fuck.

the word conveys
so much,
the four letters haul
the weight

the moment it crossed my tongue
when i saw your text
and knew where our conversation was going
my stomach twists—
the pain arises
the old friend tugging at my sides
not again ringing through my head

how could you?

the thought creeps
as the words spill from
my mothers mouth
the news i never imagined
to hear
how am i supposed to face you?

fuck.

the sensation as if i am falling
even though i am driving
thankful for a mask
they dont see the tears

my grip on reality slips
what i know to be true is not
the painting further crumbles
the web of lies not spun myself
beginning to unwind

did i ever really know them?

no

and it was not worth it
to think i did