Harry and Hermione kept badgering me about what happened to me in those two weeks I went on my little trip.

"Just stuff," I muttered. I wasn't keen to tell them that I'd fucked a Death Eater.

"Well we nearly got eaten by a snake." Harry bragged.

"Good for you, did you find any Horcruxes?"

"No, but I broke my wand."

"Well then that was a pissing waste of time, wasn't it?" I sighed moodily, rolling my eyes.

"Ronnie, don't start." Hermione warned. "At least we're telling you what we got up to. Why are you being so secretive about your disappearance?"

"Because I don't remember any of it," I muttered, not wholly untruthful. "I got wasted."

"What, for the whole two weeks?!" Harry asked, his mouth dropping open incredulously.

"It was Christmas." I shrugged.

"Where did you sleep?"

"Around."

"Who did you see?"

"People."

Harry and Hermione exchanged withered looks. They knew they weren't going to get anything else out of me.

So they finally dropped it.

Hermione was extremely keen to go and visit Luna's dad.

"I didn't know you dug the long haired platinum blond look," I mumbled, my thoughts drifting to Draco and his dad.

"Not for a social visit, Ronnie," Hermione huffed, "for this!"

She held up her copy of that kids book Dumbledore had left her, jabbing her finger at some stupid symbol and looked at me as if I was supposed to understand what the fuck she was going on about.

"Oh, sure," I nodded. "That makes perfect sense."

To be honest, I was just keen to do anything by this point. The sitting around and doing fuck all had continued, but I was careful not to moan about it this time - I figured another two week drug and alcohol fuelled bender might just kill me.

Although I tried not to, I often wondered where Draco was and what he was doing. The humiliation I felt when I had once again declared my love for him only to be met with nothing but silence was too unbearable to think about.

So off we trotted to Devon.

It quickly became apparently clear where Luna got her looniness from within five seconds of being in this freak's company.

"What the fuck?" I mouthed to Harry when this dude started reading us kids stories and serving us gross looking tea.

Thankfully, the visit was cut short by Death Eaters. Whatever people say about them, at least their timing was impeccable.

Anyway, his house blew up because of some kind of fucking horn he had, but us being the golden trio, we managed to escape without consequence.

I wasn't sure if that trip had actually been worth a damn, but Harry seemed to think we'd learned something.

"Yeah, that Luna's dad is a fucking treacherous cunt!" I roared, as I angrily applied potion to my fresh wave of cuts and bruises.

"The Deathly Hallows!" He blustered on excitedly. "They exist! I have the cloak and I'm pretty sure the stone is in my Snitch - all I need to do is get the wand and then I'll be invincible!"

"Harry, I think we need to concentrate on the Horcruxes for now." Hermione interjected fearfully. "It's what Dumbledore wanted you to do."

"Screw Dumbledore," Harry muttered darkly. "He should of thought of that before going and dying on me."

"Harry, Snape killed him!" Hermione gasped, near to tears. "We must continue what he asked you to do!"

They both looked at me for my opinion but I just carried on dabbing at my fucked up face wondering if Draco would still fancy me.

And then we had fucking weeks of waiting around again whilst Harry had to make up his fucking mind if he wanted to chase Horcruxes or Hallows.

"If I destroy the Horcruxes, then I can defeat that scummy wizard who wants to kill shit loads of innocent people," he pondered, tapping his chin, deep in thought. "But, if I find the Elder Wand then I'll be the greatest wizard of all time... may even get Wand of the Month in that magazine Ginny reads - For Witches Eyes Only...."

I tried really hard not to yawn loudly in his stupid four eyed fucktard face.

As Harry agonised about choosing between world peace or a lifetime supply of blow jobs; I started pissing about with a radio.

I found a station called 'Potterwatch'. Of course it was called fucking Potterwatch. Personally I thought Weasleywatch sounded a lot better given the alliteration and all. But whatever.

I couldn't help but feel a tad smug when Fred or George featured on it.

"My brother," I said proudly, beaming across to Harry and Hermione.

"Yeah, but it's also Lee Jordan, Kingsley and Lupin. Hardly cutting edge stuff." Harry muttered.

"Shut up Harry, just because you're jealous that your family aren't on here." I snapped.

"I DON'T HAVE A FAMILY!" Harry bellowed. "THEY WERE ALL KILLED BY VOL-"

"Harry- NO!" Hermione cried. "THE TABOO!"

But the idiot blathered the fuck on anyway.

"-DEMORT."

It served the twat right when Hermione blew up his face.

These gits Harry had unwittingly summoned had no qualms about hitting girls, it turned out, as I was thrown to the ground and repeatedly punched and kicked to the point where my mouth was full of blood.

And they called me ginger.

But on the plus side, they decided to take us to 'the Malfoy's place'.

I was finally going to get a look at just how loaded Draco was.

*****