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This is a work of fiction that was produced for a writing challenge, not for profit or to be hurtful. Everything you see here is fictional unless the living versions of these characters tell you otherwise. This story is a parody above all else - please don't take it too seriously. I'm writing this for fun.

No facts, names, locations, ages, dates, etc. can be changed after publication. Some of this information is obviously wrong, hence the phrase "fan fiction."

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December 9, 2010 at 8 PM, Fort Worth, TX: Preston

 I fold the towel in half and throw it on the counter before jogging through the living room and up the stairs to my bedroom. I'm fifteen minutes late to the recording session and I'm praying that Mitch hasn't left or started something without me. We've had this time planned for over a week now, but parents don't really understand what it means to be a YouTuber, do they? Keeley wouldn't cover me and take care of the dishes for one night so I could get done on time and make it to the Skype call. I quietly close and lock my door so no one'll burst in during my recording and start that stupid "Pressy loves his mommy" meme going around again. I plug my headphones in and move my mouse to clear the screen saver before sliding into my chair and opening Skype. As expected, Mitch called four times before giving up. But he's still online!

 Why don't they understand how important this is? I glance over to my other monitor to see my eyebrows scrunched in frustration as I open Minecraft and my recording software. Everyone seems to think I just run up here to hide in my room to play games with my friends (which is true), but they don't get how important some of these games are. Mitch has well over a million subscribers on his channel, and me recording a video or two or three with him can be the greatest thing that ever happened to my channel. If I could hit a hundred thousand subscribers by the end of the month, I'd be golden. I'd be well on my way to becoming a professional YouTuber. I could coast the rest of the way through high school and come out on the other side with the most lucrative dream job ever.

To me, Mitch's a good friend, but he can also be the saving grace of the last of my childhood dreams. I now know that I'll never be president, I'll never be some kind of military dictator that'd rule the world and tell everyone to walk around with their shirts on backwards because it was Tuesday, for gosh sakes! I'll never be a professional wrestler (I'm too short and fat for that) and I'll never get to spend my life traveling the world because everyone knows you need money to do that and the whole thing would just never work. But I can still play video games for a living and make other people smile, and I'm gonna do everything I can to make this dream come true, even if it means having to pay Keeley to do the freaking dishes next time.

"Please pick up, dude," I mutter to myself as I push the video call button on Mitch's profile page. The tension rises more and more with each unanswered ring, and I nervously fiddle with the microphone on my headset, praying he won't just ignore me now that I've kept him waiting for almost twenty minutes.

"Glad you finally decided to join us, Purrston. Where ya been, dood?" I give a soft sigh of relief and see the stress melt away on my face on the second monitor.

"The fam needed me, man. I couldn't just leave 'em hanging! Thanks for waiting." I glance over to my other screen to check the settings on my recording software and hit the record button, knowing I'll have at least a little bit of editing ahead of me later before this video can be posted. I move Skype over to the other screen and switch over to Minecraft, preparing to enter whatever server IP we're joining this time.

"Hey, don't worry 'bout it. We knew you'd show up eventually." 'We'? What?

"Besides, I knew you couldn't resist hanging out... with this sexy beast." He leans forward in his chair, trying to look like The Most Interesting Man in the World and failing so epicly. I roll my eyes so Mitch can see. I know he isn't really a self-absorbed a-hole but he can sure come off that way sometimes.

"Yes, Mitch, everyone knows what a handsome man you are. What are we gonna record? Parkour? PVP? A puzzle map?"

"Parkour, dood. I have a noob to humiliate," he snickers sarcastically as he looks into the camera like he's daring me to say something.

"You're...!"

"Oh, so I'm the noob, Mr. 720-No-Hope? If there was an Olympic medal for lava diving, you would have the diamond medal." This third voice is so unexpected that I jump about a foot in my chair. When did he join the call? Who is he? And more importantly, how had I not noticed him before? Was he here before I got online?

"At least I spend more time on the platforms than off of them." Mitch raises his eyebrow, making his characteristic "Benja Bitchface." I can't help but laugh, to Mitch's approval.

"At least I don't whine like a five-year-old when someone pwns me in Minecraft PVP."

"Touché, Mr. Wageless."

"That's 'Woofless' to you, Mister."

