There were many things she'd rather not say to Taehyung but Eunha had a hard time holding back her words ever since she was a kid. Taehyung was a bit...unstable. There was no better way to describe him, Eunha thought, but he didn't use to be like this before. Everything changed on that day when they dropped out of college. Eunha wondered if she had talked to Taehyung that day if she'd hung out with him like usual, instead of locking herself in her room, would things be different right now? Would it all be just like before? If they'd intercommunicated their problems, they'd probably still be close. Eunha couldn't help but blame herself. But she knew Taehyung had his share in this mess.

The ombre-haired girl sighed, as she rubbed her temples, cursing herself for saying mean things to him. Taehyung was probably overthinking her words now, melting into the darkness that was deeper than the night, letting the despair consume him entirely. She had made him think he was pathetic but that was not what she thought of him at all, not really. She had just spat it out in anger, as people do. There must be reasons why he turned out this way. Eunha knew she had no right to judge Taehyung without knowing the full story.

She drew in a sharp breath, as she got up from the couch, and headed for the door. It was 12:06 am. The door opened with a creek, as she stepped out of the house, and Taehyung came into her view. He was sitting on the porch again, smoking. She closed the door of the house behind her and quivered as the cold breeze made contact with her bare face. The night was dark and unclear, and the dim porch light only illuminated the little area where Taehyung was sitting.

"Taehyung,"

Her voice came out feeble, soft, almost fragile as a whisper. She could see Taehyung's back, his posture was gloomy, his shoulders dropping. He didn't turn around to look at Eunha, instead, he just nodded, as if letting her know that he was willing to hear whatever she had to say.

"Can I sit here?" Eunha asked, as she walked up to Taehyung and stood next to him.

"That's an absurd question. This is your house, you can sit wherever you want." The raven-haired boy responded with a hint of vexation in his voice. He didn't sound necessarily mad at her, but Eunha knew that she should apologize for speaking without thinking. She sat down next to him, her eyes never leaving his figure. The floor was so freezing that she felt as if she'd sat down on the ice. It was too cold, but so was Taehyung.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier, Tae. I didn't mean it." She began, slowly. But Tae? She hadn't called him like that, called him by a nickname, in a long time. She wondered if it made his heart flutter or skip a beat, but she couldn't read anything on his poker face which made her internally groan.

"That's what people always say after they say unmindful things." Taehyung snickered.

Snickered? People?

There was a sudden gush of wintry air that Eunha inhaled and felt as though even her organs had shivered because of the cold. She felt like she couldn't breathe for a moment, and wondered if it was because of the thick fog or the bitterness in Taehyung's tone.

"I...I didn't mean it. I swear. I'm sorry, I got mad and wasn't thinking straight. You're not some pathetic person Taehyung, I know that. You're so much better than you try to be." She stammered out, desperate eyes burning into Taehyung's side profile but he didn't look at her even once. He reminded Eunha of a brick wall, and the bricks were made out of fresh ice, cold and frozen, dense and unclear.

"Alright. Cool." He muttered, indifferently, as he pressed his cigarette on the ground next to him, put it out, and threw it towards the road where it fell somewhere on the snow. Eunha's heart felt heavy like it was weighing her down. She just wanted to sleep and never wake up again.

"It's New Year." She said after a few moments of holding back her tears, even though she knew it didn't matter to Taehyung.

"Already? What time is it?" Taehyung questioned, turning his head to finally look at Eunha. She stared into his deep brown eyes. They were dull and faded, with no light in them. No joy. No life. Nothing. She wondered if her eyes appeared the same way.

"12:10 am," Eunha informed.

"Damn. Time flies when you're falling apart." Taehyung responded, sighing, as he ran a hand down his black mullet.

Falling apart. His words hit Eunha like an overspeeding truck. She felt something sharp and stinging in her chest like somebody had sliced her heart open. Yes, he was falling apart. She was falling apart. This wasn't the life they both had dreamt to live. Everything they had wanted to become shattered before their eyes and neither of them was courageous enough to do anything about it, and that was Eunha's utmost regret and Taehyung's greatest shame.

