Chapter Twenty-three

Talk

I became busy with mommy because she just had so much plans for us two when I came back. We did shopping and pampered ourselves in the Salon. Hinayaan ko muna si mommy at ang sarili ko para na rin magkaroon kami ng bonding na mag-ina. Pinapatawag din ako ni daddy para makapag-usap na rin kami. So I went to my dad after spending some time with my mom.

"How are you, hija?" kinumusta ako ni daddy.

I smiled and told him how I was doing since I arrived. Pinuntahan ko nalang siya sa bahay nila. He's not yet completely retired from the company pero iyon na ang inaasahan niya seeing na maaasahan na rin naman si Sandro sa pamamalakad ng company. He just want to spend more time with his children he said. Hindi pa naman ganoon katanda si daddy pero kung umakto ito ay mukhang ganoon na.

"I prepared you drinks and this cake, hija." Tita Lana smiled at me kindly as she put the snack in front of me and daddy.

Bahagya rin akong ngumiti sa asawa ni daddy. Months after I left I learned from mommy na legal na naghiwalay na talaga sila ni daddy kaya naman napakasalan na rin ni daddy si Tita Lana. It's just my first time in their home. I was never interested in coming here or meeting my other siblings... Ganoon din naman si Sandro noon.

"Thank you, tita," I told her politely.

Mukhang nahihiya pa si tita kaya agad din muli kami nitong iniwan ni daddy doon sa office ni dad sa bahay nila. Their home wasn't as huge as our mansion. Pero malaki na rin ito at may magaganda rin namang furniture.

"Thank you for coming here, hija." ani daddy. "I didn't expect you'd suggest coming here. We can meet in the office or at home for us to talk."

Umiling ako kay daddy. "Ayos lang po, Dad. Uh, where are they?" And I mean my other two siblings...

Gumuhit ang ngiti sa labi ni daddy. Mukhang natutuwa siya that for the first time I tried asking about his other children. Iniwasan namin ito noon dala na rin ng pagtatampo but now it just all felt like a long time ago and we're all ready to finally face it. "Nasa school pa ang mga kapatid mo, Alecxandra."

Tumango ako. "Uh, how old are they?"

"Alyssa is turning 18 and finishing her senior year in high school. Lena will be 16 this weekend," ani daddy.

"Oh, it's her birthday!"

Daddy nodded. "Yes. And if, uh, you can come... Simple celebration lang naman dito sa bahay at kami kami lang din ng tita Lana mo."

Tumango ako kay daddy at ngumiti. "Sure, Dad. I'll also try to invite Sandro," I said.

Ngumiti rin si daddy.

Hindi pa namin napag-uusapan ito ng kapatid ko but the last time we talked he said he's already fine with daddy. At siguro naman ay magiging ayos na rin siya kay Tita Lana at sa dalawa pa naming mga kapatid na babae. So it's just Sandro who's our father's only son. At silang dalawa pa ang madalas na mag-away noon.

"You love Tita Lana, Dad." I said after a while.

Tumingin sa akin si daddy at hindi agad nakapagsalita. Our family was complicated. Both my mom and dad were only forced to marry each other. They had me and Sandro to inherit our family's wealth. Hindi pa sila agad naghiwalay noon because mom wanted to secure our inheritance, and she was a bit bitter... Until she fully gave up. Daddy couldn't stay loyal to their marriage and fell in love for the first time when he met Tita Lana... He still cheated on mommy dahil kasal pa rin sila despite there was no love involved... Being young and with the situation wasn't well enough explained to us, nagalit at nagtampo kami kay daddy. Hanggang kay mommy na rin dahil bakit hinayaan nalang niya si daddy. Especially Sandro, he hated daddy so much that he was a rebel child. He felt betrayed by our father...

Daddy sighed. Ngumiti ako sa kaniya para pagaanin ang loob niya. I wanted to tell him that it's all right now. Na unti-unti na rin naming lahat natatanggap. What else can we do, anyway? Nandito na kaming lahat ngayon. Our family's past may be hurtful but we still have a future ahead of us. And right now we're all in the process of accepting.

"I asked Mommy, too... I told her that she can actually still remarry. She's not that old yet and she's still very beautiful. Wala rin iyong problema kay Sandro... But Mom said that she's already happy and contented with me and Sandro." I shrugged.

Nanatili ang tingin ni daddy sa akin. "I cared for your mom..." he said.

