Because I'm just that pathetic

I kinda want to do this with a lot of people, but I feel the need for simplicity, so we're just going to do a nice alternate-universe-Mordred-and-Jeddy chat. Maybe we'll get an unexpected guest further in.

*yodels* Jeddyyyyy!

Jedediah Crayes: *comes stalking in with a glower to curdle milk* WHAT.

*summons Mordred and deposits him on a convenient chair*

Jedediah Crayes: *frigidly* I didn't notice you yelling for him.

Shush, that's because it's fun to yell for you. What's your age backwards?

Jedediah Crayes: Do you want it by the number of birthdays I've had or the number of years I've seen?

Someone's getting a little too much enjoyment out of his Leap Year birthday. Number of years, please. I don't feel like doing the math.

Jedediah Crayes: *haughty sniff* 96.

Mordred: What an odd question. 34.

Jedediah Crayes: *prowls around looking for a chair, jerks one out and sits down with the legs tilted back* You can thank the sadistic anonymous creator of this tag for that.

Surgeries?

Jedediah Crayes: I'm sorry, I don't just let people cut me open. Prefer to do the thing myself, thank you very much.

Okay then, Doctor Crayes, tell us about your self-performed surgeries.

Jedediah Crayes: Cutting bullets out, mostly.

Mordred: I was taken to the doctor once for a screw in my foot. Does that count?

Quite as much as Jeddy's bullet removals count. Tattoos?

Jedediah Crayes: *with relish* Temporary ones on many, many occasions.

Mordred: No, but Lethira's brother got one in graduate school and his father threatened to disown him.

Jedediah Crayes: One time I bought a whole passel and covered myself in them, and came into college class the next morning with a clip-on earring. The looks were priceless. *to Mordred* Did he?

Mordred: *distracted, grinning softly at Jedediah Crayes' story* Did he what?

Jedediah Crayes: *irritably* Disown him.

Mordred: No, he died.

Jedediah Crayes: That would do it. Foul play? Or did he simply keel over from outraged apoplexy?

Mordred: *shaking head in amusement* It wasn't related to Murdoch.

A-hem! Sorry to cut the cackle short, but: Ever hit a deer?

Jedediah Crayes: Dead through the eye. Or the heart, if I'm feeling lazy. *feigns comprehension* Oh, you mean colliding vehemently with those abominations of nature by way of a car?

Mordred: I wonder how many cars they've sent to the scrap yard for you.

Jedediah Crayes: *sourly* Two too many.

Mordred: I've hit... let me see... seven? At least, if you count the time I was distracted and bumped into one gently at about five miles per hour. Poor thing took off in a heartbeat, so I think it must have been all right.

Jedediah Crayes: *with the air of one prepared for something painful* What, precisely, were you so distracted by as to be cruising down the road at five miles an hour?

Mordred: The sunset. And seeing Lethira at home, and Lethira's hair and how it would match the sunset. I think.

Derek: *saunters in, hears the last bit, pauses* What did I just walk in on?

It's a tag. You can join if you want.

Derek: Oh yes. One of those shady-internet-quiz-but-not things. *eyes Jedediah Crayes* Well, I guess I'll stick around until things get too unbearable. And as long as I don't have to respond to any lovey-dovey stuff.

Jedediah Crayes: *steams* Oh, he gets to opt out of the romance questions, eh?

Actually, there aren't any romantic questions in this one. Y'all can chill. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?

Derek: *grins* The time I fell off the roof.

Mordred: *shakes head with half-hidden smile* You wouldn't know except that I told you afterwards.

Derek: If I think hard enough, I can fabricate a couple thrilling recollections. (Please tell me we went through a red light?)

Mordred: *still shaking head* I've told you a dozen times, my boy, I don't remember.

Jedediah Crayes: I've been in a few here and there. Not as the injured party, of course. Coerath tried to get me in one once after a particularly nasty shootout and I wouldn't stand for it.

Mordred: *straightfaced* The question is, could you stand at all?

Jedediah Crayes: *glowers and waves hand dismissively* I drove my own self to the hospital, thank you very much. Told Coerath that he could eat his grandmother's toenails before he saw me in one of those vehicles like a doddering comatose ninny.

Derek: *under breath* You told... Coerath...

Ever ice skated?

Jedediah Crayes: *affronted* Of course.

Mordred: Not for a long time.

Derek: No.

Okay then. Ridden a motorcycle?

Jedediah Crayes: *still more affronted* OF COURSE!

Mordred: No.

