I felt like crying as I woke up next to him. He was laying there, naked, on his back, with his sheets over him. The sun had started rising and his skin looked like gold as it shone on him. I moved so that I was closer to him and I leaned on his torso. He yawned and I was kissing his neck as he opened his eyes.

"You're still here?" 

"Where else would I be?"

"I thought you were leaving before I woke up."

"Is that what you wanted?"

"No, absolutely not, but I mentioned yesterday that you can do that so that we cut ties cleanly."

"You make it sound like a formal deal."

"I just didn't want to watch you leave."

"Fine you won't have to, we'll leave together and then once we arrive at breakfast we'll go to our house tables and that's that."

"Safe plan," he kissed me and cuddled me around so that he was on top of me. Our tongues intertwined and his hands were in mine. I felt his length slowly harden and in one swift movement he was inside me again.

<><><><><><><>

"Why did we walk here so fast?" He asked as we stood before the entry into the hall. 

"It just felt that way because of what's about to happen."

"I thought this would be easier."

"I know." I hugged him tightly and as I pulled away he kept me closely into him. 

"You have to let me go now." His eyes glistened and he leaned his forehead on mine and shut his eyes. 

"No, Davina please." I knew what he was begging me for. He wanted me to love him the way he loves me. 

My heart was breaking into pieces, but I had to make him let me go. I can worry about myself later. I stepped away and as he felt me leave his grasp he grabbed hold of my hand and kissed it. 

"Davina, I love you."

"I'm sorry Michael." I squeezed his hand and he closed his eyes as I walked away from him. I rushed to Draco and Mat and sat down trying to keep calm. They were both looking at me but I kept my head down as I steadied myself. 

I drank some water and after a couple minutes Michael walked in with red eyes. It was too early to make eye contact so I spoke to the guys.

"Morning."

"Where did you go yesterday?" Mat asked.

"Well, I had a long conversation with Michael and it just brought back a lot of feelings and I just needed to be alone. So I went to my dorm."

"Can't we just kill him, you're hurting all over again. You better eat."

"I will, it's okay. Some things just resurfaced but I'll be fine." Draco looked suspicious. 

"You just went to your dorm?" Draco questioned. 

"Yeah, why?"

"No reason. So what did Pansy say when she saw you in the dorm." I looked at him now, wondering where he was getting at. 

"Uh, just the usual bitchiness I get from her basically. Why?"

"No reason. Riddle here slept on the couch, don't know why he stayed up." Draco spoke as if he knew exactly why he stayed up and now I did too. "Dav, you want to go for a walk?"

"Sure." I was not keen for this. 

<><><><><><><>

"So where did you actually go yesterday?"

"What do you mean? I told you."

"You weren't in your dorm."

"How can you possibly know that?"

"Because. Pansy was in our dorm." He tricked me the bastard. 

"Fine I didn't go back to my dorm. What's the big deal?"

"Mattheo stayed up for you and you never showed so that means you never came back to the common room."

"And?"

"Where did you go?"

"No where."

"You slept outside in the courtyard." He said sarcastically. "Come on Dav just tell me."

"I went to Michaels and that's all you need to know."

"You shouldn't have done that."

"It's none of your business."

"True, but what are you going to tell Mattheo."

"Why do I have to tell him anything?" 

"Just accept it already, I know you know and I'm pretty sure it's reciprocated. Just tell him the truth and then bring up the ball next Friday."

"You know?" I thought briefly at the fact that none of us have actually openly admitted it in words what we know, so we could be talking about completely different things. 

"I'm not blind. Unlike you."

"How do you feel about it?" I asked, knowing what he thought would help me decide. 

"It was weird at first but now I think it's perfect." I was a little shocked at his high modal response. 

"Why am I so scared? With everyone, I mean that's why Michael and I didn't work."

"You need to forget Michael, he is in the past. And it's not as big a deal as you might think. Mattheo is not Michael, if it doesn't work out he would still be your closest friend no matter how much he might suffer."

"It's just I feel like we're not finished but we've cut ties now, so I'm never going to see him again."

"You do realise that you both live in the same castle."

"I mean see him in person like a conversation. We made a deal that if we happen to make eye contact, we'll smile."

"Great," he said sarcastically. "Anyway, my point is just stop being scared, it's not some random guy, nothing drastic will happen."

"Fine. Thanks for the talk." I said and faced him. 

"Anytime. Now go and do what I said because I am the smartest person you know."

"Mhm." He gave me a hug and then I hurried off. 

I turned into the common room and found Mat lying on the couch. He was staring at the ceiling and as I came closer his eyes dazed over me. He looked a little upset and I wasn't entirely sure why. 

A few students who had been studying left us, it was funny how Draco, Mat and I monopolised this area, I had nothing to do with it though. They're the 'scary' ones. It was convenient for when we wanted privacy though.

"You okay?" I asked and he moved so that I could sit next to him. 

"So are you guys back together?" He asked plainly. 

"What are you talking about?"

"Michael."

"What do you know?" I asked so I could tell him. 

"I just know, now answer the question."

"We're not back together."

"Then why?" He said as more of a statement than a question. 

"It just happened." I was about to say three times but I decided not to add that fact.

"Well then what's going on now? Do you like him again?"

"No, it was just a last time thing we're staying away from each other."

"Why?"

"He doesn't want to be my friend. Well, more so that he can't be my friend."

"Why's that?"

"He either wants me to be his or we can't hangout, and I don't want to be his."

"Is that so? So what about yesterday." And last night and this morning. This conversation was making me feel horrible. 

"Like I said, a last time thing. Before it was awkward and we were hurting but now we understand each other and we- I've moved on." I had put my hand on top of his while I spoke and he looked down at it. "What do you want to do today? You seem like you feel a lot better."

