I think...I'm really broken, I think i'm a monster...i know I am...I'm so fucked up....maybe that's why everyone always leaves... what kind of a normal person rips themselves apart bit by bit? Because that's i what I fucking do...I ruin things all the time....it's always my fault...and she never wanted me...she would've preferred I died not him...i'd probably be better of that way...

But i'm still here...i've got a reason now...I have Logan and Patt...i'm scared they'll leave though, I'm scared I'll fuck that up too...I have so many times..or people have just left...and I miss them, I miss the conversations and the giant hugs...I miss love...I know I don't deserve it..but I want it.

I miss the past...