Nothing.

Nothing but that violin.

As his grip around my throat loosened and his vice on my soul did the same, my eyes drifted to the side and pinned on the bulging suitcase lying on my coffee table.

That violin.

A hand gripped my chin and turned my head back to meet a pair of thundering blue eyes, yet for some reason... they were calm. In control.

"Do you know who I am?" He asked again, watching me so closely I swore he could see all the way through to my soul.

I shook my head. I had no idea who he was. He was a broken soul, a broken man, but as a human... I didn't know anymore than he did.

"If you don't know me," He gritted out through clenched teeth, "Then why did you ask me what I remember?"

My eyes flicked up to the white scar running along his hairline. My answers all laid there. All my suspicions. Paired with everything he did, the way he carried himself, his deep, haunted eyes... it painted a dark picture.

But that's all it was; a dark picture. Suspicions. Inklings.

"I've been watching you," I therefore replied, my whole body aching from being pressed up against his for too long. He was like fresh iron; Burning, hard and unyielding. I knew he wanted answers from me, but all I had were guesses. They weren't good enough for him. Not right now. He didn't need maybe. He needed certainty. "I see you... struggle. You... you have no memories, do you?" I whispered, full and well knowing the answer as his eyes darkened.

He narrowed his eyes at the condemning word, but then drew back, letting go of my throat. I sucked in a breath, not that I hadn't been able to breathe. I'd just forgotten to.

"Tony—"

"What else?" He tore his eyes away from mine, disappointment flickering through them. Or was it anger? What else had I seen?

"The blood," I whispered, seeing his eyes stay on the floor, listening to my words. "I've seen people with hemophobia before, but your reaction was nothing like that. It was... deeper. Like... PTSD." It was imbedded in his psyche like a red flag, a trap never to trip on or come near. The kind of trap a soldier was trained to stay clear of.

At the sound of the big word leaving my mouth, his eyes flicked up. He studied me for what seemed like forever, until, finally, he leaned back against the couch, his knuckles turning white against the fabric. "You're a waitress at a club." Translation; You are more.

"Downsized." Just like him, there was so much more to me that he shouldn't prod into, and like me, I'm sure he had his own theories.

"There's one thing I don't get, though," I said, hearing my voice speak the words out as they passed through my mind. "Your loss of memory hasn't wiped out your PTSD... you don't remember, but you still get triggered. How?"

"What do you mean how?"

"If you can't remember, then how—"

"I don't know. Same way I know the grass is green. Same way I know what's right and what's left. Same way I know how to fucking speak. Some things just can't be forgotten."

I nodded quickly. He was right. Some things were just incorporated into the brain.

Post traumatic stress disorder was a condition that dictated that the sufferer had to have experienced something that had scarred their mind for life, resulting in that some things would probably never be the same for them again. For some, episodes could be triggered by hearing the sound of a helicopter flying across their house. For others, like Tony, it was the contact with blood. But a specific kind of blood. Otherwise I couldn't explain why he didn't react when his bloodied knuckles were left raw after bludgeoning down my attacker. Or seeing the gash on my face. Blood, but not defensive blood.

The fickle thing about the mind, though, was that even though Tony couldn't remember anything, the PTSD still sat lodged in his brain. Just like his memories were lodged in there somewhere as well, and exactly like PTSD, they had a trigger, too. Something that could kickstart them, like restarting a heart. It was just about finding those triggers.

My eyes slowly drifted to the violin again, and just then, another thing settled into place inside my head.

Of course; The violin was a trigger. He hadn't been torturing it—he had been extracting things from it, exactly like a gateway through to his subconscience.

To get through to his memories.

"When you play..." I said, finally knowing how to finish that sentence. "What do you remember?"

Tony closed his eyes this time. "Blue."

Blue. "Blue... what?"

"I don't know. Every time I'm close... every time..." His jaw clenched around the word. "It disappears. Gone."

He was haunted by the color blue. The color of the sky, the color of the sea; a color that dominated most of the Earth and now it had taken over his mind as well. Blue.

"Eight years," He suddenly volunteered. My eyes snapped to him when my memory told me this was the first time he had spoken without answering a question or a look. For the first time, he opened his mouth and said what was on his mind instead of picking up the violin. I had never listened harder.

He breathed shallowly, like the mere mention of the time caused him respiratory pain. "I've spent eight years trying to remember. Just the tiniest fraction of my mind." He let out a humorless sound, a mocking tribute to his own sanity. "Nothing. I remember nothing, and when I finally do, what do I remember? Blue."

Blue. Blue could mean so much, but unless you knew a person, you never knew what blue might mean. To Tony... blue had been such a big part of his life, the first thing his mind released to him after eight years in lock-up... was blue.

Melody. My name popped up in my mind as I remembered how he had said it the time I wanted to remind him. Melody. He glued every new memory to heart, never to be forgotten like the rest. He remembered me, but he couldn't remember himself.

I slowly shifted and moved towards him. Each step was measured, but instead of feeling my legs quiver and my hands shake, I walked stably up to him, pausing when the space between us was annihilated. He didn't move, didn't respond to my approach. He stayed frozen and let me enter his vicinity, his kill zone.

