Once again this takes place in the fantasy world that almost everything else takes place in. Except, everyone is named after flowers and I attempted to make it a comedy because making sense is hard.

This was on Wattpad, but then I took it off. So we're using the Quotev summary.

I wrote this to get out of writers block (apparently it worked because I never got past chapter 3), so I wouldn't call it a masterpiece that I spent lots of time on. Despite that, this is a lot better than some of the other things in this book that I considered to be amazing at the time of writing them.

There aren't many warnings, but there are some occasional sex jokes, abusive parents, minor swearing. That's all for this one, I think.

Story is in 3rd person.

Enjoy!

Part 1

Legend states that anyone who kidnaps the Dragon Princess and takes her to their home, will get the honor of marrying her and ending the isolation of the fallen Dragon Kingdom.

Though, no one has managed to rescue the princess, as of now.

Perhaps that will change in today's story.

I miss these characters, but I have no idea why. They were literally created them as a joke for this sh*tpost story.

"Finally," The knight slipped off his horse, falling to the ground with a thud. "I... I made it. I made it to the Dragon Kingdom after a week of traveling across the land..." The knight gasped for breath.

For all we know, the land could be flat and Cosmos could have taken the easiest trail possible.

"Stop acting all tired, you lazy bum," The knight's horse opened her mouth to complain to her owner. "I did all the work. All you did was sit on my back and read a map."

She's not wrong.

"Well, I'm going to be the one to get to the princess-" He tried to ration with his animal, but was interrupted by his yellow steed.

"Not if I get there first!" The horse began to run towards the tower where the princess was said to kept in the legends. Though, the animal came to a sudden stop. "Oh, wait. I don't have apposable thumbs to climb this conveniently placed ladder that allows you to climb up the tower that may or may not have been ripped out of Rapunzel."

If Buttercup had opposable thumbs she would steal the princess for herself.

"And that is why I'm the protagonist and you aren't, Buttercup," The knight boosted, walking over to the ladder.

Cosmos? Having sass? Whaaaaaat?

"At least I'm not wearing a dorky helmet to hide the ugliness of my face," The horse insulted me as the boy began to climb the ladder.

Cosmos isn't ugly. He just thinks he is because that's what everyone told him.

"Oh shut up," Cosmos commanded, looking down at the ground where he left his steed. "We're not even 300 words in yet, and you're already making me wish I didn't bring you."

Fourth wall break.

"Whatever," The horse grumbled from the ground.

The knight, or so he was called himself, climbed the tower's ladder. He proceeded to climb up it until the window of the gray stone tower was within his sight.

Wait, don't you have to be knighted to be a knight? If Cosmos hasn't been knighted, then he's not a knight. You can't just call yourself a knight because your wearing the heavy armor.

"Err, uh, Miss Royal Majesty Princess," He awkward called out to the royal atop the tower. "I've come for you."

"You've come for me?" I heard a confused voice repeat what I said from the tower. "I've never had anyone cum for me before."

Haha funny joke. 😂

"Really?" The knight questioned in surprised. He didn't seem to get that there was a miscommunication going on between the two. "That's actually kinda surprised. I heard that your super popular amongst my kingdom."

"Your kingdom?" The Princess questioned, as the knight was slowly still climbing the ladder. "Are you perhaps a person of royalty as well?"

Zinnia doesn't assume gender.

"Oh, no," The knight hesitantly answered. "I'm just a commoner."

That's not as bad as it could be. He could have been the sacrifice.

"That's fine, I suppose," The Princess didn't might Cosmos' social status that much. "A hero is a hero no matter what origin."

Zinnia is really nice outside of her rough language.

"Wow..." The knight, at last, had reached the window of the tower. "You're... You're..."

"I'm what?!" She panicked, nervous by the suspense.

"You're beautiful," The knight told her, as his jaw dropped at her stunning and absolute perfection.

She is. 👌

"Oh, well I already knew that," She giggled, revealing that she was a bit self absorbed. "So, what the name of the brave and mysterious knight who took time out of their day to cum for me?"

Cosmos: You're beautiful.

Zinnia: I know. :)

"My names is Cosmos," The knight gave the princess his name. "And I'm a guy, so you can just he/him pronouns."

"Oh, alrighty, Cosmos!" She clasped her hands together in excitement. "It's kinda hard to tell your gender since you've a helmet on that covers your face and your wearing such thicc armor."

