"Maybe it wasn't a good idea to take the recovering addict back to the place where the addiction started," I mumbled more to myself than anyone else. Our ragtag group had decided to go for a walk through Uraraka's old neighborhood to show Ashido around. Every place of note that we passed was somewhere I had done a ridiculous amount of drugs. It was making me feel anything but at ease.

Hitoshi heard me, which wasn't surprising. He bumped our shoulders together, even though our hands were already connected. "You wanna head back?"

"Desperately," I admitted. Being back home meant that I knew more than a handful of dealers in the area, I could easily get my hands on anything I could think of. It was making me antsy and I needed to calm the fuck down before I did something stupid. I was actually trying to stay clean this time.

"Hey guys," Hitoshi called to the two girls and Todoroki who were a few feet ahead of us. "We're gonna head back, Iz isn't feeling great."

"Lame!" Uraraka shouted over her shoulder, but she didn't push any more than that. I wasn't sure if she knew why we were really heading back or not, but either way, I was thankful she didn't try to convince us to stay.

"I'll join you. I don't want to be stuck alone with them ever again," Todoroki said, his hands shoved in his front pockets as he quickly changed the direction he was walking in. I didn't blame him.

My brows knitted together in concern. It was getting dark and Uraraka's neighborhood didn't have a stellar reputation. "Ura, do you have your pepper spray?"

"Yup!" she called back happily. "And a pocket knife, and a Mina. We'll be fine, Mom." She made a fair point, Ashido was a badass. I had never witnessed it, but Eijirou had told me plenty of stories about the girl knocking grown men on their asses after they got too handsy at the club. I suddenly wasn't so worried.

"Have fun!" I shouted as we started to head back to the house.

"I bet you five bucks that by the time they come back, Uraraka will have already found a party for us to go to," Hitoshi mused, a faint smile on his lips.

The sun had just started to set and the street lights were flickering to life. I'm embarrassed to admit that they startled me, causing me to tense up.

"You're tense," Todoroki stated, his heterochromatic eyes flashing to me.

"I'm always tense."

"You jumped because a street light turned on."

"Okay?" It came out as a question because I wasn't sure what he was getting at. What point was he trying to make?

"That's overly tense, even for you."

I frowned at the observation, mildly offended. "Being back home after my relapse isn't fun."

He nodded once. "I figured as much."

Hitoshi eyed him carefully. "And you felt like pointing it out for fun?"

"I wanted to confirm my suspicion."

I turned to Hitoshi, ready to abandon the current topic of conversation. "Am I allowed to smoke tonight?" I would never be able to sleep without it. Not only was it hard for me regularly, but now I was in a different environment. There was no hope without weed.

"Don't be offended," Hitoshi prefaced, trying his best to not look like he was judging me. He was doing a decent enough job. "But are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Definitely give me a limit," I said with a sigh. Without one I knew I'd smoke more than I needed and then my cravings would just get worse. I wasn't a complete idiot.

"Three hits?"

"Four? I don't think three will be enough."

"Four it is."

I hummed, a small smile taking over my features as I leaned into his side. Maybe this trip would be a good thing. It'd help me face the root of my addiction or some shit. I don't know, it seemed like something that would help, being in the environment and actually controlling myself (even if it was with the help of Hitoshi). I was looking for little wins.

"How much did you bring?" Todoroki asked him. I couldn't help but wonder the same thing.

"Probably not enough for the whole trip, I didn't expect him to be smoking."

"Well, fuck," I grumbled. Sero, our trusted plug, was back in Musutafu. I didn't know if Hitoshi would go to any of our old ones. If he wouldn't, I wouldn't be touching his weed. I'd rather he got sleep than I did.

"You two know that most of the dealers in this area will want nothing to do with you after Shigaraki's trial, right?"

I hadn't thought of that. I had been forced clean after the trial and hadn't contacted anyone after the fact. Somehow being a snitch hadn't registered in my brain.

Hitoshi sighed, letting go of my hand for a brief moment to wrap his arm around my shoulders. I was pulled tightly against him, wrapped up in his body heat. "I know one person who'll sell to me, but Iz is gonna hate it."

Of course, I knew exactly who he was referring to. "I just won't sleep and you won't run out. Problem solved," I bit out, trying to keep my anger in check. Like hell was I going to let him go to Monoma. The blond would never agree to it with me present and I wasn't letting Hitoshi go alone.

Maybe it was the universe's way of trying to keep me clean. It could be a blessing in disguise or something.

"You know I'm not gonna let you do that, love," Hitoshi said in a condescending tone because I should have seen it coming. "We'll just ration and it'll be fine."

A frown formed on my lips at his words. Hitoshi's insomnia was so bad that he couldn't ration. He just had to smoke until he was obliterated and then maybe he could fall asleep. "We could ask Ura, I'm sure she could get her grubby, little paws on something."

