TIME FOR WAR

(deleted flashback)

Octavian wasn't sure why he was in the kitchen of the HQ at three AM. Insomnia wasn't something foreign to Octavian - ever since Thanos' invasion, he hadn't had a full nights sleep. Recently, it had gotten worse, and he couldn't pinpoint why. All he knew was that sitting in the kitchen, feeling the cool stone against his bare feet, the air chilling his exposed arms, reminded him he was living the nightmare. 

He wasn't sure if he liked the feeling. 

This night, this night was different. By the time Octavian had stumbled down to the kitchen, someone was already there. And they were sat in his spot. 

Groggily, Octavian spoke up. "You're sat in my spot." 

The person turned their attention to him. In the poor light he could barely make out the features of Tony's face, his bags darker than usual and face solemn. The man was thirty years old, but in that moment, he looked as though he was hundreds of years old. Even looking like shit, he managed to deliver a witty remark. "I didn't realise this seat was reserved." 

Octavian just shook his head, a yawn possessing his body. His muscles ached, his head begging him to go back to bed. He knew the moment he closed his eyes he'd be haunted by the things he'd witnessed, the things he's done. It wasn't a calming sight when you were trying to fall into the land of desire. 

He shuffled across the room, clumsily climbing onto the chair next to Tony. He rested his head on his folded arms, looking up at the man with questioning eyes. Tony sighed, his hands reaching for a bottle of whiskey by his side. Silently, he poured it into a glass, swilling it around, staring into the contents. 

"Why are you up?" Octavian inquired, eyes still focused on the man. He couldn't stop drinking his features in - he hoped he looked as good as Tony Stark did, even in bad lighting. 

Tony let out another sigh, putting the glass on the table. "You know, when I came down here at three AM, I wasn't really looking for a conversation." 

Octavian hummed in understanding, letting his eyes drift closed. He knew it was fruitless; he knew he wouldn't be able to enjoy the kitchen as he normally did when he was alone, he might as well try to get some sleep. Maybe he just needed to start sleeping in the kitchen instead. 

"Am I really that boring?" Even with his eyes closed Octavian knew that Tony would be smirking. After his sister spending so much time with the man, he felt as though he knew the billionaire like the back of his hand. 

Octavian forced his eyes open, smiling gently at the man. "Quite the opposite." 

Tony chuckled, bringing the drink to his lips. "I'm honoured." 

Octavian couldn't help the smile growing. He had always felt as though Tony was only speaking to him because he was friends with his sister, or because he was just there when Messalina was. But Messalina wasn't there and he hadn't mentioned her once. A thought occurred to Octavian that he once believed to be irrational: Tony Stark saw him as a friend too. 

The drink was done in a gulp. Octavian merely watched as Tony reached for the bottle again, filling the glass and repeating the action. He wanted to say something, to try and lure him back to bed. Tony wouldn't go easily, and Octavian knew he needed let him be. It was his coping mechanism, as unhealthy as it was. 

"Is everything okay?" Octavian asked. His voice was so quiet even the air had to strain to hear it. 

Tony looked at him from the corner of his eye. "That's vague." 

"Someone who was okay wouldn't be drinking bourbon at three AM in a kitchen that kind of stinks of mouldy food."

"It's whiskey." 

Octavian resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He reached out for Tony, grabbing his hand tightly. Tony's eyes fell to Octavian's hand on his own, then back to the boy. "You know you can tell me anything." 

"I think this is the whiskey talking but if you were about five years older, I'd kiss you right now." Tony laughed, tossing his drink back. 

Octavian froze. His words couldn't form, and he felt as though he could no longer function. He felt as though he must have misheard the man, that he must have said something else entirely. His heart hammered in his chest. Sweat gathered on his palms. 

They were just friends, right? 

Swallowing thickly, he spoke. "What's holding you back now?" 

It was like he was watching everything happen outside of his body. He could barely hear his own words over his thundering heartbeat, his chest heaving up and down rapidly. He no longer felt tired, his nerves sparking and alive. 

He was waiting. 

Tony stopped in his tracks. He turned his gaze to Octavian, staring at him. His gaze lingered on his eyes, moving slowly down to Octavian's lips. "Are you serious?" 

Octavian chewed on his lip. He could feel his bravery ebbing away. His mind pleaded with him to stop now, to walk away and never think of this again. He couldn't forgive himself if he did - his heart was screaming at him to grab a hold of Tony's face and memorise every inch of his body. 

In an act of impulsiveness, he listened to his heart. 

Tony leaned forward, eyes fluttering closed. Octavian matched the action, closing the distance between them. Their lips met - there were no fireworks, or sparks. It was just a fluttering in his heart that exploded into a full blown storm, increasing with each movement of his lips on his own. 

Octavian's thoughts were running wild. This felt so different when he kissed a girl for a dare, when he made out with a female member of Libertas a few weeks ago. That had all felt like acting, a mere pretence. None of those made his body quake as much as his connection to Tony did. 

Octavian was shocked at how soft Tony's lips were. It was a pleasant surprise, making him melt even further into the kiss. He lifted his hand to cradle Tony's face, his fingers brushing the stubble of Tony's jawline. 

This felt right. 