Imagine if these two were protagonists of a Danganronpa killing game.

"Oh, y-yeah," The hero blushed, before stepping close to the princess. "What's your name? Also, your at least 18, right?"

"My name is Zinnia." She put hand over her month in embarrassment. "And yes. I'm 19."

"Oh, alright, then," The knight learned that he was younger than the princess. "I'm still 18, but I guess it's not a weird age difference. Would you like me to escort you down to my obnoxious steed?"

The woman is older than the man? Beaty and the Yeast breaking stereotypes like no other.

"I HEARD THAT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Buttercup shouted from the ground.

This horse fucking swore in my shitpost story!

"I thought we weren't swearing in this story..." Cosmos sighed, before turned back to Zinnia.

This story would be complete with a funny narrator.

"Yep. Let's go see your ride." She teased, once again, Cosmos did not pick up on her dirty joke.

You know, Cosmos and Zinnia both ride Buttercup.

Zinnia grabbed the knight's hand, and he began carrying her down the ladder of her tower. Once they arrived at the bottom the two saddled up on Buttercup and headed back to Human Kingdom in order to fulfill the legend.

I headcanon that Cosmos is struggling to carry Zinnia because she's a dragon and dragons are canonically muscular and stronger, therefore dragons naturally weigh more than humans, even in their human form.

Part 2

Legend states that anyone who kidnaps the Dragon Princess and takes her to their home, will get the honor of marrying her and ending the isolation of the fallen Dragon Kingdom.

Until about ten minutes ago, no one had ever succeeded.

Now that our story's hero, Cosmos, has taken the Dragon Princess from her castle, can he safely return home with her? Or will he not safely return home with her?

I'm so funny.

"I don't remember us having to cross a giant desert to get to a huge snowy mountain," The knight told his not-so-noble steed, as they entered the lands of endless sand. "Are you sure we're going the right way, Buttercup?"

Cosmos is kinda stupid, but that's okay. I still love him.

"Nope," The horse replied, not really caring. "But I really couldn't care less whether you get home or not."

Ouch. 🤕

"Well..." The knight adjusted his gloves, before looking back to see Zinnia asleep on his shoulder. "I guess now wouldn't be a bad time to rest. We could stop a nearby town or something and maybe rest for the night."

"There are two main reasons your plan won't work," Buttercup huffed in annoyance. "One, we're in the middle of a fucking desert will nothing around us other than sand, AND it's the middle of the fucking day."

I sleep during the middle of the day. 🤷

"Mm," Cosmos let out an insecure mumble of how he failed to to notice such obvious things about their surroundings. "Well.... Um..." He frantically looked around with his eyes (he made sure to not move his head so he wouldn't wake Zinnia) in search of something he could use to advance the conversation.

"Heya!" Two horses with riders rode up to the knight and his company. "You two look kinda lost." The first rider said.

Because they are lost, even though Cosmos has a map that he forgot about for plot reasons.

"Wanna camp with us?" The second rider offered.

"Alright, Cosmos. Remember what they taught you in school about talking to strangers-" The horse was interrupted by her own rider.

"Sure," The main character agreed. "We'd love to camp out with you two."

In the words of Daniel Howell, "If a stranger offers you candy, there's probably more in his car."

"What the actual fuck, Cosmos," Buttercup turned to the knight and he got off his steed, with a sleeping Zinnia on his back.

"I didn't go to school, remember?!..." The knight leaned down to Buttercup's ear to explain himself. "Being an absolute disgrace to my kingdom and hometown mean I'm not allowed to attend public activities or do what all the other kids do. And when I do leave my house, I have to make sure my skin is completely covered."

Our boy lived a sheltered childhood and is of the belief that everyone (who doesn't know of his condition) is nice and has the best intentions for everything they do. 😔

"Ooh," The horse suddenly understood. "So that's why you where that dorky suite of armor. To hide your disgraceful ugliness. And you claim to be a knight so you don't get shunned and shit for being ugly-"

Buttercup should already know all of this, since I'm pretty she's know Cosmos for a while.

"Yeah..." The 'knight' shrugged off all the traumatic memories and thoughts that came from the mention of his appearance under the metal helmet. The reminder that he was a disgrace to his kingdom made his stomach twist and turn like a broken roller coaster. "Anyways, what are guys names? I'm Cosmos, this Zinnia, and the horse is Buttercup."

