Love :

My love life is inexistent.
When I was 8 I liked this blond, blue eyed boy and so did every girl in my class, but now I realise that I only said I liked him because I wanted to fit in with the crowd.
From there on, I kept faking my vrushes so the girls wouldn't bug me about who I liked, even though the things I told them were lies.

I told them I liked Rafael, a brunet guy.
They set us up on a date behimd the school, without us knowing about it, and I waited. He showed up, looked at me and shouted: "I already said I didn't like you! Leave me alone fucker!" and walked away.
It crushed my pride.

Age 11, there was this boy in my class, his name was Mateus, and we shared a lot in common. He even taught me how to draw. We had a connection. But none of us had the courage to tell each other what we felt.
Then, one day, after one year, my friend made me call him as a dare and tell him I liked him. I was stupid, so I did.
He answered : "I like you too" and my heart sped up.
Little did I know that he wouldn't talk to me for two days and break up with me on the third.
It made me think I wasn't good enough and it still does. Specially because he moved schools and never gave me a reason.
It crushed my self esteem.

And then, I met you.
You, with your bright blue eyes and sandy hair and warm hugs. You made me fall in love with you. My heart skiped a beat everytime I saw you. It still does.
And then I screwed things up.
I confessed stupidly and you said no and I wanted to forget it.

I wanted to forget you, but I couldn't.
I still can't.

You built my confidence, self esteem and pride up bit by bit. You taught me to hug and feel and I confided in you.
I still do.

I know you're straight and that it's never going to happen, but whoever ends up with you is a lucky pall.

You help me with all of my problems and for that I'm thankful, but there's something inside of me that makes me drawn to you. Idk why.

My love life might be inexistent, but if I had to choose between you, my friend , and a buffon, I'd choose you in the blink of an eye.

I'm sorry.