"Stay," I whispered up to him, experimentally lifting my hand and cupping his face. I saw his eyes flash like lightning bolts to the touch, but he still didn't move as I held his head in my hand, the scratch of his beard itching on my palm. "If you say the violin helps you remember, then you can stay here and play as often as you want. I'll help you any way I can. Just stay."

His eyebrows creased, just as his body stiffened. Something flickered inside his eyes, Wrath? No. Something stirred inside him and I was dying to know what it was.

My breath faltered when he suddenly moved closer. I saw his head bend down, saw his shoulders hunch. I stared up at him mutely, but felt my hand travel to the back of his neck, drawing him closer down. I wasn't in control anymore, but by the look in his eyes, something told me he wasn't either.

Hovering one inch above my lips, our eyes stayed locked on each other. His trench coat curtained me, almost swallowed me as his broad frame hulked over mine, simply just staring down at me.

Eternities passed. Nobody moved. I didn't breathe.

Then, like a spell broken by the noise, keys suddenly rattled in the front door. Muffled, amused voices spoke on the other side as a key was pushed into the lock, twisting and turning to open the stubborn latch.

Like repellent magnets, me and Tony pulled apart, just as the lock clicked. I saw his eyes whiplash mine, his face hard; they spoke to me his thoughts.

"My room is in there," I said, turning my head to the side, quickly looking at my door that stood ajar.

He didn't waste a second. With long steps, he strode towards my bedroom as the door opened down the hall, voices now becoming coherent.

"...was not bad, I'm just saying, it's weird sitting in a movie theater full of strangers and watching porn with them," Dan's voice broke through, just as my bedroom door closed. "Hello? Mel, are you still up?"

I exhaled as I looked at my closed bedroom door, then sucked in a new breath as I shifted my focus to Dan and Kyle who now appeared in the living room, shrugging off their coats and scarfs. "Yeah, I'm up."

"Oh," Dan said, giving me a quick pout, then a smile. "Couldn't sleep without me?"

I returned his smile, trying to shake off the mood from before. What had happened? "You wish. Actually I was about to head to bed, I was just..." Just what, exactly? "Getting a glass of water from the kitchen."

"Well, don't let us stop you. We're heading to bed, too," Kyle spoke up, eyeing Dan out. Dan gave him a smile back, his eyes suddenly glinting with something.

I narrowed my own a little. "What movie did you see?"

"Fifty Shades."

Go figure. "Just keep it down, will you?"

"No promises," Dan chuckled, taking Kyle's hand and braiding his fingers with his. "You still have the earplugs."

Yeah. Just not two sets.

But of course Dan didn't know about what I was hiding in my bedroom.

"Whatever," I turned and walked towards my room. "Just keep in mind we also have neighbors."

"Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-no-no."

Suppressing a sigh, I kept my stride for my bedroom and finally walked in, sealing the door shut. I just managed to see Dan reaching for Kyle's belt before I closed myself inside my room; locked it.

I then felt as my throat closed up as well when the other presence in my room suffocated me; moved closer to me. I slowly turned around.

I laid eyes on his silhouette in the darkness. So large, so hauntingly beautiful; Intimidating. His aura made the air vibrate. Made it impossible to breathe without shaking. I tried to clear my throat a little. "My... my roommate is home again with his boyfriend. They're in his room." That answers all the questions he didn't ask.

Tony understandably didn't reply. Instead he came even closer until I was trapped up against my door, swallowing hard as he towered above me again.

I shouldn't be feeling the shudder that was going through my body. I shouldn't even be thinking about it. But I was.

He was the first guy, besides Dan, that had stepped foot inside my bedroom since me and Mason broke up.

"Do you... do you want to spend the night?" I got out as he moved even closer. He kept closing the space between us until my body was pressed against his, pressed against the door. Then, his head descended towards mine. I froze up completely.

His breath struck my lips. Mint? My eyes darted to his eyes and I saw him watching me closely. Eyes pinned on me. There was something inside them...

"T-Tony," I breathed when I felt his hands lean against the door, locking me between his arms. My lower abdomen tightened as his beard brushed against my lips. "Tony..."

Suddenly, he drew back. He was gone just like that. Pulled away. I exhaled, confused. What just happened again? I saw him square his shoulders, saw him straighten out and turn away. His back was colder than his eyes.

I willed myself to straighten out as well and shake it off. Whatever he just did... I couldn't get too caught up in it. Everything he did was push and pull.

"If you want to, you can stay here tonight," I said again, hearing my voice surprisingly calm despite the tremors running through me. "But I won't force you. The choice is yours."

I wanted him to stay. I had no reason to want him to, but I did. I wanted him to stay here tonight and still be there when I opened my eyes tomorrow. Stay.

"Give me a reason." He replied. It was his back that spoke to me, but the jarring of his words cut like knives through every syllable. "One reason."

One reason.

"For the violin." I whispered. "For... blue." That was two.

He slowly turned around. His eyes fell to mine and kept me hostage again. The deep blue orbs sunk right into me, and I was left breathless as I waited for his answer.

Stay.

For the violin.

For blue.

• • •

Blue.