Derek: A friend's, once or twice. I've thought about getting one but Mom is hyper-paranoid about it.

Breezing right along, we are. Stayed in a hospital?

Derek: *snorts* I think the answer to that is obvious.

Mordred: Sometimes as the patient, more often as the parent.

Jedediah Crayes: Yet another reason not to have brats.

Mordred: *thoughtfully* Was there a time when you stayed with--

Jedediah Crayes: I DON'T KNOW WHAT NONSENSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO SPOUT BUT I AM HERE TO DISPATCH WITH THE NOTION PROMPTLY

Derek: *rolls eyes in background*

Mordred: I was merely thinking of a time you stayed with me in the hospital -- not that that has anything to do with anything.

Jedediah Crayes: *savagely* Of course it doesn't.

Derek: *under breath* Especially nothing to do with parents.

Jedediah Crayes: *eye twitches*

*loud cough to keep Derek from causing any explosions* The denial is particularly strong with this one today. Last cellphone call?

Jedediah Crayes: Finath. He knows how to use technology. Unlike some people I could mention.

Dude, Berethar isn't even here right now.

Jedediah Crayes: *darkly* I'm just saying.

Mordred: *digging around for phone* Where -- I thought I had it --

Derek: *flipping own phone out* Too bad we don't have Douglas here, he'd be able to remember who you'd last called without even finding the phone. Where in Legea are all these notifications from?

Jedediah Crayes: *to Mordred* Where did you last have it, you little idiot?

Derek: Who added me to a group text with Douglas, Finley, Elaina, and Maira?

Mordred: *distractedly* It's a family chat thing or something. Your mother's idea.

Derek: That's all very well, but Maira and Douglas are flooding it with who-knows-what. Goggly-eyed emojis, "LOL"s and "HAHA"s with varying assortments of capital letters, a moving animal--

Jedediah Crayes: *leaning over* That's a gif.

Derek: Some days I rethink my decision to buy a new phone. All right, last call: William. Of course. Had to congratulate him on his birthday and drag up the boot.

Since it looks like Mordred is phone-less, we'll be moving on. Last text from:

Derek: This group thing, of course.

Jedediah Crayes: Looks like it was the Duke of Hurelfilst. Wants me to know that he "appreciates" my "imaginative representation" of him last time I was in the area. *snorts* That man may look like skim milk and broom bristles, but he has a sense of humor.

Have you ever watched someone die?

Mordred: Yes.

Jedediah Crayes: *squashes whatever flippant remark he was going to make*

Derek: No.

Jedediah Crayes: *irritably* Stupid question.

I'm skipping the next one for reasons that are my own (a.k.a. I don't know the difference between Coke and Pepsi) Favorite pie?

Derek: *with a "duh" expression* Apple.

Jedediah Crayes: Any pie made by a good cook.

Mordred: I don't think I could decide.There's Lethira's venison pie, and her chocolate pudding pie, and her lemon meringue pie, and...

Skipping the next two. Ever received a ticket?

Jedediah Crayes: Bah.

Derek: I was practicing fast maneuvers on a country road and the cop thought I was drunk. I set him straight, but he still gave me a ticket.

Jedediah Crayes: *grumbles* It's not like I mind parting with the money. Bothersome stuff, cash. All too happy to be rid of it. But the audacity of these people to stop me when I'm in a hurry -- the least they could do is trace my license plate and bother me about it afterwards. And the harangues I get from Coerath!

Mordred: I parked in the wrong place once.

Favorite color? And this one is only for Derek, since we all know, Jeddy, that your and Mordred's favorite colors combined make a bruise.

Derek: Isn't that, like, a girl thing or something?

No, boys can have favorite colors too.

Derek: Well then, Douglas probably does but I sure don't.

Okay, next: Sunrise or sunset?

Mordred: *blinks* Both.

Derek: Sunrise means there's plenty of room left in the day.

Jedediah Crayes: They mean aesthetic pleasure, you idiot.

Derek: I'm not an idiot. I said what I like about sunrise and it happens to be the main thing of interest to me.

Jedediah Crayes: Well, I pick neither.

*silence from me*

Jedediah Crayes: Stupid question.

*reiterated silence*

Jedediah Crayes: *snappishly* Sunrise. All right. You happy?

Last one. Ocean or mountains?

Derek: Why not both?

Mordred: Mountains.

Jedediah Crayes: But you only say that because you've barely ever seen the ocean. The ocean is a nuisance. Mountains. Now I'm out of here. *barrels for the exit*

I tag everyone who wants to do this, and you can do it with either your characters or, you know, you.