"That's what I said. Get a job."

"You... That was low, man. You know I try."

What is even going on here? Who is this guy? I glance over at my Skype again and I don't see a video feed from him. Whoever he is, he's only using audio. But why? Is this guy some really famous YouTuber Mitch knows and he's only going to reveal himself after we start recording or something? Is this some kind of prank where they're trying to get a reaction out of me when they show who it is? What's going on here? This's so weird.

"You okay there, Purrston? You look a little... faint," Mitch cackles with that greasy little smirk of his plastered on his face. "You still wanna record?"

"Of course I do! I just don't know what you two are talking about."

"Oh, my mistake. Preston Plebface, meet the one-and-only Mr. Worthless-"

" 'Woofless!' "

"I mean Mr. Workless, AKA Rob-who-doesn't-have-a-job. I'm sure you're both pleased to meet each other's acquaintances and you've been waiting all your lives to meet each other."

"Please Benja, I fan," the Rob guy squeaks using one of the most pathetic voices I've ever heard.

"I thought you said it'd just be us recording tonight, dude," I say, watching his face on the other monitor. He'd promised after we talked off-camera last time that we'd do a couple of videos without anyone else sharing in the glory of playing alongside the one and only BajanCanadian. But here's this guy, this weirdo with his weird voices saying weird things when I'm supposed to be getting my name out there to a bigger audience and growing my channel. I didn't sign up for comedy hour and this ish isn't funny! This guy's probably some loser with like a hundred subscribers who posted a funny comment on one of Mitch's videos and Jerome talked him into letting him do a video or two with him for the lulz. Mitch has enough modesty to look ashamed and he rubs his eyes with his hands as he leans back in his chair. He knows how important this was for me, to me.

"Yeah, yeah I know. And I'm sorry man, both of you. I've been recording nonstop all weekend to get enough footage for the school week and I wrote down recording times for both of you at the same time. I haven't slept more than two hours over the last three days and I screwed up. Like I said, I'm sorry."

"It's not that big of a deal, man. I mean, if it's really a problem I can butt out and catch you another time," Rob interjected, sounding concerned. I wish Mitch would take him up on that offer and tell him to frick off. I've been waiting for this for over a week and he's messing everything up!

"No, it's fine. Don't worry about it. You okay with it, Preston?" Great, now he's putting me in the spotlight, like I'm the one who caused this to happen. I try not to make a face, but my smile comes out a lot more sour than I wanted.

"Nah, don't worry about it, dawg. We'll make it work."

"Great. So what do you two fine gentlemen say to getting this show on the road? I need to get started so I can sleep sometime tonight before I have to appear at school tomorrow." Mitch looks absolutely exhausted but he isn't getting out of it this easily. This sucks. No one's gonna watch this video because it's gonna have this nobody YouTuber in the title. Maybe I can just leave his name out and the viewers can learn about his existence after they click on the video... Sounds like a real peachy keen idea.

"Where are we going?" Rob asks, his voice grating more and more on my nerves every time he speaks. I glance briefly over at my monitor to check my expression: mildly pissed. I need to keep it under control or I'm gonna screw myself over and never get another chance to record with Mitch and his buddies. Just chill, Preston. Everything'll work out in the end. Don't worry about it. You'll still get Mitch in the video like you promised the viewers, and you'll get to record with him and Jerome and the other guys again. Just chill.

"I copied the IP in chat. I'm heading over to Hub 4 when you noobs get on. Hopefully there aren't too many lovely people on right now so we can actually see where we're jumping." Wish I had that problem, Mitch. I see him turn to examine his second monitor and smirk.

"I see you haven't fixed your webcam yet, Robert. Can't even have one job..."

"Hey, man, you know how hard it is to get a job right now. Besides, I just moved and my apartment is a fucking disaster. You wouldn't want to see it, trust me." This guy better not swear during the recording or I swear...

"But I miss your lovely face, MrWoofless."

"D'awww... Really?"

"Heh, no." Mitch cracked his first real smile of the night, and I can't help but grin, too. I don't even know this guy but watching Mitch be a jerk to him is hilarious, even if it's just banter.

"W-why do you have to go and play with my heart, baby? I thought we had something!"

"Who do you think you are? Jerome?"

