"Tadaima," Lana called from the genkan of their home. "Isao, take off your shoes," she said in Italian. "Now put them on the rack. Yes, like this. Well done."

She put down the three bags dandling on her shoulders and removed her light coat, before unclasping his dark green bicycle helmet and hanging it next to Nana's yellow one. Their sturdy two-child-seat electrical 'mommy bicycle' had been a lifesaver over the past four years, but still, it was a miracle she managed to keep her balance with everything she put on it. It had been a while since her sleek white sports bicycle had left the garage.

"Mamma! Nii chan!" Lana had barely enough time to look up before a human-shaped, deep purple projectile collided with her and stole her breath. With a hearty laugh, she swept her daughter off her feet and made her swirl.

The sixteen-months old girl had started walking on her own only four weeks before; she was already running all around the place, not caring much for ridiculous things like walls or sharp edges. To her parents' everlasting pride and stress.

"Woops! Nana chan, love! Here you are! How come you aren't in bed yet?" Her big smack landed on a round cheek; she pushed back Nana's long and wild light brown hair to see hazelnut eyes glistening with joy. While Isao clearly favored his paternal side, her Italian and Canadian genes had gained the upper hand with Nana.

"She was waiting for you. I told her you'd be home earlier than usual," Yuki explained with a smile. "Okaerinasai," she added, welcoming Lana and Isao back.

"Yes, that's true! Let's get you to bed right away and read a story while onii chan eats dinner and takes his bath. Then I'll read another one for the two of you. What do you think?"

"Yeah!" Isao squealed with joy.

Lana smiled at her son but a small pang tugged at her heart. On the three days per week he went to daycare, they weren't home early enough for him to get a story, and he would eat there. It wasn't a perfect solution, but with his outgoing personality and energy, he had so much fun playing with other children all day long they all agreed it was for the best. And Yuki had already enough on her plate with toddler Nana.

"What a perfect way to start our holidays, don't you think, children?" Yuki said after landing a soft kiss on the top of their son's head. "Father arrived thirty minutes ago, and is eating dinner with goshujin sama. I've set aside your plate and will take care of Isao."

"Thank you so much, I'm starving. Let's finish packing afterward?"

"Oh, don't worry about it. Goshujin sama helped me this afternoon and we called the delivery company. Everything will be waiting for us at the airport. There's only the carry-on bags left."

"That's wonderful! But I'm so sorry for the trouble and extra work."

"Tsk, don't mention it."

Lana couldn't help it and placed a short, yet hard kiss of gratitude on her beautiful lips, making their children giggle. Yuki threw her an amused glance filled with promises, each more wanton than the other.

"Let's go, darling!" Lana told her daughter. "I wonder what happened to Babar after we left him in the jungle. Do you think the crocodiles found him? I hope not!"

Nana's pearls of laughter lifted Lana's heart. They headed down the hall while Yuki led Isao to the bathroom. Before going to the children's room, Lana stopped on the threshold of a large tatami room next to the kitchen.

"Goshujin sama, otoh sama, good evening," she told the two men sitting cross legged around a long table dressed with a good dozen of half-empty plates. "There's a little girl here who would like to say goodnight before she finds out what happened to her favorite elephant."

Her husband threw her a smile that eased some of the knots that had built in her shoulders over the day. Still, a part of her wondered if she'd ever get used to this softer, less harsh and abrasive side of Honda Naruhito he expressed around his children, and now more often with her, too. That is, outside a dojo and their bedroom.

"Okaerinasai, Lana san. Sweet dreams, Nana chan. We've made sure to pack a few Babar stories for the trip."

"Ba-ba!" Nana exclaimed, cheerful. "Mamma, ba-ba now!" she added in her delightful mix of Japanese and Italian while pulling down her mother's ponytail.

"Daughter, you heard the boss!" Nakazawa said with a large grin.

"You can say that again, sometimes I'd swear this family has a new head of household," Lana replied, tongue-in-cheek, with a merry side glance for her husband who pretended to growl his reprobation at her insolence. It was an open secret that their daughter had him wrapped around her little finger.

"Babar patted Flore's sleepy head. 'Goodnight, darling. Tomorrow we'll go to see the pink flamingos.'" Closing the book, Lana rolled on her side to give Nana's brow a soft kiss. The girl was already fast asleep. She turned toward Isao, but her boy lay wide awake on his futon.

"Baby, close your eyes now, time to sleep," she whispered. It was hard to ignore the hunger twisting her stomach. "Tomorrow we need to get up early because we're going on a long trip, you know that." She rearranged his comforter and ruffled his hair.

"Mamma, are we going to see elephants?"

"Elephants? Ah no, baby. No elephant in Italy."

