YEAR THREE WITHOUT HER

Most nights, Curio would hear the sound of staggered breathing. He would hear his friend struggling to breathe, his chest heaving in the midst of his deep slumber. He'd pick up on a few words uttered when he could, and he knew instantly the cause of Octavian's insomnia.

Messalina.

Even after three years Curio found Octavian frozen in place for hours at a time, his face distant and deaf to the world around him. Thankfully he only witnessed this when the day started to calm, and the activity of the day fizzled down.

Octavian liked to be preoccupied. He spent a lot of his time in the training room, his much beloved brass knuckles sitting on his fingers as he beat the life out of the defenceless boxing bags. Natasha sometimes trained with him, helping him adapt further with his fighting to the point where his blindness was no longer a disadvantage. He was returning to the same strength he used to be.

Curio tried to pull him out of the training room as often as he could, using any excuse he could. Shopping, cleaning, watching a film, look for something that was missing - but never really lost. Anything to let Octavian's hands heal, to let the scabs on his knuckles turn to scars and become one with the scattered array of white lines.

But he'd had enough.

He couldn't bear to hear Octavian toss and turn in his sleep. He needed to grieve, to recover. Maybe Curio was at fault for waiting this long to properly intervene, but now wasn't the time to ponder that.

Instead, Curio picked up his phone and called the number of a familiar stranger.

"Hi Tony, it's Curio. This is going to sound really strange but I need a favour from you."

*

"Where are we going?" Octavian asked Curio, who refused to give away any hint whatsoever. He just focused on driving, turning the windows down so great big gusts of hair blew in their faces. "C'mon man, you have to tell me." 

"You'll find out when we get there." Curio teased, relishing the open space around them. Not often he managed to leave the compound, so when he did he drank it all in as if he was going to see it for the last time. 

Octavian sighed, kicking his feet onto the dashboard. Curio didn't waste a second tutting the action, reaching a hand out to swipe at Octavian's feet. "Get your filthy ass feet off my beautiful Betty." 

"She's called Betty?" 

Curio rolled his eyes, not wasting the breathe to chastise Octavian when his feet inevitably ended up on the dashboard again. He took a second to appreciate this rare moment - Octavian's head was tilted back against the headrest, a ghost of a smile on his lips. The wind was curling through his wild hair, whipping it senselessly around his face. Even his glasses looked like an accessory and not a mask to the world. 

Octavian looked free. 

"Hey, want to listen to a bit of music?" Octavian suggested, his hand fumbling for the stereo. 

In an instant, all of the happiness was sapped from his body. 

The mere thought of the stereo made his arm flare up. Curio clenched the wheel tightly, grinding his teeth shut. His hand shot out when Octavian got closer to the button, pushing it away harshly. 

"No." The words could barely be heard over Curio's ragged breaths. His heart was beating a million miles an hour and all he wanted to do was squeeze his eyes shut but he couldn't because he was driving but he wasn't seeing the road anymore he was seeing the car and the flames and the smelling her -

"Curio." A hand fell on Curio's shoulder. He tried not to flinch at the contact. "Pull over." 

Curio didn't argue, turning on the signal and sliding into the bay at the side of the road. The moment the hand brake was on Curio slacked his grip on the wheel, his head falling to where the horn would be. 

"Curio." Octavian repeated his name; Curio couldn't muster the energy to answer. "You okay?" 

He couldn't help it, a cynical laugh passed his lips. "Messalina died. Locusta is in a coma we're not sure she'll ever come out of. You're blind. I'm meant to be okay. I'm meant to be okay." 

Octavian sucked in a deep breath, running a hand through his tangled hair. He turned to Curio, his hand still firmly gripped on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I've spent these years so preoccupied with my own loss I haven't taken the time to acknowledge yours." 

"No shit." 

Octavian laughed. It lasted for a beat before his facial features tightened. "I'm sorry. I've been a terrible friend. Let me make it up to you." 

"You can drive if you want." 

Octavian chuckled at that, a smile forming easily on his face. "We can take as much time to calm down as you need." 

"I'm calm." 

"You weren't back then - was it because..." Octavian's words drifted into nothing as he noticed Curio's fingers tighten into fists. "Okay, lets just sit here for a bit and wait it out. Talk to me." 

"I'd rather not." 

"Don't pull that tough guy bullshit with me. I don't care if you talk to me about what's on your mind, the weather, damn even if you talk about how millennial's are ruining the planet! Just talk about something." 

Curio smiled, lifting his head from the wheel. He looked at Octavian in the eyes, even though he knew Octavian wouldn't know. He took as much time as he could to drink it in. "Let's get going." 

Octavian huffed, muttering under his breath and defiantly resting his feet on the dashboard once more. 

After a few minutes silence, Curio finally broke it. "I called Tony to see if he could help us out. He's got us a viewing of a house in San Francisco." 

Octavian didn't say anything for a while. Curio thought at first it was because he hadn't heard what Curio had said, but as more time passed another thought niggled at his brain. "You don't want to go, do you?"

"What about Nat?" 

Curio sighed. "She's a grown woman, she understands we can't stay there forever." 

"And what has Tony got to do with it?" 

"Honestly," Curio shrugged. "He's the richest guy I know. He's still beating himself up over what happened so anything he can do to help he will. It might be cruel me exploiting him, but we need this." 

"You didn't use your power, did you?" 

Curio scoffed. "Wow, no I didn't use my power. All I had to do was suggest that the compound didn't feel right and he offered to help. I think he's good guy, Oct, you just can't see beyond him being with Messalina when she died." 

"You say that as if she's gone. She's not." 

"Fucking hell Oct, she is dead! I've put up with your wild day dreams for three years and all it's done is make you worse! You need to grieve. She is never, never, coming back and you need to come to terms with that." 

Silence filled the vehicle. As soon as the words slipped from Curio's lips he wished he could take it back but it was too late - Octavian was already switching off, reverting to the state that Curio was trying to snap him out of. 

He'd failed. 

- 

hey guys! as i was writing this i thought - is hand brake a term used in the states? i'm not sure and i'm really curious to find out ahaha. 

anyways, i hope you're all doing okay and enjoyed the chapter!

-thirdwheelchurchill