Cosmos face reveal when? 👀

"I'm Amaryllis, and this is my husband Basil," The second guy introduced the both of them. "We ran away from our home kingdoms so we could be together."

Two different species getting married looked down upon in this world, especially if it's obvious. (For example, Zinnia and Cosmos could both pass as humans since Zinnia has a human form, but Amaryllis and Basil could not since they both don't have a human forms.)

"Geez, I didn't know that the kingdoms were homophobic," Buttercup mutter in a confused manor.

"Huh, oh no," Basil corrected the horse. "We got exiled for the cross dating someone of a different species that isn't a human."

Dating a different species is only okay if it's a human, since humans can usually be changed into that species.

"Homophobia doesn't exist in this fictional world," Amaryllis interjected.

As always.

"Oh, okay," Cosmos was now curious of the backstory of these two new strangers. "What kingdoms are you from?"

"I'm from the Werewolf Kingdom and he's from the Vampire Kingdom," Amaryllis explained. "Those two are kingdoms are extremely strict about marrying outside of species, expect for humans since you just can just turn them."

So the species thing I said earlier AND the two kingdoms have a canon unexplainable rivalry between each other. Like Romeo and Juliet but speciesist and gay.

"Right, right," Cosmos nodded, considering sharing his story with the two lovers. "Well, it's getting dark. We should set up camp."

The f#%k?! I thought Buttercup said it was the middle of the day. Time doesn't happen that fast.

And so the three important characters stayed with the side characters for the night in the desert of endless sand.

If the sand is endless, how do they get out?

Part 3

Legend states that anyone who kidnaps the Dragon Princess and takes her to their home, will get the honor of marrying her and ending the isolation of the fallen Dragon Kingdom.

As you may have learned from the last chapter, our protagonist somehow managed to do this due to his status as protagonist.

Now, that he's got the girl what more does he need to be remembered in the pages of history? It's possible you may find out this chapter.

I'm sad that this is last time I have to read this dumb prophecy thingy. 😭 Why did I choose to fanfiction over this hilarious dumpster fire?

As stated previously, Cosmos and his company spent the night camping with the couple Amaryllis and Basil. Once morning came, the lovers gave the knight a map to his homeland of the Human Kingdom. After saying their farewells, the main trio took off for said Human Kingdom.

What's wrong with his first map that lead him to Zinnia's tower? Did he lose it?

"This trip is gonna be super awkward if we don't talk to each other, babe," Zinnia lightly nudged Cosmos, who was starring blank off into the distance. "Babe?... Did something happen while I was asleep yesterday?"

How Zinnia asleep for? This story has no concept of time just like I do.

"Give him a moment. He's probably having a flashback that's relevant to the plot." The horse said, breaking the forth wall.

Buttercup definitely has access to the script. 😂

~~Cosmos' Plot Driven Flashback~~

"The sun is getting in my eyes, Dad," A young Cosmos covered his face with his small hands.

Baby hands.

"Here, wear this sweetie," His mother pulled out a child sized hat for the young Cosmos. "I brought this just for you." The mother of the young boy had a delighted smile on her face.

A child sized hat? I though the sizes were small, medium, and large? I didn't know there was a child size.

"Dad, where are we going?" The little boy looked up to his father, unsure of why him and his parents were hiking up an odd trail.

"To ask the wizard atop the mountain for help, son," The man explained, glancing down at his belt where he kept his dagger.

They're going to see Hector?

"Okie dad," The boy didn't find it weird that his father was bringing a dagger with him to speak with the wizard. He was too young to pick up on such a detail.

It's like Abraham and Isaac—

The family of three continued to travel up the mountain to speak with the wizard. Once they arrived, Cosmos only looked around at all the bright and colorful potions, while the adults talked.

It was all a blur until Cosmos' father unsheathed his danger. At the time, Cosmos didn't understand why when his father drove the danger into the wizard a red liquid poured out. He just watched the life drain from the poor old man that his father had murdered.

I forgot that this kid witnesses his parents murdering a random wizard.

"Don't worry, dear," Cosmos' mother set a piece of red jewelry in her son's little hands. "If you hold onto this, we can get whatever we want. Whatever we need."