He was absorbed in the moment, his body acting without consulting his brain. The pair of them moved in synchrony, their lips performing a flawless melody. 

Tony's hands trailed down Octavian's back, tugging at the bottom of his shirt. Octavian pulled a hand away from Tony's face, moving Tony's wandering hand under his top, allowing him to trace the muscle and scars on his back. He moaned. 

"Want to take this somewhere else?" 

Octavian didn't even need to answer. He followed Tony wordlessly down the hall, sneaking small kisses. They nearly ran to Tony's room, collapsing on the bed the moment they could. The pair fumbled together, their bodies melted together to form one. 

That night, Octavian didn't get anymore sleep. He lay in Tony Stark's bed, staring at the ceiling. His heart was still beating frantically in his chest, even though the deed had long ago since been done. He swallowed thickly, looking at Tony sprawled naked beside him. 

"Holy fuck, I slept with Tony Stark." He muttered to himself. 

Before he could comprehend what he was doing, he was jumping off of the bed, sorting through the clothes on the floor. Not wasting a second, he shrugged them on, almost falling through the door in his haste to get out of the room. His feet knew where to take him before his mind did, his hand banging on a door relentlessly. 

When Messalina's groggy face appeared on the other side, he pushed himself past her, collapsing onto her bed. His body was aching, his mind was running at a million miles an ear and his heart beat still hadn't calmed down. 

"Oct?" Messalina groaned, shutting the door. She wiped at her eyes, a yawn ripping out of her. She stumbled towards him, falling onto the bed next to him. "What's going on?" 

Octavian licked his lips. He was sat up with his elbows on his knees, playing with his fingers. His leg was jostling up and down, a constant tapping echoing throughout the room. 

"Oct?" She placed a hand on his back. He stiffened under her touch. Her brows furrowed together, her shuffling closer to him. "What's wrong?" 

"I..." Octavian started, unable to finish the sentence. He swallowed, a deep breath loosening from his body. "I just did something."

"There's not much to do at three AM." Messalina joked, it taking a few seconds for the truth to sink in. She sobered instantly. "Did you have sex?" 

Unable to form any words, he nodded his head. Messalina just smiled at him, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. "It's perfectly natural! Most people do it, it's nothing to be ashamed of." 

With a voice so small she was convinced it couldn't come from her brother, he said something that shattered her heart. "I don't want it to define me." 

"It won't, unless you let it." Messalina sighed, rubbing a hand up and down his back. "There's more, isn't there?" Octavian nodded wordlessly. "You don't need to tell me, just know that you can if you want t-" Octavian cut her off. 

"I slept with a guy." 

A small laugh passed Messalina's lips. "Was that seriously the thing that was eating you up? Oct, you'll always be my baby brother. If you love a man, woman, no one, all that matters is that you're happy." 

"But I'm not..." He drifted off, as if the word didn't exist. He didn't want it to exist. 

"Did you know that in Ancient Greece, there was a band of 300 warriors, called the Theban Sacred Band? It was made up of 150 gay lovers, and they were an unbeatable force. Their love for each other only made them stronger, and they were undefeated for a long time." 

"Messalina, what was the point of that?" Octavian cradled his head in his hands, another huff leaving his body. 

"I don't know." Messalina admitted. "I figured it could be reassuring." She paused. "Have you spoken to him since it happened?" 

"No, he was drinking when it happened. I'm not sure he'll remember it." Octavian rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "Oh why is nothing ever simple?" 

Messalina hit his arm. Octavian hissed, cradling his arm, sending a glare at her. "Don't ever say that! Trust me, there's just as much drama with straight people."

Octavian groaned. "Oh god." 

Silence fell between the pair for a beat. He could sense Messalina's curiosity growing. He turned to her, gesturing for her to ask the question she wanted to ask. "Who was it?" 

"Tony." 

Messalina nodded her head in approval. "Oh you'll be fine. Tony's really chill about these kinds of things, you'll be able to look him in the eye again." 

Octavian felt as though his entire body deflated. At least things wouldn't be awkward. "Wait... how do you know that?" 

Messalina's face instantly twisted into horror. "Oh god no, we haven't slept together. God no, it'd be like having sex with you! Oh Jesus, why would you put that thought into my head?" 

Octavian laughed. The pair continued talking about none sense all night, his time with Tony not mentioned again. He was grateful - it made him feel like it wasn't that big of a deal. He just wanted it to disappear, and not to have the feeling of his lips ghosting his. 

He wasn't naive to think that their night together meant Tony loved him. All the experience showed him was that he craved someone who loved him, with their lips being a constant thought on his mind. 

One person came to mind when he thought this. For now, he'd push it aside. This wasn't a time for love - it was a time for war. 

-

so so so i was debating this for ages whether it should be a random libertas member he sleeps with or tony but then i decided screw it because i personally believe that tony has a smol portion of rainbow in him. in this timeline that octavian is from, tony and pepper aren't together at the time so there is no cheating, only two bois having a good time. honestly one of the reasons i decided to have it be tony was because octavian is a very closed off person, but when he's comfortable with someone - tony whos around him all the time as messalina is bffs with him - he would be more up for something like a one night stand. 

anyways hope you enjoy all da love. 

-thirdwheelchurchill