Trigger Warnings: Implied Violence, Mention of Murder (Minor), Self Harm Ideation (Minor), Swearing

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Words: 1,576

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They sit on the thin bed next to each other, sorting through mail, knees brushing. A letter opener rests on his, the unopened mail next to him, and a pile of junk mail was thrown into his bin. A pile of important letters is by her side, as she looks them over herself.

They don't talk, content to read and be next to one another. Occasionally, they'd talk over a letter, but then they'd fall back into their silence. It's...nice.

Picking up one of the last letters in the pile, he pauses as he sees his name on it, written in a distantly familiar looped handwriting. Stranger still, it just says 'Kaz', with no added last name.

He picks up the letter opener, hesitating as he turns it over and sees the red wax seal. There was something, something about it, that ringed some distant, half gone memories. His stomach sings, and he carefully breaks the seal.

Inej glances at Kaz, noting the bob of his Adam's apple as he breaks this letter's seal. She watches his dark eyes rove over the letter, jaw slowly fall open, sweat begin shimmer on his brow. Inej sets down the letter she was reviewing.

"What the fuck?" Kaz whispers.

"Can I see?" Inej asks, curious.

Kaz doesn't answer, and begins to read the letter again, shifting where he sits on his mattress. His shoulders started to shake slightly as he read more, before his hand fell limp and he leaned back, hitting his head on the wall. He winces, taking a shuddering breath.

Inej slowly pries the paper from his hand, squeezing his gloved hand once and reading.

The words pass by her, and she registers each one of them in a shocked stream. This has to be some cruel joke, she thinks, this cannot be true. But at the same time; If this is true, this is the most I've ever learned about him in one sitting.

"Kaz?" She asks, her breath shaking. "Is this true?"

He nods, and the world shatters.

♛♢♛

An hour later finds them in the parlour of the Van Eck mansion, Kaz slouched against the velvet couches, dark eyes burning holes into the letter on the table. Inej sits by his side, knowing how hard it was to even pull the letter out for their friends.

"Well fuck," Jesper says, laughing increduously, glancing at Kaz. There's an edge of hysteria in the room, in the way Jesper can't sit still, in the darkness of Inej's eyes, in the distance between Kaz's.

Nina is perched across from them, Matthias leaning behind her. Kaz is grateful for him, for what has to be the first time ever, and his silence. It's something Kaz needs right now, though he'll never admit it, of course.

"You should write her back," Nina says after a minute.

"No shit," Kaz snaps, slouching further, as Wylan comes back into the room, a few bottles of beer in hand. The bottles are passed out, Kaz downing a good amount within seconds. He continues to glare off into space, glaring at nothing.

A conversation around something picks up around him, but all Kaz can feel is the rising waters, and the words are drowned out by his head repeating four words over and over again.

I am your mother.

Sweet fuck, he needs a nice punch in the jaw or a bullet in the gut, anything to distract from this hellhole. He glances at Jespers pistols at his hips, clenching his jaw and looking away. The world blurs on.

He feels something hit his knee and he snaps to attention, eyes meeting a pair of dark suns he knows all too well. He looks around wildly, now noticing that there's only two people left in the room.

"You dozed off," She tells him. He nods, grabbing his almost empty beer bottle and downing the rest. "How are you feeling?"

He barks out a laugh, almost hesitating when he sees the intent on her face, that look. But he presses on, replying cooly, "Fine."

"Kaz."

"What do you want me to say?" He rasps, "Scared? Lost? Sweet Ghezen, Inej—" He freezes, the world alight with the flames of his pained fear. He takes a shaky breath, the words coming out on the exhale of his breath "I don't know. I don't know how I feel, how to feel."

"My Da always told me Ma just up and left. And then this," he gestures in the general direction of the letter, "Shows up and this woman claims to be my mother, says she was sold into indentured slavery the same way you were, says I have a baby sister! A baby sister!"

He chuckles uneasily, shifting slightly, aware of her heavy gaze on him. "A baby sister," he repeats, much softer this time.