You wish, loser. The server loads up and I sprint over to the portal for Hub 4, looking for someone else running towards it, too. I don't see anyone. I go inside and meet up with Mitch at the edge of what looks like a mountain, a trail of blue and white blocks moving away from the starting line in an ascending, winding path. Suddenly, something blue flashes next to me and another player sprints over to Mitch, who starts flailing his arms, trying to punch them away. The new player has the most boring skin I've ever seen in Minecraft with the stupidest derp face in existence. What's this guy supposed to be? Some nutcase in a dumb blue t-shirt and Converse All-Stars? His skin just makes it easier for me to not like him. 'Woofless' briefly runs back and forth in front of Mitch before he starts twerking.

"Now, I know what we have will never be Merome status, but... we could have something if you would just try," Rob pleads with his whiny voice, his character bowing pitifully in front of Mitch.

"Heh, no."

"Us Canadians have to stick together, Mitchell. Can't you just... try? Please?"

"Maybe when you get a job." There's silence for a moment and I snicker. Mitch runs forward and punches Rob off the side of the mountain and we look down, watching him punch the air as he falls.

"That's cold, man. Real cold."

"Cold like a Canadian winter, dood. Now get your ass back up here so we can record. You can't start parkouring from the void. This is why you don't have a job."

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December 9, 2010 at 10 PM, Quebec City, Quebec: Rob

'Wow. This guy is a total douchebag.' It's like I'm just a spectator, completely invisible and following behind this random guy kissing Mitch's ass. The only time he acknowledges me at all is when Mitch takes pity on me and tries to include me in their conversation, which shortly returns to whatever he had just been yakking on about. If it was any more obvious that he doesn't want me here, I swear he would get banned for aura hacks. I have absolutely no intention of posting any of this video and I sincerely hope that Mitch deletes his footage because of the tangible awkwardness during the whole thing. With any luck, this Preston guy won't bother to tag me in the video and his twenty-some subscribers won't bother searching for my channel. He is an embarrassment to himself and I want nothing to do with his absolute arrogance. Let's be honest here: I am ashamed for him because he lacks the social grace to be ashamed for himself. I wouldn't mind being around in five years to see him react to some of his early videos, just to watch him turn purple in chagrin. Maybe someone can montage some of this footage to shove down his throat later on.

From his conversation with Mitch, I gather that he is still in high school and that he lives somewhere in the States, probably somewhere posh and pretty with a grand mansion and gold-plated sports cars. If he acted any more spoiled, I would be able to smell him from here. Preston is a relatively new YouTuber with two gaming channels that he is really, really passionate about, and he clearly plans on doing YouTube full-time after he finishes school. I'm happy for him and his overnight rise to fame, but he obviously let his new celebrity status get to his head. I hope for his sake that he becomes a YouTube sensation because, with an attitude like that, he would never be able to get a job in the real world. Hopefully someone will knock some sense into him and he will get a college degree if he doesn't make it on YouTube; he is going to need one hell of a resumé to make anyone see past that massive chip on his shoulder.

 'Now that's not fair. You have only known the guy for twenty minutes and you're already roasting him. Although it's more along the lines of running him over with your train of thoughts... Never mind. I have to catch up to these two if I want to have any sort of chance to redeem myself. This is still going up on YouTube with my name on it, even if I will only be in a few seconds of footage every now and then.' I mentally curse Mitch for choosing a parkour map because I know I am humiliating myself right now. Preston finished a while ago because he's some kind of parkour legend, and Mitch is getting close to the end of the map, too. But here I am, limping along like a peg-legged homeless man... Could this actually be any worse? Maybe if I can hit the button on my surge protector under the desk I can end this torture and get Mitch to throw out his footage. It would kill the Wi-Fi and I could evade the blame for my disconnection. It is Quebec, after all. I consider it for a second before I get a sudden streak of momentum luck and steamroll Mitch to the finish line.

 "Where did you come from?" He swivels his character's head to look at me before he slips into the void and gets teleported back to the previous checkpoint.

 "Just, know you... Canada." Mitch groans softly and retries the last stretch of the map while Preston snorts into his mic. He would be cute if he wasn't such an asshole.

