We've never done anything for my birthday that I WANTED to do. 

It was always ' pool party at grandma's!' I could do that any day. and it was always the same people (family). The only difference was we'd order pizza or stromboli. 

The only time we went somewhere different, I was 7 and we went mini-golfing. I didn't want to go, and I cried the entire time there. I still have the pink golf-ball from when we went. 

I would constantly ask to go to build a bear or chuck e cheese for my birthday my entire childhood, and we just. didn't do anything. 

I wasn't allowed to have friends over for my party until one year, and I stopped talking to the dude after that bc of covid.

I tried to ask my mom last year to have my friends over because I had a stable friend group, and she shut me down immediately. 

This year, I want to ask my mom to let me throw a party. (I'll be turning 15!) but, I know she'll say no. 

It'll be another party at grandma's most likely, and I'll be 'happy!' as my brother and cousin swim, and I sit on my phone because I wanted to have my friends over because I thought it'd be fun. 

It's not like I never get to have 'my day' for my birthday ever. 

The only times I felt appreciated on my birthday, was a birthday breakfast at a place I chose, and my birthday dinner with my dad's side, both times. (I didn't choose the place for the birthday dinner but at least I was actually given a choice to go or not.)

I'm still pissed at my family for disregarding every choice I make for my birthday. I'm seriously thinking that on the day they plan to do the party for my birthday, to just go to the local basement field, and chill there for the entire time, until my mom finally figures out where I am, and asks me why I'm doing this.

And I'll tell her, straight up. 'Every year I never get a choice for my birthday. And I didn't want this, this year. I never have. So why spend my time doing something I don't want to do, and do something I do.'

I'll either go there, or go to a friend's house, and chill there until my mom tries to CALL me, and not text.