Tuesday. 23/06/19. 6:53pm.

Hey  I was wondering...why don't you talk to me anymore?...did I do something..i probably did..I mean I fuck up everything right. But I'm wondering because I loved you...a lot..once, not anymore...I have Logan and Patton now. You don't know them...you'd like them tho..they're beautiful. but your still my George..I'm still your Fred, I know you're going through hell right now...I never wanted that for you..but is that really a excuse to not look me in the fucking eye?! 

but I was there by your side as soon as I could be...I've tried to be loyal and caring...I fucking tried.... I know your a step above me...BUT WHY AM I NEVER FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?! You're eyes are so beautiful y'know...like two beautiful clear blue pools that sparkle... I used to love looking into they made me feel okay...loved..not worthless. 

Y'know I saw you today...I know it's creepy...but I still look after you from a distance..After you hugged that girl who I was walking to class with...you seemed to like her...I asked how you were, I need to do that now because you never answer my texts...I know you see them..why don't you answer?...but she said you were doing okay..I'm glad...I want you to be happy. that's all I want for you now... sometimes I worry, you seem much colder, dead...the sparkle is gone..I miss it. I'm praying to whatever the fuck will listen that you'll be okay...I doubt they'll listen to a fucked up monster like me...but it's worth a try...right...?

I don't know what happened really you came to me...no one had ever done that before...and then suddenly you loved me..  you were there for me...we were inseparable, I never wanted it to end..the next minute everything changed and  you ditched me...for people who hated you and didn't care and I felt betrayed and cold and alone...I still do... and I wanna blame someone anybody anything...but I know i'm to blame...I didn't try hard enough...I didn't adapt...I'm sorry...I miss you Alex