"What's her name, again?"

"Aleid." Inej repeats the name, turning the vowels and constants over her tongue.

"How old?"

"Seven or eight, I think." Inej nods.

"You want to write her back, right?" Kaz nods, glancing at the letter. Inej grabs it, reading it over one more time. "Lets see, where have you been the last few years? Where is...Jordie?"

Kaz groans, leaning his head back, "Hell and heaven."

Inej sighs, shaking her head, "Kaz, work with me."

"You want me to tell my Mom it all?" He spits. "Da's death? Ketterdam? Pekka fucking Rollings? The Queens Lady? The Reapers Barge? The murders, the cons, the violence, brick by fucking brick?"

"Does she not deserve your truth?"

"It's not my truth, it's my shame. I can't—this I cannot do."

"Yes you can. Give her your truth, your shame, the skeletons in the closet. All of it, without armour. You can do it," she hands him a pen, which he gently takes, turning it over before meeting her eyes.

He knows what he must say. Jordie is dead. I'm a murderer. I have blood stained hands, a throne of lies and deceit. There is so much to admit, so much to tell, so much water between them. Too much.

Inej gives him a piece of paper. He takes it, takes a breath, and writes.

♛♢♛

His reply arrives almost a month after her initial letter, and Clara takes it in her hands from the mail carrier eagerly. Her name is written in a spidery sprawl on the envelope, and she pulls out the hefty letter as she walks back inside to her childhood bedroom, sitting on the bed and starting to read.

And read.

And read.

And read.

The world crashes and pounds around her, reading her boy tell her everything. He starts it with a joke, and she can feel the pain interlaced as he says, Inej, a friend of mine, said to tell the truth, but I'm no good at that.

She wonders who Inej is, especially as Kaz mentions her a lot; Inej said this, Inej helped with this, Inej did this. There's a fondness that warms Clara's heart against the bloody ice around it.

Rage courses through her body at Pekka Rollings, Jakob Hertzoon. Kaz is cruel in his words, especially when it comes to this man, and the hell Kaz bent fills Clara with a dark pride. Brick by brick, I swore to destroy that son of a bitch, he told her, and I did. Got him to beg on his knees to spare his boy, to regret every word he'd ever said about legacy.

And he couldn't remember Jordie's name.

I hope that one day, Inej will cut his heart out. She told him she would. But sweet Ghezen, I'll make him say Jordie's name if it's the last thing I ever do.

She's at war with herself, both terrified of this boy and his violence, but glad he marched on. Glad that there was something he could cling too in the dark waters of his past, no matter the moral repercussions.

Revenge is my god.

And Clara understood why.

♛♢♛

"Mama?"

"Yes Aleid?"

"When am I going to meet Kaz?"

"We'll see honey, Kaz is a very busy person."

"I want to meet him."

Clara kisses her daughters soft hair, biting back the tears that overflow from writing her response. "I do too, my child."

"Can I read his letter?"

"No honey, I'm sorry."

"Why not?"

Clara looks at Aleid, and her wide, dark eyes, searching for an answer from her mom. "Mama?"

"You'll understand one day, my love," Clara brushes a hair off Aleids face, smiling as her daughter lays across her lap. She runs her pinky from forehead to the tip of her nose, relief filling her as Aleid starts to drift off.

"I love you Mama. And Kaz too, make sure to tell him that."

"I will, love."

"I will."

♛♢♛

"She loves you." Inej tells Kaz again.

Kaz glanes up over his newspaper at where Inej is perched on the window sill, reading the newest letter. Kaz rolls his eyes, "She's infatuated, and she's never met me."

"Are you planning to change that anytime soon?"

Kaz shrugs non committedly, and Inej frowns. "She's your sister, you silly boy."

"I'm older than you."

"Oh, whatever. If you do meet her, you better not be an ass," Inej warns, pulling a knife out to point at Kaz.

"Of course, of course. Can you let me read?"

"No. Your little sister loves you and that is the sweetest shit I've ever seen."