Nakatingin din ako kay daddy.

We ended that topic there. Mukhang pareho na rin kaming walang masabi ni daddy. But I made a mental note to ask mommy about something I was thinking. We changed the subject to the company which was doing well in the hands of Sandro and Ryder... Dad also asked me kung gusto ko pa bang magtrabaho sa company.

"Siguro, Daddy... But right now may naiisip pa po akong iba munang gagawin." I told him.

He nodded. "Whatever you want to do, Alecxandra. Just tell your brother at puwedeng kayo nalang ang mag-usap kung gusto mo nang magtrabaho uli, or maybe you want to start your own business," daddy suggested.

Bahagya akong umiling kay daddy. "Pag-iisipan ko po, Dad..."

He did not anymore asked me about Ryder. Ganoon din naman si mommy na hindi rin nagtanong sa akin tungkol kay Ryder. I guess they're just letting me do what I want and trusting my decisions...

"Aalis ka na, hija?" si Tita Lana nang paalis na nga ako sa bahay nila. "Baka mamaya lang nandito na ang mga kapatid mo..." lumiit ang boses ni tita.

Ngumiti ako na maagap naman nitong sinuklian. "Dad invited me for this weekend, tita," bumaling ako kay daddy.

"Oh! Mabuti naman at inimbita mo, Alec." bumaling din si tita kay dad. Pagkatapos ay binalik niya ang atensyon sa akin. "Pumunta ka, hija. Gusto ka rin makilala ng mga kapatid mo..." sa maliit pa rin na boses ay ani tita, may pag-iingat sa mga salita niya.

I nodded. "I will come back here this weekend. And I'll also try to bring my brother with me."

Lalong natuwa ang mga mata ni tita sa sinabi ko.

Pagkatapos ay nagpaalam na rin ako sa kanila nang araw na iyon.

***

"Mom... minahal mo po ba si Daddy?" I asked as there was peace enveloping us. We were inside my bedroom and I was in front of the dresser as mommy was combing my a little bit shorter hair now from behind me.

She likes doing now what we weren't able to do before as mother and daughter. And it's really making my heart filled with joy.

Bumaling ako kay mommy para matingnan siya at makita ang reaksyon niya when she remained silent. Pagkatapos ay nagkatinginan kami. Natigil din siya sa pagsusuklay sa akin.

And then she sighed. She sat on the edge of my bed that's just near with where I was seated. "I... loved your father, Alecx..." she confessed as if she had never done this before, not to dad or even to her own self.

I remained quiet and was just listening to her as my heart also started to hurt for my mother...

"But he was never in love with me. I know that. We only married because our parents pushed us to each other. But inside our marriage, honestly, I liked your father until I learned to love the man who is the father of my children." mommy let out a faint smile.

"But he loved someone else and chose her... To be honest, I was hurt. I was in pain. Pero kahit iyon ay halos hindi ko pa maamin sa sarili ko noon. What happened was..." she looked at me straight in the eyes. "Pinili kong hayaan ang sarili ko na sumama sa mga kaibigan at magwaldas ng magwaldas ng pera sa pagshoshopping at pag-attend ng mga social events, at kung ano-ano pa. Just to divert my attention and emotion... my feelings. Napabayaan ko kayo ni Sandro... Naging pabaya akong ina."

Umiling ako kay mommy pero nagpatuloy lang siya.

"I was selfish. I only thought of myself and my feelings. Kung hindi pa nangyari ang lahat ng mga nangyari sa 'yo, Alecxandra," she bitterly shook her head. "Hindi pa siguro ako tuluyang magigising at mapagsasabihan ang sarili ko na ina nga pala ako at kailangan ako ng anak ko."

"I thought... you were only like that before, shopping and friends, because you weren't able to enjoy your youth dahil maaga kang pinakasal nina lolo kay Dad..." I interrupted her a bit...

Umiling si mommy. "Iyon din siguro. You see, I wasn't sure. I was not certain of anything in my life then. Hindi ako sigurado sa mga ginagawa ko, hindi ako sigurado kung iyon ba talaga ang gusto ko... I didn't really understand myself then."