"Crocodiles?"

"No, it's not Africa, sweetie," she chuckled.

"Dolphins? Onee san told me there were dolphins in the sea."

Lana's heart froze in her chest; a wave of nausea choked her. Her hunger vanished. "Onee--? Isao, who--?" Then the only rational explanation popped up. "Ah, of course, the daycare ladies." Calling those young women 'elder sisters' was quite common. "Yes, there are dolphins in the Mediterranean sea."

His mother's tense reaction didn't seem to faze the boy. "So we will see some when we go to see onee san's papa?"

This time, there was no clamping down a whimper of horror. Lana's fingers clutched Isao's comforter. It took all her energy to not scream.

"Ah... sweetie... whose papa now? And it's not... It's not what..."

But it was.

The real reason behind their trip.

What she hadn't told anyone. What she couldn't bring herself to confess to her spouses, Naruhito in particular.

Her mind snapped back to the most pressing issue. Isao was talking with his elder sibling. His unborn sibling. Who seemed to know things Lana hadn't shared with anyone.

"Onee san told you this?" A loaded question. Isao nodded, face now too serious for a four year-old. His simple confirmation split her guts open. She had always believed the little one she had lost at the hand of her own mother would have been a girl. But there had been no way to know.

And yet. Carina. Love. "When?"

"When we played in the garden with onii san tachi. Near obaa san's shrine."

"O... onii san tachi?" Lana swallowed down the block of marble stuck in her throat.

Isao had been told about her lost baby and the three children Yuki had miscarried in the early years of her marriage. They hadn't hidden from their boy this painful part of their family history. How could they? Four Jizo statues representing them were enshrined in their garden, next to the shrine erected for his grandmother Natsuko who had given her life for them. The boy had started asking questions as soon as he could speak, and they had chosen words he could grasp at his age.

But like with Carina, nobody knew the gender of Naruhito's and Yuki's children. So, all of them had been boys? How can I even tell them? It's... no. I can't. Especially not Yuki. Everyone gave her so much hell for not giving this family a heir...

And now Isao was saying they all played together. There was no doubt in Lana's mind. They had seen and gone through too much. This isn't make believe.

Taking a deep breath, Lana hid her shaking hands. Emotions swelled in her chest like they hadn't for years, and her eyes burned. Sadness. Panic. And down the line, horror and ice-cold fear for what it meant for her baby boy.

Still, it wasn't the time or place to show her distress.

"Right. So... the five of you... Isao, baby, do you often play with your older brothers and sister?"

"Sometimes?" Isao whispered with a soft tremolo in his voice that broke her heart. He had caught her change of mood. Great job, you stupid cow. And now he thinks he did something bad. Another deep breath.

"OK baby, it's fine to play with them. Just..." What do you tell your kid who plays with ghosts? What are the rules? And how do I know it's even them and not something else? "Just stay in the garden, all right? Maybe someday they'll want to go elsewhere to play, but I want you to stay here. It's the same rule as always. They... maybe they don't need to care so much about cars, but you do, understood? It's like when you play ball or see a cat, remember? If the ball rolls on the street, what do you do?"

"I let the ball go. And I go for you or kaa san or toh san's help."

"That's my smart boy. Exactly." Ever since the incident in Asakusa, they had drilled this rule again and again over the months. Thankfully, since then, he had matured enough to grasp it. "So, uh, do you have fun together?" What do they look like? What do they tell you? What does she tell you? Is your grandma there with them? Oh, please, tell me she is.

"Yes! But they don't want to play with my toys. Only colors."

His hesitation was gone and he was cheerful again, but Lana's head throbbed. Colors?

"Oh, colors. It must be pretty..."

"Very pretty."

Two heartbeats of silence. Three. Four. He doesn't want to show me.

"All right then," Lana croaked before clearing her throat and turning down the lamp's variator next to his head until only a soft glow remained. "It's really time to sleep now. Are you excited to go on the plane tomorrow?"

"Yes! Ojii san said, it's the biggest plane ever. That true?"

"It is, baby. I'm sure your grandfather will tell you all about it at the airport. Goodnight, little pumpkin."

After a last kiss on his forehead, Lana walked to her bedroom in a daze, oblivious of her surroundings.

She switched on her reading light, then her suit, shirt and bra fell on the floor. She grabbed a random t-shirt and a pair of wrinkled blue short pants without paying attention to what she was doing. A shower, or even better a bath, would be great. But going through the motions was beyond her strength.

Her carry-on bag lay on the tatami, open, empty. Sitting down on her futon, she stared at it, her mind a blank. What am I supposed to do?

"Lana san."

