626 words☆

im so tired. why does it feel like everyone has it better off? i know its not but everyones got barely any problems

sorry
that was insensitive

you know what. im so tired of being the therapist friend. does nobody care about me or something?

my 'fg' did a google form quiz and i got picked for therapist and mom of the group. is that all they see? like sure, i get it, but is that all you see me as? not as a friend or anything just a parent.

whats up with my friend group? they split up and left me with like 3 people and always run away when i try to talk to them. all bc they wanted to get rid of someone? why didnt they inv me though? once i went over and hung out but they didnt even talk to me. hello? im a person too, as numb as i am.

one of my friends in the fg asked why i dont hang out with them. um. idk???what do you fucking think. also 2 of the people there used to like me. one of them hates me so much. i dont even know what i did wrong.

damn i wish writing came as easy as this.

i feel so downgraded these days too. im helping out a lot at home and whenever i dont bother doing one single thing im considered lazy.

well, im tired, believe it or not.

i also got into a language festival at school recently. i thought i didnt have a choice so i did it but i got in. i dont even know the song properly. and then all of a sudden when its being announced i can drop out if id like to?? HELLO. I HAD TO FUCKING PERFORM IN FRONT OF MY ENTIRE YEAR. TWICE. ALL FOR YOU TO TELL ME I COULD HAVE DROPPED OUT. WHY?

these days i feel so numb. i can barely cry. i cant feel happy for a long time. ive been flitting through friend groups. im getting 6 hours of sleep a night. 1 person has noticed so far. nothing else.

i just want a fucking break. is that too hard to ask for?

one week till the next of school! i cant wait.

but this weekend i need to socialise (a lot) and practice the festival. yep. i didnt drop out. be proud. i feel like such a failure already though.

oh my gosh i need to stop venting. my life is perfectly fine compared to others.

i cant do this anymore.

my parents keep on arguing as well. and im js stuck in the middle. idrc who im spending my time with (divorced parents' kids unite) but dont take it out on us and dont expect me to be your messenger. just talk to each other like the fucking adults you are.

i really want a best friend. its not like i dont appreciate my friends but ive lost so many friends over this past year and i js need someone who will stick.

ive lost 5 best friends this year. i guess i feel shit? idk. i dont really feel anymore.

look at me, being such a pickme🤑🤑

'just vent to others.'

its hard.

i think ive written too much. 555 words so far.

ive been really depressed these days. i think im in my depression era pt.4!

its scary how i can joke about this.

ah well. its not as bad as when i was 8.

someone vent to me i need to get away from my thoughts for a bit.

i love you so much alr? take care of yourself <3
sending virtual hugs!

bye bye 💓