 'Dude, he looks like he's about twelve. Off limits in so many ways.' I glance away from the Skype window on my second monitor and I laugh as Mitch rockets back into the void. After watching him grit his teeth and whine a few more times, I spin around to look at the rest of the map in the background. The parkour part has ended but the server's map creator had built a small version of the Alps in the distance, no doubt hollow and halved by a world border to save them some work. 'Wow, Debbie Downer on point today, eh?' I swivel to look back at Mitch and see Preston staring at me, his naked character's big black Creeper eyes staring into my virtual soul. Even though it isn't real and he probably isn't even looking at me, it still looks creepy as fuck. 'I guess that's why they call them 'Creepers,' Einstein.' I turn back to Mitch and snort at my mind's own joke.

 "So... Benja? Are you gonna finish the map this year?" Mitch stops moving to stare at Preston briefly before he continues jumping, the saltiness visible even in his skin's unmoving expression.

 "Do I look like I'm going to finish it anytime soon?"

 "No. I just thought I'd ask." Preston walks to the edge to the cliff and watches Mitch fall into the void again, laughing as his character rotates sideways and dies another horrible death down in the pit. "You know, you should speed it up if you wanna sleep tonight." Mitch's trademark bitchface makes another appearance in Skype and I laugh as I think of all of the edits he would get if he would post facecam videos more often. What a beauty!

 "Trust me, I'm trying. This map is just so... UGH!" he rages, smacking his desk with him palms as he respawns. "A couple more tries and I'm ending my own misery. Let's go... easy now..." We watch in anticipation as Mitch inches closer and closer to the finish line, slower than ever before. I shift and wait for him to get closer, his face scrunched up in concentration as he stares unblinking at the screen. He moves closer and closer, and his face breaks into a smartass grin as he gets four blocks from the end. Three, two, one... As he jumps from the last block to the final pressure plate, Preston and I both lunge forward and punch him down into the void. We watch as our little rendition of "The Lion King" plays out before our eyes: Mitch bellowing a dramatic "No!" as his character flies in an arc into the void before pitifully hitting the border and tilting over sideways.

 "And they said plebs don't fly," Preston remarks matter-of-factly, his face cracking into the first genuine smile all night.

 "Why?!? I expected it from Preston but... Rob! How could you do this to me?" Mitch is fake sobbing, punching the air as he stares at us from the last checkpoint.

 "I offered you a chance. I offered you love! And you soiled it!"

 "I couldn't just-"

 "Soiled it!" Mitch cracks a grin and Preston starts cackling in the background.

 "I can't-"

 "Soiled it!"

 "Jerome would-"

 "Soiled it, soiled it!" Mitch is having a hard time staying in character and Preston is actually laughing. Who knew that could happen? "Soiled it, soi-!"

 "ROB! I couldn't betray Jerome! We're never going to happen, so deal with it!" I gasp and shift, pointing my character's head down to the ground as I slowly walk away from them.

 "You... you are a bad man."

"The worst," Mitch clarifies as Preston continues giggling, his face hidden in his hands. It's oddly satisfying to see him lose his composure, even if it's just from a stupid Spongebob reference. "Well, ladies and gentlemen! That was a really awful attempt at Yeti Parkour on the Hypixel server. Check out the server and these guys' channels down below in the description. We hope you all enjoyed, and be sure to smack that like button with your forehead if you wanna see more... really bad parkour runs with MrWorkless and PrestonPlebz. And other than that, we'll catch you doods all later. Take care."

"Bye!"

 "See ya!" I hit the stop button on my recording and back it up to my external hard drive before I turn to the Skype monitor. I still doubt I will use it, but it is always better to be safe than sorry.

"You know, your subscribers are going to be searching for us with those names," I say, watching the look of amusement dissipate a bit from Preston's face.

 "I'll just link you both in the video description. I still have some time if you guys wanna record something else really quick, and I won't use trolly names. At the end."

 "I'm down."

 "Sure. What did you have in mind?"

 'Why do I do this to myself? Maybe I can actually use the next one.'

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December 9, 2010 at 9 PM, Fort Worth, TX: Preston

 "What the actual...!" I lunge behind the side of the house and crouch, hoping whoever's chasing me will find someone else to torment. I pause for a minute to rest, listening. I don't hear anything and I take a deep breath before peeking around the corner, hoping to find that I've escaped. Instead, the stupidest and most terrifying thing in the world is standing there, waiting for me.

