toes and bring my hand to cup his face, my palm scratching against the scruff on his cheek. His eyes closed for the briefest of moments. And there it was.

Heartache.

His lips caressed mine again. I felt a slight shiver run through me as his hand softly circled around my lower back, holding me close in the most gentlemanly manner. A soldier, always. Everything I touched was rugged muscle and sculpted skin, such a contrast to what his lips felt like against mine. Tender. Delicate.

He was a lover, wasn't he.

Just not mine.

As his hands fell to the tie around my robe, our lips broke apart again. My eyes opened and Tony's cerulean blue were honing me with just one fateful question.

Could I swim?

But the real question was... was I afraid to drown?

Cupping my face, he slowly leaned down and brought his lips to mine again. He paused one breath away from them, my mouth falling open, a shaky exhale leaving me.

This was it.

My final breath before I drowned.

• • •

Sometimes, the empty silence speaks volumes of what happened. I hope you read my author's note, otherwise next chapter will disappoint you.