Startled, she glanced up. Naruhito stood on the threshold and a frown tugged at his lips. She worked her jaw to say something. No word came out at first. A shaky finger pointed at her luggage. "Sorry, I'm busy," she croaked. "I must finish this."

Her husband glanced at the discarded clothes that left a trail between the door and her futon, then at her empty bag, and finally at her. Apparently, he didn't like what he saw; with narrowed eyes piercing her like blades, he closed the door behind him and came by her side, kneeling in seiza, back straight as a rod.

"Finish? You haven't started," he retorted. "Merely staring at it will not help. And aren't you hungry? Your dinner is waiting for you in the kitchen."

"Uh, no thanks, I'm fine. Not hungry," she muttered. The idea of food made her stomach twist. Her entire body was reduced to two points: her constricted throat and her burning eyes. Nothing else existed, everything was cold.

A warm, solid hand cupped her cheek and lifted her face. Relishing his touch and the heat seeping through her skin, she didn't fight his invite. Yet, she failed to look up from that patch of skin below his chin she loved kissing. Meeting his eyes was above her strength.

"You are always hungry when you come home because you never take the time to eat a proper lunch these days," he pointed out, calm yet stern. "What is the matter?"

Hit by a bolt of electricity, Lana jerked away from him; immediately, she missed his gentle, yet firm grasp. "No- nothing. The day was stressful, goshujin sama. A lot to finish, to organize. And our trip ahead makes me anxious. You know that," she finished, barely repressing her accusatory tone. Going back to Italy for the first time in more than twenty years was excruciating.

"Lana." This time, aggravation colored his tone. Dropped honorifics testified of his dwindling patience.

Her cheeks turned pink in embarrassment and she suckled her bottom lip. "My apologies. I'm just..." Shit scared now. This is a nightmare. "I'm just wondering if going all of us together is such a good idea, after all. For the children," she finished in a hush. What if Isao...

"Why?" Her husband cupped her jaw once again, with a firmer nudge, demanding her attention. Their eyes met for a fleeting second before she glanced down, unwilling to show him how troubled she was. Even if her entire body screamed her disarray.

"We discussed it at length, it is the best solution. You are not going on your own, or only with Gabriella san. And we are not leaving Yuki alone with the children, or anyone else for that matter. We have spent weeks organizing it to make sure they would be kept away from... disturbing elements while you conduct your inquiries and talk with the people you contacted. We go all together, or we don't."

"Then maybe we shouldn't!" Lana exclaimed, voice breaking down. She moved away from him, wriggling her hands. "Maybe it's just one big mistake and --"

"Lana san, enough!" He swept her on her back and in a blink, he lay over her.

A moan escaped her while her body and mind snapped to attention, as they always did. She could never ignore him when he switched on his domineering side. These days, he tuned it down for the sake of their children, but also because he didn't feel so much need to express it as before.

Before he was healed. Before his curse was lifted. Before he regained full mastery of his own body and drives, and stopped living in constant torture.

But when they were alone, and especially when she was losing it, he didn't bother repressing it. And she loved him even more for this. The sound of her short, heavy panting filled the room. Part stress, part need to cry, part arousal. Her hips and pelvis grinded against his bulky frame, searching for friction. How about jumping right away to --

"Stop." Naruhito pressed her hips down and held her wrists in his other hand; Lana complied with a loud hiss. "Your capacity to deflect will never cease to amaze me, wife. What happened? It has been months since I saw you like this."

His words barely reached her. Her raw desire was amplified by her acute awareness of her growing panic and meltdown. His crushing weight helped defining her sense of physical self but tonight, a rough quickie wouldn't be enough. Her gaze flickered up and finally met his. They shone with concern.

"Later," she rasped before squeezing her eyes shut. Her affinity for pain surged. The last solution to reconnect with herself. Her twisted remedy. What used to be exacerbated and out of control, but never truly went away. And the one thing for which he would always be her perfect match. "I'm drowning. It's too much, can't deal with it. Give me teeth and nails, please."

Naruhito hissed in recognition; thick and strong fingers fisted her hair. "Lana san, beloved..." A loud whimper answered him; emotional, because his sweet endearments always sent her heart racing, but above all, needy.

Her hands slipped under his dark blue shirt and she dug all ten fingers in thick and muscular flanks. Skin broke and a strangled noise rose from somewhere deep in his chest. Darker emotions flashed across his face; simmering lust and anticipation at what they were about to unleash; the proof that whatever they used to be wasn't truly gone. 

They had been cleansed from the marks shackling them to horrific tormentors, but deep down, they remained who they were.

A shudder ran through him, and his mask slipped on; he was in complete control now, at even higher levels than usual given what she needed.