*TW: self harm, graphic

"I distinctly behold his figure, and I inevitably recall the moment when I last saw it: just after I had rendered him, what he deemed, an essential service-and he, holding my hand, and looking down on my face, surveyed me with eyes that revealed a heart full and eager to over-flow; in whose emotions I had a part." I took in a breath, glanced above the book at Mat who was across from me on the couch we were on. 

This part in the book reminded me of our closet moment this morning, how he smirked down at me while holding my hand, looking into my soul.

"Keep going."

"I'm tired, it's been a long while."

"I like to listen to you read."

"It's not anything spectacular."

"To me it is." I returned his sheepish smirk and looked back at the book. I closed it shut after folding the top corner of the page I was up to.

"What are you doing?"

"I can't read anymore."

"Fine, come here then if you're so tired." I shuffled over next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder.

"We're changing." I stated. 

"What do you mean darling?" See, that's new, 'darling'.

"Us. We're changing."

"I know, it's my fault," he stated, exhaling. 

"No, it's not. I have a part. It's a good change."

"Are you sure?"

"Mhm." We were looking at each other now.

"Hey guys," both our heads snapped towards Draco who had just propped himself across us on the opposite couch. "You look cosy. Did you guys have a good day?"

"It was... interesting," I said. "What did you do?"

"I actually went home today." I sat up, off Mat and went over to him.

"You didn't tell me you were going there." I held his jaw and turned his head to check for any scars or bruises.

"He didn't do anything."

"Don't lie to me."

"I would never, I promise, he was in his study the whole time. I just went to talk to my mother. She says hi by the way. She misses your visits."

"Well if she lived anywhere else I'd visit."

"I don't mean to be harsh, but I don't think he would care."

"Maybe, but I can't risk it, I don't know what I would do if I saw him." A weight sat itself on my chest and I felt my hands shaking.

"It's okay, you can write her a letter to catch up, she understands." I deep breathed and a hand snaked in mine.

"Hey, are you alright?" I turned to him, and he grabbed my other hand in his. "You're shaking."

"Just angry, I'm fine." I left them both in the common room as I ran up to my room. Restless. 

TW

I grabbed the sharpest thing in my draw and went into the bathroom. It was a pair of scissors which was kind of perfect. I lifted the sleeve of Mat's t-shirt and stared for a moment before I raised the scissors. I sliced my skin several times and watched as it seared open and blood seeped out, dripping in the sink. 

I ran my forearm under cold water, feeling the sting of my cuts. I waited until the bleeding slowed so I could stick on some band aids. I pulled his sleeve down and walked back to my side of the room and put the scissors back in my draw.

I sat on the edge of the bed and I deep breathed. I was calm now, not angry. I hadn't done that in a while, and I've only ever done that because of my father. There was a knock on the door and I walked over. 

"What are you doing here?" I looked in the same green eyes as I did this morning under different circumstances.

"I wanted to see if you're okay."

"Perfectly fine." He looked suspicious. 

"Too fine if you ask me."

"I'm going to sleep."

"In your own bed?" I didn't want to talk about my dad and I didn't want him accidentally seeing my arm. 

"For tonight, yeah."

"Okay." He kept standing there and then he looked at me suspiciously again. "Show me."

"Show you what?"

"Come into the hall." I walked out to him, closing the door behind me. "Show me."

"What Mat?" He grabbed my arm and lifted the sleeve and I swore under my breath.

"For Merlin's sake Davina. You've been so good these past months."

"Relatively. I'm sorry but my father hits a certain nerve and I don't know how to deal with those emotions."

"Just come to me. For fuck's sake, please. I was right there."

"I know, okay, I'm sorry." I looked down and he lifted my chin to face him.

"Don't apologise. Come on."

"To where?"

"My dorm." He turned and dragged me behind him and I smiled. 

<><><><><><><>

Tonight was different for some reason. Multiple things were different, but in a good way. I think. Like right now, we were falling asleep and I was lying on his chest and he had his arm around me. 

But now it was lower and I had my leg intertwined with his and my arm was resting on his lower torso. It was more intimate.  

He brushed his fingers through my hair and kissed my forehead.

"Night Davina."

"Night Mattheo."