(Vent, cussing, sorry) today started out so great, then i had to be reminded that im a disappointment by my mother. I swear, im just gonna start drama or something until things calm down at my mothers. She wonders why I'm struggling in math and stuff, then wonders why i don't acept help from her and why im defying her every order.I don't fucking know, maybe it's because im not a robot? Maybe it's because I hate myself enough? Maybe it's becaus eyou dont allow me to gtoew as a person? Myabe, it's because of the lack of trust? SHoulldn't mother and child be close? because if so, then thats what my mother and I aren't. I was closer to my goddamn father and he ended up with a negligence case against hiim. It also says something when I'm terrified of being in the same room as my mother for longer than 20 minutes, and that she doesn't respect my fucking boundaries. Honestly, I just need a parental figure in my lfie. bieng in the fosyer system was one of the better things to happen to me since 2019. I swear, my mother treats me as though im stupid, and she KNOWS im not. SHe thinks i cant take care of myself, yet she knows I quite literally did for a few years.Anyways, some reasons as to why imma call CPS or start drama or something: A week after moving in with my mom and grandmom (same one who ran over 2 cats) I was cussed out, called a bitch, a twat, and a whore, and other things (i dont remember the other words) and like- a month after moving in, I was nearly kicked out over something small. walking on rocks in the early morning without shoes is something i dont recommend either. We also can't forget that as of recently no one listens to me about what im uncomfortable with, so not only am i constantly deadnamed, but misgendered and am constantly hearing some shitty things about my dad and the people i was fostered with. Like-??? Id rather be back with the foster people than you assholes. (continuing in another comment)like- they may have tried to force me to go to chruch, and I was uncomfortable, but it wasn't trying to kick me out of the one place i felt as though i could trust. MAYBE i should see a therapist and convince the people iu live with to get me a therapy dog for my worseingin depression, but i know that'll never happen. They don't care about my mental health.Also, real fucking mature to cuss out a kid who was barely a teen, especially one stressed out with the sudden environment change. Honestly, im sick and tired of it. I don't want to be in the same house as my mother anymoer, yet i cant run away because that'll send me into a fucking mental hospital. I'll just wait until i can get kicked out again, maybe my life will get better from there when my life almost goes back to how it was. Being alone is how i deal with comforting myself, yet no one respects it. They expect me to respect them when they've never showed me respect. Something thats even worse- my NEIGHBOR did more for me, and more with me, than my mother ever has. Only in like- 2 months too. But seriously, these people don;t care about my mental health. I have brought up the possibiolity of me having something else, and yet they've just pushed it aside. It's not just my mental health either. The only thing my mom cares about is my hygene, other than that i could have bad knees for over a year and she wouldn't care, she would put it off until almost 2 years have passed. I could have a bad tooth for a long tome, and she wouldn't even take me to the dentist, heck- i don't even get checkups by the doctors, and i haven't seen an optometrist ONCE since i was a little kid. My mother says she'll do so much for me, yet she never does. She's just a goddamn liar, and each itme i find out its a lie, she always tries to redeem herself. I swear, im going to bring up going to a therapist at the very leasr. One that i can tlak to on my own without her watching my every move.
i desperately need a therapist, especially when random people online actuallu hekp me more than my mother or grandparents do. (also grandparents are racist and homophobic. I've heard them use racial slurs which isn't that great)