I could feel Hitoshi's disapproving gaze without looking up at him. "She could get something, probably not weed."

"How am I the one with substance abuse problems?" I pondered out loud. Uraraka had probably tried everything under the sun and always had a way of getting more. I couldn't figure out how I was the problem in our friend group.

"I have no idea how she does it," Todoroki admitted in a dull tone. "But she doesn't get hooked."

"She has a weird amount of self-control," Hitoshi agreed.

"Well, now I just feel like a failure."

"Shut up." I shouldn't have been surprised that the order came from Todoroki, but alas I was. "You're not a failure and I'm not going to validate the claim by having an in-depth conversation about it."

"Damn," I half-whispered. "Fine, I'm not a failure."

"Thank you, Dori."

"Seriously? That's all it took?" Hitoshi asked with as much surprise as he could muster. I could tell he was getting exhausted from the day.

"Todoroki wouldn't lie to me to save my feelings, if he says I'm not a failure, then I must not be."

Hitoshi shook his head at me. "You think I lie to you to spare your feelings?"

"You're my boyfriend, you have to."

"Do you lie to me?"

I mulled over the question, wondering how badly I wanted to prove my point. The truth of the matter was that I did lie to him, all the time. Not about big things that would cause problems in our relationship, but the little things. When he asked if I was okay, when he asked if I thought smoking was a good idea, when he asked if I wanted to go on this trip, etc. All of those times, I had lied to spare his feelings because that's what you do in a relationship. You protect your partner from all the fucked up things your head is doing to you, you put their feelings before your own.

If I said no, I wasn't sure he'd believe me. If I said yes, it would open a whole can of worms that I didn't want to deal with. I had dug myself a hole I couldn't crawl out of.

"Sometimes."

"Wow, look at that. We're back to the house," Todoroki spoke up, already breaking off from us and heading for the front door. He clearly didn't want to be present for whatever conversation Hitoshi and I were about to have.

Before I could even think about following him, Hitoshi grabbed my hand and held me firmly in place.

"What do you lie about, Iz?"

I avoided his eyes, starting to feel embarrassed. To me, it seemed like he was blowing the whole thing out of proportion. All relationships had little white lies, why would he assume that ours didn't? It wasn't a big deal, it's not like I lied about anything bad.

"Just stupid stuff," I replied vaguely, wanting to abort the conversation immediately.

"You know that answer isn't gonna cut it."

I groaned, drawn out and frustrated. "Just the shit everyone lies about."

"Izuku." His voice left no room for argument and just succeeded in pissing me off. He was being a hypocrite because I knew that he lied to me.

"You lie to me all the time, so don't start," I snapped, my arms crossing and my face turning away from him.

He shifted in his spot, like he wanted to move into my line of vision but thought better of it. "What have I lied about, then?"

I didn't want to be petty, I really didn't. I didn't want the fight to blow up and become something ugly and mean, I just wanted him to understand my side of it. "Every year during your dad's anniversary you lie to me. You lie that you're okay and that everything is fine. I'm not stupid or blind, I know you're lying, but I never bring it up because I know that's not what you need. You went through something awful and traumatic and you need to lie about it.

"That's what I lie to you about. I tell you I'm fine when I'm not. I tell you I can handle smoking when I probably can't, just because I just need to sleep. I tell you that I don't hate myself and want to die because that's just what you tell your boyfriend when you're depressed and don't want to push your problems onto them. We lie to each other, it's just what we do."

We fell into silence. I refused to look at him, not risking it. I couldn't tell if he was mad or upset or anything and I was scared to find out.

"Fine," he spoke suddenly, causing my eyes to flash up and lock onto him. He didn't look mad, just very, very tired. "Then we stop lying to each other."

"Why're you two still out here?" Uraraka's voice broke through the tension that had built up around us, making me come crashing back to earth.

Hitoshi took a deep breath before turning to her. "Talking without Todoroki making side comments."

A look of realization crossed her face. "You're so real for that," she said with a nod.

"He's just kinda... always there," Ashido agreed.

I shrugged, leaning into Hitoshi's side. It hadn't been a fight, it was just a conversation. There was nothing to be mad at or hold grudges over. "At least he eases the tension."

"How'd the rest of the tour go?" Hitoshi asked, one of his arms already wrapped around me as he rested his chin on the top of my head. It was his way of confirming that we hadn't fought.

Uraraka's face instantly split into a sparkling smile and my stomach dropped. That look never meant anything good. "We ran into Tsu and-"

"Let me guess," Hitoshi cut in, tired and bored already. "She invited you to a party?"

"Bingo!"

"Tonight?"

"Duh."

"Fantastic."