Manipulation of young children is not the answer to your problems. 😡

"Whatever we need?..." The boy starred into his mother's hazel eyes, unsure of what she meant. "What do we need?"

"Riches," His father chimed in as he cleaned his dagger. "Close your eyes and wish for great amounts of wealth amongst your beloved parents."

"Okay..." The boy did as his parents had told him too. He closed his eyes and held the jewelry piece tightly in his hands. "I wish for my parents had great amounts of wealth."

I doubt a child could say that sentence, but okay.

After he spoke, he felt himself twist and turn inside. Almost as if he were changing. Pain burned down his skin, as if someone had coated the child in acid. These were the effects of wishing on a cursed gemstone.

The boy was too young and too innocent to understand, but his parents knew. They knew the costs of using it. They knew a curse would placed upon the wisher. They knew and they used their only child to rise up in life.

So basically Cosmos is cursed because he used the cursed gemstone. His parents

And they also left the poor boy to die.

These parents are worse than that nurse from LGMDF. She was at least trying to help, but she was extremely unqualified. Cosmos' parents literally manipulated him to make their lives better and his worse.

•••

The boy managed to make his way down the mountain after many hours of wondering around alone. He was in a great amount of pain, starving, exhausted, but most of all, he was torn inside. He was torn over his parents leaving him.

I don't think I wrote Cosmos' character very well to reflect his abandonment issues after being abandoned by his own parents.

He felt his stomach rumble. His head began to throb. The rumbling in his stomach didn't stop. The throbbing in his head only worsen.

Why do I feel like I wasn't feeling very good when I wrote this line? 🤔

The boy went over to a nearby tree, curled up and just closed his eyes hoping something would happen to take all his pain away.

And something did happen.

Technically, you aren't supposed to begin sentences with 'and'. But when has proper grammar ever stood in my way?

A very kind person found the boy, and despite his looks, despite him having a horrible curse placed on him, the person took the boy in as their own.

This person was later known as Cosmos' adoptive parent, Orchid. Orchid raised Cosmos much better than the boy's birth parents ever would have.

Orchid is canonically non-binary. Also, I didn't know any other words for parent at the time so they're just called Cosmos' parent.

Unlike most people who encountered Cosmos, Orchid never thought of Cosmos as "ugly" or "scary". They only thought of him as hurt. In need of someone to be there for him.

So that was what Orchid did.

They watched Cosmos grow into a young man. They watched Cosmos leave the Human Kingdom to find the Dragon Princess. It was all in hopes for Cosmos to be treated like a normal, not cursed, human.

Okay, so basically Cosmos is hoping the fame of marrying a princess will make people treat him better because of his newfound status? Did I understand that right? Because it doesn't make a lot of sense. Or does getting married somehow break the curse like in a Disney movie or something?

~~End Of Cosmos' Plot Driven Flashback~~

"Babe, babe?" Zinnia began to lightly shake her future husband. "You okay, babe?"

I actually don't like the nickname babe. I think something more specific to the person would make sense. Like, she could call him her "beloved flower" since cosmos is a flower. Actually everyone is named after flowers and grass—

"Yeah, yeah..." Cosmos was finally brought back to reality. "I zoned out for little bit. Sorry."

Wait, all it took to end his flashback was a little shake?

"I was about get worried that you'd gotten tired of my company, already," Knowing that her hero was fine, the princess returned to her default state of flirtatious.

We'll never get tired of you, Zinnia. 😂

"Huh?" Cosmos, once again, did not understand what she meant. "Why would I be tired of you?"

I still it's really funny how Cosmos doesn't get her jokes.

And so, the trio continued on. While much didn't happen, at least you know how things in this weird story came to be. And now its known why Cosmos wanted to marry Zinnia.

The reader is canon.

Also, I know this was a sh*tpost I did to get back into writing, but where I was even going with the plot? Was it Cosmos married Zinnia to break the curse OR was it Cosmos marries her because she's a princess and doing so would make him important enough to be treated with respect in his mind? I honestly don't know or remember. 

The story I originally going to use for this part is 20+ chapters long, is very embarrassing to read, and is so long I have to separate them out in the Noted App. Also, there are side stories to main story that I want to do as well (maybe I'll separate them out and not include them with the main story) but it's taking a very long time. 

So expect a few shorter stories before the big one.