"Um yeah, but I still feel like crap so I'm just gonna go to bed."

"You want company?"

"Um, no I'm good." He got up and I sat there, staring at the empty space. He raised my chin to look up at him.

"I'll see you tomorrow Davina." I nodded and I slumped back on the couch.

<><><><><><><>

I wandered around the castle all day and as it got dark I went back to the common room. 

Everyone was at dinner and I dropped on the couch, enjoying the silence. I took a deep breath and tried to comprehend what was happening. Michael and I had sex and Mattheo... well I don't know. I guess we'll see. I cannot believe there is a me and Mattheo. 

"Why aren't you at dinner?" Mat asked as he walked in and sat on the couch opposite me. 

"I could ask you the same thing," I replied.

"Not hungry."

"Diddo." I sat up and looked at him. "Are we okay?"

"Always. I just needed a night." I nodded. 

"You're far away." He smiled and then came to sit next to me 

"I didn't realise how different we've been. I've just been open to you. I thought about it yesterday."

"I've noticed."

"When you started dating Michael, I felt this overwhelming jealousy and I didn't know why. Then I began realising that I wanted to be Michael. In better words I wanted the role that Michael played in your life." There was no being vague now, we were stating the reality now. He continued.

"And not only did I realise it because of your relationship with him but I realised it because that's how I've been feeling since the first time I met you. I was just too young and thought we'd have time."

"There is still time."

"Yes, but if I hadn't waited just think about how different life would be."

"It wouldn't have lasted. Now it will because my other relationships have made me realise some things about myself." He put his hand on my thigh and I placed my hand on top of it. We kept eye contact as I moved his hand higher on my leg. I saw his eyes widen which made me giggle.

"I was forced to mention the ball to you," I said. 

"Forced? Oh, tell me what he said, I'm curious."

"He said he was weird about it at first but now he thinks it's perfect. His words."

"Wow. I knew he knew but we never spoke about it. I felt like him knowing was him giving his blessing."

"Blessing?"

"Well you guys are family."

"Uhuh."

"You look tired."

"I am, but I still have to mention what Draco told me."

"Which is?"

"I had to mention the ball next Friday and I just did so lets go." I tried changing the subject and I started leaving so he didn't have to say anything. He grabbed my hand to turn me to him.

"Wait Dav."

"Yeah."

"Let's go together."

"You uh, you want to."

"Do you want you?"

"Um yeah."

"It's settled then. I'll come to your dorm and we can go together." I thought briefly about Michael and how he said he didn't want to see me at the ball with someone else. He is in the past, I reminded myself.

"Okay." 

We went up to his dorm and we laid together on his bed and I was reading the book he likes. Then Draco and Blaise came in and Mat got up.

"I'm gonna shower." I nodded and got up myself. I went over to Draco's bed and huffed as I crossed my arms. He joined me shortly and laughed. 

"What happened?"

"Nothing I'm just nervous."

"About?"

"We're going to the ball together."

"That's good then. Isn't it?"

"Yeah it is, I'm just nervous."

"Does he know about Michael?"

"Yeah he does. Why do you think I wasn't here yesterday."

"Right."

"What am I going to wear?"

"Clothes would be preferable, well I'd prefer it I don't know about Mat-." I nudged him in the ribs before he could go on. 

"What do you think he's wearing?"

"You know I'm positive it will be a suit, and it will definitely be black." His sarcasm made me elbow him again and he just laughed. 

"So should I wear black then?"

"Just don't stress about it. It will all go fine, and wear whatever you like." I exhaled and then I looked at him. 

"Who are you taking?"

"I have no idea. Astoria has been staring at me so maybe I'll take her." Boys. 

"Wonderful her and Pansy will be gossiping and they'll even talk to me to see if you like her."

"You're welcome." 

"How have you been?" I asked. 

"What do you mean?"

"You know, with family and school and stuff."

"Family is the same, school is bearable and stuff, what stuff?"

"I don't know, anything."

"There's nothing then. I'm fine when you're fine and when you're around me I'm good." I leaned on him and he kissed my forehead. I looped my arm around his.

"Thats a lot of pressure."

"No it's not, just don't die."

"I'll try not to."

"That means no attempts yourself."

"Did Mat tell you?"

"I think you underestimate my intelligence."

"You do that yourself with your ego." He chuckled and then got my arm. He lifted the sleeve, checking if there weren't any new ones I'd guessed. Then he put the sleeve down and put his hand over the area.

"I understand why you do it, but just don't." His voice was firm yet sensitive and I nodded.

"Have you ever? Other than that time you did." I saw his jaw clench and he took a deep breath.

"There's no room to. My father has marked me everywhere." I squeezed his arm. "I know." He said, understanding my rage at his father. I hate him just as much as my own. 

Mat came out from the Bathroom just dressed in joggers. He eyed me in Draco's bed and walked over. 

"Can I have her?" Draco smiled and I pinched him without Mat noticing. 

"You already do." I got up and we walked to his bed. As we laid face to face he stared at me intently.

"There's no going back now."

"Why?"

"Because there's no restraint on my feelings. I'm going to be very... territorial." I interlocked our hands and smiled.

"Fine by me."

"I'm just wondering, the feelings part of this is great, excellent even, but I'm inquiring about the physical aspect." I wanted to laugh but I kept it in, making sure I was being serious. I had to do this right. 

"What about it?"

"I want to touch you. Desperately." My stomach did flips. 

"All in good time."

"Minx." I turned over and backed myself against him so we were spooning and I felt him tense behind me and his heartbeat went crazy. Whoops.