"Hey there, friendo." I wasn't expecting it and I scream, horrified at myself as soon as my mouth opens. I flail pathetically for a couple of seconds before the screen flashes and the respawn button appears, and I can see my assassin already sprinting off after Mitch.

'That face... That freaking derp face! Why'd it have to be him?' The absurdity of Woofless's derp face just makes the whole thing even more embarrassing. I can see it happening in slow motion and I already know my reaction is gonna be the highlight of all three versions of this video. 'It's like getting scared of Barney the freaking purple dinosaur! He's just too freaking adorable! It's so stupid!' I silently rage at myself, my face in my hands as I hear Mitch's laughter turn into shrieks as Rob pursues him to his death. I respawn and run into the forest before the other two can spot me.

"GG, Mitchell. Any last words?" I crouch behind a tree and glance at the death counter, dreading Mitch's final death. This Rob guy has to have aim hacks or something because this is insane. You literally can't run or hide from him: every arrow's spot on and it sucks so much.

"Yeah. You'll never take me alive, sucker!" I watch Mitch leap from the top of the convenience store down the road, his character flashing red on impact before exploding. Now it's just me and the mass murderer and he has one more life than me and full health. If only Mitch and I hadn't gone extra try-hard on each other at the beginning of the game, we'd've been able to take Rob out, no problem. But this guy's crazy with a bow. "Now you're just hunting pleblets."

"I was always hunting pleblets," Rob replies evenly, carefully scaling back down the side of the ugly red building to avoid taking fall damage. He draws his bow as soon as he hits the ground and I feel a new wave of hatred for infinity enchantments as I see it glimmer in his derpy hands. Mitch respawns nearby and enters creative mode, throwing invisibility potions on himself and removing his armor. "Aw, no spooky boobs to be my eyes in the sky?"

"No boobs for you, period," Mitch retorts, his leather chest plate blinking out of existence above Rob.

"But-but what if I win?"

"Ask Preston. He might give you his famous moist bagels."

"I love bagels." My eyebrows shoot up and I know someone somewhere is gonna screenshot this and post it all over the internet. This's gonna be the next meme if I don't do something real quick.

"Now, you see, what kind of love are we talking about here? Are we talking about the give-'em-a-quick-rub kind of love, or spreading-the-cream-cheese kind of love?" This is getting real weird real quick but at least the pressure's off me for a second.

"Oh, we're talking about the creamiest of cheeses. Fresh churned, handmade, and organic." Rob has to be some kind of sadist or something. What do you even say to that?

"O-kay then. We don't need to hear about what you do on the weekends when you don't have a job, Robert." Thank God for Mitch's censorship. This could've ended really badly for me. The internet is such a strange, unforgiving place that I still might never live this down, but it could've been much worse.

"What? What are you talking about? Do you have something against organic cream cheese, Mitchell?" I wish I could see the smarmy look on his face right now after Mitch killed his lame innuendo.

"I ain't got no problem with your cream cheese, Rob. I just don't want to know where you get it from."

"It comes from the grocery store, man. Where did you think it came from? Do you think I AFK cows in the backyard or something?"

"Naw, he thought you were milking those udders, Rob," I chime in, watching Mitch look more and more like a cornered animal every second.

"What? No. No! I buy it at Metro at the deli. I just thought you might want to grab some fresh cream cheese for your late night snack sessions." Rob pauses for a second and Mitch looks like he's waiting for the punchline. "You're sick, man." His delivery is just too deadpan. This is amazing.

"Oh, yeah? You think that was good? Wait until Preston finds out!" Mitch yells, looking too satisfied with himself.

"Until I find out about what?"

"Turn around, Purrston." I freeze and slowly turn around to find those tiny, soulless derp eyes staring me down from less than a block away.

"Oh, hey."

"Hey!"

"Hey!" I'm dead and he knows it. He's just waiting for me to make the first move. If I run, he'll shoot me to death, so I have to stand and fight like a man. I scroll to my sword and get a few good hits in before he has a chance to react, and I watch in satisfaction as his stupid derp face disintegrates in front of me. Mitch and I laugh for what can only be a second before something starts hitting me from behind. "Oh God, you're like Slender!" I sprint behind a tree and spot him standing on the road, that freaking infinity bow shining in his hands.

