Friends You Trusted Can Be A Stabber/Unknown People Can Be Bitches And Bullies

Life right now is difficult. Depressing. Hard. Emotional. All I'm trying to do is spend some time with my partner before they have to move. But my friends that I have been with since a young age; most of them don't like it. Don't like me. For what?? For supposedly choosing him over them. Like I could ever do that. "You may not think that, but your actions sure do prove it." Is what she said.

I could never abandon my friends for my partner. What they don't know is that, everything is secured in my heart. My care for them. My love for them. I may be shy to show it, but I have it with me. If I hadn't cared for them, I wouldn't be looking at them. I wouldn't be talking with them. I wouldn't be sitting with them.

What more do they want from me?

Sometimes they may not know, but, the way they speak at times hurts. The way their tone is. The tone of annoyed, and anger. It hurts. Yet, I always tend to shove it onto my back. With more stuff to hold onto mentally. I wanna tell them how I truely feel, but, I'm afraid to face the words. Face the anger. Face their furious emotions and hurtful words. I still love them at heart. But, it hurts too.

I know that they care. But it feels like so little care. Like, here and there is the care that they show. But most, it's anger and frustration. As if they don't mean to take it out on me. I get that they have a hard life as well; I quite understand the difficulties that they may have. But, I don't like when things like that, make them wanna take it out upon others.

It's like, should I not talk with them anymore? Should I not face them anymore? Look at them? It makes me afraid. It makes me think. Like, what if they don't like me anymore? What if they are talking behind my back? And if they are talking behind my back; what is it that they are talking about?

I guess life isn't fair. Life is just some simulation where you either learn from your mistakes, or continue to make those same mistakes over and over until you finally realize what you've been doing wrong. Or regret things you've done, and wish you can change what you haven't or have done.

School, well, it's not a good place for kids in my opinion. It's a drain. It's exhausting. It can mentally drain kids. It can physically hurt children in many ways. Especially kids whom think that they own the place. Those kids who think that, only hurt the innocent whom never do any harm to others, or try to keep to themselves, minding their own business.

Yet, that happened to me. Once in sixth grade. I was absolutely nice. I loved my teachers. At that time, I was teachers pet to half of the school. But I didn't know better. I listened to the teachers, while most either listened or never payed any mind to the rules. One time, one of my favorite teachers asked of me one thing. "Can you please inform me if anyone misbehaved or did something they weren't supposed to do."

Yet, I did as she asked. I quite liked helping her. As I would call out a few students because they had done wrong. But soon, the same students started to get annoyed after I would call on them to the teacher. They grew so annoyed to the point they started to talk amongst one another. Talking badly behind me.

Then one day they starting to confront me with what they were talking about. Saying how much of a flat ass I have. The clothing I wear. How my body looked. How horrible of a person I am. It lasted the whole year. But when I started to stop informing teachers of the children who do wrong. That one day, in pe, I gave up. One of the girls came up to me yelling at me. "Why did you tell on me! Im going to beat the fuck out of you!"

And when I was trying to tell them it wasn't me. And how I told them I wasn't telling anymore. They didn't wanna believe it. They just wanted to keep running their mouth trying to have the last words. So I let them have the last words. If I hadn't have let them, they would've beaten me. And so, the next few years, I kept quiet. I never spoke a word. I never told on anyone, even though the teacher asked whom had did something wrong that one day. It was hard not too, but, I had to learn.

But now, in the grade level I'm in. I'm not as popular. I keep to myself still. And I finally found myself a partner! He is the love of my life. I care so much about him. He is something I can never let go of. Yet, I've found out that he has been bullied since he was a kid, for how he is.

I didn't like the fact that he was getting bullied, so I try my best to help the best I can. But soon, one day, he informs me of the group of girls that mess with him. That they had told him "fuck you and fuck your little girlfriend!" He told me that those girls who told him that are in my p.e. Yet they are lower class. While I'm the only one in that pe who is a higher class. But after he told me about them, they decided to do the same they had did to my partner.

Was, bully me. What have I done to them?? Nothing. I don't even know who these girls are. They are only known to me as the bullies. So, we had to get dressed out for pe, and this was the first day of dressing out. And so, as I had walked out, being the first one dressed. My gym clothing was a bit baggy, because I'd like for the guys to not look at me if they had any guys walk in the gym.

But as I was walking, I had my head down, watching the floor as I walked. Reason being, is, I have really bad social anxiety, and anxiety in general. And when having bad anxiety, it becomes hard to breath, and my heart rate increases. But, when I walked out, dressed first, I heard laughing. And so when I looked up, I saw the group of girls he was talking about, laughing at me.

With their wide grins and smiles upon their faces. I soon realized they were laughing at the way I was dressed. But after thinking about it now, I could've said much worse to them. But after I realized, I grew emotional. As I sat down on the gym floor, I cried. My anxiety grew so bad, I cried.

Once I heard two girls walk closer to me. I had to hurry up and wipe the tears away. But it was too late, because they had asked if I was alright. But I said, oh I'm fine. But, they were convinced I wasn't. And so I had to inform them what happened. They were nice people. But at times I feel as though they aren't.

The next day, they started doing more. I would go to play volleyball with the nice people, but soon the bully group joined and were across the net. I stood in slight fear of what they may be thinking. But I tried to ignore it. I would have a tendency to stand in a weird and awkward position, holding my hands to ready myself for the ball. But soon, I realize they mimicked my stance. And when I noticed, they would slowly pretend they didn't do anything.

But before they pretended, I heard them say "oh she is scared of the ball" as they would laugh. But as I moved my hands to the sides of my hips to see what they would say. They said "oh, she isn't scared of the ball anymore." And at that point, I decided to stop playing and walk away. Because I didn't wanna face anymore of their harshness towards me.

But now that I have handled the situation with the principle. They have kind of dimmed down. But what I'm thinking, is that they only are stopping for a bit. Because, they still give me looks, and talk behind my back now.

There is much more to discuss about what is going on in life, but my hands are hurting from typing too much..so..I'll end it here..I'll even be surprised if you read throughly, through this whole part of my vent.