"Happy New Year." Eunha felt sick when she said those words, she felt nauseous like she was going to spew. The thought of a new beginning didn't bring any excitement to her. She didn't look forward to another year that'll break her even more, that'll rip her apart, and pull her further away from her only friend. Even so, she wanted to seem optimistic in front of Taehyung, hoping it would make him a bit less downhearted.

"New year, old year. It's all the same." He shrugged, biting his nails. It was something he did to distract himself when he wasn't smoking.

Another bad habit.

"I know you don't feel like celebrating but let's at least try." Eunha suggested, hoping he'd smile and tell her 'Of course I'll celebrate, it's a new year!' and they'll spend the rest of the day celebrating, laughing, and praying for better days like many other people right now. She hoped they'd sit around a table and have a nice meal, or go out for a refreshing walk. She just wanted to feel merry, to feel normal. She was desperate for it.

"I'll celebrate," Taehyung declared, looking at her with a lazy grin. Eunha felt her heart skip a beat at the excitement that followed after his words. "with some strawberry ice cream." He finished. She felt like a small portion of her heart had healed just hearing that. Taehyung was willing to try and that meant everything to Eunha. Their celebration might not be like others, Eunha thought, they might not smile from ear to ear and talk about their goals for the new year, but they would sit together in perfect silence and eat ice cream, and that was the best moment she would be having in months.

"But we don't have ice cream at home." She pouted when she remembered.

"Then go buy it for me," Taehyung demanded, and Eunha felt irritated that he was commanding her to do it rather than requesting it. Why not be slightly nicer? Eunha thought, criticizing, but did not comment on it.

"Will you smile and not smoke for the rest of the night if I do that?" She inquired. If she could get Taehyung to not abuse his lungs for one day, she'd gladly go buy ice cream even at midnight though she was afraid of walking around at midnight.

"Sure, and it's not night anymore, it's morning. Am not pm, get it?" Taehyung raised an eyebrow, cockily, and she rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. It's not morning until I sleep and wake up." Eunha shrugged and got up from the porch. Telling Taehyung to let her quickly grab her scarf and bag, she headed back inside the house but before she entered through the door, she paused for a moment and looked back at Taehyung, who was sitting on the cool porch like it was the most comfortable place in the world. He sat motionless, still, silent, and Eunha's lips stretched in a faint smile at the sight of him looking so tranquil. 

After wrapping a warm scarf around her neck and grabbing her bag, she came back outside and the winter greeted Eunha with another harsh blow of air that felt as if it could freeze an individual in an instant. 

"I'm back!" Eunha chirped, as she closed the door and walked past Taehyung, rushing down the porch stairs like a giddy child. When she didn't feel Taehyung follow her, she turned around to glance at him.

"Let's go," She announced like it was the most blatant thing.

"You go," Taehyung retorted.

"You aren't coming with me?"

"Nope. I'd like to smoke one last cigarette before you put a curfew on me." He stated as he pulled out a cigarette pack from his pocket along with his signature red lighter. Eunha watched as he picked out a cigarette and placed it between his full lips slowly, and lit it, all the while staring into Eunha's eyes in a manner that was almost, Eunha thought, seductive.

His half-opened, half-closed eyes lingered on her like he wanted to speak but something was holding him back. Eunha couldn't decipher his gaze but she felt enchanted by it. They were so pretty, his eyes, she thought, and felt warmth travel up her face. If she was blushing, she hoped Taehyung wasn't able to see it in the dark.

He was smoking, and she hated smoking, but dear God, he was gorgeous.

"Alright. You better be done with it before I return." She forced out, swallowing the lump in her throat, as she stretched her lips in a smirk that made her appear more nervous than confident. Taehyung grinned.

"Deal."

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A/N: watermelon sugar high~ 🎶