"Whenever, wherever..."

"Please, no Shakira, Rob."

"O-okay." Even when he's making stupid jokes, his aim is spot-on. I watch in horror as he pings me around the edge of the tree, my hearts evaporating before my eyes. Why'd he have to get the only bow? I'm no pro but at least he wouldn't be able to slaughter Mitch and me like this. I went from half health to two hearts in seconds...

"Looking a little... prickly there, Preston," Mitch cackles as I try to reposition myself behind the tree for better protection from Rob's arrows.

"Of course, dude. I'm a cactus."

"I thought you were a lava mob." There's silence for a second, and I know somewhere out there Rob is slinking over to me to finish off my last two hearts of health.

"You're a pleb." I make a mad dash out of the forest and I'm only a couple blocks away from the store when the barrage starts in again. An arrow flies right past my head and I already know I won't make it.

"A one, a two, a three, ping!" Rob declares as the last arrow smacks me in the back of the head. My screen flashes red and the game's over. Mitch clearly isn't the Katniss he thinks he is. "GG, boys, GG."

"GG indeed."

"Yeah, GG." I can't deny that that was an awesome game, but I'm also pretty miffed that Rob was the only one who got a bow. At least I know where it's hidden on this map for next time.

"Well, that's gonna do it for this round of Angry Villager PVP! Check out these guys' channels and the map linked in the description below. We hope you all enjoyed, and make sure to slap that like button with your forehead for some more epic PVP battles with Preston and MrWoofless. And with that, we'll catch you doods all next time, and goodbye."

"Bye guys!"

"See ya!" I stop my recording and save it to my desktop to edit after we end the call. This was, by far, one of the most valuable and entertaining recording sessions I've had in a while. "Nice classic outro there."

"Yep. Well, that's a wrap, boys. I'm out. I'll message you tomorrow sometime after I get home. Sound good?" Mitch looks like he's about to pass out and I feel kinda bad for making him stay up so late. But a promise is a promise, right?

"Sounds great. Get some sleep, dood," Rob replies, drumming lightly on his desk and spinning his character around like a madman.

"Yeah, take it easy. We'll catch you later." Mitch nods as he yawns and he leaves the Skype call a second before he disappears from the server. Now it's just me and Rob standing here, silent and awkward.

"Good game?" he says, sounding unsure.

"Yeah, good game, man." There's another short pause and I can feel him studying me through my facecam.

"Sorry for interrupting your recording time with Mitch. We were going to do a PVP war with a couple other people, but he wanted to keep his promise with you. I would have left, too, but I won't have any time to work with him until after the holidays and I mentioned recording with him in a couple of my videos."

"Nah, man, it's cool."

"We're cool?"

"We're cool." Maybe this Rob guy isn't that big of a pain after all. I'm definitely stalking his channel tonight while my videos are rendering. I guess being stuck with him for an hour wasn't such a bad thing. "Catch ya later?"

"Yeah, sure. Just hit me up with a DM on YouTube. I'm always around." He sounds like he genuinely means it, and I might take him up on the offer.

"Alright, sounds good. 'Night!"

"Get some sleep. Mitch Time only works for Mitch."

"Trust me, I know. Thanks again." I exit the Skype call and disconnect from the server before reclining in my chair. I can finally relax now that I know no one's analyzing my every move on their computer monitor thousands of miles away or making edits of my facial expressions. It's so peaceful, but it's lonely, too. Who knew you could feel so crowded in a dark bedroom all by yourself?

'What an intense recording session. But it was fun. I had a good time. I never thought I'd say it because I hated his guts an hour ago, but I wouldn't mind doing it again. I wonder who this guy is?' I lean forward and open a browser window to start investigating the mysterious MrWoofless.

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Just a Quick Note: If you enjoy this story, please remember to LikeFavSub and drop a comment down below. Each chapter takes at least five hours to write and edit, and seeing that other people are enjoying it as much as I am motivates me to release new chapters on time. Thank you for giving this monstrosity a chance, and I hope to see you on the other side.

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