"And your know what, anak, I realized that it's really hard to care for someone, or anyone, more so love them... When you cannot even love yourself first, because you couldn't understand yourself too... I felt like I didn't really have a clear purpose then. Maybe because given what I'd been through with my family, marrying me off at a young age. I wasn't able to discover well myself first. Dagdag nalang nang masaktan din ako sa nangyari sa amin ng Daddy mo. But," she looked at me lovingly in the eyes. "I now know what I really want to do with this life. And that is to be there for you and your brother. Malinaw na ngayon ang gusto kong mangyari. I finally have a clear purpose in this life."

Ngumiti sa akin si mommy. Ngumiti rin ako pero naiiyak na nang niyakap ko siya. My mom hugged me too and comforted me in that peaceful night inside my room.

"Forgive me for it took me long, Alecxandra... Sometimes we get blinded by a lot of our mixed emotions about things and people... We failed to see what's really important to us."

***

"Alecx!" mahigpit akong niyakap ni Andrea nang finally ay magkita na rin kaming dalawa. I knew that my best friend missed me and I missed her, too.

"Oh, my God. Is this..." I trailed off at the astonishment I was feeling towards seeing the child in front of me.

"Toffie, magmano ka sa Ninang mo." Andrea urged her son who's about two to almost three years old now. Wow!

Magalang naman na nagmano sa akin ang bata. I lowered my body para maglebel kaming dalawa. He even gave me a kiss on the cheeks. I giggled at his cuteness and sweetness.

I also visited Andrea and her son, Toffie. He was a healthy baby big boy. At masunurin din sa mommy niya. I then thought of his father. Hanggang ngayon ay wala pa ring communication si Andrea sa dating pamilya niya. I can only hope and pray for the best for my best friend and her son.

"I'm sorry, Alecx... Hindi ko alam noon na ang dami mo na palang problema..." Andrea said guiltily.

I promptly shook my head at what she said. "Don't anymore think about it. May mga sarili ka ring problema noon." I gave her a reassuring smile.

Toffie was busy in front of us playing with the gift toys I brought for him. Nagdala rin ako ng pagkain na takeout para sa amin.

"Pakiramdam ko ay wala akong kwentang kaibigan lalo na noong halos ayaw mo na akong kausapin when I tried contacting you..."

I shook my head fiercely. I remembered ignoring everyone, my family including her during my first stay abroad.

"Stop it. You shouldn't be guilty dahil wala ka namang kasalanan. Kahit ako ay may mga pagkukulang din sa 'yo bilang kaibigan mo, Andrea."

"Sinadya ko rin talagang wala munang kausapin noong mga unang pagkakataon, because I don't also think that I'd be able to talk with anyone. Sobrang gulo pa ng isip ko noon, Andrea. But eventually I started talking to you again when I'm better, didn't I?"

She nodded her head and just hugged my side on the couch affectionately. Napangiti nalang ako sa aking kaibigan. I won't blame her or take anything against her. We're best friends but we have to deal with our own problems, too. So it's all okay.

And at that time. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone. I used to be so open to friends. Wala halos akong itago. Especially that I trust friends, I trust people around me. But I learned that the one you can trust the most is yourself. I think as we grow older or as we mature we also become quiet because we can already handle our feelings on our own and depend lesser and lesser on other people...

***

When weekend came bumalik nga ako sa bahay nina daddy with Sandro with me. He was a bit hesitant at first pero hindi ko na rin naman siya kailangang pilitin dahil nakitaan ko na rin naman siya ng willingness na makilala na rin ang mga kapatid namin.

"Dad," I smilingly greeted with Sandro beside me as we entered their humble home. May dala rin kaming regalo para kay Lena.

"Alyssa," dad called our sister.

Wala ngang bisita at kami lang talaga. Lumapit naman ang tinawag ni daddy. Medyo nagulat pa ako dahil parang nanalamin ako sandali nang makita ko ang nakababatang kapatid. Alyssa looked so much like me and Sandro na mas nagmamana din kami kay daddy. While Lena looked like the perfect mix of dad and tita Lana... Lumapit sa amin ni Sandro ang dalawa naming babaeng kapatid. Sandro remained quiet beside me.

"Alecxandra, Sandro, these are Alyssa and Lena..." dad introduced us. "It ang Ate Alecx ninyo at Kuya Sandro,"

I smiled and greeted the two girls. "Happy birthday, Lena!" I handed her my gift. It was a designer bag. I hope she'll like it. I think uso rin naman ang mga ganoong style na pinili ko para sa edad niya.

