A REFLECTION

He was there again.

These were not his hands. They were flawless, perfect, unmarred by what was to come. They were the hands he hoped he had, the two created like a matching set, and not something randomly sown on. The ones he once did. 

The radio was playing that same song. The tune ringing out of the speakers was a death knell, and that singular sound was enough to send his heart racing. Sweat built up on his palms. He felt lightheaded, all of the sounds, sights, smells, feelings all climaxing, attacking his brain all at once.

He was back in the car. Back in the very car that pinpointed the beginning of his agony. 

"Honey, are you okay?" That sweet, sweet voice. The one that used to lull him out of nightmares, the one that would coo and stroke his hair as he sobbed relentlessly. That voice belonged to the one who remained by his side and told him that his bad dreams were only figments of his imagination; she was lying. The bad dreams always came true. 

He couldn't stop the words flying out of his mouth. It was the same words that always slipped past his lips every night, no matter how much he held them back. "Mom, please lets just go back!" 

His mother just tightened her grip on the wheel until her fingers turned white. "We talked about this. It isn't safe back home." 

His high pitched voice was unmatched to his own. If he knew this wasn't a memory, he'd swear that wasn't him. "I can protect you!" 

"No you can't!" She snapped, eyes moving from the road for a millisecond. It was in that moment he saw the jitters behind each of her movements, and the constant scanning of her eyes. Her breathing was erratic, and it wasn't just the argument that it stemmed from. Something wasn't right. She wasn't telling him something. 

Curio recoiled back into his seat, averting his gaze. A thin veil of tears coated his eyes, and his lip wobbled. She hadn't spoken to him like that - ever. 

Curio's mom sighed heavily. "Honey, look at me," she pleaded, placing a gentle hand on his knee. "Mommy didn't mean that. She's just stressed." 

Curio sniffed. 

"I'm sorry." Curio could hear her deflate, as if she was a balloon and all of a sudden all the air had been sucked from her. Her body crumbled, and her grip was almost a caress on the wheel. "I am so sorry." 

Her voice was wobbling. Instantly Curio looked up, eyes connecting with his mothers crumpled form. She was holding onto the wheel with a single hand, using her spare hand to rapidly wipe away the corners of her eyes. Her jumper sleeve slid down with the action, and on her bare skin Curio saw deaths sentence - a string of numbers. 

Her number in the hit list. 

"Mom-" His broken voice cried out. She turned to him, eyes wet and face full of concern. 

He blinked. 

A crackle snapped the air. 

Glass shards sliced at his open skin. 

Liquid sprayed all over his face. 

Suddenly his mom wasn't sat up. 

"Mom!" Curio shrieked, his throat burning under the sudden pressure. He prodded at her body, begging loudly for her to wake up. He was too absorbed in his grief he didn't pay attention to the way the car was slowly swerving, leading him one step closer to his fate. 

*

Curio's eyes snapped open, his breathing shaking out his chest. His gaze rapidly fell to his hands - mismatched. He wasn't dreaming anymore. 

His eyes closed momentarily, a large sigh releasing from his chest. That memory was still too much for him to handle, and he was grateful that he never dreamt the whole thing. He wanted to thank his brain for protecting him; he wanted to curse it for pinning this on him. 

"Curio!" A hand fell on his forearm. Curio's whole body jerked away from the touch, curling into  a ball as far away from it as possible. "Curio?" 

He allowed his eyes to drift in the direction of the voice. Bucky. He still remained far away from him. 

"Are you okay?" Curio wanted to scoff. The answer was clear - he wasn't okay. He was the furthest thing from okay and he would be nowhere near it in a long time. He doubted he'd ever even brush close to the definition of okay. 

He thickly swallowed. "Bad dream." 

Bucky nodded in understanding. Being the puppet of H.Y.D.R.A's experiments would have left him with more bad memories than good, yet the man he saw before him was able to smile without letting the pain leak out.

Before he could stop it, the words flew out of his mouth. "How do you do it?" 

Bucky frowned, offering Curio a cup of water as he did so. Curio was marvelled by his hospitality, gratefully accepting the cup and drinking deeply from it. He let himself drain the whole cup, racking over how he could ask it without offending the man. "How do you smile and mean it?"

Bucky merely stared at him, blinking slowly as the words processed. He didn't let himself be aware of the pleading behind Curio's eyes, choosing to avert his gaze as poison passed his lips, a poison he had long ago since become immune to, but yet was still so sickened by. "I don't understand." 

Curio took in Bucky's inability to not look him in the eyes, the slight jiggle of his left leg. It was then that he saw a reflection of himself - a liar, seeking to save himself from the mere incorrect facts and wrong feelings. He saw a man trying to convince himself that he was okay, that he didn't need any help and that he would survive alone. 

He didn't press him any further. 

Curio didn't need to ask to know how Bucky gained those shadows behind his eyes. He knew it all before he stepped into this reality, having been enthralled by the lives of all the heroes who tried valiantly to take down Thanos. All of the mundane facts and extraordinary victories were scored in his mind, and Bucky's were etched the deepest. His hero, the man who had been manipulated into a villain and yet managed to find the power to persevere and become the caped crusader the world needed. 

He knew his secrets the most. The death tally Bucky had racked up through the years was a number he'd never forget, and clearly the same applied to Bucky. 

"I just want you to know that I admire you so much," Curio heaved a sigh, letting his eyes trail down to his burned arm. The skin was especially raw, with the freshly sealed cut barely visible with the use of Wakandan technology. It still served for a reminder that he had flaws, and was vulnerable to even the simplest of attacks. 

Bucky's gaze snapped towards Curio. "Why would you idolise a monster like me?" 

"You're not a monster, Bucky." Curio licked his lips nervously, his fingers tracing absentmindedly up and down his scars. "You overcame the evil. You still smile, no matter why, and your pride of your battle scars is so inspiring. When this happened," Curio waved his right arm in the air, "I thought it was all over. You showed me that I had nothing to be ashamed of. And it is difficult, but you showed me to be proud of my scars - it's just evidence of all the times God tried to kill me and failed." 

A lopsided smile graced Bucky's lips. "Is that how you really see me?" 

Curio mirrored Bucky's actions. "That's how everyone sees you." 

Something changed, and if he wasn't paying close attention he would have missed it. The smallest action, invisible to the naked eye - a small glint in Bucky's eye. It lit up with the compliment, and in that moment it felt like Bucky received one more small piece of humanity. 

That was how the pair spent the rest of the afternoon, the nurses flitting in every now and then to make sure that Curio's body reacted correctly to the treatment. Just as they were about to be discharged, T'Challa approached the pair, a silver briefcase-like box cradled in his arms. Without wasting a beat, he placed it on the empty bed, clicking it open and revealing what was inside. 

Bucky's smile dimmed. 

"Where's the fight?" 

Curio knew the peace was long gone. Now, it was time for war. 

-

hey guys! i am really sorry about how shit this chapter is but i swear its getting better so soon. i've managed to finally plan all of this book and there's another 20 chapters for me to write. its really exciting because now we're getting to the climax of the movie and my god is it going to be epic.

also john boyega and letitia wright are going to star in a film together - that means curio and shuri gifs yallll.

anyway hope you enjoyed this shitty chapter! see you soon

-thirdwheelchurchill