EVOLUTION

Octavian wanted to describe what he could see. He wanted to memorise all of the gory details so when he told the story to his sister later, she could squirm and hit him with a pillow, scolding him for being too gruesome and to get to the good bits. He wanted to see her scrunch her nose at the blood. He wanted to see her roll her eyes at the detail, declaring that he had to be at least making some of it up. 

He wanted to see her. 

He wouldn't be able to describe any of that to her. He didn't know how he could tell a riveting tale about the dark where he was the only one in the shadows. He had no idea how to entertain her with their adventures when he was already forgetting how rich a red blood was when it stained white clothes. 

All he could tell her was about the pain. That was the simplest way to talk of it. The agony he felt with even the slightest of flinches. The torture he felt each time he tried to close his eyes. It felt as though his eyes were glued open, yet he could see nothing for it. His eyes were open, and yet he was still in the dark. 

It was a sick irony. 

Octavian knew his handsome face was marred beyond recognition. He could feel the fresh blood oozing down his face, the dried patches coming off in flakes if he moved his face too much. He could feel the cut across his upper face. He could feel what felt like the Sahara where his eyes should be. 

He just felt pure, unfiltered pain. 

The only details he could tell his sister were the smells, the sounds, the feel of war. He thought about what he'd tell her, deeply immersing himself in the small details. Anything to take his mind off of the maddening pain. 

Octavian sniffled, a soft cry slipping past his lips. The movement jostled his cut. Instantly, a heavy weight fell on his shoulder. Octavian cried out again, heart thundering. He shrugged his body from underneath the weight. 

It felt just like the paw of one of those monsters. 

"Hey, Octavian, it's okay." Curio's voice soothed. Octavian's erratic breathing calmed, his back slumping against the bark. "It's okay. It's just me." 

He hated this. He hated not being able to read the signals on his friends face, or see how his body reacted. He could only hear his voice, and as reassuring as that was, he hated it. He had been stripped of something he'd taken for granted; now he'd do anything to get it back. But not letting Thanos win. 

"Where are we?" Octavian croaked. That was another thing - he hated how weak he sounded. The blood pouring from his face had made him sleepy, his limbs felt as though they were made of lead but his heart was still beating continuously. 

Curio sighed. This time, his ears perked up at the sound of Locusta's voice. She was here too? "We looked for somewhere safe in the forest. This was as far as we could get before we couldn't carry you anymore." 

"What does it look like?" The words slipped past Octavian's lips before he had chance to comprehend them. He considered taking them back, laughing it off as the blood loss - he knew that they'd know he was lying. Somehow, that felt worse. 

Locusta mirrored Curio's action, clearing her throat. When she spoke this time, her voice wavered slightly. "This might not be permanent, you know? As soon as the battle is over we can get you to a doctor, see if Shuri can use her miracle machine to get your sight back." 

A sarcastic laugh bubbled out of Octavian's lips. "We both know this can't be fixed." 

"Have hope, Oct." 

"Have hope? Seriously? I have been through hell and back, and I know that life isn't going to start doing me favours now. I'm blind. I can't do anything for the cause now, and I certainly can't kill Thanos. I have nothing." Octavian cried out, this time higher in pitch. His face was lit on fire, and it was only growing in intensity. 

"Octavian get your act together." Locusta snapped. Octavian felt his jaw drop. Locusta carried on, ignorant to his reaction and Curio's warnings. "So what you've been thrown a curve ball? This cause didn't just tell us to defeat Thanos and that's it. They taught us that to do that, we need to adapt. This is your evolution, Octavian. It might not all be as bad as you think it is." 

Branches crunched. Octavian tensed, the shredded cuts on his torso screaming out at the action. Locusta spoke again, her voice sounding further away. "The others need me." 

"What?" Curio deadpanned. Octavian could imagine Curio twisting his body towards the girl, a scowl decorated on his face. "You're leaving?" 

"I really want to stay..." Locusta drifted off. A slight hitch revealed Locusta's weakness. "But this is for the best. Logically, it's best if at least one of us goes back out there." 

"Why you? Locusta, you can't lie to me. I know you're in agony." Curio argued heatedly, more branches crunching. Octavian guessed that he jumped to his feet. 

"So is Oct." Locusta dropped her voice so low Octavian couldn't pick up on her words. All he knew is that what she had said had the desired effect - Curio obeyed her wishes, falling heavily to the ground and whispering about how she was going to get herself killed. 

Curio let out a heavy sigh. It sounded as if all the air in his body had been blown out in that singular action. He sounded really dejected; Octavian didn't blame him. He could feel tendrils of defeat worm its way into his heart. 

No matter what though, he heard Locusta's word on repeat in his head. 

This is your evolution. 

What an optimistic way to look at a life altering event. He prayed that he evolved to be stronger, a warrior no longer held back by the restraints of the wonders of the world, relying only on his senses to guide his actions. He would become unstoppable. 

First, he needed to manage.

Octavian lifted his hand off of his lap. He pawed at the empty air, guessing that was the direction Curio was sat in. His waving hand was stopped midair, a large, calloused hand encompassing his own. His heart nearly jumped out of his chest at the sensation. 

"Oct?" Curio whispered, still cradling Octavian's hand. 

"Tell me how you live with the pain." 

Curio didn't respond for a long time. Octavian kept his ears tuned for an answer, just in case he said anything. Anything at all.

"I don't live with the pain. I survive with it."

Octavian gulped deeply. He wasn't sure he was up for the challenge of battling the torment every day. He guessed he didn't have a choice. 

Even throughout all of his thoughts, his plans on how to conquer this obstacle, one dark thought lingered at the back of his mind. 

He would never be able to see their victory. 

But, if things turned sour, at least he wouldn't have to witness the defeat one more time. 

-

hey guys! not gonna lie this was really hard to write, bc its difficult as hell to write without describing things you see and my bois emotional pain. but can we just appreciate how much they love each other?? and how much they're willing to give up their own lives for a world that's not their own?? like damn i love these guys so much ❤

so after the reaction to fic plans in the last chapter i'm definitely going ahead with the winter solider idea (just need to get a new notebook to make notes in and then we are a good to go) and possibly the stranger things and attack on titan one. i have decided though that i'm definitely going to write a ffxv one (started playing it again and my actual fucking heart) and the darkest minds one because damn that book series is my soul. i have no idea when these will be up as i have my a level exams in may/june and i'm starting driving lessons tuesday (i am so going to end up crashing someones car) but i will do them i promise.

By the way, does anyone have anymore questions they'd like to ask for my q&a at the end of the book?

anyways i hope you guys had a good week, thanks for reading, see you guys soon!

-thirdwheelchurchill