"Wow! Thank you po, ate..." she looked happy with my gift and even almost hugged it to her chest. I chuckled a bit at my sister's cuteness.

Pagkatapos ay bumaling kami kay Sandro na halos naging estatwa na sa tabi ko. "Sandro," I called to wake him up from as if a nap.

Gumalaw naman siya at nag-abot na rin ng regalo sa bunso naming kapatid. "Thank you, kuya..." Lena tried to smile at him. Tipid din naman na napangiti si Sandro sa kapatid namin.

I smiled. I knew it wasn't easy for Sandro, too. But his willingness to come here with me is a start of becoming more comfortable with the family we have.

"It's the company's anniversary." ani daddy habang kumakain kami sa handa para sa birthday ni Lena na niluto lang din ni Tita Lana.

Bumaling ako kay daddy mula sa pagpuri sa luto ni tita na kinatuwa rin naman nito. "Malapit na ba iyon, Dad?" I asked.

Tumango sa akin si daddy. Mukhang nakakalimutan ko na nga ang ilang mga detalye tungkol sa kompanya namin dahil siguro sa tagal na rin since I last worked. "You should come, Alecxandra," ani daddy.

Tumango ako. It's been a while. And... maybe makakapag-usap na rin kami ni Ryder doon sa party... Hindi ko pa kasi alam kung paano kami magkikita... Siguro nga ay sa anniversary party nalang ng company namin.

"Wouldn't you bring them?" Sandro pointed at Tita Lana and our two sisters.

"Oo nga, Dad. Aattend na ba sina tita ng party natin?"

They've never come to any events of the Venturas. Para nga silang tinatago lang ni daddy. Kahit pa hindi na rin naman naging lihim sa mga kakilala namin ito.

"I don't think..."

Bumaling si Sandro kay daddy. "If not now, when?"

Kinakabahan namang nagsalita si Tita Lana. "B-Baka pag-usapan lang ng mga bisita ninyo..."

Saglit din na bumaling si Sandro kay Tita Lana. "So what? Let people talk about our family. Let them think what they want to think. Why should we care about other people, anyway." he told dad and us in the table. Tahimik lang naman sina Alyssa at Lena. I tried to give them a reassuring smile. Ngumiti rin ang mga kapatid ko.

"People already know about this. And they had been talking about us for years now. So why try to hide it still. This isn't anymore a secret even." Sandro added.

"Then..." tumango si daddy.

Napangiti ako lalo na sa kapatid ko. I didn't quite expect that from him. I think my brother had become the guy of this family. Sabagay ay babae na kaming lahat ng mga kapatid niya and he's our only boy. I just shrugged a bit with a smile on my face.

***

I wore a classic red long evening gown with a classic red lipstick, too. Ito ang naging payo sa akin ng designer. Mommy also agreed to what I'd wear tonight. "You're stunning, hija!" Mommy even praised me again and again that I only chuckled to it but still thanked her anyway.

"You look stunning too yourself, Mom." I told her genuinely. My beautiful mother was in her gorgeous evening dress too that's showing her still perfect body curves despite she aged. Maalaga rin kasi talaga si mommy sa katawan at balat niya.

There were media and our business partners greeted us and immediately went to us to welcome, especially me who just showed up after two years. I looked at my mom when we saw dad with Tita Lana and my sisters. Alam naman na ito ni mommy. She was smiling but looked away a bit. I sighed quietly and held my mother's hand. Gaya nga ng sinabi ni Sandro hindi na maiiwasan na pag-usapan pa rin kami ng tao. But it's our family. Ang mahalaga naman ay maayos pa rin kami.

I also saw Ryder's parents... Kinabahan ako nang makitang nagkatinginan kami ng mommy ni Ryder. She didn't smile or what and only looked at me. Nag-iwas din ito ng tingin. Bahagya akong napayuko. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip nila. I went away with an issue of kissing another man in a club before. Sigurado akong umabot din sa parents ni Ryder iyon. At wala akong communication sa kanila o kay Ryder sa loob ng dalawang taong wala ako.

Natuon ang atensyon ng mga guests sa dumating. Bumaling din ako doon. Ryder stood there dashing in his all black outfit. His suit hugged his muscled body perfectly. I almost held my breath as I watch him. Pero mabilis ko rin kinalma ang sarili at tumingin sa ibang bagay.

Alam kong kailangan naming mag-usap. And we will definitely talk later.